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Re: aww

Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2017, at 0:41:05

In reply to Re: aww, posted by alexandra_k on December 18, 2017, at 0:41:41

some nicer houses are coming up. places where i could see myself living, happily enough, for a time.

that is kind of reassuring. after a bit of seeing places i don't feel happy about i start thinking 'maybe all the nay-sayers are right, maybe i am expecting too much' and so on and so forth...

i found a really nice place by the beach. it's pretty tatty... outside could use a paint and the mailbox is all askew. inside the carpet is badly worn / torn up in places. the kitchen is carpeted (odd) but the drapes aren't so very bad... and the layout is good. decent size. will get decent sun. warm. dry. garage...

fingers crossed it works out for me. fingers crossed everything does.

i guess i should get to the gym...

it's hard because... i see that i could be happy here... only... what if things don't work out?

on the one hand i think that things will always be like this. always worrying about the next step. whether i'll make it through. however many don't pass the 2nd year. the third year. the degree. however many don't get a good placement. however many don't get a good match for pg1. for pg2. then applying to train to specialise... it'll be constant. the waiting. the hoping. the not being sure about where you will be from one year to the next.

only... it will be different because they invested in you a bit. it will be different because after a few years, you do get paid. i think. that's the difference. now... right now... they haven't invested in me, at all. that's the difference.

anyway...

if i move i'll have to take up surfing. get a wetsuit. would be a wasted opportunity, indeed, to not do that only a block from the beach. a paddleboard at least. maybe sea kayaking. something. will figure it out. i don't think my ankles can do surfing. can't squat low with lack of dorsiflexion and my toes are pretty hammer-toe / claw-toe... i got some vibrams modified with a heel raise, but still, i don't think i could stand up... i'll get some short fins and see about kicking straight... body surfing might be the way to go...

it's a surprisingly private house. back windows that i thought would open out to houses behind open out to hilly / grassy bank. sunnier than i thought.

things might work out well...

a bit of a commute, but all along the flat. maybe 20 or 30 minutes brisk bike... which is fine, of course. can hang up wet weather gear and wetsuits and stuff in the garage. can maybe get a barbell and some uprights. would love to get a proper eleiko set-up one day... but one day, indeed... my own gym. it would be great to just open the garage door and lift out there. or, i've seen people lift outside, even. just a bit of rubber matting and drop things gently, indeed... i need to figure about mowing lawns...

i almost feel like a person...

until the realities of my budget, of course.

sigh.

but my very own house. finally. mine. all mine. mwah hahahahaha.


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