Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: I got my wish fallsfall

Posted by crushedout on February 5, 2004, at 22:22:50

In reply to Re: I got my wish crushedout, posted by fallsfall on February 5, 2004, at 22:09:17

You know, it's weird, but I feel less hopeful that we may have a relationship than I did before, if anything. I guess I've never really had a realistic hope for it. But I think that's why I'm so depressed, because it keeps sinking in that I can never have her. I think the only way she might be able to take my hope away would have been to tell me she's not the least bit attracted to me and never could be, but that would be so mean, I can't imagine why on earth she would do that. And that would cause other problems, I would think (i.e., contribute to low self-esteem). So, I really don't think she's fueled my hopes by telling me that (the truth is, I already sensed it, anyway -- she just confirmed what I knew in my gut).

I guess the problem with it is that it feels all the more tantalizing. I want her, she wants me, the only thing keeping us from being lovers is the therapeutic relationship (oh, and her husband and kid maybe also). So maybe that's contributing to my depression. But it was tantalizing anyway. Now I just know it for sure.

Thank you for worrying about me. It's really sweet. I'm worried about me, too.

And if anyone wants to email me about this, it would be great. You can use I don't always check that address often, but I'll try to remember to check it in the next few days or so.

> I can see in your description how she is trying to maintain her boundaries. That, I think, is a good thing.
> Sharing her attraction with you, however, does put you in a position of continuing to hope for more - and that could be a bad thing.
> Have you ever talked with someone whose therapist DID violate these kinds of boundaries? I think that it might be helpful for you to know what they thought about it at the time and what they think about it now. I have not had this experience, or I would share it with you. If you were interested, you could post an email address for them to write to you - it might be something they don't want to put on a public board.
> I understand your longing (believe me - I've had the longing in a maternal sense with my old therapist). I understand the intensity. I understand why you wouldn't want to give it up. I also worry about you.




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