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Re: Why bother with therapy? allisonf

Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2003, at 7:11:39

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by allisonf on August 28, 2003, at 1:55:07

Obsessing about what happened in session used to be a bigger problem than it is now, and writing might not have helped them. Even now, I assess the situation and decide on the best response. He encourages me to call him if I'm angry with him between sessions and writing doesn't do it, because otherwise my obsessive mind can twist something minor into an epic drama.

When I get really really upset, my ability to write goes waaaaayyyyy down, as I can't seem to find my words.

I think after going to him for so long, we've hashed out most of the major transference issues. I now have a reasonable comfort with the idea that he's not going to abandon me. And while it's occasionally shaken, it doesn't take as long to go back to normal. And I feel much more free to tell him what I'm thinking without censoring it, so things get cleared up easier.

For example, the other day I told him he should work on his communication style. He always comes out with the bad part first and then tries to ease it with positive statements. Like once, his group center was closing, and if I hadn't stopped him and asked him to tell me if I was still going to be able to see him when he said he had bad news for me, he would have opened with that, and then eventually made his way to telling me I could still see him in whatever arrangements he made to continue practice. Well, by that time my amygdala would have flooded, and he'd have lost me. No matter what he said later, that adrenaline and cortisol would have been released, and calming myself would have taken longer than 50 minutes.

A similar thing happened the other day, and he was angry with me for not listening to the rest of what he was saying (frustrated, he always says frustrated instead of angry). But the next session I had thought it through and remarked on what I thought the problem was. He agreed to try to be more sensitive to how he phrased things, but admitted he'd probably sometimes forget.

So things blow over more quickly now because I feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. I sometimes think he thinks I feel too safe and comfortable, so he likes to stir me out of my rut from time to time. :)

Be glad she's reading the book. You should be able to discuss your feelings with her more openly if the context is there that it's not unusual to feel that way. It should reduce the potential embarassment on the part of either of you.




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