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Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:29:58

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by stebby on August 31, 2003, at 21:28:28

Hi stebby,
your post meant so much to me! Thank you for feeling it with me...
I so hope you can build trust with your T..I'm really sorry you had such a painful experience with your previous one. I would be devastated if mine abandoned me and I would have such difficulty to trust someone new and let someone close again. I understand the fears you're having after what you went through. It is scary to let someone close and risk being hurt...I still feel scared of giving my T so much power to hurt me, but after all I've been through with her I do feel her in my heart without doubting everything she tells me. I am really, really sorry your previous T hurt you so much.
You are very brave for trying to trust someone new. It takes time to trust, I do hope you can believe in your T and in what she tells you..Maybe you still have lots of work to do with her in order to build trust and so that you can feel in your heart that her care and what she gives you and tells you is very real.
I am glad you're giving her a chance...
I would encourage you to just keep talking to her and telling her your fears and hurt over all of this. I know it is scary to let someone close after being hurt so badly, I hope you can build trust with your T and start believing in your heart that what she gives you is real. I tell my T that I really need her to reassure me, I tell her that I am afraid of her not loving me anymore or not being with me, I tell her if I feel scared of things not being real, and every time she reassures me, and it helps some...Maybe you can try to share a bit with your T and tell her about the fears you are having...I hope she can be there for you and you can build a solid, strong bond with her, based on honesty, truth, respect and gentle love.
Thank you for listening to me and sharing back.
wishing you lots of trust with your T,

> Adia, Your message was so heart felt, it brought tears to my eyes. To have had such a difficult childhood and then have someone who is completely there for you like she is is heart-warming. I'm glad you can trust her like you do and I desperately want to trust my T like that, and I think I do. One of the problems is that my first T did in effect "abandon" me. She had to terminate and then when I saw her on the street she ignored me. I thought she had a special place in her heart for me. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Since then, I cannot seem to get past this idea, that the therapist is just doing her job by being caring, but its not real. I have talked to my T about this, and she was reassuring, but of course she is, that is her job. I am going to talk to her again about it on Tuesday. It keeps coming up. She has never done anything to break my trust, but I think its going to take time given my first experience with transference and therapy. I am really afraid to let myself feel that close again and keep trying to convince myself that she's really a fake, so as not to get hurt again.
> I really appreciate your supportive words and the effort you put into your note to me. It means a lot.




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