Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1092964

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Is it rude...

Posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2016, at 1:16:00

Is it rude to not answer the door if you hear someone knock?

Would it justify someone being rude to you (to pay you back for being rude to them)?

What if you were to say that you couldn't hear knocks because you wear noise cancelling headphones?

What if you were to say that you can hear knocks because all the money in the world can't buy noise cancelling headphones that are sufficient to block their knocks?

Do you need a big enough house such that you have plausible deniability?

Or... A big enough front yard such that there isn't an accessible front door?

I am starting to see why people want their big front yards, their security gates, their SUV and their garages / private parking buildings.

Is it an age thing?

Kids seem to huddle together, rather. The younger they are, the more they huddle. You see groups of teens, you don't see individual teens very much around here. And 20 is the new 15... And before you do anything you need to check that everyone in your group is okay with that...

Is it an age thing that I see it that way...

I mean, did it always use to be like that but I never saw it that way when I was part of it...

Or are things changing... More people. Therefore people huddle more.

I can't tell.

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2016, at 1:22:53

In reply to Is it rude..., posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2016, at 1:16:00

People didn't like Socrates very much. By all accounts he was ugly and people left him alone.

I wonder how much better I would get along in this world if:

1) I was male.

2) I was a big male.

I see people give big males their personal space, you see. It was once I saw how everybody was perfectly capable of giving the big males their personal space in the gym that I really got very very very very very freaking angry about how people simply will not give me my personal space. Because people ARE capable, you see. They know full well what personal space means, when it suits them.

It's the same in seminars... Not about physical size... But you can usually tell the head of research lab... The kiddies don't tend to crowd them or be all like 'oh sorry I brushed up against you *smile* *smile* *smile* tee hee!'

Though times are changing here...

I'm used to people dispersing into a room. Equidistance. DIffuse... People mostly aren't blind, they can see you over there. People mostly aren't deaf, either, people can have a conversation in low tones without physically getting all up in each others faces. I don't know why people here have a tendency to clump. I mean physically touching. People seem to be always physically bumping and jostling and pawing at each other. Literally bouncing off of each other. 'Sorry!' then right back into doing it again 'Tee hee!'.

If I pull a growly face it shouldn't be hard to read that as 'back off'.

You get it when your supervisor or the big guy in the gym does it...

People are typically out for taking what they can get from others... They don't give a sh*t about how others feel about that... It's not exactly endearing...

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by baseball55 on November 7, 2016, at 18:25:49

In reply to Is it rude..., posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2016, at 1:16:00

> Is it rude to not answer the door if you hear someone knock?
>

If someone knocks and knows you are there and you don't answer then that is rude. It is a clear message to the other person that you don't want to see them or talk to them. Most people would see this as hostile (and it is) and would respond accordingly.

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 8, 2016, at 15:19:39

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by baseball55 on November 7, 2016, at 18:25:49

yea it would make them mad, you could always say your bible salesman and here to take them heavan

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by alexandra_k on November 10, 2016, at 16:46:12

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by baseball55 on November 7, 2016, at 18:25:49

> > Is it rude to not answer the door if you hear someone knock?

> If someone knocks and knows you are there and you don't answer then that is rude. It is a clear message to the other person that you don't want to see them or talk to them. Most people would see this as hostile (and it is) and would respond accordingly.

Thanks.

That is what I thought. But I don't understand this social norm.

If people were knocking on the door as an invitation to be friendly then I would be free to accept or reject that invitation by choosing to answer the door or not without social sanction.

If I'm not free to ignore it without hostile consequences then I can only interpret it as an act of hostility. Either I answer it on demand or there will be negative consequences for me. They don't care whether I am busy or not, whether I want to interact with them or not, they only care that I do what they want when they want it.

It's like that strategy of how if you want to have an all night party and you are worried the neighbours will complain then you invite them to your party. And now that they have been invited the social rule is supposed to be that they aren't allowed to complain, at all, since they were invited.

I find these to be instances of bullying.

?


 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by pontormo on November 15, 2016, at 8:40:41

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by baseball55 on November 7, 2016, at 18:25:49

Is it rude? in a way, but not unforgiveably-- although it could be hurtful to the other person. There are many reasons that you might not be in a good place to open the door, that count for more at the moment han the value of being considerate to someone who rings the doorbell.

If you can answer the door and explain that it's not a good time, it's more thoughtful and probably best-- but sometimes it's not possible-- if you can't face the world at that moment, and you haven't asked the person to come.

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 15, 2016, at 11:23:42

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by pontormo on November 15, 2016, at 8:40:41

not answering the door, would make them look irresponsible and would feel more of like a deliberate insult.....it depends, if someone was in trouble with government, or collection agencies, that would be avoiding the problem, irresponsible, but if it's a friend that would be considered an insult

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by pontormo on November 15, 2016, at 17:02:44

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by rjlockhart37 on November 15, 2016, at 11:23:42

It depends on the circumstances and also the expectations of the person ringing the bell. Where I live it's not typical to visit people as a friend without specific invitation but I suppose it could happen. If the person knows you're home, it's different; If you're totally free, if's different from your being in the middle of something that it would be disruptive to interrupt.

Not to mention that it may very well be a delivery, the gas man, the doorman just dropping off a package, etc etc

I don't see answering the door in as monolithic a way as you do I guess.

 

Re: Is it rude... pontormo

Posted by alexandra_k on November 26, 2016, at 20:01:31

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by pontormo on November 15, 2016, at 17:02:44

Yeah, that's nice.

I was reading "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" and there was this bit about the difference between city and country folk. About the whole driving at the speed limit being focused on being where you want to go, already... vs enjoying the ride... Talking to pass the time...

About the space... How people feel more connected with the environment and each other... You pack people more tightly and people feel disconnected from all the people jostling them...

You sound like a country folk, to me. I'm starting to feel like a country folk as I get older...

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by alexandra_k on November 26, 2016, at 20:06:41

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by rjlockhart37 on November 15, 2016, at 11:23:42

This is why people have gates.

The tax people or the gas people or the delivery people can call you or text you or email you to set up a time.

The police may have a warrant...

Otherwise...

I think it is polite to call or text or email...

Or there is a way of knocking softly and politely... That says 'you can pretend you didn't hear me and that is just fine'.

I don't know.

Today... I'm sitting at my desk... And from out the upstairs window flies one milkshake container into the glass recycling bin. Then another milkshake container right next to it (miss).

I take the one that missed upstairs and knock... Determinedly... They pretend I'm not there... Which is their right. So I leave the container on their doorstep.

Then later I write 'sort your recycling' on the recycling and leave the whole recycling bin there.

Then some guy carries it back downstairs and plans on just leaving it there... So I go out to yell he can sort his recycling, I can phone the landlord, or I can phone the council and have him fined $400 for littering.

I'm sick of living with these...

What the hell is that??

Whatever the hell that is...

Children. After he sorts it (grumpily) he looks at me like I"m supposed to give him a high five or an m&m or something...

The hell...

 

Re: Is it rude...

Posted by alexandra_k on November 26, 2016, at 20:56:13

In reply to Re: Is it rude..., posted by alexandra_k on November 26, 2016, at 20:06:41

And it un-stuck me.

The rubbish out the window un-stuck me.

1) Find a place to live.

2) Get motorcycle.

These are the things I need to sort out...

It's not the same as having a class to go to. It's not the same as having stuff to learn. It's a different sort of focus / hub / fulcrum for my life. I don't like this... I don't like this, at all.

There is a house. A mini-house. It is a little tiny cottage. A one bedroom split level with a beautiful garden... And across the road is a tiny catholic school with safety gates... And really good playground / confidence course obstacles... The kind build from wood and old tires... The kind caring parents build on the weekend because they love their kids.

And it's pretty expensive. And it's going to get awfully cold. The heat will all fly up and out the roof. Not up to the upstairs bedroom... But up and out the upstairs roof. And the kitchen is at the back. And that will be awfully cold, too.

But it's free standing. I won't have someone's television blasting through the walls. I won't have people aiming and missing communal rubbish bins...

And there is a perfect half driveway for my motorcycle.

Perhaps...

I found my motorcycle, too. A good second hand one... Since everyone says don't buy your first one new because you will only want to sell it in a couple years to buy one that will last you more like 4 years... And my Mother is actually being okay about it all. I suppose... She's helped her grand-kids purchase cars at 2x the price... She might even be okay about my next bike (after I've got my full license). The one... The one I plan on taking small road trips on... I don't know that I can road trip on a 125... I should ask someone...

I just have to phone people up... And... Organise things. I find it hard to do the people interaction thing. I shouldn't... Apparently I do come across as quite likeable. People tend to like me. Anyway... The cottage is at my absolute price limit... Insofar as it is possible for me to assess such things... But it really does look to be perfect for me...

We will see...

I mean... Best I can figure most of the cost of electricity here is the fixed charge to get it from wherever it comes from to your door. Just being live. My actual usage... Changes with the seasons rather than with my actual usage, I think. I mean... Spring came... My room wasn't any warmer since it doesn't get the sun... My actual kilowatt usage didn't change any... But the pricing structure did and my bill came down. So... How much worse would the bill be if I actually turned more heating on?? It might not be as bad as I think...

I'm not sure why people live in the cold, here. I think it partly is habit. My mother has this odd paranoia thing about turning off the electric kettle etc etc... And I can't quite see why... She thinks it is about the money but I think it is another one of those things... Where it isn't really about the money, at all.

Maybe it is about... Seeing this. And just... Reaching for it. Saying 'I want it'. I 'need it'. Please can I have it? I mean... Like a kid would do. In really trying to persuade their parents... Maybe that is it.

Instead of my starting to think 'what - do I think I'm better than everyone else that I need to live in a place that costs nearly 2x the price? what's wrong with living with adjacent others (blaring their tv's and throwing their rubbish about?).

Cost doesn't track it... But cost is the best traction on it we've got... The places that charge $125 are fairly miserable... People drinking and yelling and throwing their trash about. The places that charge $250 are less miserable... People don't yell or throw their trash about as much. But then 2x people can live in a place that costs $250 and split the rent... And then it's back to the drinking and yelling and throwing trash about, again... And so on... And that's what's happening here. It doesn't have to be... There is a couple here and the guy is terrific... It really is about how well people manage themself.. How considerate they are of others... And I'm not sure why cost tracks greater consideration... Sometimes I think it really doesn't... But then if you go through the streets with the pretty shady trees on the front lawn and the high pickets all fenced off.... Things are just quiet and pretty and nobody is messing with anybody else.

Or... They've found different ways of messing with them. Not quite sure.

I don't know what to say. Except feeling bad about this... Taking things that make my heart sink because I don't think I can afford anything else... Hasn't worked out so well for me, over the years. Need to make a case to work and income. It's all... Discretionary. I think... If I write them a big report... Then I get stuff. Kind of like writing a research proposal. They said they wouldn't help me with the cost of a motorbike lisence - but they would a car lisence. So I made the case that it was more pro-social and had a lower carbon footprint to drive a motorcycle and... It looks like they will help me with the cost of a motorcycle lisence after all.

I suppose it is about how much you want it. How hard you are prepared to work for it. Govt reports. Ick. Haha.

Anyway... I phoned about a couple places. Which is better than having put off phoning about a couple places which is what I"ve been doing over the last couple days...

I just want... A home. Then to forget about this moving thing... I find it very unsettling..


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