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Re: great vent! InsomniaMom

Posted by katekite on June 22, 2002, at 16:10:43

In reply to Re: great vent! winter, posted by InsomniaMom on June 21, 2002, at 21:46:31

I read your first post and have to say it sounds like the situation just really sucks! It is very hard to know how to both take care of yourself and take care of a parent.

I would never have thought of myself as 'codependent' because I really don't let others run my life, most of the time, but I do find myself resenting a lot that I do... anyhow I read your rant and thought of this book: "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. When I first looked into this issue I thought codependency meant, for example, taking care of an abusive alcoholic for 20 years because you think you can help them, ie something extreme. But there are many degrees of it and I found the suggestions very helpful.

(I asked my husband just now what the name of the book was and he immediately left what he was doing and went to look for it so that I wouldn't think he didn't care -- he's very codependent and working hard on it -- at least we are both that way).

Here's a few characteristics from the book to see if codependency is part of your personality:

- you think and feel responsible for other people -- their feelings, thoughts, actions, wants, needs, wellbeing, etc. (some of those but not necessarily all).

- feel pity, anxiety or guilt when others have a problem.

- feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem....

- feel angry when your help doesn't help

- anticipate others needs

- wonder why others don't do the same for them

- find themselves saying yes when they mean no, do things they don't want to, do more than their fair share......

- feel safest when giving

(ok that's just the first of about 200 statements that more than likely apply to someone with codependency issues)

Anyhow if any of those statements sound like you I highly recommend the book.

Good luck,

kate


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