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Re: I Agree With Dinah

Posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:26:57

In reply to Re: I Agree With Dinah, posted by Rigby on September 2, 2003, at 18:10:14

Hi crushed out,
I understand your feelings, first of all. But it does sound like your therapist is getting into some dangerous territory. I had a very damaging experience with a married psychotherapist (he was male, I'm female). He fed into my crush for years, which like you, I wanted very much. I wasn't even attracted to him physically which is different from your situation, but there was something about having that attention from him. He eventually told his wife, and realized I had been nothing but his 'object of countertransference'. He ended up never seeing or talking to me again.

To this day I suffer from the effects of that relationship. I'm just worried for you that if you do get what you think you want, it might not be so good. It doesn't sound like your therapist is ready to divorce her husband and run off with you. And if she did by the way, it would be very, very illegal. I'm not sure exactly what the law is, but I think you have to wait two years or something after you've been in therapy with someone to see them socially. And that would just be so confusing.

You had the courage to bring up your feelings so far. I'm not sure what her intention was in telling you she finds you beautiful, but I can't see that it would do anything except fuel the fantasy. That and the comment about the energy between you two being 'scary', indeed scares me. I know it's difficult because you want the attention from her so badly, but it's an area that could hurt you deeply and your therapist has a legal and ethical responsibility not to prey on your vulnerabilities.

Just a word of caution, I don't mean to come off heavy handed. I guess I would encourage you to ask her directly what she meant by telling you those things. If she seems to be continuing a flirtation with you, you might consider the pain of changing therapists now a better alternative to years of damage control.

Good luck.




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