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Still angry... Dinah

Posted by Morgen on July 23, 2003, at 0:28:37

In reply to Re: Not Forever therapy Morgen, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2003, at 11:17:55

I don't know if I can use my email in our next session... because I'm not sure I'm going back. At first I felt remorseful for my very angry and blameful email, and apologized when I woke up at 4a.m. feeling sick to my stomach and thinking that maybe I didn't have so much faith that she wouldn't fire me, after all. My next appointment comes at a horrible time because there is something during that time that I really need to focus on in my work. After that, she wants to go through some sort of goodbye session, and I don't want to do it.

When I apologized, I asked if she'd considered referring me. I felt like it would be easier to talk this through with someone else. Her response (to my apology) was, "Be mad at me. Your comments are legitimate" -- and otherwise indicating that I had every right to feel let down.

Well.

That certainly aleviated my distress about being upset with her. But reading her response I discovered that it was incredibly dissapointing. I was hoping there was something I didn't know... some magical way that she was going to fix this at the last minute -- that what seemed like negligence was really just part of a plan. She indicated that she had failed me before, but I wasn't aware of that and don't know what she's talking about. A part of me was trusting that she hadn't really failed me now, it just seemed like it at first blush.

I don't want to go back, I don't want to say goodbye, but I don't want to feel hatred either.

I'm not having a very good night.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Morgen thread:220332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030711/msgs/244410.html