Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1091319

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Re: ghost story

Posted by Tabitha on August 13, 2016, at 23:05:18

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by lil jimi on August 13, 2016, at 18:57:25

Hi again! I appreciate your sympathy, but I'm really not doing that badly mental-wise these days. Typical bipolar stuff. I'm on lithium now, which makes me feel like a proper old-school mental patient. In a way it's kind of bad*ss.

Regarding the boards-- since our numbers are lower, people mostly just post everything on Medication. I still look for posts on Social, Psychology, and Admin as well. Nobody is officially moderating. Dr Bob hasn't posted in ages-- over a year I think?

It's good to see a live thread on Social :-)

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on August 14, 2016, at 3:54:49

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 13, 2016, at 23:05:18

Hi, Tabitha

Thanks for posting back to me.

Well, I still respect you for taking on another challenge beyond my capabilities. I faced the cruel pressure of depression okay, but to sign up for the emotional roller coaster ride - ski jumping hijinx of bipolar is exponentially more excruciating.

20, no, 25 years ago now, wife and I fought infertility. Never did IVF, but we had specialists and all other kinds of procedures. Not quite a decade of expensive futility. One thing was almost constant was Syl was on pergonol, clomid and other fertility drugs. All of the time.

One day at home she comes in the front door and I'm by the far door that leads into the garage. I say 'hello'! She replies with laughter in her voice. It's I guess 50 feet from her to me.

As she takes a step she begins to cry. I brace myself to help her pain.
Syl takes another step. She laughs. I precieve a challenge.
Next step: She's cries..
Next step; She giggles. More of Jim's bracing.
Next step: yes, she is crying.
And so on ...

We get the idea. Every step, flipping. I don't know how many steps till she got to me. Alternating like that the whole way.

By the time she got to me I knew two things. I needed to hold her in my arms.
And at all costs

I Must Not Laugh!

It looked and felt, hysterically, absurdly comedic, but No! She was suffering. In one of hell's special subdivisions. It was not funny. Not to me and her.

We survived. Have a 17 yr old. A High school senior this fall. Once we outlasted our fertility treatments; gave up on them; And we accepted we wouldn't have children, Then our now HSer dropped into our lives. All the better for it.

Watching my sweet bride then (now thirty years wed) suffer like that showed me how much worse pain there is in this world, dramatically more than all of my fractures, surgeries, embolisms, whatever. I knew then and know now that what she was taking would've killed me dead. How she held out on those hormones as long as she did, I'll never understand. Years and years! Y'all Girls are made of tougher stuff than me. That is a fact! The day she finally said she couldn't do it any more was a relief of an infinite burden. I was Most thankful. Not everybody gets to be a parent. Unless you're a 16 yr.old runaway on meth. Then You can get pregnant. Or a brown Palestinian refugee homeless in Nazareth, maybe?

So we got to be parents of our sweet singleton.

But seeing her emotions getting ground up in that psychic tumbler/slicer that was pulling her apart like that changed my tune for good.

Any small fraction of that hormonal action eclipses my whining by light years.
Having a person's emotions taking control of them with malicious intent; having them dangle from the marionetteer's strings, jerking them around helplessly, polishing off any fractured shards of sanity? No. Please, please, no. (not as if any one gets a choice, jim.)

I salute all of our sufferers who are facing the challenge of bipolarity:

SAL - loooT!

I take it we are in a PB planet depopulation phase and the 'survivors' congregate at Meds to conserve their warmth. Or for the company. Or to play to a bigger audience. Maybe they're gambling? Whaddaya wanna bet?

I feel warm enough.

every one take care
- jim

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Clearskies on August 14, 2016, at 23:54:59

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, posted by lil jimi on August 13, 2016, at 20:29:00

> > Hi there, Jimi. I miss you! I am sporadic on here, with it so quiet.
> > I also posted as PartlyCloudy.
>
> Awesome, Partly!! It is so great to hear your voice! And *you* are just as gorgeous as ever, Babe! Warms my heart!
> And it's nice to be missed. Thank you. I missed you, too.
>
> Any ideas about what's up with it so quiet around here?

Yes, Dr Bob abandonded direct interaction with the site. No deputies to speak of, though there might still be a workable system.

>
> Climate change?
> Seasonal change?
> Tectonic drift?
> The Singularity?
> Astrological oppositions?
> Voodoo?
> Memories, Dreams & Reflections by Carl Jung?
> The Beatles' break up?
> Quantum mechanics?
> Kurt Cobain?
> Orbital mechanics?
> Kurt Godel? (Why is there never an umlaut around when you need one?)
>
> I'm running out of 'straws' to be grasping here.
>
> But Partly! Yes, Ma'am!
>
> So shall I call you Clear nowadays?

I answer to either, but I am Clear these days.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies

Posted by lil jimi on August 15, 2016, at 14:30:37

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by Clearskies on August 14, 2016, at 23:54:59

> > So shall I call you Clear nowadays?
>
> I answer to either, but I am Clear these days.

Then 'Ms.Clear Skies' it is. That's Clear to her friends.

I have abused the old standard
"You can call me anything you please, just don't call me late for supper" so much
that some of my (impatient) friends call me "Anything You Please" or "Late for Supper".

My good friends call me Jim. It'd make me happy if you would.

As I grasp your name change I want abjure the other putative puns.
People's names deserve respect especially when it's such a beautiful name and for such a beautiful person, Clear.

This second I realized I can use "Anything You Please" or "Late for Supper" on a message board/forum. (applause!)

> > Any ideas about what's up with it so quiet around here?
>
> Yes, Dr Bob abandonded direct interaction with the site. No deputies to speak of, though there might still be a workable system.

I'm processing slower than my normal slow processing. And my processors aren't online as regularly. But my cumulative computations over time sharpen the focus. And what I am seeing is blowing my mind. My goodness.

To leave
around '05 with the bustling and tumult of masses of users avalaching posts, with tsunamis of comments by cyber comrades, members, network citizens of, I imagine,

thousands (and thousand?)

of the most hopeful, crazy, friendly, confused, lonely, nurturing, angry, desperate, beautiful, suffering beings, all interacting in a vast matrix of reciprocal human exchange: A huge thriving virtual metropolis!

I never thought to check back, so there is no in between for me.
I got to lie down a minute.

To come back
August 2016:
I could never have imagined this. I called my thread "Ghost Story: Glory Haze" referring to ME. I'm so slow it's taken a week to come to grips with the scale of this depopulation.

I'm not the ghost story, PsychoBabble is the ghost story!
PsychoBabble is a GHOST Town!
('Ghost' seems such apt tag for some of the delusional denizens still haunting PB)
and it astounds me. Completely.

Maybe there are places in the archives that document what happened. Hsiang taking a powder seems salient, but it may be either cause or effect and we can't exclude it being both. Did the bottom get blown out of their rubber raft before the Sheriff road off Or was that Sunset already coming down and knocked him off that pony? Must hope Doc B remains unharmed and intact. That would be too cruel.

Did scientists discovering the Mayan ruins feel this way?

I need to rest again. I am flabbergasted!

Take Care
<'care,care,care' echoing across a distant horizon>

crickets chirping

wind blown tumble weeds

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Clearskies on August 15, 2016, at 19:45:52

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, posted by lil jimi on August 15, 2016, at 14:30:37

It's not for me to tell the Ghost Story of PsychoBabble. I believe several forces conspired to frighten the population into distrust. Critical on a site like this. DR Bob, even in the background, ran this site. He's letting it run itself, and we're bumbling.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies

Posted by lil jimi on August 16, 2016, at 16:39:07

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by Clearskies on August 15, 2016, at 19:45:52

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, Her Clearness:
"It's not for me to tell the Ghost Story of PsychoBabble. I believe several forces conspired to frighten the population into distrust. Critical on a site like this. Dr.Bob, even in the background, ran this site. He's letting it run itself, and we're bumbling."

Thank you, Clear.

I hear what you're saying. Well, at least, I think I hear what you're saying.

"It's not for me to tell the Ghost Story of PsychoBabble."

Fair enough. And not a problem. But I'm hearing that there is story to tell, confirming my intuition. And that story might be for someone (else) to tell. Maybe?

"I believe several forces conspired to frighten the population into distrust."

Yikes! Just the 'frightening population into distrust' detonates my head, even without the hypothetical 'forces conspired' lighting the fuse! I feel like I must the proverbial babe in the woods. My vague inklings of this from back in the day could never have imagined this outcome.

"Critical on a site like this. Dr.Bob, even in the background, ran this site."

Okay, Dr.Hsiung (whose name I recently misspelled here: sorry!) runs PBabble. And it is critical. PBabble runs because servers, networking, memory storage, software updates, security, firewalls, power supplies, more servers, lots of wires and connectors and other stuff are tested, operated and maintained by him. I cite the tech stuff because it's taken for granted, and it is done so well it succeeds by being transparent.

But I sense you refer to his presence on the boards, as a poster, a monitor, an arbitrator, and an authority figure/moral compass, kind of "ran this site". I experienced some of that.

"He's letting it run itself, and we're bumbling."

Dr.Bob's absence from the boards is implicated in this decline if only for enabling these bumbles? By 'several forces' coincided into the 'frightening' and 'distrust', maybe?

I feel certain Robert Hsiung, MD remains the " man behind the curtain" keeping PB online. My question becomes What has him holding PBabble at arm length?

I am playing the investigator/archaeologist discovering clues and digging for evidence. Your message offers me a clearer perspective, clearer, yet darker.

I respect this is not your story to tell. I appreciate your insights. Do not feel I expect you to answer my questions.

Thank you

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Clearskies on August 16, 2016, at 23:40:56

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, posted by lil jimi on August 16, 2016, at 16:39:07


> I am playing the investigator/archaeologist discovering clues and digging for evidence. Your message offers me a clearer perspective, clearer, yet darker.
>
I think that it is.

> I respect this is not your story to tell. I appreciate your insights. Do not feel I expect you to answer my questions.
>
> Thank you
>
I don't necessarily wish for the Old Babble. But a moderated board with multiple subjects seemed like the right direction to me.

CS

 

Re: ghost story

Posted by Tabitha on August 16, 2016, at 23:49:04

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, posted by lil jimi on August 16, 2016, at 16:39:07

Jim, I don't see evidence Dr Bob has done anything on the site except keep paying the hosting fees since his last post on Admin around 2014 (I think). There are technical issues with the site that have showed up and not been addressed, which is what typically happens when a site isn't maintained. There have been spammy posts about off-shore pharmacies that haven't been deleted. Bob was still doing that even after he had scaled back his moderating.

From the last threads on Admin, it seemed he was trying to transition into less intervention as a moderator, and more participation as a poster. That didn't last very long, and then he seemed to drift away. I don't think there was any specific announcement that he was planning to quit posting. He just stopped. You can dig into Admin if you want to follow the devolution.

Honestly I think the board is doing really well for an un-moderated space. The few remaining posters are all good citizens. Lou is still here and posting things that many folks find to be off-topic and inflammatory, but he's not posting every day. I only hope that Bob warns us before taking down the site entirely. It would be sad to find it just 404 on us.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by Clearskies on August 17, 2016, at 2:01:05

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 16, 2016, at 23:49:04

> Jim, I don't see evidence Dr Bob has done anything on the site except keep paying the hosting fees since his last post on Admin around 2014 (I think). There are technical issues with the site that have showed up and not been addressed, which is what typically happens when a site isn't maintained. There have been spammy posts about off-shore pharmacies that haven't been deleted. Bob was still doing that even after he had scaled back his moderating.
>
> From the last threads on Admin, it seemed he was trying to transition into less intervention as a moderator, and more participation as a poster. That didn't last very long, and then he seemed to drift away. I don't think there was any specific announcement that he was planning to quit posting. He just stopped. You can dig into Admin if you want to follow the devolution.
>
> Honestly I think the board is doing really well for an un-moderated space. The few remaining posters are all good citizens. Lou is still here and posting things that many folks find to be off-topic and inflammatory, but he's not posting every day. I only hope that Bob warns us before taking down the site entirely. It would be sad to find it just 404 on us.

I agree. He did answer a tech email I had a few days ago.


 

Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies

Posted by Tabitha on August 17, 2016, at 14:46:13

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by Clearskies on August 17, 2016, at 2:01:05

> He did answer a tech email I had a few days ago.

That's good to know. At least he's alive and functioning.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on August 18, 2016, at 20:43:02

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies, posted by Tabitha on August 17, 2016, at 14:46:13

Hi Clear, Hi Tabitha,
You guys have rung Jim's clock and I am now awake (albeit only for short intervals) in the year 2016 PB:

When Jimi and a few friends left their then silver, shining Metropolis that PB was in 2005, the society of PsychoBabble was so big, so multifaceted that neither their departure nor absence could have been noticed anymore than any big city notices any given dozen or so rabble getting out of town.

Here, once, the multitudes of suffering psychos babbled. And Dr.Bob's oversight reigned supreme.

Flashing forward into 2016: the multitudes are just dozens and it sounds like the Doctor checked out. Positive correlation of independent variables: Bob here; lots of posters: Bob gone; fewer posters. An accepted implication: Dr.Bob's absence contributed to, if not caused the population decline. It would be a necessary but not sufficient condition for the decline. This seems inescapably plain.

Why is the PBabble number of participants so dependent on Dr.Bob's presence?

I like Dr.Bob as much as any Babbler, maybe more than most. I got banned a few times, but never with (his) malice. I mean, he's cool. But I am missing a sense of the casual relation between 'him' and people coming here or not coming here.

I mean Tabitha is right: operationally this is the same place, it runs and functions the same. Only smaller. And without so much Dr.Bob, maybe. Which what makes me wonder why such a difference in population?

Possible variables intervening after Dr.Bob steps back and before mass departures? A king reigns in the fortress giving stability, bringing prosperity; king fades; security weakens; huns ransack; people flee; haunted castle remains OR frontier town springs up with marshall holding the reigns; town grows; commerce, etc; sheriff leaves; outlaws raid, then, ghost town. Other factors came to make things less habitable? Maybe?

To be accurate this metaphor fails because PBabble is not a ghost town nor haunted castle. As thin as it is you could say it's a ghost of its former self, but it is functionally healthy. It even seems vital.

At its foundation, we have to remember PBabble's chosen audience isn't exactly the most stable, if you know what I mean? Maybe they'd spook easy-like?

I'm thinking about the psychic cost, the psychological expense on Dr.Bob to run PBabble. I see the technical effort and it's time and energy as dwindling to insignificance compared to the personal involvement and emotional toll of having the whole of PsychBabble on his mind, and as his responsibility. All the time. Multiply that by people holding him responsible for people's well-being (he is a doctor), mostly when he is not responsible. Add people blaming and/or threatening him.

Can we expect Dr.Bob to shoulder that burden indefinitely? Can he get to have a personal life in the care free way like everybody else And stay hooked up to the whole PsychoBabble? Without him, he has created an incredibly complete resource for psycho pharmacological information and support. The reference section is deep.

I expect self-preservation alone makes one be more (and more) hands off then.

Sounds like it's not too bad to have a smaller PBabble. Easier on Admin anyhow.
I still wonder at the population's ups and downs as only suspiciously connected to Dr.Bob's active board-posting administrative presence.

I'm going to look in the archives.

Take care

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by baseball55 on August 18, 2016, at 21:53:46

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on August 18, 2016, at 20:43:02

PB was diminishing before Dr. Bob went AWOL and much of the reason, as far as I could tell from the heated discussions on the admin board, was Dr. Bob. I can think of dozens of people who left BECAUSE OF Dr Bob. I must say, I rarely read the admin board, but the discussions spilled over into all the boards. I never understood the anger and hurt and resentment, but I know it drove a lot of people away.

PB is much smaller now and I'm really sorry about the demise of the social and psychology boards. But it is really much more peaceable. Except for the occasional flare-ups about Lou Pilder, there are rarely any conflicts. The old days of people getting blocked and trying to undermine the board by insulting others and starting fights is mostly gone

But PB has become almost exclusively a medication board.

 

Re: ghost story

Posted by Tabitha on August 18, 2016, at 23:23:39

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on August 18, 2016, at 20:43:02

jim, I think there are reasons for the decline separate from Dr Bob. The site design is pretty old fashioned at this point. I personally like the text-only thing, but the thread navigation could use an update. I suspect lots of people who used to post on single-topic forums like this have moved onto more modern looking forums, to social media, and perhaps reddit. just speculating here.

 

Re: ghost story

Posted by lil jimi on August 19, 2016, at 10:19:38

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by baseball55 on August 18, 2016, at 21:53:46

I really appreciate your contribution here Baseball.

> PB was diminishing before Dr. Bob went AWOL and much of the reason, as far as I could tell from the heated discussions on the admin board, was Dr. Bob. I can think of dozens of people who left BECAUSE OF Dr Bob. I must say, I rarely read the admin board, but the discussions spilled over into all the boards. I never understood the anger and hurt and resentment, but I know it drove a lot of people away.

I am way too na´ve and uninformed. I regret I haven't got to the Admin archive yet. My already blown mind is further blown now. Too my pea-brain? Simply, unimaginable.

> PB is much smaller now and I'm really sorry about the demise of the social and psychology boards. But it is really much more peaceable. . . . there are rarely any conflicts.

Seems idyllic, now. (Ignoring an exception)

>The old days of people getting blocked and trying to undermine the board by insulting others and starting fights is mostly gone.

Here is what I need to read about to process.

> But PB has become almost exclusively a medication board.

Not necessarily a bad thing then.

I am realizing side-effects of my "Glory Daze": The shimmering haze over my recall casts my experiences in a conveniently positive light. Because, I was part of some contention and enmity, and left in a (small) storm, yet I'm so surprised to read this?

I need to read my own tracks in the archives. If only to compare what really happened to my memory's imagination. Then I can compare my past with these later conflicts.

I thank you, Basaeball.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on August 19, 2016, at 10:41:37

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 18, 2016, at 23:23:39

> jim, I think there are reasons for the decline separate from Dr Bob. The site design is pretty old fashioned at this point. I personally like the text-only thing, but the thread navigation could use an update. I suspect lots of people who used to post on single-topic forums like this have moved onto more modern looking forums, to social media, and perhaps reddit. just speculating here.
>
Tabitha,
Site design is something I fail to consider as well as competition from other sites, forums, media et al. I'm old-fashioned and I feel old trying to keep up with the explosion of these alternatives. Especially in the last decade, Jim. Hello?

At least, I have every alternative theory:
1) Bob was too present, heavy handed; drove people away.
2) Bob checked out, was too distant, gone? therefore people left.
3) Bob or no Bob, times change people left anyhow.

We may reasonably expect all three will be seen to have applied to varying extents at different moments.

Always appreciate your input, Tabitha.

 

Re: ghost story

Posted by Tabitha on August 19, 2016, at 12:46:50

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by lil jimi on August 19, 2016, at 10:19:38


>
> I need to read my own tracks in the archives. If only to compare what really happened to my memory's imagination. Then I can compare my past with these later conflicts.


Yeah, I recommend that. I trawled through the 2004-ish period when I was posting a ton on the psych board. It was tempting to reply to my past self. It's like a ride on a time machine. Whee!

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Clearskies on August 20, 2016, at 1:39:15

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on August 18, 2016, at 20:43:02

> Hi Clear, Hi Tabitha,
> You guys have rung Jim's clock and I am now awake (albeit only for short intervals) in the year 2016 PB:
>
> When Jimi and a few friends left their then silver, shining Metropolis that PB was in 2005, the society of PsychoBabble was so big, so multifaceted that neither their departure nor absence could have been noticed anymore than any big city notices any given dozen or so rabble getting out of town.
>
> Here, once, the multitudes of suffering psychos babbled. And Dr.Bob's oversight reigned supreme.
>
> Flashing forward into 2016: the multitudes are just dozens and it sounds like the Doctor checked out. Positive correlation of independent variables: Bob here; lots of posters: Bob gone; fewer posters. An accepted implication: Dr.Bob's absence contributed to, if not caused the population decline. It would be a necessary but not sufficient condition for the decline. This seems inescapably plain.
>
> Why is the PBabble number of participants so dependent on Dr.Bob's presence?
>
> I like Dr.Bob as much as any Babbler, maybe more than most. I got banned a few times, but never with (his) malice. I mean, he's cool. But I am missing a sense of the casual relation between 'him' and people coming here or not coming here.
>
> I mean Tabitha is right: operationally this is the same place, it runs and functions the same. Only smaller. And without so much Dr.Bob, maybe. Which what makes me wonder why such a difference in population?
>
> Possible variables intervening after Dr.Bob steps back and before mass departures? A king reigns in the fortress giving stability, bringing prosperity; king fades; security weakens; huns ransack; people flee; haunted castle remains OR frontier town springs up with marshall holding the reigns; town grows; commerce, etc; sheriff leaves; outlaws raid, then, ghost town. Other factors came to make things less habitable? Maybe?
>
> To be accurate this metaphor fails because PBabble is not a ghost town nor haunted castle. As thin as it is you could say it's a ghost of its former self, but it is functionally healthy. It even seems vital.
>
> At its foundation, we have to remember PBabble's chosen audience isn't exactly the most stable, if you know what I mean? Maybe they'd spook easy-like?
>
> I'm thinking about the psychic cost, the psychological expense on Dr.Bob to run PBabble. I see the technical effort and it's time and energy as dwindling to insignificance compared to the personal involvement and emotional toll of having the whole of PsychBabble on his mind, and as his responsibility. All the time. Multiply that by people holding him responsible for people's well-being (he is a doctor), mostly when he is not responsible. Add people blaming and/or threatening him.
>
> Can we expect Dr.Bob to shoulder that burden indefinitely? Can he get to have a personal life in the care free way like everybody else And stay hooked up to the whole PsychoBabble? Without him, he has created an incredibly complete resource for psycho pharmacological information and support. The reference section is deep.
>
> I expect self-preservation alone makes one be more (and more) hands off then.
>
> Sounds like it's not too bad to have a smaller PBabble. Easier on Admin anyhow.
> I still wonder at the population's ups and downs as only suspiciously connected to Dr.Bob's active board-posting administrative presence.
>
> I'm going to look in the archives.
>
> Take care

You are on to something here.
CS

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on August 20, 2016, at 2:10:55

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 19, 2016, at 12:46:50

I wrote:
> > I need to read my own tracks in the archives. If only to compare what really happened to my memory's imagination. Then I can compare my past with these later conflicts.

Tabitha writes:
> Yeah, I recommend that. I trawled through the 2004-ish period when I was posting a ton on the psych board. It was tempting to reply to my past self. It's like a ride on a time machine. Whee!

I'm replying:
My impression of the past isn't just fogged up from a warm, fuzzy aura of sweet remembrance, it's seriously delusional. Not even that's things were worse than I remember, (they weren't that much worse, I don't think) it's that whole chunks of my past got vaporized! I'm checking for major head trauma to account for such huge recall deficits. Not just PBabble things neither. Maybe electro-stim damage? Of course, nothing that I could remember.

This will take a while. Reading only a few of my old posts from '03 was gut wrenching. The Time Machine takes me on a Roller Coaster ride in defiance of my inertial frames of reference. Talk about your "nausea of existence", well, at least the 'nausea' part. This is hard on me.

And so far it's just to take a measure of my own past experience. That's before I'm getting into the archives about the great demise here. If my health were perfect it'd be a tall order. As it stands now, I'll have to digest this slowly one small bite at a time.

I feel perfectly clueless now in 2016, memory blanks and all. There's a whole other cluelessness I got going back 2003.

Your encouragement means a lot to me, Tabitha. Then and now. Thanks.

Cheers

 

Re: ghost story

Posted by Tabitha on August 20, 2016, at 12:38:48

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on August 20, 2016, at 2:10:55


> My impression of the past isn't just fogged up from a warm, fuzzy aura of sweet remembrance, it's seriously delusional. Not even that's things were worse than I remember, (they weren't that much worse, I don't think) it's that whole chunks of my past got vaporized! I'm checking for major head trauma to account for such huge recall deficits. Not just PBabble things neither. Maybe electro-stim damage? Of course, nothing that I could remember.

Oh, man, I'm sorry Jim. I didn't know you were going through that.


>
> This will take a while. Reading only a few of my old posts from '03 was gut wrenching. The Time Machine takes me on a Roller Coaster ride in defiance of my inertial frames of reference. Talk about your "nausea of existence", well, at least the 'nausea' part. This is hard on me.

Yes, I can imagine. The more you know, the more you know you forgot.

>
> And so far it's just to take a measure of my own past experience. That's before I'm getting into the archives about the great demise here. If my health were perfect it'd be a tall order. As it stands now, I'll have to digest this slowly one small bite at a time.

Take it slow, and be kind to yourself, past & current.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies

Posted by lil jimi on August 30, 2016, at 14:31:19

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by Clearskies on August 20, 2016, at 1:39:15

> You are on to something here.
> CS

Perhaps, Clear, perhaps.

Nausea has me intermittent for now. (peppermint is helping)

More later

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on September 2, 2016, at 13:47:24

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 20, 2016, at 12:38:48

My Dear Sweet Tab-Tab-Tabrinni! (Hi, there Clear!)

> Oh, man, I'm sorry Jim. I didn't know you were going through that.
>
Obviously, I didn't know either. I apologize to you because I forgot how you were there through my whole thing, including Psycho-Rabble! I thank you for that then and for this now.
>
> Yes, I can imagine. The more you know, the more you know you forgot.
>
Per-xactly
> > And so far it's just to take a measure of my own past experience.
>
> Take it slow, and be kind to yourself, past & current.
>
Thank you again. Your sweetness eases these traumas considerably. However I see no useful way to speak of my past self without contravening whatever rules of civility that may yet exist. And there's no need to go there.

The potential value will be to excavate the artifacts about this transition at PBabble. But I'm going to wait until I have the strength for that.

Know that besides the treatment side-effects, I am feeling much better. More about those side-effects later.

Late June/early July I was diagnosed with oropharyngeal squamous cell carcinoma (HPV-16 positive) stage 4a. August 3 began 3 chemotherapy treatments (Cisplatin) every three weeks, the 2nd of which was August 24, and 5 days a week radiation every 8:00 AM.

Truly, I am at as close to zero risk of fatality as is possible under these circumstances. I mean it. For instance: I do not smoke cigarettes; I do not drink alcohol; I am not over-weight; I do not have diabetes. Furthermore being a HPV-16 carcinoma suggests this respond better to treatment.

But my side-effects are soul crushing. Nausea has me on three meds 24/7. Total loss of sense of taste. No garuantee it will return. Loss of ability to shallow: I can not eat and only barely drink. I live by the PEG tube installed week before treatments. But sometimes the nausea will regurgitate what went into the PEG feeding tube. Sometimes the nausea keeps me up all night. No rest for the weary.

Yet before treatment I was in constant pain and now I take Zero pain meds. I hate opioids.

Our 17 teen year old can never get this cancer. Had him vaccinated 6 years ago

I hate all food commercial. Hardly surprising. They're diabolical.

So my energy can vary a lot and I tend to sleep a lot. I lost 20 lbs and we are doing all we can to keep from losing any more.

"Squamous" means 'scaly'.

Did you know that Peppermint Oil, the vapors, really help nausea? They really do. I carry my little vial with a soaked cotton swab all the time. It can stop you puking like you threw a switch!

But I'm going to get into those Admin archives one of these days,

On a more serious note:
Please, please have every person you know under 27 get vaccinated against HPV!
Their newest vaccine protects against even more varieties of HPV.

Take care

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Clearskies on September 2, 2016, at 22:54:12

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on September 2, 2016, at 13:47:24

Oh, my. I haven't the faintest thing to say except I am so very happy you're with us, babbling.
Hugs!

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Clearskies

Posted by lil jimi on September 2, 2016, at 23:36:16

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by Clearskies on September 2, 2016, at 22:54:12

> Oh, my. I haven't the faintest thing to say except I am so very happy you're with us, babbling.
> Hugs!

your faintest thing shines your compassionate aurora incandescently across your Clear Skies: thank you my friend.

your hugs warm my soul.

get the youngsters vaccinated.

(and enjoy a big meal for me!)

 

Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi

Posted by Tabitha on September 3, 2016, at 12:24:25

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha, posted by lil jimi on September 2, 2016, at 13:47:24


> Obviously, I didn't know either. I apologize to you because I forgot how you were there through my whole thing, including Psycho-Rabble! I thank you for that then and for this now.

Seems like ages ago, doesn't it?

> Late June/early July I was diagnosed with oropharyngeal squamous cell carcinoma (HPV-16 positive) stage 4a. August 3 began 3 chemotherapy treatments (Cisplatin) every three weeks, the 2nd of which was August 24, and 5 days a week radiation every 8:00 AM.

Ugh, Jim, I'm so sorry. That's a tough row to hoe. Several tough rows to hoe at once.


> Truly, I am at as close to zero risk of fatality as is possible under these circumstances. I mean it. For instance: I do not smoke cigarettes; I do not drink alcohol; I am not over-weight; I do not have diabetes. Furthermore being a HPV-16 carcinoma suggests this respond better to treatment.

Well that's some solace, a few rays of hope.


> But my side-effects are soul crushing. Nausea has me on three meds 24/7. Total loss of sense of taste. No garuantee it will return. Loss of ability to shallow: I can not eat and only barely drink. I live by the PEG tube installed week before treatments. But sometimes the nausea will regurgitate what went into the PEG feeding tube. Sometimes the nausea keeps me up all night. No rest for the weary.

Oh my dog, that must be the pits!


> Yet before treatment I was in constant pain and now I take Zero pain meds. I hate opioids.

Trading pain for nausea, not so great, but I guess it's better than pain + nausea, right?

>
> Our 17 teen year old can never get this cancer. Had him vaccinated 6 years ago

That must be a relief. I actually didn't realize they vaccinated boys, too.


> I hate all food commercial. Hardly surprising. They're diabolical.
>
> So my energy can vary a lot and I tend to sleep a lot. I lost 20 lbs and we are doing all we can to keep from losing any more.

I imagine it's a continuous fight right now. I hope the nausea will let up soon.

>
> "Squamous" means 'scaly'.

That's almost comical. Almost.


>
> Did you know that Peppermint Oil, the vapors, really help nausea? They really do. I carry my little vial with a soaked cotton swab all the time. It can stop you puking like you threw a switch!

No, I did not know that "the vapors" was peppermint oil. I'm glad it's helping!


> On a more serious note:
> Please, please have every person you know under 27 get vaccinated against HPV!
> Their newest vaccine protects against even more varieties of HPV.

You've educated me on this topic, thank you!

Jim, for what it's worth, I went through cancer treatment in 2012-2013 time-frame. One thing I remember (sort of) about chemo was memory loss, in between the long periods of sleeping. At the time I thought I must be permanently brain-damaged, but it turned out to be just short-term side effects. Like, I would watch a movie, and have zero memory of having seen it. It was truly like being a goldfish. I was annoyed that I wasn't prepared for that side-effect by the staff. I was told I'd have "flu-like symptoms", not brain-melt. So I still have holes in my memory of the period. Not that I need to remember it all, anyway.

 

Re: ghost story ╗ Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on September 7, 2016, at 23:44:44

In reply to Re: ghost story ╗ lil jimi, posted by Tabitha on September 3, 2016, at 12:24:25

> > Did you know that Peppermint Oil, the vapors, really help nausea? They really do. I carry my little vial with a soaked cotton swab all the time. It can stop you puking like you threw a switch!
>
> No, I did not know that "the vapors" was peppermint oil. I'm glad it's helping!

My experience of the antiemetic benefit of peppermint still astonishes me. Having had to try promethazine, dexamethason, zofran (ondansetron), ativan and another I can't recall, in my attempts to not vomit, in various combinations and with various degrees success, I am still impressed by peppermint oil's effectiveness. I currently must take dexamethason and ondansetron 24/7 to keep food down.

But the smell, the scent, the fumes or vapors from peppermint oil can and do abate my vomit reflex even in midst of heaving regardless of which other medication(s) I am using. My chemotherapy doctor explained that taking peppermint in capsules or drinking peppermint tea does not have the same effect, although those can benefit digestion, but they do not relieve regurgitation the way sniffing peppermint oil extract does in fact do so powerfully for me.

Excuse me if there was a play on the term "the vapors". To be clear, I meant 'vapors' in the simply literal sense of inhaling the scent of peppermint as in snorting the aroma of the peppermint oil extract.

One time, in a panic, as I was being seized with the vomiting reflex convulsions I began getting a headache while I was desperately huffing my peppermint oil fumes. Once I relaxed a little I realized I had caused my momentary headache with oxygen deprivation. A little more air and my headache evaporated.

It still strikes me as bizarre that of these powerful prescription medications, none comes close to being so immediately effective as peppermint oil for me. Ondansetron (zofran) was designed to relieve nausea for chemotherapy patients and does help a lot. Yet none of these pharmaceuticals has provided anything like the immediacy of peppermint oil's relief. I marvel that this component in peppermint oil hasn't been developed as a pharmaceutical. I keep a vial of peppermint extract with me always to protect me from the violence of vomiting.

I have found that cannabis' ability to relieve nausea to be very limited. I haven't had access to cannabis oil extract which may well be as different as it is for peppermint, for all I know. But smoking cannabis is much too hot and too irritating, and can induce counterproductive coughing which can trigger gagging, retching or vomiting reflexes. And as much euphoria cannabis does provide, it becomes very unpleasant if I am puking.


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