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Histoire de Katia fluffy

Posted by katia on August 30, 2003, at 14:33:34

In reply to Re: Hysteria in Tsunami!, posted by fluffy on August 30, 2003, at 12:10:46

Hi Katy,
NO, forgive ME for having to ask again. My memory is zilch; I'm surprised I'm even making it thru' this life on my own!

I'm recently 33 yrs. old.
My depression/mood history: (and ALL this time, i was never diagnosed or treated until last summer).

11 yrs. old - first major depression after/during summer camp

Teenage depression starting around 13.

First "manic" episode at 17 - spring semester of senior year going into summer.

18 - first year at college - major depression. A distinct mood change from the previous six or so months.

apart from few brief moments of feeling "normal", i've been increasingly getting more and more depressed and disabled as the years go by.

19-20 depressed.

21 - went into a nice content clear headed phase and then I think I went hypomanic/mixed during the winter; came crashing into a depression.

21-23 mixed. depression.

23 yr. old found myself in France with beautiful french lover working at a ski resort - felt WONDERFUL. and felt intermittently/paradoxically sad all at the same time.

24-major crisis pushed me into the first real suicidal depression and I stayed there for years - never really to recover - brief periods where it went to something milder like "dsythimia (sp?".

25-28 I travelled a lot running from it - even joined the Peace Corps and went to Siberia. Fell into another horrible depression that winter.
blah blah blah more travelling more love affairs....
finally made my way back to U.S. in 98' when I was 28 and was again deeply depressed.
By 2000, I started grad school and I couldn't "shake this thing".
By 2001, I met another foreign man - Scottish, dated him for six months and then picked up and left to live in Scotland with him for a brief while. It was horrendous. My mild/mod depressive state was turning to severe that fall as I was in grad school/doing a yoga teacher training and working in wine sales! (and maintaining this relationship). I crashed when Igot to the U.K. in the DEAD of winter. I could barely pull myself out of bed; cry cry cry, crawl to the shower to get up; drank, fought, and you know what else with him. It was completely insane. I was wild. I even challenged him with his own sword one night (he's a black belt). I tried to rip my own throat out with my fingernails, right in front of him. I was in such such agony and he was NO help thinking that it was him and "us" causing me such grief - big ego thing. not being able to see that I needed serious help.
anyway, after the end of four months, I found out I was pregnant and he sent me home with a one way ticket to Cal. I was catapulted to the DEEPEST of hells ever imaginable. The only place for me to go was to a "friend's" house, who really didn't want me there and we are now no longer friends. Iwon't even begin to describe here what depths of hell I entered last summer; but needless to say that did it for me. I knew w/o a doubt I needed to get professional help.
med history:
Celexa 10 weeks - nada. just insomnia/a slight raise for one day maybe and then I came crashing again.
Effexor - four months. It worked at first, but in a "wierd" way. basically I was hypo/mixed on it. So it got me up and moving that's for sure.
Zoloft - 3 months. made me a zombieeeeeeee.
Serzone - 2 months? As soon as I started it, I went zippy hypo. And that made me realize that I'm probably BP. I was at overworked clinics and no one was paying attention to me, so I took out more student loans and went to a private pdoc.
And so here I am trying out Depakote.
So that's my history (in short - if you can believe it!).




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