Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1100843

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Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 3:38:40

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 3:21:14

apparently it is something to do with the environment being temperate (by world standards). people weren't forced to work together to survive the winter. people could get by more opportunistically foraging and hunting without much organisation or planning. without much of a planting calender (agriculture). hunting (for example) large ground based birds that didn't have a land-based threat response...

food is plentiful and the climate won't kill you (unless your are really old or young) so you don't need to... labour to build a stone house or a log cabin... a more temporary shelter will suffice... so there isn't much of anything to do but to... play... most of every day... all up in one anothers business and what are you doing why don't you stop what you are doing and entertain me...

that's a version of the story. one where people are focused on... each other. each other as the biggest source of threat. but also each other as the biggest source of reward. each other in a way that doesn't... allow for... co-operative or co-ordinated activity towards a greater project... like a massive physical protective structure for the group... or like a bridge... or a sewerage system... reading writing arithmetic...

the thought was that if the environment was harsher then people would be forced to work together to survive it.

but that's probably just an excuse for imposing a harsher environment.

i just read that the point of slums... is that it breeds an immunologically elite. that was how we 'discovered' / 'invented' the cure for most things... the immune system solution to HIV and much of everything else... it all starts with tissue from samples from the individuals who are living there right amongst it and who have developed *natural immunity*. of course it is a lot of work to find those people, collect samples from them, reproduce what their bodies made in the lab, package that for wider distribution...

but maybe that's why each country wants to develop (and control) it's own, particular, cesspool of a slum.

sigh.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 3:48:51

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 3:38:40

the terrible-most thing about the polictian was that he was obviously the scape-goat.

someone told him to say 'we thought it was culturally appropriate' as a defense. and he stammered it out.

the fact that that happened. that people allowed it to happen. that someone was behind getting it to happen (possibly - but it's also possible that he genuinely missed the point of politics and somehow thought that his job depended on his doing this voluntarily)...

the whole thing was just awful.

maybe the foreign company allowed / set up the whole thing to extort more money out of the government. maybe.

you gotta track where all the money goes, don't you.

you gotta track how many people in this country don't have enough money to live in a house that is within who guidelines on healthy temperature and humidity. you gotta track how many cocktails some people drink...

you just get sick of them. to be honest. just get sick and tired.

the petty squabbles.

there's no talking reason to them...

that was the thing about freudian psychoanalysis, i guess. it didn't really require much of anything actually from the therapist at all. you can fairly much go at it, yourself.

but there's some documentation. because without the paperwork... without some kind of a record... whats the difference between there being something going on and there being nothing going on?

one of my friends was like 'well, at least they know you can write'. becuase, yeah, that's right, they just assumed i was totally illiterate. i was assaulting work and income officers because i'm an illiterate person on welfare. yeah. they nailed me.

anyone who knows anything of me at all knows i'm all about that. right?

i'm all about being uncivil to people - right? i mean i'm the most uncivil poster you know - right? i come here and abuse the hell out of everyone and externalise all the fault onto the posters here. yep. that's me. totally nailed it.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 4:18:19

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 3:48:51

and now i'm starting to remember...

and i'm thinking about harmony vs discord. and how there was some discussion about civility as having something to do with harmony and peacekeeping.

and how that can be in tension with... i don't know... disturb. questioning, sometimes. the idea of bouncing off of in... maybe slightly unpredictable directions.

thinking about how i was removed from (and not really understanding of) US politics. and about how sometimes i did misjudge things (perhaps) with respect to... smoothness... being required. i'm not a natural soother. obviously. i think people expect a little less of that from me here than irl because i'm clearly a girl irl and clearly that is the natural function of girls...

hmm.

i remember sending bob an email of 'i hate you i hate you' and i discovered a copy-paste function to make paragraphs into pages into many pages and i don't know how long that email was... i was pretty upset, i remember. yeah.

and i also remember posting a response to every single post so i was the only poster visible on the board. that took work. that'll teach ya for trying to block me. or that'll keep dinah busy, or something. i was pretty upset, i remember. yeah.

i guess nobody knew the addictive(?) potential of the internet, back then. how psychologically... involved... things could get. and so on.

from the perspective of now... i guess the idea of blocks was 'take a step back and cool off'. the idea wasn't to psychologically damage... but it's hard. on the one hand you need rules so people can plan their futures... on the other hand you need to adopt your style as any parent knows. some kids need a firmer touch and others need a lighter touch. only... if that were true then why didn't i just take a step back when asked? i don't know.

and why do i keep spamming the boards now?

i don't know.

i win. i'm not blocked. i asked him to block me. if he blocks me then he's only doing what i asked. he doesn't have power over me anymore.

only he does.

all the other guys in my life died. my father. my brother. there was one guy who i went out with for a time who was a good guy, but things didn't work out. i think maybe he's gay. but also, he actually showed me that there were things about me that wasn't so great (i was eating pretty rubbish and smoking heaps). and... he couldn't sit by and watch me live like that. and... i realised. he was right. no self respecting person would. and strangely... i think that perhaps that might have been the start of me wanting to be a better person. not for him, particularly, but for someone like him. if that makes any kind of sense, at all. this site made me want to be better, too. i worked towards being a better person. i tried to be kinder and gentler. tis hard for me. still working on it.

i do miss a lot of the kindness and gentleness that i found, here. it felt safe for the smaller feelings. nowhere irl has ever felt like that for me. even though my therapist tried... it didn't feel right. i don't know.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 24, 2018, at 16:29:38

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 4:18:19

I remember those times. I was worried about you, even as I would sometimes involve myself and get upset.

Im glad that intensity is in the past.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:31:06

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 24, 2018, at 16:29:38

thanks, pc.

this site was never supposed to be a replacement for people getting the help they needed irl. he was always clear about that. the individual poster did (at times) take the hit for the group, or for his sanity, or whatever... and that wouldn't have been so hard for some people if they had have had the help / support they needed irl.

but i didn't, really. and that made here pretty intense for me.

i don't seek help anymore. i've come to see that help seeking is a display of weakness that others will likely exploit (if they have opportunity) for their advantage. i see that people offering help are often motivated by just how much they can help themselves at others expense.

here was different. which is why it isn't sustainable. as the people from commons-places see something... see something they are not supposed to see because it is not for them...

like how i'm locked out of anything, here. if there even is anything here. i'm of two minds about that.

the last 10 years of my life... how hard i have worked and the university... well, lets see, it starts with them forgetting to pay you and then they forget to pass you...

we'll see.

tidy things up in a few more days because they don't feel they've done their job properly if they don't force me to work on it for longer. i mean... that's what an editor would do for them - right? or a journal peer reviewer? it's the whole 9-5 thing. you must stay with your bum on the seat until 5 or it... isn't fair to the other kids. something like that. and if the person doing the work isn't actually threatened with failure and the like then they wouldn't do work at all.

even when there is a documented history of the person working in... civilised conditions. and cutting and running when treated like garbage. but of course they don't actually want me to finish, anyway, it is better for them if they are a scare resource, or whatever.

whatever. jump through the hoop and get out. they weren't afraid it would come to that they did what they could to bring that about.

of course it did occur to me that the whole small group thing was tied up in a whole charitable donation thing and looking out for donors primarily because thats the way the world works or whatever. of course it did occur to me. and of course it did also occur to me that that makes my presence here, somewhat subsidised and at the whims and vagaries of those who are the primary donors. donors or beneficiaries so hard to track the profits and losses...

but what are you going to do?

take what you can for as long as you can and keep your eyes open for something else to exploit to your advantage?

i'm still here. for whatever that's worth.

it was because it wouldn't have felt right sharing those emotions with my therapist irl. becuase it would have been just the two of us. which would have been wrong, somehow. but sharing those kinds of feelings with what felt like a small group. that did feel right. and at times... here felt like a big city and here felt like there was a war on. yeah. it did.

that's what's different. there aren't lots of people, here, to make this place such a warzone anymore.

but the rebuild didn't happen. well, we got facebook and the like, instead.

good old principles of intermittant reinforcement schedules and so on.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:43:20

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:31:06

because you gotta train people to work for money.
and then you gotta train people to give you money for whatever it is that you want to do.

i see a great number of scholarships and i think most of them are sham. data collection is all. there isn't a list or anything of past recipients. though maybe that's what i should ask before applying... for that. to see if they are legit.

they want you to write an essay or whatever. basically do a task that wastes your time. sometimes they want to hear about how poor you are. sometimes they want to hear about how you would choose to invest the money.

i see now that's what people are obsessed with in this city: how would our smartest people invest their money?

and i have come to see: our smartest people certainly would not tell them.

why do they ask?
i suppose that is a test.

the medical class of (i don't remember what year) offers a scholarship to someone who can demonstrate need to be awarded on the basis of what they plan to do with it. so you are supposed to tell them how poor you are and how you can make them billions with some pyramid scheme?

i think it is just taking the piss. i mean, really. because of the idea that poor people should be allowed to study medicine, too. or that people who are not their own first born sons (or, hell, why not their second born sons as well, or hell, why not their daughters?) should get to do.

i guess i see now not to waste my time applying for such things. because they aren't real. they aren't legit. you don't go around sticking your hand up that you are poor because people (dhbs and the like) will think that is their lisence to treat you like crap...

only... i guess that's what is in the rich peoples advantage to have others believe! that's why we should be so happy about them taking their rightful place according to their birthright!

this is all awful.

it's philosophy that gets me in my head thinking things round and round and round. because a thesis is a whole blah blah blah on the one hand blah blah on the other hand blah blah...

it's philosophy that makes me reminiscent and round in circles and winding myself up (trying to care). trying to get into teh spirit of it. trying to *enjoy* it if i can.

i don't do it for the money.
i don't do it for the enjoyment.
i don't do it becuae it is good for me.

something would be wrong with me if i wsn't feelign like shooting my face off, right now.

what a wonderful city that they made!

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:55:59

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:43:20

i'm not all stuck in my head when i'm trying to memorise the reactions in the kreb cycle. i'm not hating on myself when i'm learning about the difference in electrical potential in different kinds of heart or muscle cells. learning about that kind of stuff i'm kind of overwhelmed by just how much stuff there is to learn... and i'm in awe of the people who figured all that sh*t out.

and of course it's all taught in such a compressed time frame and there isn't any time at all to do anything other than get on and do it. and that carries you along and you learn far more than you ever thought possible in whatever space of time...

and all the people locked out of learning who don't get to because... we prefer to crack teh whip on people who don't want to learn...

and, of course, at the end of the day employing stuff learned to help people.

or to torture animals. i mean what's the difference?

people *can't see the difference*.

there are a lot of people who... feels like they have gone kamakaze on medicine becuase they got locked out. the people here all up in the seminar series thing. teh people here working on invertebrates or whatever. the people who took the money to do... whatever. i guess that's it. the people who took the money. or, hey, why not be like me? why not refuse to work for the person who treats you like crap (because they thought they could treat you like crap and there wasn't anything you could do about that). and be like me. doesn't that seem appealling? let me be a lesson to you partlycloudy. if you want money to spend getting tasers to the frontal lobes don't do any of of what i'd do...

have you thought about how else you could spend that money?

you could... i don't know. isn't there something you beleive int hat you would like to see more of in the world? i mean... you don't see anything to invest in, either?

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 20:11:21

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:55:59

i hope that didn't hurt. i did mean to nudge. but not to hurt. i like you, too much. you have been here for me. i hope there have been times when i have been here for you.

and i don't mean to invest in me. though that will, of course, be my next answer, if i'm asked in interview or what not.

i don't suppose i can apply for a $5,000 scholarship and write that what i would do with the money is i would invite engineering students to apply for a $2,500 scholarship which would be granted to the student with the best idea on how to invest that money.

i don't think that is in the spirit of keeping ones head down.

though, i don't suppose it would take long. watching you. watching me. watching you.

but that's right... all these people who have decided to follow the money... follow the money... keep the eyes on the money... learn about the money... learn about how you get money. learn about the things the government HAS TO spend money on and write up the proposal of how you can provide precisely that while feeling secure in your ability to extort a reasonable sum out of them at the end of the day if they get too cocky in their self-congraduation at getting such a great deal for themselves that they are so clever!

sigh.

or, whatever. that's a way to live, i guess. how to, uh, be a provider, or something.

anyway...

go back to working on the thing people think is sh*t. not because they bothered to read it, but because they get a kick out of believing it to be so.

the dhbs... everyone says it's not about the money. it's about the lack of training. it's about being expected to do everything with no supervision and with no senior people training you to do things better. it's about running the show while there's nobody home... it's about living with the ensuring mistakes. it's about the hours you gotta work... it's about no doctors lounge (that would be elitist) so no place you can put yourself away from demanding staff. it's about simultaneously being required to research and study and pass exams and apply to other jobs and private colleges and it's about persisting in all of that. it's about not being taken for too much of a fool in applying for things that never were... it's mostly about the psychological thing of people being motivated to have people believe that it's about things that it's not about. eg. its about being born rich or it's about having parents who are doctors or it's about having parents who are surgeons specifically or it's about being whatever colour you are not or its about... and it's about persisting in the face of all of that.. because.. what's the alternative? give up then. go away. you never woulda made it anyway.

but then it's about these awful people who... are incompetent. being paid to do all these things they're inept at. to you.

it's about getting out of your head and doing something. something not in your head round and round in circles. i mean, hey, they pay some people to do it. let them do it, then.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 22:38:05

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 19:31:06

of course i am also thinking about how i spend my money. and about how things have been habitable for me, this year. and about how i could have done things differently (better) this year with respect to how i spent my money.

i have faint memories of this church budgeting seminar thing i went to when i was a kid. the guy said something about giving a kid an allowance and requiring them to split it into 3. 1 for saving. 2 for gifting. 3 for spending. that way the kid gets to watch savings grow (and learn to deliberate over longer term purchases). the kid learns... philanthropy. and to buy gifts for others. the kid learns to spend a little on things they want.

then there is a way of the kid saying just *how much* they want this, that, or the next thing. like *how many times* those chickens would peck at that key for a tiny morsel of food... or for access to scratching litter... whether the kid was prepared to save for those fancy shoes or that fancy bike or whatever.

and that all made a lot of sense to me. but tell it to the people who pay me (ie my mother who chose to give me precisely nothing apparently in punishment for my neverending stream of `bad behavior').

but of course things are different for me now. and i have been eating rather a little more than I needed to (rather a little more than i should) this year. of good food, mostly. but also spending a bit on alchohol - which is an opportunity cost thing.

why didn't i pay the ad blocker people the money they suggested for their really good product instead of buying that 6 pack of beers? what is more important to me - what do i want to see more of in the world?

why didn't i pay bob something for all the hours he's put into this site over the years...

yeah.

i have been thinking about starting a savings fund. even if i literally only put a buck in it every week my whole attitude to life will be different if it's something i am adding to rather than taking from. and a philanthropy fund, of course. mostly so i intentionally go around the world looking for things i see value in. to reward them. to invest in them. to show appreciation for them in some way. whether it be a busker or a charity that (rarely) seems legit. or... whatever. buy my friend an ice-cream for a change. whatever.

sometimes things don't cost as much as i fear they will. often times, actually. there is all the difference in my world when i have a back-stop in a bank account. in the way i conduct myself and then i actually see about various things and am often surprised that they end up not costing me anything / end up being affordable for me, after all.

i need to see about dental... i've been putting that off. will do it after this is done. and optometry... i'm actually concerned i have blood vessles enlarged and quite visible on teh surface of the white of my eyes... one of them there is a real mess of blood vessle and i want to check it's not feeding / starting a tumor, or something... all those years of no eye protection in the ratiation...

anyway... any thoughts / advice? for someone else's kid. haha.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 23:24:25

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 22:38:05

and then i suppose i need to remember the whole work and income security people assaulting people who turn up to ask for help... and the work and income workers who try and demand you exhaust any possible line of credit (including loan sharks)...

and it's all a farce... sham... to intimidate / bully people into... nothing.

to actually have a savings fund would have meant i would have been expected to have used that. in other words, i was not ever allowed to have a savings fund. when you get $150 a week and rent is $110 that doesn't leave a lot for food. sure you could put a buck in... sure you could...

but no.. i really don't think you could've.

it's been only relatively recently that 2 bank accounts has even been standard. why would you give a person 2 (linked) accounts for. to try and encourage them to save? to save what? they don't have enough to meet their basic day to day needs.

sure they buy alcohol. but that's self medication. do you know how much it would cost them / the government to actually give them enough such that they didn't need alcohol to get through their days?

but alchohol is a funny (strange) one. we know it's largely opportunistic. that's why poor neighbourhoods have readily accessible alcohol stores but not readily accessible healthy food stores. that's why the supermarkets are around 1/3 alchohol. i guess that means people do (we would like people to?) spend 1/3 their grocery bill on alcohol?

?

then i guess we can blame them for their poor decisions. their poverty is their fault. blah blah blah de blah.

it was doing philosophy that got me back in teh sink hole of drinking. how much you gotta drink to be all 'on the one hand on the other hand' go find 5 references for that. rubbish rubbish. and so on...

the restructure was because a crucial figure left. and they couldn't find anyone of anything approximating that.. calibre. to replace him. because of where australia was in the world. they were looking to northern hemisphere only people of comperable calibre didn't really have ties to australia and didn't have anything much to be running / escaping from in the northern hemisphere. who would want to put themselves through the hell of that kind of commute across hemispheres on a regular basis?

why wasn't aussie raising it's own people to replace the previous generation? they had taken off for overseas... sure... but they were supposed to come back after their whole oe thing... only... they didn't seem to. i don't know. there was... too much of a jump / gap between the senior people and the junior people. it was like this gap between them... i don't know.. anyway, restructure. more junior jobs.

i get that it is about insecurity. my supervisor gave me a hard time because he thought if he didn't then other people would think he was rubbish for not giving me a hard time. or something. but he didn't give such a hard time to other of his students... the rich ones. yeah.

i guess i saw people that had to do all the way to end of phd to get into med in aussie. i keep coming back to the whole 3 applications (application rounds?) on average... and this idea of things being... random. it's like he said: what are the chances? those people... why did they have to do to end of phd to get to do it? weren't they smart? they were plenty smart. werne't htey personable? they were plenty personable. werne't tehy rich? they were plenty rich. well, then, there we go.

were they better off at the end of the day for getting in later? hard to say. maybe... maybe not. maybe a degree in neuroscience makes it more likely you will do particularly well in neuro stuff down teh track if you are into that... who knows.

it makes the hospitals look like htey have more senior staff. insofar as people assume that older means more senior. in hospitals where people are hiding their name badges to try and conceal that they aren't doctors or student doctors or... anything... maybe even anyone at all... volunteers? randoms walknig the halls... who knows...

of course it ain't all that bad. ortho did seem organised in the bigger hospital. there were registrars who had been accepted to specialist training. pretty sure. could tell the diffeence between the student docs who wern't docs at all and the student docs who were psychiatry trainees...

but the training programs are going, apparently. because you need 3 consultants to run a specialist unit. for supervision of the trainees. so the trainees can ask for help when they need it and learn something. otherwise... you don't got a spcialist unit. you got... nothing much at all, honestly.

i think some people probably are happy being doctors, whatever. some people are happy being the boss. i think it would be better to learn from competent people. maybe it's fortunate many people would rather be the boss than learn from competent people. i don't know.

damn i really don't want to write this thing.

i'm taking deep breaths...

i'm remembering... all my undergraduate work: never missed a deadline. all my undergraduate work: always got a pretty terrific mark. all my honours work: ditto. my masters was filling in time for phd applications which were based on my honours achievement. it took 2 years because i had no reason to finish before i had accepted an offer of place. even then i didn't need to finish for anything at all becaue my place was not dependent on it. but i did it for me. for the love of it. and i got a good grade.

then during my phd... i stopped enjoying it. i stopped loving it. my supervsior started telling me my work was crap. and... that wasnt pleasant. why would i want to work for him? so i stopped.

and now this is just a hoop because i need to be done. so... hand it in on the deadline. only different people have different ideas of deadline. and they want another couple weeks work.

and revising it different, revising it better. revising it because they said 'go revise it'.

i used to trust my judgement on how much time things would take and people were happy with the result. until they weren't.

at which point - what you gonna do?

i did same as most everyone else did. got the hell away. but others had reason to jump through that hoop at the end (ie because it made them eligable to apply to med or becuase it made them eligable to apply for post-doc or for tenure track). it wasn't doing any of that for me so why finish if i wasn't enjoying it any more?

philosophy no longer makes sense.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 24, 2018, at 23:58:36

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2018, at 22:38:05

> of course i am also thinking about how i spend my money. and about how things have been habitable for me, this year. and about how i could have done things differently (better) this year with respect to how i spent my money.
>
> i have faint memories of this church budgeting seminar thing i went to when i was a kid. the guy said something about giving a kid an allowance and requiring them to split it into 3. 1 for saving. 2 for gifting. 3 for spending. that way the kid gets to watch savings grow (and learn to deliberate over longer term purchases). the kid learns... philanthropy. and to buy gifts for others. the kid learns to spend a little on things they want.
>
> then there is a way of the kid saying just *how much* they want this, that, or the next thing. like *how many times* those chickens would peck at that key for a tiny morsel of food... or for access to scratching litter... whether the kid was prepared to save for those fancy shoes or that fancy bike or whatever.
>
> and that all made a lot of sense to me. but tell it to the people who pay me (ie my mother who chose to give me precisely nothing apparently in punishment for my neverending stream of `bad behavior').
>
> but of course things are different for me now. and i have been eating rather a little more than I needed to (rather a little more than i should) this year. of good food, mostly. but also spending a bit on alchohol - which is an opportunity cost thing.
>
> why didn't i pay the ad blocker people the money they suggested for their really good product instead of buying that 6 pack of beers? what is more important to me - what do i want to see more of in the world?
>
> why didn't i pay bob something for all the hours he's put into this site over the years...
>
> yeah.
>
> i have been thinking about starting a savings fund. even if i literally only put a buck in it every week my whole attitude to life will be different if it's something i am adding to rather than taking from. and a philanthropy fund, of course. mostly so i intentionally go around the world looking for things i see value in. to reward them. to invest in them. to show appreciation for them in some way. whether it be a busker or a charity that (rarely) seems legit. or... whatever. buy my friend an ice-cream for a change. whatever.
>
> sometimes things don't cost as much as i fear they will. often times, actually. there is all the difference in my world when i have a back-stop in a bank account. in the way i conduct myself and then i actually see about various things and am often surprised that they end up not costing me anything / end up being affordable for me, after all.
>
> i need to see about dental... i've been putting that off. will do it after this is done. and optometry... i'm actually concerned i have blood vessles enlarged and quite visible on teh surface of the white of my eyes... one of them there is a real mess of blood vessle and i want to check it's not feeding / starting a tumor, or something... all those years of no eye protection in the ratiation...
>
> anyway... any thoughts / advice? for someone else's kid. haha.

I encourage you to start saving what you can, on a regular basis. I do best when its money that is automatically whisked from the account Im paid into into a savings account I pretend I dont have.

Its a great way to start!
I practice some philanthropy though I cannot afford it. Some individuals and some local causes speak to me and if I can make a contribution, I do.

CS

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:28:07

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 24, 2018, at 23:58:36

> I encourage you to start saving what you can, on a regular basis.

yeah. it just seemed sort of silly to when there are so many things i need. but of course 'need' is hard to quantify. and i have managed to survive without many things i 'need'. so...

there really is something psychologically to it.

i read something about this guy saying that an obvious place to start when it comes to halting the increasing inequality in the world was to stop with the increases for those who are the primary beneficiaries. so, for those who are the highest earners in the company to stop giving pay raises to themselves (to stop giving payraises to themselves at higher percentages than) the rest of the people in their organisation.

and i thought about how i certainly have had enough to eat this year. and to eat well. and i've... enjoyed things for a time (which has been nice since i've gone without for a time, and also had a time in residential halls and boarding houses where i didn't have cooking facilities / food storage space). but now it's time for me to get serious about a budget of how much i'm going to let myself spend in the supermarket. and if i blow it... well, it won't kill me to have a day of eggs on toast or whatever. but stick to the budget, yeah. just go 'enough'.

i have had enough this year to divide up my income. to... budget. instead of living week to week. yeah.

things came up. my motorcycle blew over in the wind (as i knew it would) and that bent the handlebar and wrecked the clutch lever. that ended up costing a few hundred. then that broke my back-stop. then i thought i should get some clothes since that had been... a long time coming... and i got cheap stuff for plodding around my house (which was what i needed, honestly) but there went my back-stop.

but there is something to dividing up a portion of each pay. and waiting a bit for some of those 'needed' things. for the sake of having something that is growing. however slowly. but there.

then the trick is in not spending it. blowing it on dental, or whatever.

this year (after the security guard incident) i ended up (finally finally) with this amazing work and income person. she helped me get into this house and get stuff i needed like a decent mattress (which was really freaking important to me becuase, honestly, i get most of my reading / writing done propped up in bed. always have. and a load of wood and i learned to write a bit by the fire, which was nice.

anyway... she's been just terrific. bike needed a new back tyre recently... and i was like 'i paid for an oil change and new filter but i can't afford the back tyre and fitting and the exhaust bracket needs welding'... and she was great about an emergency grant to get the rest of the stuff done.

and i guess that is the idea of insurance. you are left out of pocket. of course you are. otherwise the whole situation wouldn't make any sense at all. you are left out of pocket. but you aren't left so very much out of pocket as you would be otherwise. but, yeah, i need a backstop fund...

but also a savings fund that doesn't get touched no matter what.

only that latter thing... it is hard for me to know what sense to make of that... to know how to do that when i've been homeless and so on... the whole point of that is that it doesn't work when thingsa re that low and that is how i have been expected to live, here, so...

not anymore. not anymore. it's okay, now. it'll be okay.

i got a paper version of the university calander. that made me feel heaps better. something... legitmate. professional. there was stuff there on the assessment outcomes of the degree that i'm doing. it was different to what i thought. there are different outcomes. there is a 'fix your typos' (accepted minor changes) and a 'fix your typos and make a few minor changes' to be done within 10 weeks. and there is a 'go away and make some major changes and don't give it back to me for 6 months' and then there is an oral defence option and then there is a fail.

and that's what the regulations say. and i've been citing regulations at them left, right, and centre.

so when the dean threatens to fail it when i don't make it better in 2 weeks she's teasing. it hasn't been sent to examiners yet. she's just teasing me. not trying ot scare me or anything. she's teasing me.

i was feeling resentful that she was trying to scare me to work.

after reading teh calender i feel better about the whole thing... it was really kind of the library person to post it to me, too.

a few more days of trying to make it better...

i'm just so tired of it.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:43:12

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:28:07

i think i'll focus on it reading better.

they want me to do the standard thing of trying to have a one sentance claim and an abstract that is a longer version of that. and then heaps of repetitive signposting so the reader is constantly reminded of where they are at in the argument.

but it's not like that.

it's not that kind of thesis. and i don't see why it has to be.

descartes sat in his oven-room and considered a piece of wax.

and kripke talked about words and objects and where names got their meaning.

and you follow along... or you don't.

i don't know.

maybe it's... illuminating. inspiring. hopeful. helpful. insightful. i'm going for those things, more.

but apparently that's not very academic, or something. academic rigour, or whatever.

i read a lot with academic rigeour that obviously hasn't done subject101. you think, if only grand professor of whatever had done philosophy of mind 101 he wouldn't say that. he would make 4 distinctions there and not run all of those together and so on. and you don't need to reference those 4 distinctions. you hear them and it's obvious they are good (useful) distinctions to make.

the best stuff isn't heavily referenced. it's *responsive*. to the times.

and i do have lots of references. but i'm not aiming for a freaking literature review. yawn. i'm not aiming to document the 10+ years of reading i've done over the last 10+ years. and it isn't the sort of project where i didn't know what I was doing so I sat down at the start of the year with a bunch of books and articles to summarise. it just isn't. and i don't see why it has to be like that. or why it should be like that.

so... i'll fix up the garble.

and try and make it read nice. and if it's actually enjoyable to read, too bad. they can fail me for that, then. only i don't expect they will.

worst case (and i'll be f*ck*ng ropable if this happens) but worst case would be they would tell me to go away and work on it for another 6 months. i don't think they will do that.

the deans thing of me working on it for another 2... she needed to do something becaue there was a breakdown between me and my supervisor over this. with me handing it in when i did (becaue the dean set the deadline) without me getting my supervisor to okay me doing that (when she got it into her head my deadline was a couple weeks later).

the solution is that my supervsior is right -- by delegated authority by the dean.

but i don't think my supervsior should have assumed she would be given that delegated authority. and... i don't think i should have assumed what i handed in would be good enough for me to feel... victorious... about meeting that deadline.

peace.

time to read / write. total immersion for a few days... i really need this to go through with as few a changes as possible... as quickly as possible... then i can start worrying about interview clothes (if i'm even selected for interview) whether my eyeball makes me look like i have cancer... how i'm going to afford flights...

(((pc / clearskies)))

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:54:18

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:43:12

because the hours thing is hard.

i mean...

you got the research students who arrive at 10 in the morning. check their email until 10:30. go to morning tea and have a yak. get back. open their document. fiddle about with things... do some reading... go to lunch. get back from lunch. check their email. have a nap. check their email.

then you have senior professors who say '2 hours writing per day'. if you can get yourself into a space where you have 2 hours focused writing each and every day - that's how books get written. and the people who say that seem to be genuine. they aren't teasing or whatever. much of their life is teaching and reading and so on... but they are productive and that's how they say they do it. 2 hours focused writing each and every day. that's 14 hours of focused writing each week. less than 20 hours each week. you go: less than part time writing? But of course reading time is extra. and thinking time and so on.

and it's a creative process and it's hard to say.

i always did used to take however many days of... fairly much total withdrawl from the world. depression... moping around the house or whatever. to get myself into a state where i would write an essay. and writing an essay was something that would be done in... 2 days. a weekend day and an evening. polished properly.

and two weeks to make it better... of course i'll mope until i end up with a few days and then it will be a few days of literally nothing else. like running a marathon. running the final polish of it all.

because for it to be coherent i need to hold it all in working memory. and holding 50,000 words in working memory means i need to read it and hold it and revise it and hold it and i need sufficient distance from before... how it was before...

i hate philosophy for making me feel lazy...

but i did love it for it's ideas.

and i'm loathe to do the whole 'let me google that and find 5 references so it looks sufficiently academic'.

i want the... story... line... i want the line to make sense. the ideas to feel coherent.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:59:03

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:54:18

and then i want to not do it anymore.

because the people in charge of it all don't have the capacity to see, anyway.

or maybe they do. i don't know.

we had a guy visit and he mentined rawl's original position to a room full of economics / managaement health type people here. and i thought i saw a few startle at the obvious sense of it.

when you hear it it sounds right.

that whole you know it when you see it thing.

that's more what i'm going for. a development / extension of that.

it'll be okay.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 5:09:54

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 4:54:18

and then you have the professors with the houses in the rural places who shut themselves away for a couple / few months each and every summer...

and that's how all their seminars and articles and books get written for the year.

and that's more like me, yeah.

blocks that way.

not part of every day... the time taken to transition in and out of a task... that transition point is painful. physically. owie.

just get into the space... and run with it until you literally run out of gas. couple months. yeah. that sounds about right.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 25, 2018, at 20:08:59

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 5:09:54

> and then you have the professors with the houses in the rural places who shut themselves away for a couple / few months each and every summer...
>
> and that's how all their seminars and articles and books get written for the year.
>
> and that's more like me, yeah.
>
> blocks that way.
>
> not part of every day... the time taken to transition in and out of a task... that transition point is painful. physically. owie.
>
> just get into the space... and run with it until you literally run out of gas. couple months. yeah. that sounds about right.

So a dedicated academic would be your ideal position.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 1:12:50

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 25, 2018, at 20:08:59

> So a dedicated academic would be your ideal position.

oh, no, god, no!!!

I just mean that if I was required to write as part of things (and I wouldn't rule that out) then I would want a quiet place to retreat to so I can reinvent the wheel. You know, independently discover the conclusions of Rawls so as to disprove it being an artifact of cultural hegemony.

Haha.

I've been reading wikipedia - can you tell?

No, really, I want to do surgery. Actually do surgery. Not talk about doing surgery. Do surgery. Not apply for funding to do surgery. Do surgery. Not write to / for the journals about surgery. Do surgery. Teach surgery? Maybe one day. I figure before you teach surgery you should probably learn surgery. And practice it for a long while. Write about surgery? Probably not. I would jolly well hope they would be a bit picky about who gets to learn what out of concern that they will go and... Well... There's no shortage of sadists in the world, I've learned.

Insofar as that gets boring... Well, I don't see that it would. If you were doing trauma surgery or cancer surgery then each operation would keep you on your toes, pretty sure. Enough... Variation. Potentially unexpected things...

Yeah.

I expect that would keep me too busy to write about all this woffly crap. Everyone else needs to reinvent it for themselves, anyway. I'm not really reinventing... Documenting. I don't know.

I found this:

'Kant writes in his essay ''What is enlightenment?' that enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed immaturity. Immarturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. This immaturity is self-imposed when its cause lies not in lack of understanding, but in lack of resolve and courage to use it without guideance from another.'

That's nice, that. Of course there's also no shortage of people who will refuse to allow you to grow up, if at all possible. Mostly because they need a little help growing up, themselves. They're just doing what they need to do to survive...

Sigh.

I know I'm supposed to say I want to go to Harvard. That's what you are supposed to say. I think some people do get to go, from here, for a time. Maaori people. To do stuff in public health. They don't come back talking about human rights and distributing the burden of development of herd immunity and so on, however.

So, either they're sending the wrong people (I would imagine there is something to that because Maaori have sort of culturally adopted this view of elite royalty Maaori...) and / or they aren't teaching them basic most principles of social justice and the like...

I know each state kind of is like a different country. And I know of my experinece in North Carolina that there is some kind of public health system... Or healthcare for people who don't have health insurance.

I am curious about the UK, though. The NHS... How that works (better than our public health system). I have also recently learned a bit more about Scotland. I didn't realise the Edinburugh model of medicine or whatever... Colonial... I didn't realise that Scotland was such a big country and was quite distinct from England and so on... It's got me a lot more curious about the UK, now. And Scotland, more in particular. Which is one of the points of here. Sigh. The red cross... Yeah...

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 1:24:43

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2018, at 5:09:54

Because of course I keep talking about Australia -- but that's only because I know rather more about it. Because we are a (impoverished and much abused) problematic state of it, really. I mean... we are treated like second class Australian citizens. We cannot apply for HECS funding (so take out Australian Government Student Loans for undergraduate courses - including Medicine) but Australians can take out New Zealand Government Student Loans for undergraduate courses - including Medicine. So... Their students can apply for and take places here - but not the other way around. Which makes us... Second class citizens of Australia.

Of course it is up to our Government to rescind that. That was the appropriate response when the Australian Government rescinded it for our kids. But our Government did not. Primarily because... They have no self-respect? I guess. It makes no f*ck*ng sense, at all.

But of course I need to look into things further abroad, especially the UK. I say UK because of the whole English Speaking thing. I guess people also do look into India and so on. I think it is about getting clear on requirements for various things. Registration to practice in whatever country you want to be based in long term. Or... If there is an a-symmetry then registration to practice so you have more options open to you rather than less. Then being mindful of.... Tick tock... And making sure you do what you need to do to meet the copious requirements...

I am fairly sure that doors are fairly much closed to people getting to practice in the US if they have'nt trained in the US. There is an a-symmetry on training. In other words... US if you can get it... But you probably can't. You mgiht get to go for a while and learn teh odd thing which you can take away with you. But then I guess it is about being mindful of what you are learning and whether you are wasting your time. I mean... I know there are really complicated operations that can be done. Hand transplants and so on. If you have several workable teams who are capable of doing their jobs such that you can substitute players and not f*ck things up irrevokably. It would be great to experience such a thing. But that... Infrastructure... We are still back at the point of 'and did you put that other half of the medication back in the fridge - or did you leave it out on the bench?' Which is why we have'nt quite managed to get access to a bunch of medications that need to be kept refrigerated yet. In hospital settings.

Which is why, of course, smaller private hospitals. Because you just can't get anything done in public...

There used to be competent people - didn't there? And then they went away? What happened? Or was it always an illusion... It's just that I'm growing up?

?

Probably the latter. Sigh.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 1:30:27

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 1:24:43

No... I think there is an intentional undermining of the public sector in this country.

But the thing is: That's what's happening. And: What you gonna do about it? And the answer to that is: I got nothing. I can't do anything about it.

So... What you gonna do?

Why... I'm gonna do the only thing that seems to be left: Work to get the hell out.

That is what I have been doing...

Trying to get to go to school. That would be great, eh? After all the years of work I've done they might see fit to let me go to school and learn what I want to learn and one day... Maybe before I turn 50 they might consider I've done enough work to get to go to college!

Yeah.

I think they call it.... Development. Or something.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 2:03:33

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 1:30:27

I think it is because we are trying to give it back.

New Zealand.

We are trying to give it back to Maaori.

I think it is a sort of massive social experiment. That works because we are an Island nation and because investment from the UK, the US etc has been relatively low. Perhaps in part becuase there didn't turn out to be high-value natural resources here.

There is a genuine interest in seeing Maaori develop as a people. In seeing them take increasing levels of control over various aspects of infrastructure.

Universities.
Degree Programs.
Schools.

Increasing political representation.
Increasing amounts of money (with treaty settlements) and the like.
Giving shares in mostly-foreign-now companies. Like fishery companies. Becuase the foreign companies brought huge freaking trawling ships and access to foreign markets.

But the process of giving it back can't preceed teh... Cognitive development. And skills. And so on. So that they can run / manage things in humane ways.

So... The guy saying 'we thought it was culturally appropriate'. The issue is that: Somebody managed to sell him (somebody managed to sell elite Maaori) the idea that it was culturally appropriate.

There is still... There is still this element of beat-down-ness that doesn't enable them to stand up for their interests, appropriately.

There is no understanding of human rights. That Maaori are people. That that is why they should have health and houses and so no. Becuase they are human beings. Becuase they are of equal moral value.

I did say that I wanted to help here develop. And I do. But I also need to be able to function. And up unti now I have had a really hard time functioning, here. The only way I could see how to function was, at times, begging pleading ... At times... What felt to me like outright lying --- which is so very... Repugnant... To me... But I simply didn't see any other way for me to get my most basic of needs met in this country.

People go because they can't function here. People... Won't let them.

There is this surgery simulator thing they have up North. I've gone on about it before. But the idea is that it is supposed to 'teach surgeons a lesson' about how they can't operate without buy-in from their team.

And it is supposed to effect teh result that teh surgeons go 'oooooh!' in a moment of cognitive realisation. They now understand that they need to spend several days making sure each and every person in their surgical team is happy and feels heard and so on before they can hope to proceed...

Only the effect is for people to work harder to get out of this hell-hole because they realise they will never be allowed to get anything done, here.

And I'm not sure who is behind all this. I suppose con-munications... Leads me to believe it profits mostly the Americans and English and so on... The foreign nations that benefit from our people working hard to get to go there... At which point those nations get to treat us like cheap foreign labour for all the jobs their locals don't want...

I guess at the end of the day... You gotta keep motivated enough to seek opportunity. Instead of wasting time with alcohol or whatever spend time looking into what options there might be out there. Learn what you can... And at some point you find some kind of a fit where you feel at home / comfortable and you feel happy to nest there. I suppose it might be hand transplant where you go 'I wanna be surgeon number 6 who gets to do the bit where you tie off x!' (over and over and over and over and over and over for very best outcomes for that op in the world!!!). Or you might want to do your own cleaning somewhere closer to the front line. Who knows. I don't know. I don't see how one could know in advance.

It's the story everyone has known for a while, though. You get a team who works well together, and there you go. Things work well.

I don't know why we have so many brain-damaged Maaori in such prominant positions... Everywhere... All around. I don't know why we have so many brain-damaged people. Front lines of hospitals and the like. I don't know why we give these people any kind of power at all when they need help and need not to be in the position of powerful helping. I try and figure out why things are the way they are here and best I can figure is it really is just the way things naturally tend to be when there is the lack of skilled people and the lack of infrastructure.

Of course an alternative to the whole 'they fired the skilled people' is that the skilled people just left. Maybe I am noticing the infrastructure because teh infrastructure is going in. Maybe that is the preconditdion for the skilled people to come and be able to function here.

Maybe the public hospital here has been not up to standard for quite some time and the people in charge genuinely are very genuinely inept.

IN that case there is no alternative but to allow smaller hospitals (OR's really) to develop where the surgeon (or f*ck knows who) hires the whole f*ck*ng team from start to finish (including right to fire if it just doesn't work out). So the whole thing isn't held to ransom by nurse who can't put thing back in fridge or cleaner who doesn't understand spray and wipe isn't sufficient for cleaning surgical equipment.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 7:10:23

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 2:03:33

when i was interviewed for here i met up with someone who i met on a internet board forum. our interviews were around the same time. I was happy to walk but she wanted a taxi - she ended up in the back and I was in the front. I ended up paying (she didn't jump in to split the bill). In the coffee shop she didn't offer to buy me a coffee to split the bill that way.

Of course I could have said 'you get me a coffee because I got you the cab'. But that's not really the way I am. I just make a mental note of how she's not a reciprocater. She's someone who is happy to take more than her fair share - if she thinks she can get away with it. If I get to choose who to work with in future, it won't be with her.

Maybe that's not fair. I would give her other chances / observe how she acts with others.

Anyway... She ended up being offered a place.

That surprised me. She was Australian and had no ties to NZ.

That means the NZers they pick to do Med have no ties here.

I don't see how else to view that.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 18:46:44

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 7:10:23

anyway... i will look into school. i will look into it. i don't want to look into it before i even get into med school, though. because it is too hard if it doesn't happen, you see. last time... nearly f*ck*ng broke me. for real. i don't have anything i want to live for, if this doesn't happen for me. if it does happen i know already it will be complete sh*t more likely than not. becuase whatever people are determined to make this country sh*t and make it a second class version of australia is operating at the level of universities and degree programs, too. and if australia wants to incentivise people to aim for australian universities and pay australian fees to go to them then i guess we are stuck offering cheaper degrees that are obviously inferior. whether australia sees it this way or not - people here seem to, so that is that.

from what i know the us system is hard because of the requirements that are made of people for entry to med in the first place. you have to do degree first and there are breadth (option) and depth (compulsory) components on that. the compulsory components take you across a standard curriculum. we only have 1 year of standard curriculum before med. and even if (and i don't actually know this) the standard curriculum in the US takes you accross only 7 papers - they are spread out across 4 years with 'lighter' breadth papers as well to help you distribute your workload. we just cram them all into one year - which only advantages the students who have had really thorough teaching at secondardy school. and most of our kids in public schools are herded into overcrowded classrooms with kids who come to school without breakfast and without shoes and... you have no idea how bad things are here for most of us.

we are moving to try and get people in as graduates - so they will be better prepared. the idea is they will come to med after having done a whole degree in physiology or biochemistry or whatever. and if the physiology or biochemistry or whatever degrees involved taking people across the standard f*ck*ng curriculum that would be the case. but typically we only get segments of things that are standard curriculum and that are well taught. often lecturers teach... idiosyncratic curriculum. for want of a better term. whatever they like. because they don't know the standard curriculum either.

for example: there is a standard textbook for pathology. it is one that you are supposed to work through or whatever for teh STEP exams or whatever... we use it here, too. there is a big whopper of a textbook. there is also a big whopper of a multi-guess test book to accompany it. so... you might think that reading the book, trying to learn the stuff, learning the answer to the multi-guess would be the way of approaching learning that content - right? and you might hope that the lecturers will do what they can to walk us through the content. to make the complicated and confusing bits (that would take many hours to sort out) clearer for us and more simple to learn. But, no. Instead... They'll introduce all this other stuff that isn't in there. They won't teach the 'standard' stuff that is in tehre. They will insist on making up their own multiple choice questions where they ask us questions that they did not teach us the answer to. I mean... It is like they use the multiple choice to ask us all the things that they don't know. Genuinely. And then when they are choosing for themselves what they are going to mark off as the 'right answer' they just go with the kids who have previously been identified as 'smartest' because of their grades previous years: what res hall they were offered place in: what secondardy school they went to. there is simply deference to that cohort.

i expect there is an element of this everywhere and this is just a... caricature sort of version. like the politician who shows us what a sham things are... i'm sure there is a element of this in the ivy system... to ensure... hereditary advantage... to try and reward people for investing thousands and thousands and thousands into private schools...

on the other hand... shouldn't good teachers be rewarded for being good teachers? wouldn't we wnat to support and reward them for that and support and reward a system that acknowledeges and encourages and allows that?

and the answer is: yes. it's just that i've been rendered null and void and my voice has been considered illigitimate since... forever in this country.

which gets me feeling resentful and locked out. yeah.

and it is hard, i know, becuase sometimes i have dropped the ball because i didn't know. and then people go 'sorry but we simply don't have the resources to help you'. i didn't file my tax return when i was in the US. that was very (very very very very) bad of me, indeed. i went to a whole day seminar on how to do that... but i never did the paperwork. i will have to do that, at some point. to make it right.

anyway...

i will look into the us. instead of thinking i am necessarily locked out. i suppose when it comes to med, here, i was supposed to shotgun apply over differnet years. i just couldn't believe it after that awful aussie girl... then, the next time, i couldn't apply because... local maaori got veto and they vetoed me out. you had to pass all papers and they failed me for... having an opinion. it was public health and you were supposed to (treat it the way they do chemistry or whateve) wrote learn the garble and spout it back). only... i employed prior knowledge and answered their f*ck*ng question and they did not appreciate that. no speaking rights, you see. low levels are when they get to employ incompetents to lord and master over you... just to train you to get the hell out. i guess. i don't know. i can't function there / in that. maaori always have targeted me for worst treatment because they are aware i make their elite idiots look bad. there are plenty of plenty bright maaori. that's the thing. there are plenty of them... it's just that noody is allowed to see that / them. they are the ones who are most abused to stick around and look after...

i wasn't kidding about how maaori are doign so very much better overseas than they are doing here. in this country. it's sad. it's like the maaori leaders have decided on an extinction strategy for their own people, sometimes.

i'm not maaori. no speaking rights. nothing i can do.

just get the hell out.

i've done my time.

i'll look into colleges. i was thinking i can't afford to go to college in teh us. but i will need to pay to go to college anywhehre so... why not pay to go to college in the us -- if you can. why not? i guess it is just... rumour.. or whatever... thinking it is out of my reach. maybe it isn't. other people do. us is filled with immigrants. i will look into it. and... the registration thing... what's the differnece between practicing unregistered in the us and practicing unregistered here? well then, practice unregistered then. i think that's all there is until you get into a college. so... anyway... 1) get into med. otherwise... all bets are off.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 19:42:45

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 18:46:44

The answer is: probably not. But you gotta be in to win and so you basically save to buy lotto tickets. Each application has an associated fee, you see. I think I looked into that and it was AUD$5,000 to apply for orthopedics specialist training in Australia. That gives you some idea. Then you have the fees involved in sitting various examinations. Surgical Sciences examinations etc. The purchase of preparation material and so on.

On the other hand... They know how much you earn. And they also know who goes into the whole thing with trust funds and the like (and would expect a corrspondingly greater contribution given that).

I guess you can hope that the people behind the system / process have an eye to fair-minded. but in any individual case it is a lottery, yeah.

I mean... What's teh alternative to the system / process not being fair-minded?

The worst would be to believe it wasn't (and to give up) when it turned out that it was.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2018, at 15:37:50

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 26, 2018, at 19:42:45

what is tiresome is being required to re-invent the wheel over and over and over and over and over.

It is tiresome because we know it's there. It isn't like it took all that much of a leap to see it's there and work towards figuring out the details.

It is also tiresome because other people have done it already and could teach it which would save so very much time. Then that time could be put to use learning other things which also take time.

And in this way things could progress.

I didn't come back here to re-discover the state of philosophy in the developed world 50 years ago.

And yet, here I am. More fool me.


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