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Re: self-education + pdocs SLS

Posted by g_g_g_unit on August 12, 2011, at 8:37:29

In reply to Re: Is everyone nervous at pdoc appointments?, posted by SLS on August 5, 2011, at 10:53:35

I was actually going to make a thread on this issue, but you've saved me the effort by bringing it up here. I learnt my lesson about not 'showing your hand' the hard way, by dealing with psychiatrists who either mocked or grew injurious over my attempts to influence things. Of course, I kinda deserved it 'cos at that point I really had no idea what I was talking about.

My current psychiatrist is benevolent and exceedingly intelligent, and I've gone in as a 'blank slate', disclosing only the drugs I've been on, my reactions to them, and my subjective experience with depression and anxiety.

But I still find that I'll have some preconceived idea about a point I want to make (and know the technical jargon I could use), and then have it interpreted differently by the psychiatrist, which just results in frustration.

I'll give an example from today's session and maybe someone could tell me how I might approach things differently. I've been taking 15mg of Lexapro, which leaves me feeling numb, apathetic and anhedonic. I also feel like I have no will of my own and struggle tremendously to initiate tasks, complete them, or remain interested in them .. even basic reading, like web articles.

So I said to my psychiatrist that I feel very structureless, like I could sit down and watch TV and stop at any point and it wouldn't matter, like there's no incentive or engagement or flow to anything. He has a background in analysis (which I've just started) and said that the experience I describe is quite common, whereby people lack an organizing purpose intheir lives .. which is true in my case.

But I was speaking more about day-to-day stuff and mentally contrasting my experience to the way I feel on stimulants, which is where I just have a natural drive, don't procrastinate, don't think twice about doing basic chores etc. I didn't want to mention that because I don't like to sound like I'm drug-fixated, but I don't know .. I tend to think of these things as chemically based, where he seems to kind of pin the responsibility on me.

I just left feeling very frustrated, and it's been fueling my OCD all afternoon because I feel like I want to get a point across 'correctly' and don't succeed.


>
> I make efforts not to foster fear or nervousness in my doctors. I prefer they be challenged and goal-oriented while being determined to get me well. It should be a collaborative effort. Of course, if I wanted to, I could overwhelm many of the doctors I have seen through self-education. I just chose not to use my tongue to my disadvantage.
>

 

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