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Re: Best wishes to my friend B-Cat Ron Hill

Posted by Barbara Cat on August 5, 2003, at 15:14:13

In reply to Re: Best wishes to my friend B-Cat Barbara Cat, posted by Ron Hill on August 3, 2003, at 20:52:13

Hi Ron,
>>Disruption of my sleep cycle triggers my bipolar symptoms. I take 800 mg of magnesium (half Mg Citrate and half Mg Malate) at bedtime and it is an excellent sleep aid (for me).
Magnesium is the king of minerals!! It makes a big difference in my fibro aches and general calmness, but I have to take ALOT. Mg glycinate is supposed to be better absorbed without the pesky diarrea, but I haven't found this to be true. I also take Mg Malate. Also Coral Calcium, but not at the same time as Mg cause they supposedly compete. I'm trying to take as many whole food sources as I can 'cause I don't think fractionated vitamins are too good for me. Plus, I have a suspicion that most of my vitamin pills end up in the toilet. I'm working on probiotics and other things for absorption cause so many meds over the years have caused sluggish digestion.

>>Beating yourself up with negative self-talk makes it worse. Like you, it helps me to cognitively understand that my symptoms are directly related to my BPII and that this too shall pass.
Yup, if only I had access to those memories and tools when I'm in the depths. I'm usually so dispirited that I berate myself for thinking that God is anything but an insane puppet master. And hah! hope is for delusional fools whom I want nothing to do with. Pretty nihilistic but the time spent there is getting less and less, thankfully.
>>Prayer and exercise both improve brainchemistry for me.

That's my main reason for taking meds - to get to a place where I can pray and exercise cause I can't do either when my circuits are blown.
>>Lamictal causes a severe rash over a significant portion of my body. But for those BP patients that can tolerate it, I think it is a good combination.
Lamictal caused a bad itch forcing me to reduce it. But the AD effect seems to be holding once I emerged from the recent bad spell.

> > But sometimes I wonder if Nardil or another MAOI in conjunction with Lithobid might be worth a trial.

Have you heard anything about moclobemide? It sounds interesting in that it's a reversible MAOI without the dietary restrictions. I haven't heard anything.

>>ENADA NADH continues to function pretty well to control my atypical depression

I used Enada NADH when a few years ago when I was in the worst of the fatigue of fibromyalgia. It helped alot with energy. I cut back on anything too energizing because of my tendency to panic attacks and mixed states. But I sometimes wonder if my fibro symptoms, muscle aches, fatigue, fog, etc., isn't in part due to the atypical depressive part of the bipolar spectrum. I'm going to order it as soon as I finish this.

>>do nothing boy.

Love it. When my husband gets depressed (not too often) he goes into what I refer to as his 'gray zone'. But I tell ya, Ron. I'd rather be 'do-nothing girl' instead of the agonized sobbing and falling apart kind. It's really embarrassing in public cause most folks just haven't gone there. I can't be near a supermarket with lobster tanks. Sometimes I consider Zyprexa cause my states get so horrific that I'm sure they're psychotic (I think that makes me BP-I istead of II). I just hate to take yet another pill that's a pudge maker. But I can't go through many more of those horrors.

> > People like you and I who experienced an inordinately high volume and intensity of childhood trauma damaged our stress response systems due to overuse, and now as adults, the slightest level of stress completely screws up our systems and adversely affects our brainchemistry.

Oh, you bet. We're the canaries in the coal mines. The HPA-axis and corticotrphin neuro-toxic theory makes the most sense to me. Few creatures, especially a delicate child's developing neural system, can go through sustained trauma and not be permanently scarred by it. But hey, maybe this is the shamanic initiation required to open the gates of perception not usually available to 'normals'. It would be great if it was better suppported and honored and there was truly helpful guidance for it instead of being at the mercy of HMO's and the dart-board approach to medicating. I'm convinced that we need med support while we need it, but healing the deeper limbic structures require more realms of delicacy and skill than are usually available from our pdocs.

> > For the past month Ive been having trouble with wretched dysphoric mood states. I dont know if it should be classified as a mixed state condition, but it is hell to experience and it is hell for my wife when Im screaming 24/7. Ive had some breakthroughs over the past couple of days and Im doing fairly well today.

Sorry to hear about that, Ron. That rage state is so hard on the body. I become a real harpy when I'm on my way down into a black hole and usually lose a few friends (bah! they weren't true friends anyway, so bleahhhgh!). Sometimes it the prelude to a mixed depression where I no longer notice anyone outside of my private little hell, but sometimes it just hangs around and then passes on. Everything - noises, traffic, bumping into things, really pisses me off, and everyone gets reamed, especially my long-suffering husband. I scream and become vitriolic and say things I'm really sorry for later. But let's face it, everyone has their stuff and sometimes he's a real jerk.

About the nutrients pooping out, yeah, me too. But if I don't take them things get worse. The neuro-nutrients seem promising. I'm working with one called Neurozyme from (actually, I get it from cause they're cheaper). The ingredients look real good, but again, the bioavailability is the key. The money I spend on all this stuff...

Hope you're feeling better, Ron. Please share your breakthroughs if you feel like you want to. We need to hear these lessons from our shamans-in-training community. Good thing we have this board cause feeling rotten is so isolating. - Barbara




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