Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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therapists always validating?

Posted by Penny on September 3, 2003, at 10:51:25

As most of you know, I'm having some problems with my roommate. So, of course, when I go to therapy, I talk a great deal about that - about her, about me, about how I'm having a hard time taking an objective view of the situation, etc.

I also focus a great deal on my family, especially my parents. But in both situations, what I find is that my therapist is very validating of my feelings (as was my former therapist). I don't mean that she just acknowledges that it's okay that I feel a certain way, etc., but she makes me feel often that I am 'right' in a certain situation. Then I think about my roommate and the therapist she sees on occasion, and I wonder if that therapist is telling her the same thing mine is telling me - that she's 'right.'

I guess what I'm wondering is, how often does your therapist disagree with you on a point (that doesn't involve putting yourself down) and do you think your T would do that regardless of your situation? I mean, from my perspective, I feel like the victim so to speak in my roommate situation but I don't deny responsibility for my part in the situation.

Yet, I doubt that most people (correct me if I'm wrong here, folks) go to their therapists and say "Yes, I'm a horrible person, I talk to her in a terrible way, I am intentionally trying to hurt her" and the therapist responds "You're right - you need to change the way you are treating her because what you are doing is wrong." It just seems to me that therapists are so validating, regardless of your role in a situation.

Am I completely off base here? Does your therapist ever play 'devil's advocate' when you are relating a scenario to them that made you feel hurt, etc.? Or does your therapist always seem to take your side?

I wonder this particularly in relation to family and/or friends coming to a 'group' session with *your* therapist, perhaps to work on a particular issue. Would your therapist still take your side?





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