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Re: Unlisted side effect of amphetamines: dorkiness utopizen

Posted by Sad Panda on March 15, 2004, at 7:13:16

In reply to Unlisted side effect of amphetamines: dorkiness, posted by utopizen on March 14, 2004, at 20:12:04

> I've been on a stim ever since I saw my first psychiatrist at 18, receiving the dx for Social Anxiety Disorder (which drove me to see a p-doc) and ADHD (which the p-doc determined, and quickly explained why, despite my best intentions throughout childhood, I was labeled "lazy").
> I started on Ritalin, but after a few months, grew tired of the feeling I would get (I would feel dull and boring (maybe mild dysphoria is a better term?), yet interested in my schoolwork nontheless, and was more anxious).
> I went to Adderall, finding this made me feel less bored and dull in my head while still giving me concentration and focus.
> Unlike Ritalin, I didn't feel compulsive about saying some boring fact or idea that was relevant to the discussion in class yet made me look so dorky by saying it I felt more anxious.
> Yet while it's nothing like Ritalin, the amphetamines (I've tried Adderall, Dexedrine and Desoxyn) continue to make me act anxious and incredibly dorky when I talk to my roommates even. It's one thing to enter dork mode while writing a paper or speaking with a professor-- this is helpful- it's another to appear so dorky around your roommates they're literally hiding their girlfriends from meeting them or crossing paths with you by only bringing them over while you're away at work (and one's in a separate room).
> My roommate won't go to parties with me because he's afraid I'll be too akward or dorky, either sober or drunk.
> I do act rather happy drunk/manic if I drink a sip of alcohol, but I've slowly learned to restrict it from myself by pouring a drink and then later pretending to leave it sitting on a counter away from me (or, if there's Solo cups, filling it with water and claiming I'm hydrating myself in-between drinks). Taking 1mg of Klonopin orally or under my tongue lets me talk to girls in such a calm and cool way my friends are intimidated and go into disbelief.
> Yes, I am a dork. I saw "Almost Famous", and there's a part near the end with the mentor to the main character. He tells the 15 year old that like him, he is sitting home alone at night because he is a dork. He tells him he needs to accept himself as a smart writer/dork, and not try to believe he can change into someone cooler.
> I've accepted I'm not cool. I'm in college now, and I accept that I'm not "well-rounded" or cool. I'm a dorky eccentric that often bores myself at times. My old p-doc, after hearing me complain of Ritalin causing me to bore others, said, "you mean like me?"
> Okay, so I'm not going to expect to be cool anytime soon.
> But I was wondering, maybe if Straterra (and possibly provigil combined) works on my ADD and gives me energy and lets me avoid the amphetamines, will I still be stuck in dork mode from the Straterra or no?
> I've heard Straterra calms people down, which is far from how the amphetamines cause me to be overly talkative and say dorky things.
> For those who are smart eccentrics, have social anxiety disorder, AD/HD, and take a stimulant, my hat goes off to you.
> I've taken every immediate release med out there, and each one has yet to throw a 4.0 GPA at me or make me acceptable to even my current roommates. If Straterra+Provigil (my doc wants me to combine the two) works, I'd like that a lot. I can be a dork, but not a dork on speed-- it's not tolerable anymore.

Why can't you just be you instead of letting peer group pressure try & determine what you should be like. I don't drink anymore, I just tell people I don't drink. :)





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