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Re: Abused Abuser Abused

Posted by Mark H. on June 19, 2002, at 14:26:58

In reply to Re: Abused Abuser Abused, posted by wendy b. on June 19, 2002, at 0:45:59

Dear Sid and Wendy,

I completely respect your positions (and expected even more heated responses, given the loathesome subject matter).

My own bias is that I care a great deal more about your well-being and health than I do BOL's. My personal feelings about him are a lot like yours.

However, I also believe that true healing requires understanding and compassion for the oppressor -- not for his sake, necessarily, but for our own. Compassion is a tool to help erase a little more of the life-long damage he has done.

As long as we remain angry and vengeful, we're still to some extent on the oppressor's agenda. Perhaps only through compassion are we finally free.

Again, I respect and share your feelings. I would feel no different about him if I were in your position. I intend these comments as support for your well-being. I am very sorry for your suffering.

With kind regards,

Mark H.

> Yeah, Mark, I guess I can't say I have much compassion. Children and women who have been abused will probably never be able to feel sorry for their abusers. Abusers who rob people of their sexuality and their personal boundaries are not in the same class as your garden-variety mentally ill, or alcoholic, etc. Sure, let them get help, and I bet someone else might be able to feel compassion. But keep them away from Sid and me and others who've been damaged. Forgiveness just isn't an option sometimes. There's no way to recapture the losses we've experienced.
> Best, & with respect,
> Wendy
> > Well, Mark H., while I can appreciate rhetorical questioning and theoretical endeavours, we are talking about a piece of crap of a man who has abused me since I was 5 and who still sexually harrasses me. Perhaps others can be compassionate towards him, I will go on loathing him and planning to dance at his funeral. He has destroyed a part of my life, I may never have a family of my own because of this testosterone-driven jerk, I'm not about to feel sorry for him.
> >
> > - sid




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