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Re: good enough

Posted by Noa on August 25, 2006, at 21:13:18

In reply to good enough, posted by allisonm on August 15, 2006, at 22:16:43

Don't know why, but I just got the urge to stop in and say hi. It's been so long.

I've been doing pretty well. Still have my moments, my moods, my weeks, my issues, etc. but these feel so much more containable than they had in the past.

Perhaps the way that I know I'm doing 'better enough' is that I finally started to be able to think about and plan for the future without bursting into tears from grief or having an anxiety attack and then going into full avoidance mode.

Of course, there is lots of room for improvement--i.e., I hope to feel even more 'better enough'--and I guess the way that might feel is probably having more calmness and having the negativity and anxiety inside me be even quieter and less influential than it is now, because even as I make future plans and get a little more unstuck every day, it still seems to take more energy than I think it should to act on goals and objectives, like trying to move toward the goals while also having to focus really hard to get around the psychological obstacles (picture an early pac-man type video game). There are a lot of interruptions in the spurts of progress. I guess a big difference from when I was depressed, though, is that during the lulls in progress, I don't really backslide back to square one again--I just don't move forward, but I can resume progress where I left off, or pretty close to it.

I still have my slug/sloth days, though! There are some weekends when I still hang out in my pj's and do a lot of nothing. They a lot less frequent, and the associated mood is not anywhere near as bad, but I still have those 'I'm not motivated for anything today' days sometimes.





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