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Re: I relate winter

Posted by InsomniaMom on June 20, 2002, at 16:30:59

In reply to I relate, posted by winter on June 20, 2002, at 13:39:22

Winter, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Thank you for sharing.

It sounds like you had it much rougher than I did growing up. I'm not sure if my mother presents with the true diagnosis of "narcissism" because I don't know what the psychological definition is, but she certainly possesses narcissistic characteristics. I also had overbearing, egomaniacal fathers with short tempers and like your mom, mine would try to please them. I learned how to stay quiet...always "the pleaser". My mother kept most of her depression masked for many years and I know life was not joyous for her. She only manifested the severe depression when my stepfather divorced her 25 years ago. My younger sisters have been in therapy for years trying to deal with those years as they were young teenagers and still living at home.

The good news is that I believe by being open with my mother over the past couple of weeks and telling her how I felt, she has begun to face some necessary facts and I'm so glad she is in the hospital and in therapy while confronting them. Her psychiatrist has asked her why we have not been calling him and I think she MAY realize that we have reached our limit. I have to put things in a way that she can accept, like it's MY problem that I feel guilty about things she says. She could never admit that she is manipulative...at least not yet. My sisters say not ever. She becomes defensive, which I think is counterproductive, if I am too direct or sound like I am blaming her in any way, so I have to choose my words carefully.

Her psychiatrist keeps telling her she has a true "biochemical depression". That's the big question for people like you and me who have biological as well as psychological reasons to have problems...is it genetic or environmental...which came first, the chicken or the egg? I wish I knew the answer, but I think she is so dependent on the thought that her condition is strictly biochemical that she is not willing to make any behavioral changes. But maybe that's all she can handle for now.

I'm glad to see that you and your boyfriend are working at getting better. You have a good understanding of what went wrong in your relationship before and it sounds like with work and patience it can be better, YOU can be better than before. You've had a lot to contend with, but YOU are making it better.

Thank you for reading my post and I wish you the best.


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poster:InsomniaMom thread:355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020516/msgs/402.html