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Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT Rainbowlight

Posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 21:31:51

In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by Rainbowlight on March 5, 2003, at 20:49:58

Hi, Thanks for replying. My major diagnosis is Major Depression-but I was also diagnosed with Bipolar II in 1999, but I can't figure out if it is because I just need to grow up, or if this IS a chemical imbalance. Man I really feel messed up. I have been suffering, on and off meds, tried different meds since 1995, and yes I have such an overwhelming emptiness that I don't even know what IT is either. Yes, I feel drained. I don't feel cheated because my life wasn't always like this, I was productive, healthy, thin, and happy, and I have been blessed and am thankful for it-things could always be worse I know.I have been described by my mother as that exact observance:"You seem like you just have an emptiness, even though you are moving right along" she says. I do think you make a great point about thinking that maybe it's like "the grass is always greener on the other side". I need to think about that and slowly learn SOMEHOW that I am only hurting me when I think this way-it has inhibited my progress, I think.
This has got to stop. It has held me back for so long.
I wish that I could just BELIEVE in myself, and take care of my body, mind, and emotions. The only thing close to that is that I am on meds, and have fought for so long with these feelings I describe (almost 11 years now), I've done therapy on and off since 1995, one on one and group.
I moved back "home" at 32, and have been out on my own since 1989 again, off and on-see, things with me are so unstable. This may be contributing to my depression, but the fear of everything is holding me back-that's why I said there are probably deep issues that I haven't addressed fully-I don't know. Right now I am on Effexor-XR, Lamictal, Seroquel, and Klonopin-ALL low doses. I started back on the Lamictal a week ago after going off of it last May. I appreciate your input. What meds do you take, may I ask?
Thanks,
Kristen
-------------------------------------------------

Hi there. I could have written your post because it is EXACTLY like I feel. I am not sure of your diagnosis, I am bipolar (along with ADD, OCD, etc.) I explained this "emptyness, lost feeling" to my therapist. He says it is common in bipolars to feel like there is this hole in you that is never filled. That is exactly how I feel, like there is "something" missing, but I am not sure what IT is. I am on the other side of the fence from you, I have a hubby and kids and I "miss" never having gone to college, have a career, etc. All the things "the world" values. I wonder if it is a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"? I am SLOWLY learning that I cannot compare myself to other "normal" people and their accomplishments. I get so frustrated when I see that handling life is SO much easier for people that don't have to struggle with mental illness. I feel cheated and drained. I hear that in your post too. I have spent 16 years now searching for the perfect medication combo. I have finally found as close to it as I think I am going to get. How many meds have you tried? Are you in the beginning phases of med trials or are you at the "already tried everything under the sun" phase? I wish I had some answers for you. I just wanted to let you know you are not the only one who feels this way and you are not alone. Hang in there!


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poster:KrissyP thread:206274
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030301/msgs/206287.html