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Re: Forever therapy

Posted by Ilene on July 15, 2003, at 23:03:18

In reply to Re: Forever therapy Ilene, posted by fallsfall on July 15, 2003, at 21:30:30

> > What's a "self" issue?
> A "self" issue means that you don't have a clearly defined self or a self that works well. In my case, I have redefined an important part of my self in the last 5 years. Currently I am trying to straighten out how I determine my self worth.

Self worth got left behind somewhere. Now it's like trying to remember natural logs--I know I did them in high school, but that's all. Just doesn't come up.

I would determine my own basic selfworth. But I had given my therapist the "power" to negatively affect my self worth when she was angry at me (but she couldn't affect it positively). So every time I THOUGHT she was angry (which was probably a lot more than she really was), I would be sure that I was totally worthless - evil. This is not a good system. So I'm trying to fix that now.

How borderline.
> Well, your summer sounds... exciting. I am impressed. I couldn't drive 450 miles.

I don't know whether I can, either. I can hardly make it to the grocery store.

Do you have to drive back across the country?

Having the car shipped. Costs more than having myself shipped, but it weighs more than I do. (It's a really nice car. I'm moving beyond the belief that car=transportation.) I couldn't figure out a way to get someone to come with me, and I don't want to talk to myself all the way back.

With how many kids?

Two kids. Maybe just one, if son doesn't get his act together vis-a-vis summer reading homework.

I can't concentrate very long so I fall asleep after about 45 minutes.
I have problems concentrating. That and the anxiety could be real problems.

> How did you find this?


Is it a fancy house?

I haven't seen the house, but a friend who went over there says I'll love it. It's in a great neighborhood.

> Do they have a computer?

They are taking their laptop with them. I will be taking my husband's laptop with me, but I don't know how much I will use it.

> You were awfully nice to take care of your dad. I'm sure he appreciated having you around. That took courage.
Nice? Courage? It was like being in an altered state. Besides, everyone else in the family is dead.

I think he appreciated having me around when he was lucid. He seemed terribly depressed much of the time, but couldn't communicate. We had "issues" I wanted to discuss but he was too out of it by the time I made that decision. The awfulness didn't hit until after the funeral and I was by myself for 2 months.

> Sounds like you don't feel too well. I'm sorry. It isn't fun to go through the days like that.

Fun? What's that?

Did you get *any* relief from your earlier therapy?

None. I have been clinically depressed most of my life and none of the therapists I went to even noticed. I've self-diagnosed most of my ailments.

I get from your posts that you are a bit cynical about therapy.

Let's just say I'm an agnostic.

Think about it like this: when you take a drug, you can read the insert or get the prescribing information online. You know how much you're going to spend and what it might do to you. It's a cost/benefit analysis. I don't have the same quality of information about therapy, and not all therapists are created equal.

There's a relatively new therapuetic approach called "evidence-based medicine". When I first read about it I wondered what medicine was based on before--astrology, maybe? There is--or was--a lot of squabbling about it. Medicine being an art as much as a science. (Should I consult Sr. Picasso about my bad knee?)

I know there is some evidence-based information on the efficacy of therapy, but I haven't read much of it. When I really delved into the medical literature about depression the picture was not "depression is a disease that can be treated". *Treated*, sure, but not very well.

So demonstrating that therapy + meds is better than either alone isn't meaningful when effectiveness means "better than placebo, but not by much".

I believe in therapy, but I've just changed therapists because I wasn't happy with my original therapist. So ask me in 6 months.
> In my late 30s I had too much responsibility at work and too much responsibility at home and I crashed. I guess I had kept the bowing wall up with spackle, but eventually the bow was too much and the wall came tumbling down. It is awfully hard to get all of those little pieces back together into a wall.
I think I've always been either dysthymic or depressed.





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