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re: dealing with Delusional Disorder lil' jimi

Posted by habbyshabit on September 9, 2003, at 6:22:26

In reply to re: dealing with Delusional Disorder, posted by lil' jimi on September 8, 2003, at 2:35:11

Oh, sweet Jim,

That was such a beautiful letter, thoughtful, and revealed so much about you not apparent to me before. I feel like I know you in a new, deeper way.

Of course your compassion shines through as always.

I have to write on this thread when my hunny is either sleeping or otherwise pre-occupied with something, like yard work or a run to town. I don't want him to see the title of the thread and maybe understand that I'm doing this, writing about his "disorder", which is a word I have quit using with him for sometime now.

It's 4:30AM now, so I'm prety safe! I'll go back to bed afterwards. I just started a part time job as a milker on a small Dairy farm and my training consisted of doing the morning and evening milkings for 3 days - mostly so I could learn fast so I can help out the other milker some in the next two weeks, because my in-laws are flying in and I'll take the last week of the month off. This my first morning off, but body is soooo sore so I woke up and then took some asprin. My 1st shift alone is tonight - my test, kinda, to see is I can do it myself - and then I'll mostly just have 3 nights a week. In October, after the Harvest, and the other miker returns, I'll just have 2 nights...

The being gone so much these last three days has set my hunny on edge a bit. I'm glad I'm down to nights now. He even asked me if I had a thing going with the guy who owns the Dairy ( very Morman, 7 kids, 68...) It brought back flashs of the beginning of his delusion last August when he was sure I was having an affair. I think it passed quickly ( I hope ). If the delusion where to ever move towards that story line, that I'm cheating on him, I don't know if there are any stratagies that would prevent the disolution of the marriage, though of course I would try. That thought sits in the back of my mind and robs me of any sense of security and settledness a marriage this loving should have.

I start another, 7 hr per week job, at one of the local school district's elementery school cafetarias for an hour and a half each lunch. I'll then have approxamatly 13 hours of work each week between the two jobs. Not much money, cover grocery money kind of thing. The good news is that the woman who hired me told me that once your working in the district a while, they know you are safe around their kids, reliable and all that, they will go out of their way to give you more hours, different kinds of work, and just generally floating around their non-teacher positions until you find a place you like. Even full time if desired, with benefits. I feel like I struck gold with this job since this gives me a sense of sercurity and financial independance that's been lacking - oh thank the cells and neurobiology! for bringing this into my life.

My hunnys delusion has gotten worse lately in that he's beleiving he is being injected through the tush by these DEA types and it's infected his colon. He's been talking about it for a few days, talking more then usual about the "story". It another visit to the doctor to see what's wrong with him and if he should be on anti- biotics.

My fear, if I haven't mentioned it before, is that he is slowly killing himself within the delusion. That if the story doesn't change, and it remains that he is being injected with some "stuff" that is supposed to fix their listening (surveillance) devices so that my husband doesn't hear them listening ( he gets a higher or lower noise in his ears when they have the device on ) he'll just keep coming down with illness after illness which will lead to something that will be actually deadly. He's had an eye infection - that the dr could not figure out the origin of. He's had some thing else, that doen't come to mind just now. It seems like a slow sort of "mental" suicide, which was the diagnois used to secure social security benefits for us kids when my Dad died.

The thing is, he is always saying, if they don't fix that thing soon, they are going to kill me.
The have been trying to fix it for 6 months, have followed us to New Mexico, Nevada, and Utah on our vacations. There is a bug in the car and truck, or a tracking device, and they inject him when he sleeps. He "heard" them boring through the wall of the motel in nevada recently. He so plagued by these guys!!!!!

I took you advice and found out if I could Email my shrink to let him know how this may be a very big contributing factor to the rapid cycling I have been experienceing lately.

His secretary said all email goes through her so go ahead and write the story and she'll be sure the doc gets it. At first she thought I was trying to get an appointment for the Hunny but I got her to understand it was about ME and my response to what was happening. I also told her that I'd have to write the letter when the old boy was not around so please be patient.

The Doc is going on vacation in Sept/Oct, I'm not clear on which weeks, but my next appointment is the 9th of Oct so I hope to have it to him as early as possible to give him the time he can find to read it.

Thanks for that suggestion.....

Well, I'm going to go back to bed now - the pain has subsided from the asprin and I'm pretty worn out from 30 dairy cows - not to mention cleaning their Manuree!

Thanks again Jim for the sound wisdom and support. AND for all your personal stories.

love, Hab




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