Psycho-Babble Substance Use Thread 437655

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Trying again

Posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 11:57:22

In reply to Re: tips for getting through the weekend., posted by AuntieMel on January 8, 2005, at 21:04:33

Hi all,

I'm new to this whole forum thing so if I'm not doing something right please let me know. I've been reading your postings and seeing so much of myself in all of you--I just wanted to let you know how the honesty and vulnerability in your postings have helped me today. I've been abusing alcohol most of my adult life (over 20 years now), have tried to stop before unsuccessfully, and am now in day 9 of latest (and hopefully last) attempt. The first few days were really hard, and even now I'm feeling like garbage physically but (gratefully) still managing to stay sober.

One day at a time, yes? Thanks to you all for helping me through this one day :)

 

Re: Trying again » Lee05

Posted by partlycloudy on January 13, 2005, at 12:01:13

In reply to Trying again, posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 11:57:22

Welcome, Lee. Feel free to share and wine - darn it! I mean WHINE - with the rest of us.
partlycloudy of the bad pun

 

Re: Trying again

Posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 12:42:30

In reply to Re: Trying again » Lee05, posted by partlycloudy on January 13, 2005, at 12:01:13

> Welcome, Lee. Feel free to share and wine - darn it! I mean WHINE - with the rest of us.
> partlycloudy of the bad pun


Thanks for the welcome. As I said, not my first attempt at sobriety, but definitely my first attempt at reaching out for any kind of support with it. Always tried to do it on my own before because I was so embarassed. So thanks again--very much appreciated.

Lee

 

Re: Trying again

Posted by antigua on January 13, 2005, at 14:02:04

In reply to Trying again, posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 11:57:22

I second partlycloudy's welcome...

Talk to us. We are good listeners.

What's different this time?

antigua

 

Ok, little choo choo » Lee05

Posted by AuntieMel on January 13, 2005, at 14:18:13

In reply to Re: Trying again, posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 12:42:30

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can,

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can,

I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN,

I KNOW I CAN.

Go, choo choo, GO

So what is there to be embarassed about? That you're not perfect? That you're a pickle? Can that possible compare to the embarrasment of being a drunken jerk?

Have you seen "28 Days" - a humorous (hysterical in my book) look at getting clean - and how to ask for help.

 

Re: Ok, little choo choo

Posted by Lee05 on January 13, 2005, at 15:34:07

In reply to Ok, little choo choo » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 13, 2005, at 14:18:13

> i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can, i think i can,
>
> I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can,
>
> I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN,
>
> I KNOW I CAN.
>
> Go, choo choo, GO
>
> So what is there to be embarassed about? That you're not perfect? That you're a pickle? Can that possible compare to the embarrasment of being a drunken jerk?
>
> Have you seen "28 Days" - a humorous (hysterical in my book) look at getting clean - and how to ask for help.


I'm embarassed because I spent a good portion of my life judging my dad for not being able to lick this disease--and look at me now. Talk about karma.

Antigua, the only thing that's different this time is that I've stopped calling this "a bit of a problem with alcohol" and for the first time said out loud that I'm an alcoholic and I need help to stop. That was to my boyfriend--I figured he'd either be supportive or leave (he didn't leave, bless him).

And then there's you guys--in one afternoon, you've already made me feel like it's OK to talk about it. I'm know I don't have to tell any of you how good that feels.

Yes, I did see 28 days--I loved it. I think I might just go rent it again.

Thanks much,
Lee

 

A Vlasic Moment » AuntieMel

Posted by partlycloudy on January 13, 2005, at 16:35:15

In reply to Ok, little choo choo » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 13, 2005, at 14:18:13

> So what is there to be embarassed about? That you're not perfect? That you're a pickle?

I always said that my dad worked on the embalming bit before he died. OMG, that is gross - but it's true! He was swilling beer when he was in the hospital, dying.

 

Opinions on AA?

Posted by Lee05 on January 15, 2005, at 13:38:08

In reply to Ok, little choo choo » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 13, 2005, at 14:18:13

I was looking into AA meetings (I found a couple in my neighbourhood that I could go to) and would be interested in hearing your opinions on the meetings. Have you found them helpful or not so much--any advice?

Thanks,
Lee

 

Also...

Posted by Lee05 on January 15, 2005, at 14:11:52

In reply to Re: tips for getting through the weekend., posted by AuntieMel on January 8, 2005, at 21:04:33

Also wanted to put another question out there if I could. I'm having a particularly hard time today with dizziness, legs feeling like rubber (had to hang onto the wall in the shower just now). This is day 11 sober for me, so I question whether this has anything to do with alcohol withdrawal--has anyone had a.w. symptoms last this far out? I guess there's always a chance it could just be a flu bug or something--I'm just overly sensitive to anything weird happening in my body these days :)

Thx in advance for the help!

Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:25:31

In reply to Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 15, 2005, at 13:38:08

It's a place that makes me cry because I see myself in each and every person in the room.
It's a place that frightens me because I don't think I know how to place my trust in that Higher Power.
It's a place that I am grateful will welcome me back as many times as it takes.
It's a place that disgusts me when I see fragile and vulnerable people be victimized by those who come to the meetings for the wrong reasons.
Every single meeting is different from one at another location.

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:25:31

Partlycloudy,

Thanks so much--I've decided to go to both of the meetings in my neighbourhood this week--one on Monday and the other on Thursday. I'm a little nervous, but I figure I need all the help I can get if I'm going to make it work this time. Maybe it'll help me take the focus of myself for a while and turn it to other people--I've noticed myself becoming somewhat self-absorbed over the past 12 days.

I'll let you know how it goes--thanks again.

Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by jujube on January 16, 2005, at 17:32:25

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26

For me, AA was a refuge at a time in my life when I felt alone and adrift with my alcoholism. It is nerve-wracking at first, there is no doubt about it. But, what I found at the meetings I went to was a community that would accept me, warts and all, and people who had been through what I had been going through and were still alive to talk about it. And, as weird as this may sound, I felt a huge sense relief and a lifting of a tremendous burden the first time I said out loud in front of a room full of people "My name is Tamara, and I am an alcoholic". That was over 8 1/2 years ago (after a few previously failed attempts), and I haven't looked back. All that to say that going to AA meetings early in my sobriety saved me when I couldn't save myself (and wasn't sure that I wanted to).

Good luck to you! And, remember, one day at a time.

> Partlycloudy,
>
> Thanks so much--I've decided to go to both of the meetings in my neighbourhood this week--one on Monday and the other on Thursday. I'm a little nervous, but I figure I need all the help I can get if I'm going to make it work this time. Maybe it'll help me take the focus of myself for a while and turn it to other people--I've noticed myself becoming somewhat self-absorbed over the past 12 days.
>
> I'll let you know how it goes--thanks again.
>
> Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by Lee05 on January 17, 2005, at 9:01:47

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by jujube on January 16, 2005, at 17:32:25

Thanks to you too Jujube. It's really great to have all this support in my corner. It blows me away that people I don't even know so genuinely care about my recovery--it feels really good. Thank you!

Have a great day!

Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26

You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.

I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.

When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
It's great!

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » AuntieMel

Posted by jujube on January 17, 2005, at 22:04:07

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18

My experience was similar to yours, and I immediately felt at ease with the people who were so welcoming to all newcomers. It made going to meetings so much easier.

Tamara

> You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.
>
> I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.
>
> When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
> It's great!

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18

> You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.
>
> I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.
>
> When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
> It's great!


Well, hell...I'd like to be able to say that I took all your amazing support, screwed up my courage and went to my first meeting last night. Unfortunately, what I have to say instead is that I completely lost my nerve and stayed home (it's amazing the number of really believable excuses I came up with for myself too).

That's the bad news--the good news is that I'm still sober (14 days) and I'll keep trying with the meetings. In the meantime, I'm really glad you guys are out there--thx.

Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by AuntieMel on January 18, 2005, at 10:10:21

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13

Do you have a trusted friend or relative? Not all the meetings are alkies only. If they are listed in the schedule as "open" you can take a friend with you.

I'm a social phobic when sober and I don't know if I'd have ever gone to one alone at first.

If you raise your hand for a desire chip, you will be amazed at how many people come up to you and offer to help. One of the twelve steps of AA is to help people more in need. Not as an altruistic thing, per se, but as a tool in keeping sober yourself.

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by jujube on January 18, 2005, at 12:54:49

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13

If you are finding it too stressful to go alone to a meeting, why don't you do what I did which was to look up AA in the phone book, call the mainline which is staffed by AA volunteers and tell them that you are seeking sobriety. They will send someone to your home to pick you up and escort you to a meeting or two and help you feel a little bit more comfortable during your introduction to AA and some of its members. Like you, I would have found it difficult and unnerving to go to my first meeting alone.

Tamara

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by jujube on January 18, 2005, at 12:54:49

Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » just so sad

Posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 10:54:54

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30

Nice to see you posting here - but you have to work on adopting a new posting name!! (I used to be rainyday, so things do get better :) )
I think the combination of effexor and alcohol is by far the worst I have ever experienced. The hangovers for me lasted days.
Good luck. I wish I had posted here last night when I was feeling low. Sometimes waiting for someone else to start is the worst thing I can do.

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » just so sad

Posted by jujube on January 20, 2005, at 10:57:29

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30

It's me again. We "chatted" on the Social Board. As I mentioned, like you, I self-medicated with alcohol, among other things, for many years. I started drinking and smoking drugs when I was 15, and alcohol fast became the answer to my social anxiety problems. In my early 30s, after years of drinking and partying, I accepted that I had a problem and finally did something about it. Like you, I had previously tried to "control" my drinking, but once I had convinced myself that I could control and limit my drinking for a period of time (3 months at a time), I would slip back into my old pattern of drinking. It eventually took its toll on me, both physically and emotionally, and I finally accepted the fact that I could not drink like normal people. Anyways, that was over 8.5 years ago and it hasn't been that bad.

I hope you will find some comfort and support here at Babble.

My thoughts are with you. Take care.

> Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30

> Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)

*****

I started taking effexor two years ago, and am now on a dose of 225 mg. Unfortunately, even though I knew combining alcohol with my meds was really bad, I just couldn't stay sober for more than a short time and couldn't bring myself to ask for help. So basically, for the past couple of years, I've taken my anti-depressants with a mega-chaser of pure depressant (makes perfect sense, don't you think?).

Today is day 17 sober for me as I try to tackle quitting again--this time asking for (and thankfully getting) as much help as I can. FYI, because of how much and how long I was drinking, when I suddenly quit, I really threw my med dosage out of whack and got a pretty nasty jolt side effects--something to be aware of if you decide to quit altogether. Anyway, glad you found this site--there's alot of support here.

By the way everyone, I found my nerve and went to my first AA meeting tonight. Scared as hell at first, but quickly became comfortable just being with a group of people I didn't have to pretend with--I'll be going back.

Thx all,

Lee

 

Re: Opinions on AA?

Posted by just so sad on January 21, 2005, at 9:26:01

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17

Thanks everyone for your caring responses. Had a meeting with the awareness group last night - I feel stronger today, maybe also because I didn't drink last night, but yesterday I was in a total funk - no motivation or energy. Will probably have to up my dosage of effexor to 75 mg, which is depressing in itself. And here comes the weekend...always the hardest time not to kick back with a bottle of my fav. red wine...oh well, wish me luck.

 

Re: Yahoooooo!! » Lee05

Posted by AuntieMel on January 21, 2005, at 14:02:31

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17

Good Job Lee! The first one is the hardest.

17 days - each one a miracle.

 

Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05

Posted by jujube on January 21, 2005, at 14:19:09

In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17

Bravo Lee! Give yourself a much deserved pat on the back. You are doing great - one day at a time!


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