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Re: Dreams WorryGirl

Posted by wendy b. on April 17, 2003, at 18:12:57

In reply to Re: Dreams wendy b., posted by WorryGirl on April 14, 2003, at 13:19:35

> Thanks for your reply. It seems that the dreams were sort of an anxiety release.

Sorry it took a while to write back... It's almost always anxiety that we have to deal with in dreams. Sometimes it's just something inconsequential that happens during the day that sets something off in our unconscious minds, and the dream picks up on that and embellishes it. Dreams were thought to be in the same category by Freud as slips of the tongue, slips of the ear (hearing something the wrong way), or slips of the pen. That the way they work follows the same kind of logic..., and they project and distort in the same kinds of ways.

> My husband doesn't intentionally do anything to piss me off. The kind of stuff he might do that he knows will anger me he hides from me, but somehow I always end up finding out.

Anything really important? or just little things?

> Lately we've been getting along pretty well. That's why it sort of surprised me that I'd be having the dream about him not liking me.>
> A few weeks ago, though, I had a horrible mood episode that I feared had destroyed our relationship irreparably. I attacked his sexuality and character, which was harsh. I felt and still feel so ashamed about the things I said. When he shut me out I felt so devastated I couldn't handle it and really lost it. It's amazing how my well-being depends so much on his acceptance of me.

Yes, it does, this is the most primary of the primary relationships... your mate. So, of course it's still there in the background, and the way one's mind creates balance is to give you a reason to be mad at him, or to feel justified in outburst-ing (not a word, but...) him the way you did... So you did again in your dream (gave yourself a reason), which to me is far better than the opposite: dreaming something up (imagining some problem, or maybe magnifying it, distorting it) in reality. That is why I think dreaming is so important, it serves such an important function. [By the way, your outburst may have been harsh, but you can forgive yourself now, especially if he has gotten over it.]

I remember my sister having dreams about our parents dying (she was about 20 or so at the time), and she told me how guilty she felt. I'm pretty sure she was having major issues with them. I told her how common this was, and that better it should happen in her unconscious, this is where it gets 'taken care of,' so they don't have to die in reality, no matter how much you might like them to.

> So I'm guessing that the nightmares stem from my treatment of him, which stemmed from feeling neglected and disconnected from him (which he says wasn't intentional); and the circle goes round and round....

Well, I hope you can see it for what it was, recognize that you still feel angry, know that it's really ok, and that you might be able to 'process' all this better now... I think coming out and simply saying to the husband: "I'm feeling neglected, or disconnected...' and asking for a pure and simple hug, will remind you both of what you found wonderful in each other when you first got together. It's ok to be vulnerable sometimes; I have a similar problem with projecting on my significant other, the feelings that are going on in me. i.e., I assign blame to him over what are inevitably needy (or self-critical or self-inadequacy) feelings coming out of me...

> As for the tornado dream, these two dreams were different in one way from every other tornado dream I've ever had. In the past, I always saw the funnel from a distance, with it approaching and me running away. Just when it seemed as if the funnel had reached me and was about to suck me up I'd wake up in terror.

Yeah, I used to have drowning dreams a lot. Funny, the only time I had real suicidal ideation, I was standing at the edge of Lake Michigan on the Chicago promenade, end of February, freaking-ass cold, and thought I should do it that way, you know, jump in and die of hypothermia and drown. So that link is clear now... the thing I'm most afraid of...

> This time, I was standing in the dark but knew that the tornado was there - it sort of appeared as a vibrating bubble (it was clear). I was pretty much standing face to face with it, and although afraid, I wasn't as terrified as I was in the past tornado dreams. In the other tornado dream, again, I couldn't see it, but I could hear it. I was inside our house and could feel it start to shake the walls, but I woke up.

Hmmm... You were less afraid, maybe because you've acknowledged something, or stood up to something. You're somehow standing your ground? I don't know. Definitely a sea-change is happening in your psyche right now... and maybe you can figure out what that is?

> I wonder why I never saw the dark, distant funnel this time.

Supposedly, inside the funnel it's very quiet... I think I heard this or read this somewhere, and I don't know if it's true or not, but it's interesting...

> Dreams are fascinating; if you or anyone wants to share theirs I'd love to hear about them.

Thank you, my dear...! I think the meds I'm on make me dream less, or like I said before, I have very little REM sleep time, so I may not remember much because there isn't much. At least I've been sleeping more, and am not so blotto! I hope your 'night movies' give you (us!) more food for thought, soon.

my very best to you,
I am reading you on the other boards,
trying to get a fuller picture,





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