Psycho-Babble Substance Use Thread 402905

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Re: My turn

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 7:32:59

In reply to Re: My turn vwoolf, posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 7:09:08

Nope, definitely not your aunt. And I don't have any relatives or friends in PE, so don't worry.

Btw, I believe that SAf has one of the highest rates of mental illness in the world. Heritage of the past, they say. And Cape Town has the highest rate of Foetal Alchohol Syndrome. I definitely think the social situation contibutes to feelings of alienation. It has for me at any rate. I have spent most of my life in Europe, and while I was there I had no problems (or at least very few). I came back here after the '94 elections and within a couple of years I was right back where I started. I'm determined to get to the root of my problems this time, but it is very hard.

Nice to know that there is someone who is not so far away.

 

The grief is it in a nutshell jujube

Posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 9:42:48

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes jujube, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:36:01

Actually, eventhough I blame myself for everything, deep down, I know that if he were better to me, I would be better to myself and feel better about myself.

 

Re: The grief is it in a nutshell AdaGrace

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 10:04:38

In reply to The grief is it in a nutshell jujube, posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 9:42:48

I think you've hit the nail on the head. I know it's not right to blame others for our drinking, but I sometimes wonder, in some cases, if others were a little more tolerant of the occasional drink and a good bender once in a while, if we wouldn't go to the excess that we seem to. Of course, self-esteem is an important factor in the life of a problem drinker. And, having others demean us and shatter an already fragile ego doesn't help. I used to let others determine my self-worth, and it ended up breaking my heart and filling my life with misery and worry. Now I try to find the good in myself. I also try to acknowledge my not only my strengths, but also my weaknesses. Once I am honest with myself in terms of both the positive and negatives, it is a bit easier not to let the actions and words of others bring me down. Be strong AdaGrace. Love yourself and keep telling yourself that you are special and that you are a good person. Others can try to bring you down, but only you can let them. Don't let them! You are worth more than that.

Tamara
> Actually, eventhough I blame myself for everything, deep down, I know that if he were better to me, I would be better to myself and feel better about myself.
>
>

 

Re: Okay, here goes AdaGrace

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:08:41

In reply to Okay, here goes, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 17:05:37

Before I go any further, I want to tell you that this post DID NOT *TRIGGER* ME. I did this all by myself yesterday.

> Talk about planning when I can do it, where I buy it. I'm there also. Never go to the same store twice in one week. Can't wait until 5 so I can go home and glug down that first drink and then another. Never go to an in-law family event without having a few, since I can't stand them. Always get home a little earlier than everyone else so I can have those two drinks before I have to face the music. Face the people that make me miserable.
>
I was in such a state of anxiety yesterday, and I knew I was going to drink. When I came out of the liquor store, the anxiety had vanished. Just the act of buying the stuff made me feel better.

Wish I would have thrown it away, but no. I had a book club meeting that I make myself go to to get out of the house. I always drink wine when I'm there, but of course I had a cocktail before I left the house to get started. The last 2 meetings I've had way too much, and I am so embarassed. These are professional women - there's a couple of lawyers, a journalist, a dentist, and me, the receptionist. Feel quite inferior but I can read a book and talk about it. Next month I host the group at my home and I'm already dreading how I am going to face them. This is so hard for me.

 

Re: Okay, here goes partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 10:20:03

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:08:41

Hey, hold on a second! You are not inferior to anyone just because of the position you hold. So get that notion out of your head right now (sorry to be so bossy!). We are all human beings, worthy of respect, love and kindness. If I met you on the street or at a function, I would not be thinking to myself "I wonder what she does for a living?". What you do to earn a living is a small extension of who you are. A compassionate, feeling, kind, intelligent and humorous person is far richer to me than someone who makes a ton of money or holds a position some would consider prestigious. In my work environment, I try to treat everybody the same - with respect, a kind word and an interest in what's going on their life - whether it be my boss, the person delivering the mail or the person cleaning my office at the end of the day. I don't care what someone does for a living. I care about what's inside. That's far more important - to me anyway.

Tamara

> Before I go any further, I want to tell you that this post DID NOT *TRIGGER* ME. I did this all by myself yesterday.
>
> > Talk about planning when I can do it, where I buy it. I'm there also. Never go to the same store twice in one week. Can't wait until 5 so I can go home and glug down that first drink and then another. Never go to an in-law family event without having a few, since I can't stand them. Always get home a little earlier than everyone else so I can have those two drinks before I have to face the music. Face the people that make me miserable.
> >
> I was in such a state of anxiety yesterday, and I knew I was going to drink. When I came out of the liquor store, the anxiety had vanished. Just the act of buying the stuff made me feel better.
>
> Wish I would have thrown it away, but no. I had a book club meeting that I make myself go to to get out of the house. I always drink wine when I'm there, but of course I had a cocktail before I left the house to get started. The last 2 meetings I've had way too much, and I am so embarassed. These are professional women - there's a couple of lawyers, a journalist, a dentist, and me, the receptionist. Feel quite inferior but I can read a book and talk about it. Next month I host the group at my home and I'm already dreading how I am going to face them. This is so hard for me.

 

Re: Okay, here goes jujube

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:35:25

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes partlycloudy, posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 10:20:03

I actually quit the book club for almost a year because I was afraid to go. Almost everyone there is really nice to me, and when I'm like this, I can beat myself up really really well. When I'm better, though, I still can't imagine how anyone would want to be friends with me. It's been a theme throughout my entire life, ever since I can remember. Primary school, ballet lessons, and onward and upwards to my so-called adulthood.

I am having another really bad day, can you tell?

 

Re: Okay, here goes partlycloudy

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 10:41:51

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:08:41

Oh, PC, I really understand. You must be feeling terribly exposed and vulnerable that they are coming into your space. Can you try and protect yourself somehow? By making it look nice with flowers? Or maybe someone else has better suggestions?

I hate people coming to my house. In my public life I am outgoing, in control, a feminist. At home I run around for my husband like a fifties housewife. My friends simply don't recognise me at home. I have stopped inviting anyone in. I insist on going to restaurants etc. Perhaps you could have your book club meeting at an outside venue? After all, if it is going to make you feel really bad, perhaps the best way to protect yourself would be to meet them at a coffee shop or something. It might be more fun too.

Thinking of you.

VW

 

I like you (nm) partlycloudy

Posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 10:49:24

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes jujube, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:35:25

 

oh, dear. vwoolf

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:53:44

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes partlycloudy, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 10:41:51

Um, book club on the 11th of November, and we are hosting Thanksgiving. I already told my husband that I can't cook this year, he is very supportive and understanding. Maybe I can do some stuff and freeze it, but I can barely handle grocery shopping.

The irony about book club is that the last time I hosted - before I got this sick - it was a big success. Everyone loved the book. I cooked a nice meal, with a menu and everything, and I was told I had "raised the standard" for the club. Only one person in the group knows somewhat the nature of my problem and reason for my hiatus. Right now I regret ever having gone back to the group.

 

You poor woman! (nm) AdaGrace

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:54:18

In reply to I like you (nm) partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 10:49:24

 

Re: Okay, here goes partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 10:55:47

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes jujube, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:35:25

I know it's a hard pattern to break. But don't live in fear that you are not as good as the next person. It's all relative. The most successful and seemingly together person could well be struggling with inner demons. Sometimes I think that if I feel too good about myself, it means I am less of a person - egotistical, self-centered, etc. Pretty much all my life I was the shy, quiet one (couldn't speak up in class, a real social retard unless I was drinking, sat quietly in meetings because I was too afraid to speak in case someone thought I was stupid). I could never understand why people were drawn to me and wanted to be friends with me or even how I did so well at work. What I learned about myself is that I care about people. I am interested in their lives and listen sometimes when no one else will. And, I never wanted anyone I met (either personally or professionally) to feel as crappy about themselves as I did. I don't need to be a shining star, but if I can help a friend, colleague or stranger just by lending an ear, then I guess maybe I have made a small difference. And, even though it has taken me years, I am not as nervous about speaking up and expressing a view or an idea in a meeting or just being me at a social function. Try to look deep inside yourself and see how many lives you have touched over the years just by being you. Grab onto that and think of the many other lives you can continue to touch by just being you. Be good to yourself Partlycloudy. Learn to like you, even if you can only take baby steps at first. Don't be afraid to toot your horn - even if it's only in your own head.


Tamara

> I actually quit the book club for almost a year because I was afraid to go. Almost everyone there is really nice to me, and when I'm like this, I can beat myself up really really well. When I'm better, though, I still can't imagine how anyone would want to be friends with me. It's been a theme throughout my entire life, ever since I can remember. Primary school, ballet lessons, and onward and upwards to my so-called adulthood.
>
> I am having another really bad day, can you tell?

 

Re: oh, dear.

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 10:58:40

In reply to oh, dear. vwoolf, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:53:44

You're obviously much stronger than me - I take the easy way out every time. It sounds as if you really can do it, and do it really well too. Please ignore my post.

 

I don't see it that way.....so there (nm) partlycloudy

Posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 11:12:16

In reply to You poor woman! (nm) AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:54:18

 

First drink - triggering

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 11:28:14

In reply to Supporting each other in this forum, posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 7:18:58

It's after six pm. I usually have my first drink at about half past seven. I get this really panicky feeling in my stomach, of horrible, unbearable angst, and I know I won't be able to do without it. How can I ever think of doing without it? If I don't have a drink I'll have to SI or do something else to take away the pain. It's with me now, and I don't know what to do. Last night I counted out all the pills in my stash set aside for the extreme solution, but managed to call my T first. I spoke to her again half an hour ago, and she extracted a guarantee from me that I would speak to her first before actually doing anything. But I don't know if I can. If the pain gets too bad and she is out? It's Friday and I won't be seeing her until Monday.

Oh God, I need that drink soon.

 

Re: First drink - triggering vwoolf

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 11:51:15

In reply to First drink - triggering, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 11:28:14

The title of this thread is "Supporting each other". And that's what we are going to do! If you start getting that panicky feeling - POST! POST! POST! Reach out. Somebody will be here to listen and help you through it. I will do my best to lend a cyber ear and shoulder. Put the pills away please. Contrary to what the song says, suicide is not painless, especially for those who love and care about you. If things get really bad over the weekend, make sure that you have an emergency number where you can get a message to your therapist. Please don't do anything rash. I want to help in any way I can.

Tamara

> It's after six pm. I usually have my first drink at about half past seven. I get this really panicky feeling in my stomach, of horrible, unbearable angst, and I know I won't be able to do without it. How can I ever think of doing without it? If I don't have a drink I'll have to SI or do something else to take away the pain. It's with me now, and I don't know what to do. Last night I counted out all the pills in my stash set aside for the extreme solution, but managed to call my T first. I spoke to her again half an hour ago, and she extracted a guarantee from me that I would speak to her first before actually doing anything. But I don't know if I can. If the pain gets too bad and she is out? It's Friday and I won't be seeing her until Monday.
>
> Oh God, I need that drink soon.
>
>

 

Re: First drink - triggering vwoolf

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 12:19:35

In reply to First drink - triggering, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 11:28:14

I'm here for you, too. (You're in the UK maybe?) I had a good cry at lunch in my car and I'm a bit calmer. Call your T if it gets bad - that is what they are there for. Don't worry about bothering her. If you can't get her and you think you might harm yourself, please please please call a crisis hotline.

I'm so sorry for your pain. My book club from the Very Hot Place read Virginia Woolf and that's what we discussed last night - there's some irony for you.
pc

 

Re: First drink - triggering partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 12:32:37

In reply to Re: First drink - triggering vwoolf, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 12:19:35

My pdoc suggested I read a book called "When Things Fall Apart" to help me come to grips with the misery my life has been this past year. Up until a couple of months ago, I refused to accept that things had fallen apart to some degree. I'm now seriously considering getting the book. Has anyone read it? If so, was it good?

Tamara

> I'm here for you, too. (You're in the UK maybe?) I had a good cry at lunch in my car and I'm a bit calmer. Call your T if it gets bad - that is what they are there for. Don't worry about bothering her. If you can't get her and you think you might harm yourself, please please please call a crisis hotline.
>
> I'm so sorry for your pain. My book club from the Very Hot Place read Virginia Woolf and that's what we discussed last night - there's some irony for you.
> pc

 

Re: First drink - triggering

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 13:38:31

In reply to First drink - triggering, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 11:28:14

God, I feel like some sort of Junkie. A few glasses later and I'm fine. I have some Senegalese music playing in the background, and even if the world doesn't exactly look rosy, I think I might survive - at least for a few hours. Ohhhhh! But I feel so guilty. Why should I feel guilty about doing the one thing that makes it bearable, even if in a temporary way? Life is just too painful to keep going, I think.

 

This is called self medication vwoolf

Posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 14:02:55

In reply to Re: First drink - triggering, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 13:38:31

...and if it means you are going to go to bed tonight and will wake up tomorrow, it will have been the right thing to do.

There is no room for guilt here. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves.

 

Re: First drink - triggering vwoolf

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 14:03:40

In reply to Re: First drink - triggering, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 13:38:31

Please don't feel guilty. It's the guilt that makes us feel worse. Keep enjoying your music as much as you can. Music is a real healer for me as well. I listen to music all day if I can. Life may be painful right now, but we don't know what tomorrow or the next day or the day after that will bring. You have to hold on to the hope that in the days ahead the pain will start to diminish. I know it's easier said than done. I was where you are, and I'm glad that I hung on because it does get better.


Tamara

> God, I feel like some sort of Junkie. A few glasses later and I'm fine. I have some Senegalese music playing in the background, and even if the world doesn't exactly look rosy, I think I might survive - at least for a few hours. Ohhhhh! But I feel so guilty. Why should I feel guilty about doing the one thing that makes it bearable, even if in a temporary way? Life is just too painful to keep going, I think.
>

 

Re: This is called self medication partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 14:06:07

In reply to This is called self medication vwoolf, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 14:02:55

Well said Partlycloudy.

Tamara

> ...and if it means you are going to go to bed tonight and will wake up tomorrow, it will have been the right thing to do.
>
> There is no room for guilt here. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves.

 

Re: This is called self medication partlycloudy

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 15:02:20

In reply to This is called self medication vwoolf, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 14:02:55

Thank you. You are very kind. Goodnight all. I'm going to bed.

 

I have to take a holiday

Posted by partlycloudy on October 16, 2004, at 5:11:59

In reply to Re: This is called self medication partlycloudy, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 15:02:20

from here for a while, but can be reached at partlycloudy at gmail dot com.
Stay sober and love your life.

 

Re: I have to take a holiday partlycloudy

Posted by vwoolf on October 16, 2004, at 8:43:51

In reply to I have to take a holiday, posted by partlycloudy on October 16, 2004, at 5:11:59

I'm sorry, and will miss you. I still haven't worked out how to get to Babblemail - is it just the message service on open?

 

Re: how to get to Babblemail

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 19, 2004, at 2:37:25

In reply to Re: I have to take a holiday partlycloudy, posted by vwoolf on October 16, 2004, at 8:43:51

> I still haven't worked out how to get to Babblemail

See:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#babblemail

Bob


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