Psycho-Babble Substance Use Thread 922543

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Re: suicide Impermanence

Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 21:40:27

In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23

> I'm going to hang myself today. I'm going tp use my beautiful fogs lead on the rafters in our garage.
>
> This will be my fifth attempt, my last attempt was seven years ago when I botched up cutting my arteries and my poor mother found me unconscious in a bathtub full of blood.
>
> Funny thing is life is going very well for me right now, but I just can't shake my boredom and tiredness of it all.
>
> I can't stop drinking, I can't sleep, I don't leave my house any more, I can't stop smoking weed even though I'm developing what could be described as psychosis.
>
> I suffer from avoidance personality disorder, a hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity to even the slightest criticism.
>
> I feel ridiculed and humiliated every time I go out and for no apparent reason.
>
> I've stockpiled diazepam and zopiclone to numb the fear.
>
> I'm so tired of being afraid.
>
> I've had enough.
>
> I just wanted to communicate this with somebody before my parents leave for work.
>
> I just felt the need for human contact from people who understand mental torment before I go through with this.
>
> Thank you for listening.

Dr. Bob...can you locate this poster via personal email

 

Re: suicide

Posted by cactus on October 26, 2009, at 21:49:17

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 18:27:28

Hey there, fellow alcoholic here, sober for 2.5 years. I too have tried and failed what you are about to do. Just stop, call an ambulance and go. I know this might sound stupid but take things one day at a time. Today, you have called for help on here, so pick up the phone and call for help right where you are, right now. It's easy, just pick up the phone and dial. Tomorrow, you can reassess, but for now pick up the phone and call for and ambulance OK.

Your will is stronger than you think. I won't lie to you but hey, I still have trouble leaving the house, I'm super sensitive too, you wrote, "live your lives", I'd really like you to do that too.

Now pick up the phone so you can. Asking for help is hard but you have already done that here and I'd really like you to reciprocate that there.

Just call

 

Re: suicide

Posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2009, at 22:02:48

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by cactus on October 26, 2009, at 21:49:17

Please write and let us know you are okay! There are many people here who care what happens to you. Many of us have been there and may understand in ways you never thought someone could. Please communicate with us!

-T

 

Re: suicide Impermanence

Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35

In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23

Hi although we haven't communicated via e-mail I stand by your side to support you in getting help. It appears you posted this thread late last night which country you living in? I once also drank dry 15 years. Suicide isn't the answer. And of course if you have been around babble you know me. Please babblemail me. I do care. I have a feeling you live in England? Am I right? Love Phillipa and suicide isn't the answer. write me okay?

 

Re: suicide

Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:09:28

In reply to Re: suicide Impermanence, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35

> Hi although we haven't communicated via e-mail I stand by your side to support you in getting help. It appears you posted this thread late last night which country you living in? I once also drank dry 15 years. Suicide isn't the answer. And of course if you have been around babble you know me. Please babblemail me. I do care. I have a feeling you live in England? Am I right? Love Phillipa and suicide isn't the answer. write me okay?

have you seen this person posting here before much?

 

Re: suicide ace

Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:12:57

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:09:28

Ace don't frequent this board has anyone notified admin as can be traced by Bob if he is around? Love Phillipa

 

Re: suicide Phillipa

Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23

In reply to Re: suicide ace, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:12:57

> Ace don't frequent this board has anyone notified admin as can be traced by Bob if he is around? Love Phillipa

I contacted Dr. Bob, also i think someone else did too....
Ace:)


 

Re: suicide ace

Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:22:49

In reply to Re: suicide Phillipa, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23

Ace I did also and just posted to l0der even though she's no longer a deputy thought she could get him. Love Phillipa

 

Re: suicide ace

Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41

In reply to Re: suicide Phillipa, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23

Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa

 

Re: suicide Phillipa

Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:34:43

In reply to Re: suicide ace, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41

> Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa

Thanks very much Phillipa.
I am very concerned about this.

Ace

 

Re: suicide

Posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54

In reply to Re: suicide Impermanence, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35

Please reach out..there are many here who want to help and support..please..

 

Re: suicide

Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 5:53:44

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54

kill yourself , you will kill your parents.They will never get over it, Do you want to hurt them for the rest of there lives.

 

Re: suicide

Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29

In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23

I'm still alive.

I'm so surprised at the amount of beautiful supporting comments I've received.

I rang a suicide helpline yesterday and spoke to a wonderful, intelligent, highly compassionate and empathic 70 year old man for two hours. He advised me to hold of an talking any more diazepam which is the emotionally numbing crap that created such apathy and a need to die in the first place.

He asked me to keep ringing back every two hours, which I did.

Today I still have a lot of drink, weed and diazepam in my bedroom, I really want to get drunk again today.

I just bumped into my father in the hallway and he ranted about me being acting strangely lately, he was unnecessarily aggressive, very intimidating, not realising he's an abusive bulling bastard and has pushed me around my whole life, and even beaten me numerous times just because I was quietly drinking in my bedroom minding my own business, and he wonders why I'm so nervous and need sedatives, beer and weed to cope. He doesn't have the capacity to understand I'm a very sensitive artistic sort of chap, not the hard *ss sports man he was, he seriously lacks wisdom and intelligence, and just cannot understand the reality and magnitude of this situation.

It's not his fault, he was bullied all his life also by his abusive father, and I'm also adopted, not the same genes, we're like chalk and cheese.

I'm still pondering what to do, I'd love to be able to cry but I feel so emotionally withdrawn, I cheer myself up by listening to Chopin, watching 30 Rock and understanding as soon as I stop drinking and get back in the gym, everything will be fine.

But what's the point really? Infinite nothingness seems so attractive right now, a few minutes of panic as I loose consciousness and the peace, no more fear.

I don't know, I'm a little confused right now, but I did survive yesterday and knowing you beautiful people on this forum give a sh*t and understand really makes me feel warm inside. Thank you so much for your kind words.

And again I'm so sorry if I upset any of you, I really didn't intend to.

BTW what is babble mail? An email client for this forum? I have no idea. I may use it if somebody would be kind enough to explain.

Namaste.

 

Oh Hallelujah!

Posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29

I am so glad you decided to stay with us.

So many people understand and struggle with the same things you do, you are not alone, and you are not weird.

Well, if you are weird, then we all are! Welcome!

Thank you so so much for reaching out.

As far as babblemail, mine has always been on and I have no idea how to turn it on.

I'm sure someone will come along and tell you how to do it though.

Thank you again. Thank you.

Seldom.

 

Re: Oh Hallelujah!

Posted by TenMan on October 27, 2009, at 12:04:51

In reply to Oh Hallelujah!, posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55

Impermanence,

I am so relieved to hear you are still alive. I often fall into bouts of nihilistic despair in my life and the weight of such a concept and feeling can be crushing to the spirit. I have found that no drug, legal or illegal, is able to remove these feelings, they only band-aid them for a short while.

You know though I have managed to find true peace and meaning. Did you know that the teachings of the Buddha and Christ are very similar? Both taught that the external world was full of pain and distraught, and that true peace and meaning are found by throwing off the self and finding it inward. It is there, and I know you can find it as well if you would just try once. My hope for you is that you would look inward, in quiet contemplation and pray, it doesn't have to be to anyone, or thing, in particular, just pray. Pray for strength, peace and love. I will pray for you to find these things. Take care.

 

Re I am glad you are still here...

Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29

Impermanence,

I am crying now reading all this but I know you did what you needed to by reaching out. I dont know you but I care about you and I want you to LIVE. I have thought about suicide too but never went to actually attempting it. I tell you this so you know how many of Babblers understand and we want to help you. I have my bmail on and you can always bmail me. We all want to support you.

take care, and know you are loved. I am still crying for you, both saddened about how you feel but gladdened you are still here.
Live for us, until you can live for yourself. OK?

Rsk

 

Relieved....

Posted by delna on October 27, 2009, at 12:58:56

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29

I'm relieved to hear you didn't go through with it.
Though it may be an ongoing battle, we are all here so don't feel alone. Most of us have been 'there' or are still there..so please continue to reach out. You will find understanding here...
Lots of love
Take care
D

 

Re: suicide

Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23

I'm sorry guys, I'm feeling so low right now, I hate to regress, but I can't help it, I need to tell people how I feel without going out without anybody knowing why. I might send a text to my mother linking her to this wonderful forum so she can understand why.

I've tried to feel better but the bloody booze and diazepam just wont let me feel OK.

I've found 50 Dormidina in the kitchen, it's a sedating antihistamine, and my mate gave me 12 80 mg oxycontins, and four 1mg Royhipnol, he's a recovering addict and has copious amounts of drugs to deal with his desperate attempt to get of methadone. He thinks I'm just suffering from back pain and insomnia, I feel guilty for not letting him know the truth. Those meds coupled with my diazepam and alcohol should do the trick. Well it's better than hanging myself.

I've tried so hard to avoid doing this but I'm just so depressed right now, I'm trying to shake it off, I know I'm so lucky to live where I live and have wonderful people that care about me but booze just sucks me into a black hole sometimes.

I'm getting really drunk right now, gonna smoke a spliff and hopefully that will put me to sleep, it's AK47 BTW, fantastic weed.

I still don't know what you mean by babble mail? Is it a Dr Bob email client? Nobody explained it to me?

I'm feel so upset I let some you you beautiful people down.

I might not go through with this yet, I just need time to think and get stoned. It's a really stupid thing to do, I know that, life is a beautiful miracle and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Love and respect to you all. xx


 

Re: suicide Impermanence

Posted by jasmineneroli on October 27, 2009, at 14:36:32

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

Hello there:
I'm very happy that you have found us here at Babble & are still with us today.
I know that all-enveloping feeling of the desire to just get rest and peace from the world. I was lucky enough to find help through the correct medicine and therapy, plus support of my family.

I beg you to resist. You are loved and valued here amongst us. Keep posting, and venting, and expressing yourself here. We will all listen.

(Are you in the UK? You sound like you are. I'm originally from the UK, now living in the US. Do you have access to a good psychiatrist or mental health care? If your family members don't understand you, mental health experts will. They can help put you on a path of medications and counselling).

Check back with us as many times as you like :)

J

 

Re: Re I am glad you are still here...

Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 14:46:41

In reply to Re I am glad you are still here..., posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26

stay safe my friend, sorry if i was blunt, but you no i was reaching out to you.

 

Re: suicide Impermanence

Posted by SLS on October 27, 2009, at 14:54:13

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

Hi.

I don't think you are letting anyone down just because you are not jumping for joy. I think many of us recognize the horrific thoughts and feelings that currently invade your consciousness.

Depression can be a real pain in the @ss. It forms a self-perpetuating cycle. Depressed feelings lead to depressed thoughts which lead to depressed feelings which lead to depressed thoughts... etc. If alcohol can have such a deleterious effect on your mood, perhaps a biological treatment with antidepressant drugs will be necessary to dissolve the depression. It might break the depressive cycle for you.

My guess (only a guess) is that you have not exhausted all the treatment possibilities that are now available, whether they be biological or psychological. Of course, these things don't mean very much if you really don't recognize that life might be worth living if things were to change for you. It is obvious in your writing that you do recognize the possibility that life can be worth living. You just might not believe that this applies to you. It takes a certain amount of bravery to follow through with an act of suicide. However, it takes much more bravery to commit to living - and endeavoring to live well. I sense that you do have some positive energy left to work with. You might as well use it to pursue life. You always have the right to make choices as you go along. If you choose to live another day, you have not necessarily committed to living another week or month or year.

I would like nothing better than to have the power to convince you to continue living and promise you the secrets of how to pursue a life that is rich and rewarding. Since I have no such power, I will have to settle with writing this short note and hope that you can find something useful and positive in it. I can guarantee you very little except that your future is uncertain. In other words, you cannot be certain that your life will remain intolerable and unrewarding. Uncertainty can breed hope if looked at this way.

For today, I hope that you find a place that is tolerable and safe.


- Scott

 

Re: I'm really glad you're still here

Posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

I thought I was going to lose you right after being so happy to see you post again! I'm so glad you're with us!

Things will get better. They did for me.

I hope you get your meds sorted out and get rid of the apathy. That is my main problem too, the apathy, especially for school.

 

Re: I'm really glad you're still here

Posted by Maxime on October 27, 2009, at 16:30:24

In reply to Re: I'm really glad you're still here, posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52

I'm so glad that you are still with us. The world wouldn't be the same without out.

If you go to the top right hand of the page you will see a sign that says registration. You can sign up for Babblemail there. It's really easy.

All I can say is that I am glad you had so many bears you had to drink because it bought us time.

I am not stranger to suicide. I've tried over 6 times and falied. I should take it as a sigh eh? You too.

So sign up for your Babblemail so that we can talk to you.

Peace.

 

Re: suicide

Posted by delna on October 27, 2009, at 16:35:30

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to take the awful pain away.
But I just wanted to let you know that I am around and am thinking of you. I hope you get through this dark patch- I'm sure there is light ahead.
Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts.
Hope you find some good medical help.
Love
D

 

Re: babblemail options Impermanence

Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15

In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46

We can't babblemail you because you have it turned off. I can't leave you like this. If you look at any of our names those that are highlighted in purplish color and underlined if you click those names it will take you to the babblemail site. It is a private email option for Babblers. It will keep your private email address from babblers but is a way to communicate in a separate way than on the boards. You can go to FAQ and it will tell you how to go back now and turn your babblemail on. It is if you want other Babblers to privately email you through Babble. If not, you can babblemail any of us that are highlighted and underlined.

hope that answers that. WE want you to live.

rsk


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