Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1100843

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 106. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 8:36:42

You okay?

Been thinking of you...

How is your security system on your house? I think it sounds really cool. Wish I had one :)

I'll get a helmet cam for my bike first, though. To at least scare people into thinking that if they wrong me I'll... Sue them.

I got my test result back. I huddled in with the herd. Little below, actually. I suspect that's the aim in this country, though. Huddle in. Head down. Aussie doesn't want me. No threat to your kid. And all of that. This means I have totally and irrevokably lost faith in their tests. There is just no way my section 2 isn't one of the best they've ever seen. Except for their crappy questions, of course. I mean... These stupid card things my school paid heaps for that did reading comprehension and the like... I remember working those cards. For fun. Like c'mon. C'mon. Even a personality test. What's the idea? To give good marks to the wanker kids of wankers? Bonus marks for seeing the patient and getting a boner yo. Yeppers. Anyway...

I read something on the GP people and why they do the interviews... And they actually seem to believe they can pick them. And they can pick them better than anybody else can pick them. And they believe they are the best...

And so on.

And they be full of it. Of course.

Of course many choose not to participate. You just gotta jump through the hoop and go.

At least I know there isn't point studying for it for next year. Since I don't have a huddle of private school kids to huddle with and collude on the attitude that is appropriately conveyed in their theory of mind test.

Huddle with the herd. Ideal. Clearly. And then we see how many people think I'm too old on interview. Goodie.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 8:53:58

In reply to Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 8:36:42

And of course they know where I applied.
And they know there is no cut off for where I've applied.
And it doesn't actually matter where I sit with respect to candidates overall - it only matters where I sit with respect to the candidates who have applied to where I have applied to.
And (I would imagine) the ones who end up going there would have scores a little lower...

Only... I've come to realise... I think they just don't care that much. I mean, really. They just don't care that much. We are talking about an institution where the sons of sons of sons of sons... And they don't care about aptitute or about equity or about justice or about fairness or about... Well, anything or anyone. Really. Overly much. I mean... Take a look around. How much of anything at all seems fair?

Anyway.. I was a bit bummed about it. Because I keep wanting them to be fair and so on. But they keep disappointing me. Yep.

Even the whole equity thing. It's the sophistication of 'we should let in the undesirables so they can take the jobs nobody else wants - okay?'

Fairness. They totally nailed it.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 9:08:56

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 8:53:58

ugh. don't mind me.

there is a particular character (shall we call him) in these parts... he really rubs me the wrong way.

i think it's because he was meant to introduce someone for something... a lecture on ethics. a nice lecture on ethics, actually. anyway, in the introduction he was not able to say much because of something... something about how usually he would gush about all the money that the speaker had brought to the university...

and i wondered if it was botox...

but, no. i think there is something... off... about him.

anyway... he is all involved in equity stuff in these parts. i guess it's a case of the primary beneficaries giving him all that money so he can ensure they remain the primary beneficiaries of the status quo. you know the idea 'we need to do 5 million generations of research' before state the obvious will be acknowledged. and so on...

i said it a while back... about how i couldn't stay here if i didn't get to do med because it would turn me into a psychopath.

i need to not interact with him. i need to not work on equity because stuff like that seems primarily stocked with those who work to serve the interests of those who keep the equity groups in the awful condition they are in.

it's sad. it's not that the people are undesirable. it's that the ones profiting at their expense... the property managers and the like... the managers of the clinics...

i guess that's why here is a sorting hat. there's no freaking way you'd hang around.

anyway. i'm mostly done with him / this now.

strange... all the way back when someone gave a talk and Rawls... the original position. people here just can't / won't... i don't know if it's a however many generations of inbreeding thing or quite what...

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 13, 2018, at 14:20:20

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2018, at 9:08:56

Sorry, I havent been checking the past couple of days. I had a wee procedure thats kept me preoccupied.
I do feel safer in my home with all of my bells and whistles. Im definitely torn between having immediate distrust of strangers and wanting to give people a chance.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2018, at 18:23:28

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 13, 2018, at 14:20:20

> Sorry, I havent been checking the past couple of days. I had a wee procedure thats kept me preoccupied.

okay. well, preoccupied in a good way, i hope.

> I do feel safer in my home with all of my bells and whistles. Im definitely torn between having immediate distrust of strangers and wanting to give people a chance.

yeah. me, too.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2018, at 18:41:56

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2018, at 18:23:28

i handed in my thesis.
doing the thesis was fine.
dealing with administration was a pain in the *ss.
they dragged their heels the whole way...
from altering a number field on my application and then resubmitting it (late) on my behalf (so they weren't going to process a late application)
to taking more than 6 weeks (standard) to process the application
to people with grand titles (but no authority i could see in university decision making or regulations) proclaiming that no i couldn't do this or no i couldn't do that or that x or y or z was how things needed to be

the idea is supposed to be:
these are jobs.
these are (at the end of the day) government jobs.
jobs that are paid for out of GDP.
jobs that are paid for out of international student fees.
they are good jobs for the people.
they pay alright.
people feel... good about themselves. i guess.
they have titles and they have proclamation power...
and i guess a lot of students believe they have genuine authority.
and maybe they do. if there's enough of them. i don't know...

i'm glad i'm not located there.

why is it so hard to have organisational structures do what it is that they are supposed to do (facilitate the production of quality, timely work).
all the time with all the blustering and group meetings and winding each other into a state of mutual offense or...
then you gotta hire a manager...
and a manager to look after the managers...
and so it goes on.
ugh.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:24:54

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2018, at 18:41:56

The thesis thing is weird. I thought... I thought my supervisor was a sensible person with a sensible head on her shoulders. Only now i'm starting to wonder where I got that idea. I don't mean that in a nasty way, I just mean... I thought she was, but now she's got me wondering...

The faculty has been dragging it's heels the whole time... Basically all `no no no no no you can't finish in less than one calender year that wouldn't be fair to our other students' even when the uni calender regulations leave `year' ambiguous between calender and academic and actually, it's a 120 point paper which is 1200 hours and when you look into the (lack of) labour laws (and also the reccommendations)...

But it's become a bunch of people who got their yak on... And decided that no no no no no it couldn't be done. Not if they had anything to do with it.

And it's primary school, or whatever, all over again.

What are you supposed to do in times like this? Is this where you are supposed to take a day out of your life to go around and placate everyone 'I couldn't do this without you' when what you really mean is 'if you are determined that you have absolutely nothing better to do with your time than work to undermine what it is that i'm doing - even though what it is that I'm doing really doesn't concern you - AT ALL'.

And so the people go away and they can retain control of it all. For the good of. Them. I suppose.

Probably because they have some inkling that if they got a bunch of people like me then people wouldn't be taking a day out of their lives to hang out with them all day and placate them all day.

Happy birthday, them.

Sigh.

I really am not good at sucking it up when people are not willing to do their job.

I have a really hard time when people don't seem to understand what their job is and work towards doing their job to the best of their ability.

I handed in my thesis when I said I would. I need to hear back from externals that it has been accepted by x date. The Dean (who - according to the calender - makes the final decision) said `we try to get the examination process wrapped up in 3 months). and so: I submitted the best I could 3 months prior to x date. The very best I could do. As I said I would.

And now my supervisor is `you really shouldn't have submitted it without my saying it was okay for you to do that'. And I'm like `because you want it to be on your head that I don't get it done in time?' I thought she was kidding... I mean... She has to fill out a form of whether she thinks it ready *or not* to go to external examiners. And she ripped into me about my *expecting* her to sign off on it. And I'm like: Handing it in on time: My job. Handing it in of good quality: My job. Saying whether or not you think it is ready for external examiners: One of your jobs. That's why the form gives you options. See? And then she rips into me for my *arrogance* at thinking it will be good enough without her say so. So I point out `you thought I could grade how many students work??? And you don't trust me to have ANY IDEA on the quality of my own?' Maybe she does run her work through everyone in the university (spending a day with them all to check they don't mind) before submitting anything to the journals... Maybe she does. Maybe they all do.

ffs.

AAAAAAARGH

Can someone help me see this in a way that I can be... Better... At diffusing these sorts of things. Even if... Especially if... There is some little email template of 2 paragraphs of `homage to you' that I put at the start, or whatever it is that I have to do so people will get on and do their jobs and let me do mine.

And this is, of course, why you gotta work with a team of people simliarly focused. At the end of the day. Because these other folks... Would drive you mad. They really really would.

I get people grieving and stuff. Because that affects them. But when people want nothing other than to not see anybody working, at all...

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:39:53

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:24:54

I guess that's why there's nothing much to be done but to huddle with the herd of people `just like you' whatever that means.

Because, yeah, at the end of the day it isn't a faculty that is known for being highly productive. And I guess there are a bunch of people with vested intereset in it staying that way.

And if I manage to finish in a timely fashion then the question is raised about why can't more finish in a timely fashion? And the current state of the University economy depends on keeping them believing they aren't good enough to be anything more than what they are... You know, sessional assistants hired for the jobs the permanent staff least want to do. Maybe... Or maybe not. Depending on the whims of the permanent staff. Which means they would have to do a bunch of `making nice' with the permanent staff to have any job at all...

Which is fine and good but does it result in greater productivity for the permanent staff? I would think it would only be justified (if at all) because of some claim to greater productivity...

Or maybe it is about having a greater volume of low paid jobs. I think it is the `low road' to growth, again. All these manager and assistant managers and all these `department advisor or x' or whatever...

You know it is harder and harder and harder to find academic staff at the Universities. What they do is they make the department not about the staff, they make it about the degree. The actual piece of paper. And the degree regulations require you to take various courses. And it's the... Non-personal institutional structure that they sell...

And it sort of disguises the fact that *there's nobody home*. The actual academics were viewed as totally replacable units. I mean, you could hire a lowly paid sessional assistant to do the work of the... Professor? How high does it go? Not sure... You could do that and the kids won't even notice. Or, if they do, what they gonna do about that? Not finish their degree in the minimum time? But they'll be stuck believing they are never good enough.... Forever.. Hahahaha.

Awful people. Awful structure.

I don't believe one has to join them. But how are things going to develop, then. How do they? Yeah.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:47:56

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:39:53

there's a wisdom in you, pc.

i have often thought a taser to the frontal lobes would be a solution to everything.

if i was as... i don't know what... maybe that would fix me and i'd fit right on in.

alchohol has a similar effect? numbing.

it feels like alchohol breaks the loop... but... sometimes it doesn't. sometimes it gets one... ruminating.

i worry that yoru treatment might be doing that to / for you. because we don't know what it does. evertying that effects the brain works via electro/magnetism, at the end of the day, and chemical stuffs are magnetic (the ions and atoms and molecules have valence)...

i realise i am left stuck in my head, now, after doing that work in that amount of time.

i can't remember the last time i had a... conversation with someone that wasn't about buying groceries or buying a swimming ticket or paying for gas.

i haven't been enjoying people.

i haven't seemed to have met people who enjoy the things in me that i enjoy / value in myself, so...

it's time to go, yeah.

I might look into how I can apply for refugee status in various Countries... Only... then I'd start out `targeted' as a refugee... they don't consider them for med, here, either. for their own good. of course. of course it is dear, you just keep on believing it.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:57:09

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:47:56

and then at the end of the day they will probably make me `improve' my work by repeating myself over and over and over and over and over to `help the reader' because they seem to assume that the reader can't refer themself back to the introduction which tells the reader what will be done in what chapter. that's right, the reader wants everything spelt out for them because the reader lacks the capacity to have a... reaching... inquiring mind... trying to understand...

and so it will be crafted into something appropriately... tedious.

eventually, if all goes well, it will be indistinguishable from something produced by a computer algorithm. it will consist all and only of sentances lifted from other publications (all suitably referenced of course) in an effort to say precisely nothing over and above what has been said before.

because it will result in so many jobs for the people if all the jobs are that one.

and the suicides will help keep the numbers down. you don't need to worry abotu contraception or abortion you can literally let things be self-selecting...

ugh.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 14, 2018, at 22:39:33

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2018, at 20:57:09

Aw, Alex, you are so frustrated! You operate on a different level of intelligence, obviously, than your thesis whoozit lady. Im sorry you have to go through this.

I resume my brain zapping on Monday for a final three weeks. Its claimed to do no harm. Well, I guess Ill find out. So far so good. My mood is starting to come around to agree that Im not depressed as well. Im very impressed, especially given my skepticism for the efficacy of the treatment. (Can the placebo effect overcome that?)

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 6:42:36

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 14, 2018, at 22:39:33

> Aw, Alex, you are so frustrated! You operate on a different level of intelligence, obviously, than your thesis whoozit lady. Im sorry you have to go through this.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it is that. It might be. I thought she was... Immune... To the gossip brigade. To start with I was like... She's testing me. Because she's trying to train my other panelists (more junior staff). Only, I don't think that is it. And then I'm remembering... And mutual friends... Who were friends of mine... But who did like to get together and gossip (whereaas I really did not)... And I see that she's part of that, yeah.

And one of the guys who is on my panel who took several weeks to read chapter one... To make suggestions... And one of the suggestions was that he thought I was saying that homosexuals should be eliminated from society (because, yeah, I'm totally all bigoted like that, he totally nailes me). And so I can't even hint at what I'm going to say later because he's going to want everything spelled out already at the time... And then my whole crafting...

And suggesting things... Different. For the sake of suggestions...

Is not how things get finished. And it's not my fault that he only got to comment on one chapter. But if he can't keep up...

And I'm done with people telling me to `slow down'. I'm hitting on 40 and people are now starting to say 'it's too late'. Well: more fool me. yeah, I really don't think so. The externalisation psychopath to me is kicking into gear.. Because.. Well.. What the f*ck do people expect when they treat you like an idiot piece of sh*t for so long... Just because they can. Tee hee. More fool me? Yeah... Sure. Something like that...

> So far so good. My mood is starting to come around to agree that Im not depressed as well. Im very impressed, especially given my skepticism for the efficacy of the treatment. (Can the placebo effect overcome that?)

Well that is good. Think about placebo response (and I am not saying that this is placebo response).. But think about placebo response... Is that it is actually pretty darned effective (compared to no treatment). Which is another way of saying that a significant number of people report very genuine improvement. That is why we are so keen to control for it. Because placebo response really is *that good*. It's freaking hard to develop a treatment or a medication that can match it.

But, of course, what works as a placebo for you... Or for me... Might be a bit different. I don't know. I bet a lot of work has been done on how to maximise placebo response (rather than how to eliminate it or control from it). Because it really is *that good*.


 

Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:17:12

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 14, 2018, at 22:39:33

> You operate on a different level of intelligence, obviously...

I didn't like reading that. It sounds... Arrogant. To think that. But, what if it is true? Then it isn't / can't be arrogance, I don't think. Unless I misunderstand arrogance.

I was at the pool yesterday and watching the kids on the diving boards while I was doing joint manipulations / stretching of my feet right at the end. One of them started yelling `I did it! I did it! I did it!' after doing something off the dive board. I missed what she did, honestly. I didn't have any context for it. My natural response was 'nobody likes a braggart', though.

I think about my life... And I think about how in my life I have joined with others in celebrating others achievements. And how I've genuinely felt some happiness and joy for them that things are going well for them and... Empathised... With their successes in life. Like... How a little kids want parents to do that with / for them when they watch them play sport...

And I think about those same people... And about how they seem to prefer it when things go badly for me. Getting this in on time required a lot of hard work from me. I did it. And people's response is denial 'no - you didn't'. And people's response is to accuse me of arrogance 'it isn't good enough' (they haven't even read it!).

All my time in NZ... I didn't manage to find anyone to... Actually care about me, here. That's how that feels... Seems to me.

My supervisor wants to tell me what I can do to help others want to help me. Instead of getting them off-side and deciding that they have nothing better to do with themselves than work to undermine me.

I guess I'll say 'sure, you let me know what you think about that'.

I suspect I already know what the answer to that is, already: Stay with them in their swampy swamp perfectly attuned to the slightest little thing they need from me. Sparkle in the eyes. Check. Empathy sad. Check. Indignation on behalf. Check.

Which would leave an empty shell of me.

Check.

Not sustainable.

If there was... Intellectual curiosity and delight and wonder and joy and so on then I'd find... Nourishment... In partaking. But otherwise... Not. It's exhausting. For me.

Happy Birthday.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 15, 2018, at 20:27:11

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies, posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:17:12

I said that because in hears past I have felt so very stupid while posting to or responding to you. Ive gotten over that feeling. Its me, not you. But Ive not been educated formally beyond high school, know nothing of academia. I didnt mean to upset you. I meant it as a tribute. Backfired.

My birthday was spent prepping for a colonoscopy. Im having some surgery in early October, after the TMS treatments conclude.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:51:09

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies, posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:17:12

I ran into the cleaner of the res hall I was in last year, in the supermarket.

She was awful. She would want to yak yak yak yak yak for ages. And all the yak would be complain this and gossip that. It would be all `I'm not doing good / well' for this, that, and the other reason.

Anyway, she was looking terrific. She was looking a good 10 years younger for having retired. But she was same old same old full of complaints.

She complained that she didn't feel welcome back there, anymore. She would go back and hang out with the people for morning tea, you see.

But the trouble would have been that she would have made morning tea 40 minutes of yak yak yakking about her and everything wrong with her and how awful everything is.

Every morning there would be like a 40 minute slot or whatever where she's hover around the stair well so you simply couldn't avoid her if you wanted to get down for breakfast.

Every week day morning you would have to deal with her as the first person you saw when you left your room. And she'd have a complain about how all her towels were going missing or about how the boy across the hall was leaving his room in such a state or about how...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww x. Pooooooooooooor you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you.

Guilt. Shame. Pity. These were the emotions she would try and induce in you to get you back to Awwwwwwwwww x. Poooooooooor you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you.

That was my mother all over. Awwwwwwwww x. That's okay. We can do whatever you want because you want. Sympathy vibes for you. Sympathy vibes for you.

And so she'd get to do whatever she wants.

Which was mostly not her job. I mean, she would not do her job. Vacumming... She would leave crap everywhere. She would not take out rubbish. She would not take leftover clothes from the laundry to the lost property. She would put her cleaner rags and cloths in the washer when she left for the day -- expecting someone else to move her washing out of the machine into the dryer and then into her laundry basket... in other words, she was creating *more* work for everyone else while *she was getting paid for it*.

I told her not to bother cleaning my room. Because if she told me she was vaccuming it weekly - and she wasn't... Then I might get sick from dust mites that feast off my skin flakes (not that I said it quite like that). But if I vaccumed it myself - then I'd know it had been done. Because she was lying about doing it. You can run your hands across the carpet (you surely can in my room) and get hair... I know my hair shed rate and I can tell if it's been vaccumed or not.

That was a good win for her, huh. Less work to do and more time for yak.

But then I think to myself... Why not simply fire her and hire someone competent? She does deserve a living wage because she is a person. But she is incompetent at that particular job. She needs to be doing something as part of a team where there is no opportunity for her to yak. maybe something involving something noisy. welding. i don't know. i don't know. but whatver it is... not that...

I wonder who cleans operating rooms. Or whether the surgeons gotta do that themselves. I bet in much of the world, the surgeons gotta do that themselves. Everything yourself. As much as you can of everything yourself. Because other people... Yak yak yak yak yak. pooooooor you. Empathy vibes for you. Empathy vibes for you. Empathy vibes for you.

There was this whole surgical checklist thing that was supposed to help. The idea was that at the start of the surgery... Day? Or every operation? Or every staff change? Everybody says what their name is and what their job is. To remind themself to focus on doing their job, you see. To say it out loud there. Right at the start.

Only... Apparently now there is some discussion about a checklist that needs to be done before the checklist. Because the staff buy-in still... Not there.

Of course I understand you don't finish an operation and go `I did it!' Maybe you did do - part of it - but the thing simply couldn't get done without everybody doing their job.

It's obvious.

But with the thesis. One person writing a book... Of course they are influenced by the ideas around them...

But you gotta go away from other people to do that. And most people can't. Most people seem driven by going about the place inducing others to go 'empathy vibes for you, empathy vibes for you, empathy vibes for you' on demand.

Which is... Energy draining. For me.

It's about being emotionally sensitive. Eh, PC? It's about feeling what others are feeling. Catching some of their vibe. It can be hard to develop the... Maturity to repond to that in a... I don't know the word... Complimentary way. It's a way that acknowledges the feeling and shows you something related for it to morph into. It provides... A way... Out... Or... Along...

I see some Mothers have it for their kids. Infants, even. The way they respond to their... Grizzles. Communications. The mother is responsive to their needs. Is it feeding time? It is sleeping time? There is a predictable schedule of events in an infants life... You can work out which it's likely to be... And the infant will communicate when it's time for the next event. In increasing degrees of... Insistance. You don't need to let them wind up to a state of upset before you respond to them 'demanding little arrogant little! thinks they know themself better than i do!!!! who do they think they are!!!'

sigh.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:59:23

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:51:09

it's like...

trying to play a team sport when all the individuals are focused on running after the ball instead of holding their field positions so they can play their part.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 15, 2018, at 21:49:06

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 20:59:23

> it's like...
>
> trying to play a team sport when all the individuals are focused on running after the ball instead of holding their field positions so they can play their part.


Yes.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 23:02:33

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 15, 2018, at 21:49:06

> > it's like...

> > trying to play a team sport when all the individuals are focused on running after the ball instead of holding their field positions so they can play their part.

> Yes.

yes. thanks, pc :) you are good for me to talk to.

i know... she didn't know what her job description was. and neither did the people who were the boss of her. they didn't appreciate anything she did right. they also didn't appreciate that she went over and above what could reasonably be asked of her time and time and time and time and time and time again... and that, sometimes, this was why she didn't have time left to get to the things that... were supposed to be her job.

she did need a hand. she did need someone to say 'if he left stuff all over his floor then don't vaccum his floor. if it is possible for you to leave him a note saying if you want your floor to be vaccummed then leave your floorspace clear on such and such a day' then that is all can be reasonably expected of you.

and it would be better if she had 2 sets of rags and cleaning cloths. so that she could wash one days load first thing the following day (and get washing done and out of the washing room during the day time when most of the people are out).

and while the industrial strength cleaning stuff is nasty for her to work with there needs to be some kind of compromise so she isn't using her own products she purchased from the supermarket. because that stuff is for home and not for commercial use. it isn't designed to be used in residental student halls...

but none of this is my job.

and it is when you are trying to get a good team. you are partly responsible for making that. i do get that. i do. and i also get that it is really common for people to not see and appreciate some of the... unseen... things that people do. like putting things in the steraliser and not just giving them a quick little wipe with their hanky.

but i was paying to live in the residental hall. i wasn't been employed by the hall at all. i wasn't having my rent subsidised for me to play any kind of role in any of that.

and when i did bring things to the attention of managers whose job it was... they were completely dismissive of me. i mean, literally. when i said it would be good to wipe doorhandles and hand rails with disinfectant occasionally i got a `rubbish rubbish there are germs everywhere and if you wipe them the germs will only come back' type of response. in favor of never wiping these things. not even during times of... flu epidemic. in residential halls...

so...

i will see what she says. i don't want to be domineering... only... i'm starting to see that you actually have to be. like the scrubs episode where doctor cox tried to be JDs friend and then JD didn't listen to him when he said something important.

i guess... partly it is about how much you want to get your team members doing tehir job by trying to get them to do it by way of inducing shame and guilt in them.

?

no... i think i refuse to play that game.

there does need to be a forum for them to be heard. yes. a checklist... could be undermining of that. i do see that.

but i also need to be on a team where people are focused on team outcome. not on undermining the team outcome for their own ends.

i think my supervisor... and the dean... are testing me.

i choose to believe.

(((pc)))

i am glad you are here.

how many treatments do you have left? are you still feeling more functional?

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 0:01:25

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2018, at 23:02:33

> > >
> yes. thanks, pc :) you are good for me to talk to.
>
Thanks

>
> but none of this is my job.
>
> and it is when you are trying to get a good team. you are partly responsible for making that. i do get that. i do. and i also get that it is really common for people to not see and appreciate some of the... unseen... things that people do. like putting things in the steraliser and not just giving them a quick little wipe with their hanky.
>
> but i was paying to live in the residental hall. i wasn't been employed by the hall at all. i wasn't having my rent subsidised for me to play any kind of role in any of that.
>
> and when i did bring things to the attention of managers whose job it was... they were completely dismissive of me. i mean, literally. when i said it would be good to wipe doorhandles and hand rails with disinfectant occasionally i got a `rubbish rubbish there are germs everywhere and if you wipe them the germs will only come back' type of response. in favor of never wiping these things. not even during times of... flu epidemic. in residential halls...
>
> so...
>
> i will see what she says. i don't want to be domineering... only... i'm starting to see that you actually have to be. like the scrubs episode where doctor cox tried to be JDs friend and then JD didn't listen to him when he said something important.
>
> i guess... partly it is about how much you want to get your team members doing tehir job by trying to get them to do it by way of inducing shame and guilt in them.
>

> but i also need to be on a team where people are focused on team outcome. not on undermining the team outcome for their own ends.
>
> i think my supervisor... and the dean... are testing me.
>
> i choose to believe.
>
> (((pc)))
>
> i am glad you are here.
>
> how many treatments do you have left? are you still feeling more functional?
>
>

I start back on Monday morning for my final 15 sessions. Im doing well. I cant detect any entropy setting in as I expect it will. After that some minor surgery with a months recuperation. Ive got another challenging bit ahead for me.
PC/CS

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 19:49:34

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 0:01:25

> I start back on Monday morning for my final 15 sessions. Im doing well. I cant detect any entropy setting in as I expect it will. After that some minor surgery with a months recuperation. Ive got another challenging bit ahead for me.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. A month's recuperation doesn't sound insignificant, but I'm glad you are feeling confident about the surgery :)

What is it? Curious...

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 20:05:26

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 0:01:25

well my supervisor said that she is going to reccommend that the thesis be failed outright.

that it not be sent to external examiners, at all.

unless... i rescind my submission and work on it, for her, for another 10 days...

I wasn't sure what to do... So I decided to stay the course.

I said to her that if you are operating and the anesthetist says 'you have x amount of time' then you go with that. when the dean (who makes final decision on everything) said 'we try and have examination wrapped up in 3 months' then it's probably wise to go with that. so i submitted it 3 months prior to when i need to hear about having completed.

And I think of all the theses I've read, over the years. Ones that were done on time, and ones that weren't. And I think of all the student work I've graded... And I think about how these days it's all online grading grinder. And often the people grading it don't seem to have taken the time to have read it... Increasingly...

At least one of the external examiners needs to be based overseas. So perhaps there is some saving grace...

I don't know.

My supervisor says she doesn't know why I think I need to get it to the Dean 3 months prior... She thinks the best chance I have of getting it accepted on time is if she gets more time with it before it goes to externals.

Only... When I graded for her she told me not to take any marks off at all for students who submitted their work late. So... I don't trust her judgment on timely completion. And the number of things she's graded that were late... Those don't get to set the standard. But then, even if they did...

It might be that that's how things are in the Arts, now. It's a way of bonding your students so they will never be able to leave you. You make it so only those submitting late get their theses accepted.

Is this really the way the world works? 'Works'... That's one word for it.

I do wish I had someone I could talk... to... through... someone to bounce ideas off IRL. Someone who was professional. With respect to not disclosing what I speak of with them to any third party. I don't believe such a thing exists anymore. I don't believe such a thing exists in these parts. People only seem to want information to figure how better to bind others to them. My `friends'... Yeah... One of them said... She's glad that I don't have more because then they'd never see me. Only it's her believing it that makes it so. And it's the lack of equality that makes it so tiring for me to spend time with her. But it's supposed to be funner for her this way? In the past... When she was a weedy geeky teen people treated her badly. I get that.

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 20:16:51

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 19:49:34

> > I start back on Monday morning for my final 15 sessions. Im doing well. I cant detect any entropy setting in as I expect it will. After that some minor surgery with a months recuperation. Ive got another challenging bit ahead for me.
>
> I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. A month's recuperation doesn't sound insignificant, but I'm glad you are feeling confident about the surgery :)
>
> What is it? Curious...
>
>
>
>
Hemorrhoids. Three week anticipated recovery period. Owie.

 

Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 20:17:21

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 20:05:26

i think putting it the way i just did... i see that i did the right thing.

i was worried because i think it's probably a false analogy about the anesthetist telling you how much time there is. i think you have a nurse who reads out vital stats and a bunch of people who look anxiously at each other. so, in other words, i think it is more collaborative...

on the other hand... from the time i applied to do this people have dragged their feet... right the way along... so it's more a case of just getting on and doing it to the best of my ability in the face of a... gaggle of people who get together and `he says she says we says' that there is no way you will (no way we will allow you to if we have anything to do with it) get things done.

the thing about the dean of the school of graduate research... waikato has a good chemistry department and a good computing and mathematical sciences department and a good... and there will be people, there, who crank out work in a timely fashion. and she is dean of them all. and she knows i'm doing this to be freed from the arts and not to launch my career in the arts on the basis of this. so...

it's only made me more determined than ever that there's no way i want to join them. was that the intent? who knows. i didn't ask to be born.

 

Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 20:44:33

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 20:16:51

Yeah, owie. I'm sure they have lots of experience with good outcomes for that one :)
I have had... lapses. That resorbed. Phew. But it really was most uncomfortable and there was much anxiety from me about whether I was going to have to to the doc and have them take a look and then get put on the wait list and then...

It's tempting to try and source those little rubber band things for yourself, but it's also tempting not to temp fate with an infection. For sure.

I think they are pissy that I was 'I did it!' when I submitted it on time. Because they don't get many grad students and they were enjoying being helpful...

And I wasn't there to take time out of my day to go and chat to them to try and get them onside with wanting to help me. Or at least allow me. And I wasn't there to be able to... Help them. In anyway. They didn't get to see if / whether I was helpful. Or anything.

Is it really arrogant of me to expect that people can just... Read it. And assess it's quality for the number of hours it is supposed to be?

My supervsior seems to want me to be scared. No... To express fear to her. Supplication. I guess that's the idea of her informing me she's about to tell the Dean that she thinks it's an outright fail.

Maybe to see if I conduct myself professionally when things don't appear to be going my way.

I choose to believe the later.

:)

 

Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 20:51:05

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies, posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2018, at 20:44:33

I do think its true that theyre miffed that you arent behaving as expected or demanding; youve got their collective noses out of joint. It means nothing but I admire you for getting the work in on time and complete. Im certain a professional demeanor is the last thing theyd expect, just guessing. For whatever reason someone might feel threatened and not know why.

(I was finding my health complaint was getting much worse when stressed. I was in a pickle.)


Go forward in thread:


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.