Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Thanks all for posting. I will find a way to live. Mark H.

Posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 0:32:03

In reply to Re: Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by Mark H. on July 1, 2002, at 23:52:24

The situation that makes me depressed has been incredibly hard. I had a stroke-like onset of strange symptoms 4 mos. ago that dr's have not been able to explain. I've lost cognition, intelligence, concentration, and memory. It's been really frightening, partly because I think it is caused by a rare, chronic illness. (I never worried about illness prior to this, btw. I'm not a hypochondriac.)

To complicate matters, my parents have been really unsupportive, implying that my symptoms are the result of anxiety (I've been treated for moderate anxiety) and an overall mental instability that -- to them -- is caused by my being a lesbian. So, if these symptoms had happened instead in my married sister, they would have considered them to be organic in nature.

Meanwhile, my close friends, my roommates, and even my therapist all notice a change in my mental status.

I've been quite upset over it, as you can imagine. (I've had numerous exams to find the cause, nothing yet. I'm asking for a SPECT scan that would reveal if there is depressed brain activity due to an organic cause, but I expect a _fight_ because I look so normal. My mother is coming with me to the dr. to testify to the change in my abilities.) Where I once had a healthy mind, I now find confusion at times.

(For those wondering, I think my symptoms may be caused by Hashimoto's encaphalopathy, which in rare cases coincides with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which I have. There is a treatment for it, and many of the symptoms are reversible if treated in time.)

Because I had a certain mindset and identity, it's hard to imagine a future with a smaller IQ and virtually no short-term memory. It is also easy to rail against God, fate, and the universe for making me one of the miniscule percentage of people on earth who end up with brain damage (mild tho' it may be) after spending most of my life as gifted.

So, I've been feeling quite hopeless, scared, and angry.

But I have promised myself that I have to fight to get adequate treatment and try to heal. I have a partner who cares about me, and can learn to enjoy life again once I'm better.




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poster:bookgurl99 thread:488