Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1099195

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Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2018, at 6:49:41

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2018, at 6:17:44

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt8B5bkr8l0

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22

Posted by SLS on June 30, 2018, at 8:34:33

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2018, at 2:41:44

> Why did you stop volunteering? You said you were doing 7 hours a day which is pretty impressive. I cant do that right now. You had surgery? Its not an accusation i just want to understand your situation.

I left my volunteer job last August in order to take care of my mother, who had spinal surgery. Then came my medical emergency. It took me about two months to recover. My reluctance to return to volunteering is partially monetary. It costs me quite a bit of money to commute. I am considering returning next week, though. It is hurting me to be home with nothing to do. I will start by going twice a week.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2018, at 9:47:28

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on June 30, 2018, at 8:34:33

Is there not some authority that can help you with the cost for the commute? The people where you work maybe or the state? Sometimes positive change can come without changing meds. I didnt change mine in ages and yet i am willing to do sports again which i did not for months. Hmm i am young. Its easy for me to talk... I didnt have to endure 40 years of mental illness. I endured merely 8 years. Let us know how it goes and have faith in the fact that things can become better even though you may not find your magic bullet med.

Probably not like the pre-mental illness years but livable.

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS

Posted by alexandra_k on July 2, 2018, at 0:14:08

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on June 30, 2018, at 8:34:33

> I left my volunteer job last August in order to take care of my mother, who had spinal surgery. Then came my medical emergency. It took me about two months to recover. My reluctance to return to volunteering is partially monetary. It costs me quite a bit of money to commute. I am considering returning next week, though. It is hurting me to be home with nothing to do. I will start by going twice a week.

I see (a bit more). 7 days a week volunteering is a full time job of volunteering. What kind of work were you doing?

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Deneb on July 3, 2018, at 19:23:39

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on June 29, 2018, at 12:59:45

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you. Life really isn't fair. I think a lot of it is just luck.

It's hard not to start thinking of all the lost time, but none of us really know how long we have. We're all dying really. I feel like depressed people likely really have a more accurate view of themselves and the world, but I also think it's perfectly fine to be delusional yet happy.

Even though my life is "good" right now, I wouldn't have regret anything if I had killed myself way back, because I'd be dead.

I don't believe in an afterlife, and I actually find great comfort in the fact that our lives don't matter. Everything will be gone in some millions of years. I don't believe that anything that we do will mean anything in the long run.

So I will just live my own short little life and see what adventures come. There will be sadness, happiness, good and bad times. It will be interesting.

Either way, all will be gone one way. I hope you can find some joy somewhere.

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 6:53:58

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2018, at 3:37:09

Hi, Alex.

> What do you do with your days?

Nothing. I don't know. Until recently, I was able to find things to do. I mostly played around on the computer. However, ever since discontinuing Parnate, I have been doing absolutely nothing but lying on the couch and binge watching Law & Order. Apparently, Trintellix is making me feel worse, not better. I have anxiety and can't get myself to do anything. I had planned on resuming my volunteering this week, but I don't have the motivation or energy. I decided to skip today's dose of Trintellix.

For now, I am not having any suicidal thoughts.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 4, 2018, at 7:03:41

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 6:53:58

Its always a risk to try stuff. What was so bad about your state with Parnate and Abilify? What do you mean when you say you were stuck?

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:04:16

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS, posted by alexandra_k on July 2, 2018, at 0:14:08

> > I left my volunteer job last August in order to take care of my mother, who had spinal surgery. Then came my medical emergency. It took me about two months to recover. My reluctance to return to volunteering is partially monetary. It costs me quite a bit of money to commute. I am considering returning next week, though. It is hurting me to be home with nothing to do. I will start by going twice a week.
>
> I see (a bit more). 7 days a week volunteering is a full time job of volunteering. What kind of work were you doing?

I was lucky enough to find an organization that caters to people with mental illness. It is understood that people will not be feeling well enough to engage in activities every day. Much of the work involves keeping the organization running by soliciting funding and performing administrative tasks. There are creative outlets as well. People produce art that is shown and sold in local galleries. Creative writing is supported by having workshops. Cooking and preparing lunch is another activity. There are social workers to help out with keeping people involved and encourage people to interact in the community. The people there are great.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » Deneb

Posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:18:52

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Deneb on July 3, 2018, at 19:23:39

Hi, Deneb.

> I'm sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you. Life really isn't fair. I think a lot of it is just luck.
>
> It's hard not to start thinking of all the lost time, but none of us really know how long we have. We're all dying really. I feel like depressed people likely really have a more accurate view of themselves and the world, but I also think it's perfectly fine to be delusional yet happy.
>
> Even though my life is "good" right now, I wouldn't have regret anything if I had killed myself way back, because I'd be dead.
>
> I don't believe in an afterlife, and I actually find great comfort in the fact that our lives don't matter. Everything will be gone in some millions of years. I don't believe that anything that we do will mean anything in the long run.
>
> So I will just live my own short little life and see what adventures come. There will be sadness, happiness, good and bad times. It will be interesting.
>
> Either way, all will be gone one way. I hope you can find some joy somewhere.

Many of my beliefs are aligned with yours. I do not believe that there is a hereafter. We pass through existence but once. I find that belief to be both orderly and terrorizing. When I was younger and had many years ahead of me, my age was not an issue. It is now. I am running out of time. I have suffered a life of struggle and pain. I would like to have my remaining years make my life having been worth living. I don't see remission happening for me.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22

Posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:28:26

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on July 4, 2018, at 7:03:41

Hi, Lamdage.

> Its always a risk to try stuff. What was so bad about your state with Parnate and Abilify? What do you mean when you say you were stuck?

Anhedonia, anergia, and lack of interest and motivation still plagued me. My abilities to read, learn, and remember were still greatly impaired. Psychomotor retardation was still a problem. Although there was some improvement, there wasn't enough for me to function very well and enjoy activities. I was leading an empty life. Because I have experienced remission several times, I know exactly how much I am missing.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 4, 2018, at 7:36:56

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:28:26

Maybe you have an unrealistic view of remission? Healthy people can still be unmotivated and dysphoric. They still have problems that need attention.

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 4, 2018, at 7:47:34

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:28:26

I think you will be fine. Dont lose your faith. Just because you are a vegetable right now does not mean you will be for the rest of your life.

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 4, 2018, at 8:48:35

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 7:28:26

there is a whole world of non medication stuff to try that could make you feel better. It helps me a lot. You are not beyond hope

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS

Posted by alexandra_k on July 4, 2018, at 22:48:43

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on July 4, 2018, at 6:53:58

> Even though my life is "good" right now, I wouldn't have regret anything if I had killed myself way back, because I'd be dead.

I think I feel the same, Deneb. Sometimes I take comfort in knowing that pain and misery will pass. No matter how bad things feel, at times, it will pass. And one day there will be peace in the form of no more pain and misery.

> I find that belief to be both orderly and terrorizing. When I was younger and had many years ahead of me, my age was not an issue. It is now. I am running out of time. I have suffered a life of struggle and pain. I would like to have my remaining years make my life having been worth living. I don't see remission happening for me.

I think I also feel the same as this, at times, Scott.

I think (for me) it is because I decided not to have kids. It wasn't that I didn't want to contribute to this world -- it was that I didn't want that to be my contribution to this world. I had other contributions in mind, but I find myself stuck in a state of poverty fairly persistently which means I don't even have any kind of say in anything, whatsoever... Of course I do see that having a kid wouldn't have made me any the richer so I don't regret that. But I do feel sad that this world didn't work out for me such that I felt able to... Support?? Continued existence in it. Thinking of reproduction as a form of continued existence into the future, I mean. Like... A cutting, of a kind.

> I was lucky enough to find an organization that caters to people with mental illness. It is understood that people will not be feeling well enough to engage in activities every day. Much of the work involves keeping the organization running by soliciting funding and performing administrative tasks. There are creative outlets as well. People produce art that is shown and sold in local galleries. Creative writing is supported by having workshops. Cooking and preparing lunch is another activity. There are social workers to help out with keeping people involved and encourage people to interact in the community. The people there are great.

I see. That's something that people find makes life meaningful and worth living. People. People who accept things (e.g., that sometimes you don't feel like going in or doing whatever and to allow that). People who accept and actually value self-expression in the form of creativity.

In reading this... Of course I'm probably projecting my own issues... But what I thought of was an organisation struggling to survive... In the sense of much of the work involving soliciting funding...

I have been thinking a lot, lately, about sustainability. It's a buzzword now, which is upsetting. Something about the difference between a constant struggle to stay afloat (which my life has mostly been - living from week to week) vs a sense of security in having those basic needs met so one is able to work to increase that security or sustainability into other things...

I wonder if there are things that might contribute towards making the organisation more sustainable so people didn't need to spend so much time trying to attract funding? I don't know. I'm starting to think that along with inter-personal relationships figuring out how to get something that was struggling to stay afloat into a position of sustainability is one of the hardest things in the world. Especially when there may be management structures and / or shareholders to support...

I think things are particularly hard in this country because it is the 'easiest economy to do business in, in the world' (because we don't have laws preventing practices known to be harmful)... Because the management ideal seems to be to buy early, exploit, and get out at the right time. Rinse and repeat. Because a bunch of salaries were 'only supposed to be temporary' (along with my extreme poverty)...

I don't know that I'm talking much sense.

I guess this is why people like to plant trees.

But then I think about little red hen 'who will help me plant the seed'... And who will take the fruit for themselves in the night...

Do you have a bucket list? Running out of time for... What? What would you like to do with your life from this point, if you were well?

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k

Posted by alexandra_k on July 6, 2018, at 7:06:58

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS, posted by alexandra_k on July 4, 2018, at 22:48:43

> But then I think about little red hen 'who will help me plant the seed'... And who will take the fruit for themselves in the night...

And, of course, I didn't mean that. I meant something along the lines of 'and who will decide to make a lot of money off of exports by taking things in the night' - or similar. I just mean to say 'enough for everyones need - not greed'...

Sigh.

I don't mean to hijack conversation...

I suppose something I value is something to bounce off... Sometimes you resonate 'yes, I agree' and othertimes you uppose 'and no, that is you, and not me'. And, either way, it is self defining...

I don't really know you at all, I feel. I try... And you can resonate, or bounce. I don't mind. Just getting to know ya.

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Clearskies on July 6, 2018, at 22:42:46

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on June 24, 2018, at 21:29:27

Hi, Scott

Im sorry to find you in distress, too. Mine is mostly situational as too much stress is happening at once for me to be able to cope...I try to be kind to myself.

Please be kind to yourself. Were not well. I dont think remission is possible for me, either. Its disturbing that the lows get lower and longer. And have more dire consequences.

We dont really know our own value when were like this. You have no idea how much youre appreciated and yes, needed. Whether at warp speed or in a decaying orbit, we remain living and breathing. Well, maybe not living (in my case).

I wish you feel a bit better soon, Scott. I suspect the Parnate drop pushed this on to you.

Hugs
Nancy

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 7, 2018, at 4:51:09

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Clearskies on July 6, 2018, at 22:42:46

I didnt want to rub you the wrong way, Scott. Just trying to help. You can always come here to talk.

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on July 7, 2018, at 14:05:29

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » SLS, posted by alexandra_k on July 4, 2018, at 22:48:43

> Do you have a bucket list?

Not really. Too depressed. No interest in doing anything except to feel better. My construction of a bucket list will depend on what things I become interested in once the depression has lifted.

> Running out of time for... What?

Living.

> What would you like to do with your life from this point, if you were well?

Until last week, I was planning to get well and get a job in automobile sales. Now, I plan to live out my days trying to keep a roof over my head and avoiding depression and pain. I need to continue to process and accept that I will die while never having lived.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by SLS on July 7, 2018, at 14:06:48

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on July 7, 2018, at 4:51:09

> I didnt want to rub you the wrong way, Scott. Just trying to help. You can always come here to talk.
>

Thanks.

:-)


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 7, 2018, at 14:52:57

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on July 7, 2018, at 14:05:29

>avoiding depression and pain.

What is your plan?

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » Lamdage22

Posted by SLS on July 7, 2018, at 15:33:48

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on July 7, 2018, at 14:52:57

> >avoiding depression and pain.
>
> What is your plan?

I don't have one. One day at a time.


- Scott

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by sigismund on July 8, 2018, at 2:10:19

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott? » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on July 7, 2018, at 14:05:29

> I need to continue to process and accept that I will die while never having lived.

Not the life you wanted or can easily accept, but not a life without strong feelings.

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by Lamdage22 on July 8, 2018, at 5:23:29

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by sigismund on July 8, 2018, at 2:10:19

That might become a self fulfilling prophecy. That the depression that makes you think that way. From the outside you looked much better on Parnate and Abilify. You werent in remission but you were functioning. Not so many people reach remission. Especially not by meds alone.

 

Re: Are you okay scott?

Posted by baseball55 on July 8, 2018, at 18:16:57

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by Lamdage22 on July 8, 2018, at 5:23:29

Hi Scott - I identify with feeling empty and in despair. But I wonder, do you have any social supports - a 12-step group, a mental illness support group, a therapy group. I ask, because I still sometimes get so depressed that all I can imagine is suicide. But I am abel to reach out to people I've met in these sort of groups who make me feel less empty, more full. This has really been more effective for me that drugs, which only partly control the depression and do not hold me.

I understand that desire to isolate and hunker down, but could you set yourself one small social task a day - like go to the grocery store and converse briefly with the clerk (if only about the weather). When I am depressed and despairing, I really tend to isolate, but I've realized this just makes everything worse. Even severe melancholic depression ca be partly situational.

Maybe see a DBT therapist about concrete steps you can take to make things a little better.

I just turned 63 and I understand that feeling that life has passed you by. How old are you? But I go to AA and have seen people, including people with severe mental illness change their lives dramatically with the support of others.

I realize you are not an addict/alcoholic (though there are many people who go to AA for the social support who are not really alcoholics), but I believe there are groups for people with other forms of mental illness.

For some reason, I believe (maybe wrongly) the you live in NYC? These must be all kinds of social support groups in any big city.

You have my fullest empathy, hope an prayers.

 

Re: Are you okay scott? » baseball55

Posted by SLS on July 9, 2018, at 11:19:01

In reply to Re: Are you okay scott?, posted by baseball55 on July 8, 2018, at 18:16:57

Hi, BB.

I embrace everything you have said here. I greatly appreciate the time you spent composing this post. It is good to see in black and white your advice. Right now, I have available to me a volunteer "job" that allows me to be around other people with mental health challenges. I can do relatively easy work to pass the time and contribute or I can do nothing at all. It gives me a chance to be around people and socialize with understanding and support. It is more of a clubhouse than a business. It is modeled after the Fountain House facility located in NYC.


- Scott


> Hi Scott - I identify with feeling empty and in despair. But I wonder, do you have any social supports - a 12-step group, a mental illness support group, a therapy group. I ask, because I still sometimes get so depressed that all I can imagine is suicide. But I am abel to reach out to people I've met in these sort of groups who make me feel less empty, more full. This has really been more effective for me that drugs, which only partly control the depression and do not hold me.
>
> I understand that desire to isolate and hunker down, but could you set yourself one small social task a day - like go to the grocery store and converse briefly with the clerk (if only about the weather). When I am depressed and despairing, I really tend to isolate, but I've realized this just makes everything worse. Even severe melancholic depression ca be partly situational.
>
> Maybe see a DBT therapist about concrete steps you can take to make things a little better.
>
> I just turned 63 and I understand that feeling that life has passed you by. How old are you? But I go to AA and have seen people, including people with severe mental illness change their lives dramatically with the support of others.
>
> I realize you are not an addict/alcoholic (though there are many people who go to AA for the social support who are not really alcoholics), but I believe there are groups for people with other forms of mental illness.
>
> For some reason, I believe (maybe wrongly) the you live in NYC? These must be all kinds of social support groups in any big city.
>
> You have my fullest empathy, hope an prayers.


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