Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1095390

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

drama

Posted by baseball55 on October 11, 2017, at 18:13:30

I get together with a group of women friends once a week just to talk about things going on in our lives. I find that all of them seem to have endless drama in their lives - issues with children, grandchildren, spouses, ex-spouses, parents, siblings, friends.

I always feel like I have little to say because my life is pretty much drama-free, except for the drama I create myself with occasional bouts of severe depression. My family is doing well and we get along well, my ex-husband and I get along well, my parents are dead. My relationships with friends are pretty good, except for the drama in their own lives, which I have to listen to.

What about others? Is there a lot of drama in your life, or are things just rolling along?

I should also add that a lot of the drama seems to revolve around poor boundaries (letting others create drama in your life). It's something that comes up again and again in the group. I feel I have and have always had strong boundaries (at one point, too strong - nobody could get in except my daughter and husband). Do you have good boundaries or is this something you struggle with?

 

Re: drama baseball55

Posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2017, at 23:06:30

In reply to drama, posted by baseball55 on October 11, 2017, at 18:13:30

I think that some people enjoy drama. They enjoy feeling like a heroine in a soap opera. The excitement of experiencing a rollercoaster of emotion helps them feel vibrant and alive. They enjoy being a centre of attention / source of entertainment for others in telling stories about their dramatic lives.

I find that such people can be entertaining, at times. But I also find them to be fairly exhausting company, for much of the time. I am a person who needs very little stimulus to experience intensity / depth of emotion and such people... Fill my cup very very quickly indeed and do not wish to be regulated downwards, at all... I find myself reeling in response...

> I should also add that a lot of the drama seems to revolve around poor boundaries (letting others create drama in your life). It's something that comes up again and again in the group. I feel I have and have always had strong boundaries (at one point, too strong - nobody could get in except my daughter and husband). Do you have good boundaries or is this something you struggle with?

I guess I wonder whether the drama is wanted vs unwanted. Sometimes people find themselves amongst a lot of it, and they really do seem to want an out... Othertimes people (it seems to me) are a lot more active in creating it / feeding the sources of it around them.

I wonder how much the boundaries thing is about... People getting a 'rise out of you' - if that makes sense. Something something about feeding the troll... I think the idea is something like that... Something about 'any attention being better than no attention at all'. Something like that...

I think that sometimes people may only want a simple acknowledgement from me. Just a brief nod or smile or eyebrow raise. Then they would be happy. But I get it into my head that if a person is working... Then just let them work. Instead of constant interruptions... I get it into my head to not feed the troll.... To willfully ignore... Which perhaps upsets people to escalate their distration to the point of outright abuse (at times).

Not sure whether there are points of connection at all?

 

Re: drama

Posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2017, at 23:11:24

In reply to drama, posted by baseball55 on October 11, 2017, at 18:13:30

When I talk to my Mother she is an endless stream of things that are going on in her life. First, she'll tell me everything she's done. Then she'll start on about all the things that her friends have done. Once she's gotten to the end of that, she seems to think she's got nothing left to say. This is... Simply the way that she relates to people.

I could care less what her friends have done. I could also care less what she has done, quite a lot of the time. Often, she seems keen to tell me about dramas that are going on between her and one of my sisters. Or between that same sister and her neighbour... Or someone else in that sisters life... My mother talks about this particular sister an awful lot because this particular sister is a constant source of drama...

It is something to talk about for the concretely inclined.

I'm more a person of ideas... Ideas in books I've read, talks I've been to, just ideas that I have in my head. Dreams and aspirations. I don't know...

Can you turn the conversation to things like this, at all?

Maybe these sorts of things are where you choose to invest your time / energy?

 

Re: drama

Posted by baseball55 on October 12, 2017, at 17:47:54

In reply to Re: drama, posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2017, at 23:11:24


> I'm more a person of ideas... Ideas in books I've read, talks I've been to, just ideas that I have in my head. Dreams and aspirations. I don't know...
>
> Can you turn the conversation to things like this, at all?
>
> Maybe these sorts of things are where you choose to invest your time / energy?

Yes - I know what you mean. But i like these women and they are also interested in the world and in ideas. Being overly invested in ideas can be a problem in its own right, since it creates barriers to relationships with people who want/need to talk about emotional issues. But you're right. Some people thrive on drama and, maybe women in particular, can only talk about interpersonal problems in their lives.

 

Re: drama

Posted by alexandra_k on October 12, 2017, at 23:18:10

In reply to Re: drama, posted by baseball55 on October 12, 2017, at 17:47:54

It can be hard to think of things to say in response to 'how are you?', 'what have you been doing', 'what is going on in your life', or similar. I mean... If these questions / topics of conversation are the focus of the meeting. And then you want to be entertaining when you are talking...

I guess that's why people have books clubs and so on. For a topic of conversation. Or walking groups, or whatever, so you can go 'oh, that's an interesting sort of a plant, does anybody know what it is'?

 

Re: drama

Posted by baseball55 on October 13, 2017, at 17:38:05

In reply to Re: drama, posted by alexandra_k on October 12, 2017, at 23:18:10

This is a group focused on what's going on in our lives, how to be happier, better people. It's very honest. I just find that not much goes on in my life, emotionally, because I'm not embroiled in drama with children, siblings, friends, etc.

 

Re: drama

Posted by Pontormo on October 14, 2017, at 9:49:27

In reply to Re: drama, posted by baseball55 on October 13, 2017, at 17:38:05

Maybe you could consider things that aren't drama to be as important as drama. Some people don't have dramatic temperaments-- or have intense temperaments, but not dramatic modes of expression. I have a friend like that-- I wish she would feel comfortable confiding more in me-- I always think she has a lot to say, even though she contains it well and doesn't often reveal a lot.

I'll bet the other women would be interested, if you began to talk about some of your conflicts or even positive and inspiring experiences-- I woud imagine if they're self-aware, some of them at least sense that you have a lot to offer and wish you feel more entitled or freer to contribute --or take the stage-- more often.

(I know you do because of your participation here.)

 

Re: drama

Posted by rjlockhart37 on October 15, 2017, at 22:45:07

In reply to drama, posted by baseball55 on October 11, 2017, at 18:13:30

i don't make drama out of my life anymore, i keep it inside, think people....well its nice to have people to listen to you, and hear stories and stuff, but like throughout my life, i leanred to just keep in deal with it later, not that's a negative thing, but i learned to just keep it, and be my own therapist, i have a big self-help i created in a large spiral i created and write everything on plans on how to change, rid bad habits. but my boundaries change depends on where am, and what people are there if sense friendship im more open, but when i get small hits of dislike and biased, i just can sense it... raise shields and standby torpedo bays....

i think drama in some way creates a euphoria for some people, that why they motivate themselves to do it, and somehow it's enjoyable.

this is just a thought, not a statement: but listen to people that you think you'll be able to connect too, you would a see a future in friendship just by listening to them, their story ....what they talk about, don't judge book by cover because there's more to a person than just conversation.

 

Re: drama baseball55

Posted by beckett2 on October 18, 2017, at 2:50:53

In reply to Re: drama, posted by baseball55 on October 13, 2017, at 17:38:05

> This is a group focused on what's going on in our lives, how to be happier, better people. It's very honest. I just find that not much goes on in my life, emotionally, because I'm not embroiled in drama with children, siblings, friends, etc.


Does this create a feeling of remove from the group?

 

Re: drama

Posted by baseball55 on October 18, 2017, at 17:59:28

In reply to Re: drama baseball55, posted by beckett2 on October 18, 2017, at 2:50:53

> > This is a group focused on what's going on in our lives, how to be happier, better people. It's very honest. I just find that not much goes on in my life, emotionally, because I'm not embroiled in drama with children, siblings, friends, etc.
>
>
> Does this create a feeling of remove from the group?
>

Somewhat. I feel like, due to drama with people in their lives, the other women always have some issue to discuss when we check in at the beginning, but I almost never do - it's like, my relationships with my daughter and ex-husband are great, I had a good time with my sister, I love meeting friends on Saturday, my job is good and the people I work with are really nice, etc. I have nothing but good things to report. Whereas the others are always - my son asked for money again, my daughter sent me a nasty text, my sister or brother keeps asking me for money and manipulating me, etc.

I feel like Pollyanna. So I wonder if most people have all these issues or if I am more the norm and they are unusual.

 

Re: drama baseball55

Posted by beckett2 on October 23, 2017, at 1:06:45

In reply to Re: drama, posted by baseball55 on October 18, 2017, at 17:59:28

> > > This is a group focused on what's going on in our lives, how to be happier, better people. It's very honest. I just find that not much goes on in my life, emotionally, because I'm not embroiled in drama with children, siblings, friends, etc.
> >
> >
> > Does this create a feeling of remove from the group?
> >
>
> Somewhat. I feel like, due to drama with people in their lives, the other women always have some issue to discuss when we check in at the beginning, but I almost never do - it's like, my relationships with my daughter and ex-husband are great, I had a good time with my sister, I love meeting friends on Saturday, my job is good and the people I work with are really nice, etc. I have nothing but good things to report. Whereas the others are always - my son asked for money again, my daughter sent me a nasty text, my sister or brother keeps asking me for money and manipulating me, etc.
>
> I feel like Pollyanna. So I wonder if most people have all these issues or if I am more the norm and they are unusual.

I don't know if you're the norm at the moment. Likely there were times when there was more drama. My sense is you've worked on good boundaries and you've worked therapy. Enjoy the calm :)

As for myself, there is very little drama except for the flurries
that come with parenting a teen, but there were very rocky, dramatic times in my life with siblings and my parents' various health issues. Sometimes things feel a little dull, but the alternative I'm not sure I want.

 

Re: drama beckett2

Posted by baseball55 on October 23, 2017, at 18:56:36

In reply to Re: drama baseball55, posted by beckett2 on October 23, 2017, at 1:06:45

> I don't know if you're the norm at the moment. Likely there were times when there was more drama. My sense is you've worked on good boundaries and you've worked therapy. Enjoy the calm :)
>
> As for myself, there is very little drama except for the flurries
> that come with parenting a teen, but there were very rocky, dramatic times in my life with siblings and my parents' various health issues. Sometimes things feel a little dull, but the alternative I'm not sure I want.

Good point. I have definitely had periods where things were very hard - getting depressed, leaving my husband. On and on really. So you're right. I am in a period of calm right now. Hopefully things will stay that way for a while.

 

Re: drama

Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 2:55:45

In reply to Re: drama baseball55, posted by beckett2 on October 23, 2017, at 1:06:45


> but there were very rocky, dramatic times in my life with siblings and my parents' various health issues. Sometimes things feel a little dull, but the alternative I'm not sure I want.

Actually, yeah, I've surely had my share of dramas, too...


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