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I think I don't understand sex *at all*

Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2004, at 11:38:18

I mean orgasms are nice and all, but I don't understand the idea of desiring one particular person. Particularly to the point of risking family and career and so many important things just to get naked and have a few minutes or hours or whatever of friction.

Orgasms are so easy to come by! And great ones too. And you don't need to rely on anyone else to get them.

The last person (other than my husband of course, but I've known him for over twenty years so that's not a new thing) I remember feeling sexually attracted to was a college professor about twenty years ago. He wasn't really attractive, but he was smart as all get out, with a tongue like a rapier, and full of cocky energy. OK, I tingled in his classes. But I wouldn't have wanted to actually have physical contact for anything. From the things he let drop, I'd have had no idea where he'd *been*. Eeeuwww. It was fun to fantasize about him, but that's as far as it went.

Before that there was maybe one guy in college with nice sensitive long fingers, and my now husband.

Other than that, I'm aroused mainly by people on celluloid images.

So I just don't get it *at all*. I am all too aware of that when I'm reading this board, and I was really aware of it yesterday when discussing it with my therapist. Sexual attraction clouds the judgement? Does it really? Why? When I was sexually attracted to my professor I viewed it with pleasure and interest, but I didn't lose my judgement a bit. And got an A in his class to boot. And I will admit that the spice of sexual attraction caused me to pay a bit closer attention in class and not daydream as much. But clouded judgement? Why?

Why is the feeling of sexual attraction any more than just a physiological response, like hunger. I get the physiological response a lot more when I'm hypomanic or really anxious than I do in response to *any* person or sexual idea. And I view it rather clinically.

What am I not understanding? And why? Is it a physical defect or a psychological one?




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