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Re: Mood disorder judy1

Posted by beardedlady on June 7, 2002, at 5:42:26

In reply to Re: Mood disorder beardedlady, posted by judy1 on June 6, 2002, at 19:12:32

That's a good start--good enough to tell I don't have one.

Here's the thing. Since I was at least 16 (at least 23 years), I have felt unable to feel happiness. I can get excited over something, but the feeling passes quickly, and I am grumpy and blah like I was before the good event. It has been much worse over the last few years. The feelings of joy don't last but a moment, and then worry of some sort sets in, or I just go back to being my irritable self.

Because I had nothing to talk about at therapy, I asked my therapist about whether this was the normal way to feel, whether most people feel like this, and he said no. He told me he would give me a test next week to see if I had a mood disorder.

Here's the thing: I'm not depressed. I function well. I have lots of hobbies. I laugh a lot when I am with friends. I love playing with my daughter. I love staring at her! I love shopping and outdoor parties and swimming and crabs. But I am uptight and grumpy, and I don't smile.

People who didn't know me would come up to me all the time and say, "Hey, it can't be that bad," just because of the look on my face. (I started to respond, "How do you know my mother didn't just die!?" They would either be terribly apologetic, or they would say, "Did she?" and I'd say, "It's none of your business. You don't know me!")

Still, I'm nice to people in line. I talk to strangers. I'm friendly. (I'm also confrontational, so don't park your car in front of the drive up mailbox, or I'll come into the post office to yell at you!) (Yes, I know I am going to get shot. Still, I worry about dying on a flight!)

I have decided that this is how I have to live, which is why I've never asked anyone about this. I am probably one of the types who really needed Prozac, but before I had the guts to do it (I told my OB that I wanted to go on it right after nursing, as I was feeling like a rabid dog), I got insomnia.

So what the hell is wrong with me? Is this just a bad personality? Or is there some label for this uptight grouch who rarely smiles?

beardy : )> whoops : (>




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