Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Thanks for coming - Shar and others

Posted by mair on May 28, 2003, at 13:24:56

In reply to Re: Mortification mair, posted by shar on May 27, 2003, at 1:38:29

I had a therapy session yesterday. I got to one of those places I frequent where she asks me a quesion; because of the content of the question I feel this oppressive rush of anxiety - then I freeze up and can't can't say much either because I don't want to say what I'm thinking or because my mind starts racing and I can't hold onto any one thought long enough to verbalize it. The thing that was different this time was that while I was sitting there trying to distill what I was thinking, I started thinking of you guys. Particularly I was thinking of Shar and what she wrote about shame, because shame was part of what was holding me back. I had just read shar's post before I left for my appointment. It was as if all of you guys were there cheering me on and telling me to take the plunge.

If my therapy was a Hollywood production (and a very boring one at that) I would have knocked down this impenetrable wall and answered her question in a way which made her understand what I was thinking and the emotions associated with those thoughts. Alas, old habits die hard and I eventually told her that I couldn't keep going with that thread of discussion. We switched to the somewhat safer topic of what she should do when my anxiety level sky rockets mid-session. As she pointed out, it puts her in the bind of deciding to lay off, knowing that whatever I'm thinking about is important or push forward some with the hope that I don't leave, as I have before, thinking that I should never go back. This is of course my bind also - I can be very self-critical about not forcing myself over this invisible hump because I know I can't get very far unless I start opening up to her more than I seem to be willing.

Anyway, I have no happy ending to report, but I did want to thank you guys for joining me in my session and offering me your unique brand of support. I'm hopeful if I can conjure up more images of you while I'm doing one of my mental tap dances, maybe just maybe I'll get to where I need to go a bit faster.





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