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Re: Soon be to nothing... *possible trigger* finelinebob

Posted by JahL on August 24, 2006, at 15:36:57

In reply to Soon be to nothing... *possible trigger*, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 21:34:46


> How do you know when it's "good enough"?


Like yourself, I've been suicidally depressed all my life, well from the age of seven, when I would prosaically tell my parents "I wish I wasn't alive". I didn't know why I felt that way, it just felt wrong that I even existed.

As I grew up, I could not understand people. Why were they smiling and laughing? Why did they seek the company of others? In my emotionally moribund state, and with no euthymic point of reference, *none* of it made any sense.

Then, when I was 21, I had an epiphany; I had an acute response to Seroxat and suddenly *everything* made sense. How did I know I was normal/euthymic? I just did. Everything felt *so* right. I have a history of heavy substance abuse and so I know what being 'high' is all about. I wasn't high, I was just 'good'.

Everything just fell into place. It's impossible to explain; you just *know*.

The Seroxat pooped out pretty quickly, but these past few days I've recaptured (most of) that euthymic feeling on Buprenorphine. Again it just feels sooooo right. Does that make any sense?

I completely sympathise with your problems as regards having no frame of reference because I was there for 14-odd years.

Trust me on this though; that wickedly elusive thing we call euthymia is worth fighting for. Every inch of the way. It's a heavenly experience (and I'm an aetheist!), which I appreciate all the more for having spent all those years in hell.

I wish you well.

Jah.


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