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Re: CBT - and me- - a query PuraVida

Posted by jay on March 13, 2003, at 12:44:20

In reply to Re: CBT - and me- - a query, posted by PuraVida on March 13, 2003, at 0:09:11

> I hope this time this gets posted. Earlier this evening I wrote an example of my first experience with my distorted thoughts - mainly "shoulds" - don't know where it went - I'm SURE I hit confirm!
>
> So, here is not so much a goal as a problem: I have been stressing because I have been active as a volunteer in a non-profit, and I'm not sure I want to continue. I do believe volunteer work is good for me (+1) and I can use it career wise (+1) but...I am frustrated. I got involved in this org. because it was worthwhile and needed help - it was dying, and run by a clique. I had not joined years before because of this. But I thought - maybe, I can make a difference. I have -we revived the club, last year, that is. But the old guard is still making blatently obvious "suits me" decisions, and I am the only one who speaks up. This year no one has renewed yet, and the board (I am on it) is making more dictator-like decisions to a dwindiling club. Thing is, this club is just a part of a larger community, and I am beginnning to get embarrassed that I am part of this self-serving board.
>
> So, I want to quit - but this is where the CBT comes in. My shoulds, and others kick in - you just are too much of a perfectionist - that is the way life is! If you feel so strongly - stick it out - unless you are too weak... If you had better people skills, you could bring them around. SO, I say, no - I am not comfortable with this - I take a stand. But then - I think, I'll just go somewhere else, and the same will happen again. Is it me?
>
> So, HELP is appreciated on the previous, if anyone has time or inclination to follow. I';d love to know candidly what you can see, CBT-wise, in my thoughts.
>
> Thanks,
>
> PV

OK..I'll take a few shots, but remember that my interpretation just like with medication is subject to YMMV..so I hope others join in as well. :-)

Let's start from scratch. You outlined a general goal (volunteer) and said is was worthwhile to you because a)would help your career and b)is good for you.(These are a bit vague...but am I right to assume the second part meant you would receive "satisfaction" from volunteering?) Does that sound right to you? Just checking. What is really important here remember, is to focus on yourself and your reactions and behaviour. Reason being, it is all about you positively benefiting from the situation.(And remember, this doesn't mean I nor anyone is discounting what other people do to you.)

So, you volunteered, but immediately encountered difficulty with your personal relations to others in this organization. So those where roadblocks to you receiving part b of your goal, that you would receive satisfaction from your action/behaviour leading to your goal. (Is that what you meant by being "good for you"?)

Anyhow..will leave it at that for now, and again, I'd like to hear what others have to say too. :)
I'd just mention before I go that there seems to be a great gap between your goals and your behaviour (volunteering at this specific organization.)

So, what do you,..others think?

Take care..talk to you soon,
Jay


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poster:jay thread:208554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030310/msgs/208747.html