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Re: Fees and meaning Dinah

Posted by Penny on September 5, 2003, at 7:51:51

In reply to Re: Fees and meaning fallsfall, posted by Dinah on September 5, 2003, at 0:21:32

> And just maybe, I'm picking up some hints from him that he does find my neediness a bit much. Or maybe that's coming from me. But in either case, it's possible that he finds that one part of me unappealing even if he doesn't find all of me annoying.

How many people do you know that you like completely and totally one hundred percent??? I mean, really. There is ALWAYS something about someone you probably don't like. People are not perfect - and that's okay! It's okay to not like someone completely and totally one hundred percent! That doesn't mean that you don't like them more often than not. And it certainly doesn't mean you don't care - even when there are things about someone you don't like, often you still care.

My point? IMO, you are looking for evidence that he is annoyed by your neediness. First of all, it's perfectly okay that you are more needy with him than with anyone else in your life. As you've said, your needs weren't met growing up (which I'm sure most of us can relate to!), so you're trying to get them met now. And that's okay - that's what he's there for! To in part meet those needs and in part help you try to meet those needs for yourself.

Yes - it's possible that he finds part of you unappealing - just as you find part of him unappealing - but please don't let that make you feel like you are a burden on him. You are someone he has chosen to keep working with. You are someone who is worth every bit of the time he spends with you and then some. This doesn't have to be black-or-white. And it seems, from what you have described, that his reactions to your questions and actions have shown this - that it is all about shades of gray.

As you know, some days we can take more from people than others. Perhaps some days he finds you more exasperating, but that doesn't mean that other days he doesn't, and it certainly doesn't mean that he's ready to give up on you.

I also agree with fallsfall. I think that perhaps part of what you're sensing is the frustration he shows as a result of you not accepting that he isn't overwhelmed by your neediness.

Neediness is not a bad thing. Especially when it comes to therapists. And I think his belief in you is strongly evidenced by the length of time you've been his patient. At this point you have to accept that he cares a great deal about you - because, honestly Dinah, if not, do you really think he would have treated you for this long?


I truly hope that one day you can go easier on yourself. As I said before, and as others have said, you are a wonderful person, and you deserve all the good things in the world.





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