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Re: Too Many Pills allisonf

Posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 23:15:08

In reply to Re: Too Many Pills fallsfall, posted by allisonf on August 16, 2003, at 21:31:09

Yes. I was in the "Forever Therapy" thread. I have uni-polar depression, all the pain, none of the fun. Ice cream is magic - I go for chocolate if I'm having a bad day, often mint chocolate chip if things are looking up.

How are CBT and Psychodynamic different? I can tell you how my two therapists are different. I don't know how much is theoretical orientation and how much is personal style.

My CBT therapist had a very expressive face, she showed surprise, worry, happiness, disapproval (occasionally). We talked about what was happening in my week. She gave me advice on solving some of my problems - like getting my son to do his homework, or dealing with my ex-husband, or organizing my week so that I had some goals and increased the amount of stuff I was doing. She was very practical. She also taught me some about emotions and how to recognize them. For the first 7 years I believe that she really cared about me - for the last 1 1/2 years I think that she cared, but there was something distracting her.

My Psychodynamic therapist is a "blank slate". In not quite 2 months I have seen him smile twice and look incredulous once - no other emotions. He always waits a certain number of seconds before he'll speak, in case I have something else to say. He occasionally will give me opinions (like he wants me to try to go off my drugs - I'll start trying in September), but not often. He does do instructional stuff, too (like about emotions, hmmmm, maybe I need to understand emotions better). He is less interested in the list of things that I did that week (he said he doesn't want "news"), but I'm not sure what he does want. He has made some good interpretations (like that I was scared to compete with my dad - I think it's really true, I had never thought of it before). No couch, just chairs - very much like the CBT arrangement.

Transference. My issue is that I think that they are mad at me, and that makes me bad (evil, worthless) - so it isn't much fun for me. I had told my CBT therpist that I wanted to do some "deep" work. I have felt that there are issues that are really bothering me, but that our work was too superficial to get to them. She had done a little "deep" work with me years ago - on my self hate. First, she said that she didn't do that kind of work. Then I asked again and she tried, but it was clear that she wasn't comfortable, so it wasn't comfortable for me, and we pretended to finish that work, but we never really did it at all. I had told her that I was in an enormous amount of pain, I don't know if I told her that I thought she was angry - I meant to. Each time I saw her we talked about normal stuff and I got upset again. Usually she was very good at seeing that I was upset and helping me figure out why. At this point, though, it was like she didn't see it, and when I tried to explain part of it she didn't understand. I honestly don't know what was going on.

The pain got bad enough that I was willing to leave this therapist who I was completely dependent on. How scary. I interviewed a number of therapists and told them what was going on with her. I chose this guy and to my relief he said that I didn't have to go back to see her to say goodbye (she knew I was leaving, and had recommended this guy, but my last session with her was very bad and I didn't want to have to see her again). About 6 weeks after I started seeing him I left a session and felt the way that I had when I left her. I figured out that I thought he was disappointed in me. I called him and he said enough so that I wouldn't freak all weekend, and talked about how "this is what therapy is all about...". When I saw him we talked a little and then he went into a lengthy (20 minutes? maybe less, I have no idea) speech about what happens when people are mad. At least I think that is what he was saying - I was paying attention, but I can't remember. When I left his office I felt noticibly better! (When I would leave her office I couldn't even talk to a friend for 6 hours) I don't know what he did, but it was really good. It was talk, but somehow the talk reached the scared places. Then he went on vacation. I want more!!!!

I had a group therapist who is Psychodynamic, and I have seen her a number of times for vacation coverage etc. She makes me feel like she can read my mind. I just talk, and she knows what is behind what I am saying.

If you can describe the transference to your therapist, but she can't address it, I would ask for a referral. I wish that I had figured out a while ago what was going on.

Good luck. Let me know.




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