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Re: I'm in love with my therapist Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2003, at 20:33:48

In reply to Re: I'm in love with my therapist Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2003, at 19:42:02

I didn't mean to be flippant at all, Dinah, but I'm afraid I was. Because of your posts over time, I kind of knew that you did have an unexplained aversion- you're not alone in this at all, and I don't think it is necessarily caused by outright abuse (although it could be)- I think just an absence of good parenting, especially by a father, can do it. I guess I was just thinking and hoping that when you got more of the very early stuff worked out, as you are doing, that this would be the next big thing to deal with. I still do think that it will likely come up, but only when you are ready. Just allowing it to come up as an aversion is a very courageous step. Someone recently here quoted her therapist as saying something like, " if the part of you which can't talk, could, what would she say?" I think this is a wonderful question- it pushes us a bit into our unconscious memories, without being too intrusive- we won't be able to answer until we are ready, but I think questions like this help us get ready.. My analyst uses questions like that a lot; maybe the first 20 times I draw a blank, but then suddenly, an answer appears- not a memory of an event, so much as forgotten feelings- buried wishes and fears. It is initially so frightening that I have run out of his office and sat in the dark in his bathroom to try to calm down! But we keep at it, and it is getting better- less fear each week, and a sort of claiming of my own feelings- including all the ones towards him (not just sexual desire, but also childlike love and longing, rage and hate. Today I found mself saying, "I can actually tell you any feelings and desires I have!" He said, "yes, you can- that is one of the things I am here for". This has only REALLY dawned on me after eight months of therapy- I was trying to be open and candid before, just not TOO much so. Now, well...





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