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Re: A different view of safety

Posted by tabitha on January 16, 2004, at 2:23:30

In reply to A different view of safety, posted by mair on January 15, 2004, at 22:02:24

Good points Mair. Since I posted about liking the strict standards I've had second thoughts, and third thoughts. I like the standards in principle, but there sure seems to be an awful lot that isn't working so well in execution.

I'm probably feeling pro-civility lately since Bob invoked the standards to protect me from remarks that I did find hurtful. So I feel 'safe' when the standards seem to be working in my favor.. but I also remember not feeling safe when I was upset about things and needing to be heard yet afraid to speak for fear of getting blocked. I also don't feel safe when people who are part of my support network get blocked. I don't feel safe when it seems there's a revolving door effect from posters getting fed up and leaving, or just scaling back their posting to practically nothing.

I still think it would help a lot for Bob to work harder to educate people about his standards. I think I finally got it about not making accusations and subtle put-downs.. after reading admin and watching blocks for over a year.. and consulting with my therapist.. and researching and looking up outside sources. But maybe I don't really have it. Maybe the standards will change again. Regardless, should it really be so hard to figure out how we're supposed to word things here?

Finally.. I regret saying that people can see blocks and PBCs as a learning experience. Yes they can, in theory. But how many do? Honestly it took me weeks to get over my feelings about being PBC'd.. and I've not yet been blocked. It became a learning experience.. eventually, after a lot of pain and upset. Was that even healthy for me to endure? I don't know. There must be a better way. So many valuable posters have left with hurt feelings over blocks.. or at least that's my interpretation of why they've left. I'm just sorry if it sounded like I was minimizing anyone's feelings.

And about admin.. I said I enjoy the lively discussions. Well sometimes I do, when I'm not emotionally invested in a discussion. But it's still sort of a guilty pleasure, like ogling a car crash. Other times Bob's brief and cryptic replies to my posts drive me nuts. I've had to swear off coming here and posting at all. I earnestly write a post, thinking I'll really be heard and make a difference.. and I usually end up feeling shot down and ignored. Is that me expecting too much, or Bob giving too little? I don't know.

There. That's a more balanced picture.




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