Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 760476

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Hey, Damos, don't go for a sec

Posted by susan47 on June 1, 2007, at 19:46:28

In reply to Re: Well. » susan47, posted by Damos on May 31, 2007, at 21:32:49

because my email addy is different, it's changed, can you Babble me dear? But don't expect an answer too soon as I am taking my Silva method tonight and tomorrow and even after that I don't know if I'll be in good enough shape to deal, to Deal .. as they say. Ech. Ick. Uck ew and goo, you know? Life feels like gooey Glue sometimes, Horse Glue, like I'm only good enough for the glue factory, now. Here she comes, the wrinkled, sad and withered old prune, the old Girl, bless her heart hasn't she just led the oddest little life....
Damos, sorry, I'm just lettin' it all hang out sweetheart. You have such Style, Damos. It's hard to believe you're a lot younger 'n me but then it's easy to be Someone Else in this kind of a forum. My first, maybe Last experience in this kind of thing has been really different and unexpected. I made a lot out of what was, to some people (meaning Dr. X of course, cough cough) ... really very little, next to nothing in fact. A minor, sometimes a Major, nuisance. Something to go complain to a solicitor about. Something to feel Big about.
F*ck.
F*ck, Damos. Some people are just more than cruel, they're absolutely unbelievably Dense about their Souls. Do you believe in a soul, Damos? I do. I really do. That makes me different than I ever thought I was.
Damos, I haven't used that gift cert. yet but I will, soon. Do you know what the problem is? I'm just lazy.
Take care and thanks for not being grossly offended at my bad language and my poor manners.
Mmmwah! (where's Sunny? it's her turn.)

 

I'll write soon.... (nm) » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 3, 2007, at 17:49:22

In reply to Hey, Damos, don't go for a sec, posted by susan47 on June 1, 2007, at 19:46:28

 

Hi, are you still there?

Posted by susan47 on June 4, 2007, at 0:56:27

In reply to Hey, Damos, don't go for a sec, posted by susan47 on June 1, 2007, at 19:46:28

No point in Babbling me I don't have my babble email uptodate yet; been a really busy weekend in my garden Damos, it looks so Beautiful to me right now, I cannot absolutely CANNOT believe that I made this gorgeous space for myself and my family and my friends to hang out in. I can't believe it because when I moved back in with my kids' father and with them, the place was the worst Disaster I'd ever personally experienced. Honestly. I haven't gone through a fire or a murder or something that leaves your place a wreck, except my ex's horrible housekeeping and really Really Poor sense of aesthetics.
But he's Finally Catching On. Because I could care less anymore whether he Gets It or not, because I see new horizons and possibilities and I Know I'm Not Stuck Here Forever, I'm Here RIght Now because I want to, Need to Be, because i need to reclaim the Life I worked really hard to create in the first place. So I don't have a passionate Love, so I don't have sex (can hymens grow back? will I wither up and dry out like a prune? will I become de-lubricated, like a rusty old heap, a hulking rusty one-wheeled Ford sitting in the kitchen yard, hah hah ...)
I have to go and watch a dirty video now. I need to have some Sex, even if it's only me projecting myself onto somebody else who's Having It, darling.
(sigh)
Talk to you soon .... I guess. I need to post a picture of my garden. What do you think, do you want, I mean, Damos are you there? Because my email isn't going to work right now. I've been having a lot of trouble since I moved, getting things switched over to a new provider and I think I had a problem with my computer .. you know there was this nasty incident on Babble, which makes me not want to come here anymore, really.
Take care, lovely man.

 

I'm still here » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 4, 2007, at 18:10:29

In reply to Hi, are you still there?, posted by susan47 on June 4, 2007, at 0:56:27

Hi Susan,

I didn't think your bmail would be working so I emailed to what I thought was your new address - you'd sent an advice a while back.

I'm really glad you had a busy weekend in your garden, and that it looks beautiful - wanna come and fix mine up? Well I can believe it even if you can't. You have such passion, intensity and creativity, all the right ingredients to create gorgeous, wonderful spaces and places. I'm glad you've done that for you. AndI know too that you can create all the things you want in your life.

Hah! I was only joking with Sunny the other day that I was still trying to get the little guy registered as long-term unemployed. But you know what Susan? There might not have been any sex, but there's been more love, more joy and happiness in the last couple of years than ever before. And somehow I don't think there's any chance of you whithering up - too much passion in you for that.

I'd love to see pics of your garden. If you don't feel comfortable posting them you could email them, I'd really love to see them. Sadly my yard is kinda reflecting a lot of stuff about me right now - so to say it's not a good look is a bit of an understatement.

Even without the 'incident' I have a lot of trouble being here. It was lik eyour previous post picked up on my discomfort and need to disappear again.

You take care too dear lady, you take care too.

 

Re: I'm still here

Posted by susan47 on June 5, 2007, at 0:51:40

In reply to I'm still here » susan47, posted by Damos on June 4, 2007, at 18:10:29

I'll post a picture really soon. I took some last night but the space is improving every day so I feel reluctant to show anything because I know it'll look more perfect and heavenly the next time I've been there again ... life can be so Good, Damos.
Have you ever really loved a woman's c*nt? BTW? I'm just asking. Because I'm going to start falling in love with mine. Because it's Awesome.
Hah.

 

Re: I'm still here » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 5, 2007, at 20:03:01

In reply to Re: I'm still here, posted by susan47 on June 5, 2007, at 0:51:40

Well I'll look forward to the pictures.

And while I know you meant no offence (and none was taken), I'm sorry but there are some words that I simply can't abide, and that is one of them - so you'll forgive me if I don't respond to that part of your post. It is simply not something that I would discuss anyway.

 

Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry.

Posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:03:10

In reply to Re: I'm still here » susan47, posted by Damos on June 5, 2007, at 20:03:01

You're right, of course. I was reading Miller and he's just full of that word. I tend to repeat what I hear or what I'm reading, I'm very much like a parrot, and that is the absolute reality and truth of me. So I'm sorry for getting my reading material mixed up in there, Damos. Really and truly I am. Of course you don't say that word and I totally Get That it's too much to even think that way. Most people are more like you than me. Which might not be a bad thing. In any case, to me that word, c*nt, does not denote a bad thing. In fact, it's the reverse of a dirty word when spoken in the right way. You see, when spoken and read with the inference to which I refer to it in (please giggle or something, and that would be okay) .. all I'm say is that I mean it in a very loving, voracious and tender way.
It's my head this is in, you see Damos, and it isn't a bad thing at all. I'm truly sorry if I Offended you in any way, because I believe you are a lovely, lovely person.

 

Re: Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry.

Posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:08:25

In reply to Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry., posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:03:10

And further, when I refer to Sex inappropriately when speaking on a thread with you (I don't even think we discuss that Privately, in e-mail!) .. it doesn't ever require a response. Because it's just my thoughts coming out of my head, Damos. I'm really incredibly selfish when I express my thoughts and I realize that. In IRL people know that about me and learn to expect the unexpected. Although I truly don't talk about vaginas with them, you see it's because this is so anonymous (at least I think it is) here that I feel I can say whatever I wish. Sometimes I forget you or anybody else is going to read what I say. I do it for my own pleasure.
Yeah, it's terribly selfish I suppose .. but that's one of the Beauties of Babble.
Take care.

 

No need to apologise. » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 7, 2007, at 1:30:31

In reply to Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry., posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:03:10

Hey Susan,

There's absolutely no need to apologise. No offence was taken. And I know you well enough to know it was just you being you - and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just didn't want to not respond. Promise I'll try to lighten up a little and just laugh along with you enjoying yourself.

Please don't feel the least bit bad - 'cause that would make me sad. It's a writing board so you should, indeed must say it as you feel it. Wouldn't want you to ever be anything other than uniquely, wonderfully, passionately you.

 

Re: Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry. » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 7, 2007, at 1:49:11

In reply to Re: Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry., posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:08:25

The more I think about it, the more it's me who should apologise to you. You didn't do anything that you should feel bad about. I reacted to that word for my own reasons and I'm still not even entirely sure why I reacted so strongly. Regardless, it was *my* stuff and nothing that you said or did.

You are right, this board is a place to be entirely selfish and write what we need to write as we need to write it - I surely have at times. It was terribly selfish of me to put my stuff onto your posts.

I sincerely apologise.

Your friend and not so lovely man,
Damos

 

Dearest Susan

Posted by Damos on June 7, 2007, at 17:04:03

In reply to Re: Damos, I apologize, I'm very very sorry., posted by susan47 on June 7, 2007, at 0:08:25

One of the things I love and appreciate most about our friendship is your being so seemingly at ease and comfortable with things and subjects that I am *so* not. You help me get beyond the ways I've always been, and manage in your own special way to help me to confront and question myself - all of which are good things.

For whatever reason, a chord was struck within me and I obviously need to experience the resonance, the internal disturbance.....

So thank you.

(((((Susan)))))

 

Sweetie, Sweetheart, my dear Damos,

Posted by susan47 on June 9, 2007, at 16:23:40

In reply to Dearest Susan, posted by Damos on June 7, 2007, at 17:04:03

Damien, lover of life and all that is Good in it ... including me, including yourself, including everything in your past that brought you to where you are Right Now ... Don't Worry about this anymore, but think of a c*nt as an expression of Magnificence, you see, it's the Ultimate in Freedom to be able to look at this part of myself that's given me so much Sadness and Sorrow and f*cking strife and the you have it, Baby, maybe I've been there .. and if I haven't I can Guarantee You that I Have in my Mind. There is not one fr*gging thing in Hell's creation (And This Is It, Baby, you better fr*gging believe it .. Believe It.) ... there is not one thing on this planet that has ever happened or ever Will Happen that my mind cannot imagine, and do that Very Well, thank you. So believe me when I say Damos, that to be able to express myself as having a C*nt, and Loving It because it's my most Intimate Self and it's been used, abused, and brought me so much pain and brings me so much, Power and Freedom and Pleasure now .. well. Well, now. Unless you actually Had my exact experience, or something like it, or you were maybe a fool idiot out for his own agenda and you LEERED at it (which is okay if you're young and Ignorant, Old and Ignorant is just Too Much, you know what I meanh?) .. well of course you'd see what I said in some kind of horror or other response directly related to your own experience .. I'm just said for You, sweetie. I wish you the best of Life, you know?

 

Sorry for the sp errors

Posted by susan47 on June 9, 2007, at 16:25:45

In reply to Sweetie, Sweetheart, my dear Damos,, posted by susan47 on June 9, 2007, at 16:23:40

I'm Sad for you, and I did say that yes. And whatever other spelling errors I committed, sorry .. take care ..

 

DAMOS???

Posted by susan47 on June 11, 2007, at 12:45:59

In reply to Dearest Susan, posted by Damos on June 7, 2007, at 17:04:03

Where are you? Are you still around? I'm getting a bit freaked because I STILL can't access my email and I just realized that I haven't given my new address for Babblemail and I just have to do that right now, so please babble me with regards to this okay? Or Answer Me Here. Please Damos I'm feeling really uncomfortable with your quiet. Please, okay?

 

I CANNOT Hate Myself but I Am Sorry Damos

Posted by susan47 on June 12, 2007, at 19:40:18

In reply to Sweetie, Sweetheart, my dear Damos,, posted by susan47 on June 9, 2007, at 16:23:40

I'm really really sorry, you know, because I said "Old and Ignorant is just too much you know what I mean?" but I wasn't referring to any person at all, nobody and nothing in particular, and I didn't even mean leering like that or even fool idiot, because I throw words around Damos, and I was Never really referring to you or anybody else I know .. I mean, a lot of guys Leer, or Look at us Sexually and it's actually Quite Nice. I Love it. Personally, I love it if I'm also attracted to the person and if I'm Allowed to be too .. if I'm not allowed but I'm really Turned On, Feeling Wonderful and really good but I'm not allowed, then it feels bad, it feels like it's going to hurt me. Which of course, it always does, hahahaha.
Life is just like that sometimes. Sometimes life is a sh*t sandwich, pardon the expression. And yeah, I think I triggered something in myself, too.

 

No need to be sorry » susan47

Posted by Damos on June 13, 2007, at 17:18:49

In reply to I CANNOT Hate Myself but I Am Sorry Damos, posted by susan47 on June 12, 2007, at 19:40:18

Hey now, there's nothing to be sorry for or about Susan, nothing at all. I understood what you meant and that's what's important, that we're talking - creating shared meaning, talking meaningfully (if only to ourselves and each other).

You may well throw words about, but sometimes you really hit the mark - throw a perfect bull's-eye, and maybe that's why this has kinda taken us both by surprise and triggered something for us, in us. I've honestly always looked at the way you write and communicate as a gift, a talent.

I hear you - in so many ways I hear you and I'm sorry that it feels bad, and like it's gonna hurt and that it does sometimes. But sometimes it's that very hurt that lets me know that I'm alive. And you know what else? Sometimes just being, content, happy can be excruciating too.

Seems like it's about time to return to my self imposed exile. You know where I am and that you're always welcome.

 

Damos, You Sweet Dragon » Damos

Posted by susan47 on July 24, 2007, at 21:13:34

In reply to No need to be sorry » susan47, posted by Damos on June 13, 2007, at 17:18:49

You sound like you're gently swishing your way back into your cave, your den, your lair .. your dragon's lair, Damos, dragging the maiden by the hair .. mmmmmm ... hmmm... no, more like a very gentle, bookish sort of a dragon with glasses perched on his nose ... I hope you're enjoying yourself, wherever you are, Dragon Damos ... mmmwah ... I'm so Lonesome, I could Die. Sigh.

 

Re: Damos, You Sweet Dragon » susan47

Posted by Damos on July 25, 2007, at 17:36:04

In reply to Damos, You Sweet Dragon » Damos, posted by susan47 on July 24, 2007, at 21:13:34

Wow! Thank you Susan, that was a really lovely post.

Okay, so how did you know that in Chinese Astrology I am a wooden dragon, and that my absolute favourite song as a kid was Puff the Magic Dragon? Hah, do you remember HR Pufnstuf? Nice memories, thanks for taking me back there.

And as for lairs. I've been called a 'mug-lair' a few times (mostly by my dad and granddad).

Well I did spent Saturday and Sunday night into the wee small hours reading Harry Potter and I did enjoy that a great deal. I'm actually pretty sure that the terms enjoyment and Damos are mutually exculsive. Apart from that, my world seems to grow smaller and more silent day by day. A cave is a pretty good description. I really hope you're enjoying yourself too - miss you my friend.

"I'm so Lonesome, I could Die"...me too. Massive Sigh

((((((((((Susan))))))))))
Mmmmmmwah

 

Hey, goofy one. » Damos

Posted by susan47 on July 27, 2007, at 1:09:03

In reply to Re: Damos, You Sweet Dragon » susan47, posted by Damos on July 25, 2007, at 17:36:04

We may have discussed the subject in the past, I really don't remember, but in any case you did give me that mental picture very strongly so I guess that's around your aura .. I remember H. R. Puff 'n Stuff all right but none of the storyline as I think I was already a teen when that was out and not too interesting for me .. I think .. honestly I don't remember that part of my life much ... honey, you have got to get out and do stuff as soon as you've finished with your book you need to book yourself into some kind of thing, something where you go someplace and spend a lot of time with a lot of good people and then come home again, you need to have Fun Damos, you need more fun. Find fun somewhere, remember the only way you can progress and be happy is to practice feeling Good. Feel Good.. immerse yourself in loving thoughts about all the things in your life you're grateful for .. really be in the Moment and practice meditating on that, remember to meditate on good things and be good to yourself, eat well, sleep, exercise and siesta, baby.

 

Hey ...... » susan47

Posted by Damos on August 4, 2007, at 2:26:28

In reply to Hey, goofy one. » Damos, posted by susan47 on July 27, 2007, at 1:09:03

No Susan, when I finish my book I just need to find another one, or put on a CD and just stay in my cave. I don't belong in the world, especially in the world of people - I have no place there, it's a place where I am neither wanted nor missed. I simply don't belong. Anywhere, to anything, with anyone. It is so much better for everyone concerned if I just stay in my cave -out of sight, out of mind. That way less harm will be done, less harm will be done.

 

Re: Hey ......

Posted by Jai Narayan on August 6, 2007, at 0:08:51

In reply to Hey ...... » susan47, posted by Damos on August 4, 2007, at 2:26:28

> No Susan, when I finish my book I just need to find another one, or put on a CD and just stay in my cave. I don't belong in the world, especially in the world of people - I have no place there, it's a place where I am neither wanted nor missed. I simply don't belong. Anywhere, to anything, with anyone. It is so much better for everyone concerned if I just stay in my cave -out of sight, out of mind. That way less harm will be done, less harm will be done.
>

I have always appreciated your contribution on this site.
Jai


 

Damos

Posted by susan47 on August 11, 2007, at 23:49:21

In reply to Hey ...... » susan47, posted by Damos on August 4, 2007, at 2:26:28

None of us get out of life without doing some harm. We never would have wished that as little children, and in fact if I'd known my future as a small child, I don't know that I would have had the strength to keep living, really .. some of it has been unbelievably nightmarish .. but I'm living in hell with everyone else here ... and my life has been so much better than most lives, if I think in terms of Pain, physical, mental, spiritual and any other-wise. I'm not completely sane all the time, I'm not completely anything, I'm a bit of everything .. are you like that? I think lots of humanity is like that ... we're all part of a whole, and we're all exactly as we're meant to be.
Heavy effing sigh, baby.

 

It's different, now.

Posted by Susan47 on September 30, 2007, at 21:45:47

In reply to Oh god, posted by susan47 on May 30, 2007, at 23:17:48

Your voice doesn't sound the same to me anymore, and that is probably a really good thing, although it doesn't feel very good. Now your voice sounds peremptory and cold, businesslike, almost.. obscene. As in, the way you were, the way you are, the way you aren't and who is the real you? Have you stood and been counted, have you made a Difference, a difference in the world, a difference that is Good.
I want to do that, so much. It's in my heart.
I want to feel happy. I want to be that. Have the completion in my soul, a soul level complete-ness, something I can count on in my old age, in the elder years which are just there, just There... I can touch them. I can feel their grip, and I won't go joyfully unless I feel that I have a companion, someone to talk to, someone to be with and just Sit. Sit and listen, sit and see ... contemplate, and rejoice at what's been and what is and what will be ...
My heart goes with you .. you know it'll always be there, even though the relationship was a Bad Thing, it was a bad thing I did and I allowed to happen .. but I want it to be good, in the end, for everyone .. it has to be part of moving into a greater state of being, or it meant nothing. And that just isn't so.

 

Re: It's different, now. » Susan47

Posted by Damos on October 3, 2007, at 18:04:28

In reply to It's different, now., posted by Susan47 on September 30, 2007, at 21:45:47

Hey Susan,

The words seem to get lost somewhere between my heart and soul and the keyboard, but I wanted you to know I was reading and am still here with you. Just have to hope you get the thoughts I'm sending.

I appreciate you and all that you share with us so much. Things might not appear or feel good at the time or even on reflection - but that doesn't have to mean that nothing 'good' has come out of them.

Your friend,
Damos

 

Hi. How're you doing, Damos.

Posted by Susan47 on October 8, 2007, at 14:45:36

In reply to Re: It's different, now. » Susan47, posted by Damos on October 3, 2007, at 18:04:28

I know what you mean about the words getting lost..I journal now more than I ever have, decades went by when I wrote naught a word (huh? sometimes nonsensical stuff just happens...) .. IRL as in heart, mind, and soul, what doesn't make sense now always Does in the end.
The end.
Hey, Damos.
I heart you, you're my friend.
A good friend.
You are still there for me even though I don't know why.. but I seem to deserve it. The universe doesn't give us what we don't deserve, in the end .. if it's good, it's good because we make it so for ourselves. A huge responsibility to take on, because we actually are some of the few people on the planet with the ability to make ourselves happy, and if we don't do that with open hearts and minds, we're making the whole world suffer more. It's a huge never-ending circle, it's a web that ties us All Together whether we like it or not or whether we choose to experience it Now, it's Here, inside each of us. Ciao, I'm heart-ing you.


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