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Re: Being hospitalized

Posted by Angel Girl on June 29, 2002, at 19:56:31

In reply to Being hospitalized, posted by Angel Girl on June 29, 2002, at 0:07:03

I have absolutely no recollection of even typing this post to begin with. :( This is starting to happen to me alot. People telling me I'm emailing them and me not recalling it but then finding it in my 'sent' folder.

It was originally my therapist who mentioned to me awhile ago that I should consider hospitalization. Lately all of my family and most of my friends have been strongly trying to convince me to do it for medication reasons.

I have severe depression and I think BPD. I get my final assessment on Tuesday. I'm taking 267.5mg of Effexor XR and have been for several months. It's no longer effective enough. I need something stronger. I'm barely out of the 'black hole' most of the time. In the last 5 weeks or so, I've been suffering from 'electrical sensations' and light-headedness. Through experimenting with my meds, I have proved it's from the Effexor.

I also take meds for sleeping. I've had insomnia since starting taking ADs last Oct/Nov and after trying several had settled with Triazolam .25mg, which was working extremely well for me. BUT then I started suffering also from agoraphobia and couldn't force myself to get to the drugstore to pickup my renewal for my Triazolam. So I had one night with nothing. Of course, I didn't sleep and even though I did manage to get my renewal the next day, it no longer worked. I've tried several diff sleep meds since then, all to no avail. I now have my days turned to nights and vice versa. I'm starting just as of yesterday to get this turned around.

The problem I have is that my meds are prescribed by my GP. I don't have a pdoc. My GP refuses to make anymore psych med changes and wants all future changes to be made by a pdoc. I will be seeing one on Tuesday and hopefully something positive will come out of that appointment.

Due to the bad side effects of the Effexor XR and it also not being strong enough and not being able to rid myself of the weeks long insomnia and my current state of nervousness and constant worsening depression, that is why everybody feels I need to be hospitalized. I am not currently suicidal but if they were to reduce my Effexor, I'm sure that would return with a vengence. They feel I need to go through some med changes and be hospitalized for observations to how I would react to those changes.

I have also told friends that I have this overwhelming desire to get in my car and just drive and drive and drive and never come back with no destination in mind. I know I wouldn't do this, it's just what I would 'like' to do. I don't understand why that statement seems to frighten everybody so much.

The problem is that I am PETRIFIED to be hospitalized. I have NEVER liked to be in the hospital for any reason and I've never been in a psych ward before. I KNOW I would be EXTREMELY depressed and fearful of the other patients. Under those conditions how could they fairly evaluate any changes to new meds when that's the way I would feel on my current meds????

Sometimes, I think it's all these freakin meds that are screwing up my brain and if I came off them I'd be fine. But in reality I know that they are keeping me from killing myself.

I'm just so scared.

Thanks for your info and support.

Angel Girl




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