Psycho-Babble Social Thread 897855

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2009, at 23:13:06

I am talking to a bunch of guys on Plentyoffish. I'm going to give everyone who likes me a chance. Am I being too nice? Am I being a player by talking to so many guys at once?

Some guys I am not attracted to, but I will write to them.

How picky should I be?

I showed some pictures to my Mom and my Mom told me to stay away from some of the guys because they weren't good looking. She also said I should stick with someone who is 5 or fewer years older than me.

If things work out, I am having coffee with this guy I am not really attracted to, but he seems really nice. I will also have coffee with this other guy who I am attracted to, but my Mom thinks is too old at 34.

Two dates in one day. LOL

There is also this other guy I like, I want to go out with him.

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by Bobby on May 27, 2009, at 8:49:44

In reply to I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 26, 2009, at 23:13:06

In a public place---and not sweet talked into going ANYWHERE else. Better yet----don't go alone. Have a freind in the shadows or tell him and see his reaction. A lot of bad people seem nice--other than that---have fun. at least you're prying yourself away from the computer and getting out

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 9:11:35

In reply to I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 26, 2009, at 23:13:06

> How picky should I be?

How desperate are you?

What are you looking for in a potential mate?

I don't think I am picky, but I have learned how to screen people for:

1. What I absolutely need.
2. What I absolutely won't accept.
3. What I would like, but is not absolutely necessary.
4. Would this person make a good friend?


There is more to the screening process, but this is a good starting point. You must learn enough about yourself before you can decide on what you are looking for in a mate.

You can certainly date with the intentions of just having a companion to have fun with. Lots of friendships evolve into intimate and successful relationships.

My gut reaction is that you are planning to do too much too soon. You might want to slow down and choose safely and wisely. People were there years before you even thought to participate in a dating environment. There will be people to date no matter how slow you take things.

You don't have to slow down. Maybe you are taking things at a pace that is best for you. I don't really know you well enough to be for sure. However, you seem to be the type of person who becomes very enthusiastic about new activities to involve yourself in. This is a good thing. I would only suggest that you temper your enthusiasm with good judgment - the kind of judgment that takes time to develop.


- Scott

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2009, at 11:03:47

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 9:11:35

Deneb didn't you do the online dating a long time ago? What happened that you stopped? I forgot sorry. Phillipa

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 11:48:55

In reply to I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 26, 2009, at 23:13:06

You've gotten great advice in the above threads. I just want to add -

Keep in mind you're meeting someone through an online dating site, and they may not be as open and honest as you are.

Dont disclose your home phone number (he can find your home address in just a few clicks...in my state, I can get
a layout of your house and various financial information.)

Dont get in the car with him. No matter how nice he seems... you are completely at his mercy when you are in his car.
Look beyond words and follow your instincts. Really get to know the person before letting your guard down and revealing
too much personal info.

I don't want to alarm you and spoil your fun, but there are some very bad apples out there. So be careful and go slow.
Be "picky" and take time to learn about yourself through this process to find the "right one".

I hope it all works out for you and we'll hear about how much fun you had.

Gobbledygook

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 14:16:15

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb, posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 11:48:55

Hmmm...too late about the getting in the car thing...

Nothing bad happened, the first guy seems really nice and honest. He seems genuine. I shouldn't have gotten in the car with him though. It was a short drive to the restaurant, but still.

I will keep that in mind for the future.

I think we will just become friends. He is an interesting person. I am not attracted to him.

He is easy to talk to. It didn't feel uneasy. We had coffee then he got hungry and suggested lunch. We had lunch in a few stores away. He paid for everything except tip. I insisted on paying tip. He didn't have to pay for everything, but he wanted to.

I have another coffee date at 5pm with this guy whose picture I find attractive.

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by 10derHeart on May 27, 2009, at 15:46:38

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 14:16:15

Deneb, I am glad you feel confident and happy enough to do this. Really, I do.

But **please** be MORE careful. Not utterly paranoid, but close to it. Please.

Your health and safety is paramount, right? You have plenty of time for car rides later. There are tons of things to be done in public.

I worry. Don't mean to scare you, but being street-wise and savvy, in a preemptive kind of way, is your best defense against any possible nastiness some evil guy may be contemplating.

Caution is good. Don't worry about offending, either - a decent, smart man will applaud your common sense for NOT trusting right away. He will recognize healthy boundaries. You don't really want to waste your time with someone who'd feel insulted by you not wanting to be alone with him - a perfect stranger, you know?

Enjoy, though :-)

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 19:18:49

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on May 27, 2009, at 15:46:38

OK, I will be more careful in the future. What are some other things I need to be cautious about?

I went on my date with the other guy who is more attractive and it was awful. He was very negative and didn't like open communication. He kept saying some things should be left unsaid and thought many of his previous dates were weird. I will definitely NOT be seeing him again. He looked very very unattractive by the end of the date.

All in all, it was a really fun day. I had a great time with the first guy. I was surprised that I was quite talkative and open. I feel confident and wasn't anxious.

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 20:14:41

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 19:18:49

> OK, I will be more careful in the future. What are some other things I need to be cautious about?
>
> I went on my date with the other guy who is more attractive and it was awful. He was very negative and didn't like open communication. He kept saying some things should be left unsaid and thought many of his previous dates were weird. I will definitely NOT be seeing him again. He looked very very unattractive by the end of the date.
>
> All in all, it was a really fun day. I had a great time with the first guy. I was surprised that I was quite talkative and open. I feel confident and wasn't anxious.

I'm coming to you for advice from now on!

I like the way 10derHeart portrayed having respect for boundaries. I have always found myself MORE attracted to women who have had well defined boundaries. It represents a great degree of maturity and self-care. These are things that are important to me.


- Scott

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 21:13:42

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 19:18:49

"> OK, I will be more careful in the future. What are some other things I need to be cautious about?"


I think you should be cautious about making Dr. Bob jealous by going on not one, but two dates in one day! LOL!
Remember, you have declared a "non-transference...more than ever" kind of love for Bob.

He might block you from dating because he's offended by his jealousy! - now, wouldn't that be wild?! I do wonder
though what he thinks about all this...I mean he has met you and all. Probably concerned like the rest of us.

All kidding aside, I'm glad everything turned out okay for you today. Always respect yourself by being very,
very CAREFUL and go slooooow (I mean in every way) - quality men will respect you for it.

Gobbledygook


 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 21:32:46

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb, posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 21:13:42

LOL

I love Dr. Bob and my future boyfriend will just have to accept that.

I had a great time with the first guy today and we will do something else together sometime. I am not attracted to him and he said he wants to be friends. If something evolves from friendship that would be great, but I think it is unlikely since I'm not attracted to him.

Is 34 too old for me? I am 27. My Mom says I should date men who are no more than 5 years older than me. Both guys today were 34. I have some other guys who want to have coffee with me who are younger.

My Mom would love it if I ended up with someone who can speak Chinese.

I am having fun. I am so different from my anxious, low self esteem me from several years ago.

I feel confident and happy and am looking for someone who is the same. Someone who is excited about life like me and who loves living, having fun and is a hard worker.

The second guy wondered why all of the women he dated quit dating him despite him having many woman say he was handsome in his picture. He couldn't seem to see it was his negative attitude towards life that was the problem. I'm not just talking depressed negative, there is a difference. He seemed judgemental and his views communication are a deal breaker for me. I am an open, honest person.

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb

Posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 22:37:16

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 21:32:46

"I love Dr. Bob and my future boyfriend will just have to accept that."


*****Yes, but the real question is, can Dr. Bob accept your boyfriend...Without issuing him a block? lol.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is 34 too old for me? I am 27. My Mom says I should date men who are no more than 5 years older than me.
Both guys today were 34. I have some other guys who want to have coffee with me who are younger."


*****No, 34 is definitely not too old - but, it's not a question of a biological age. It's a question of his emotional
and mental age being compatible with yours. I also wouldn't be too concerned with the looks as I've found their
attractiveness always ended up correlating with their inner qualities...I think you've alreay experienced that with your
second date today.

Does he have a good heart? Does he make you feel good about yourself? Does he respect you?
Do you have similar values? Is he responsible, understanding, smart, etc.? Not to mention how you feel about him...
and his family.

Spotting all this right away comes with experience, and unfortunately after encountering many frogs.
But, you know there's always someone for everybody - just look at all the people walking around. You just have to
not sell yourself short.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I am having fun. I am so different from my anxious, low self esteem me from several years ago.
I feel confident and happy and am looking for someone who is the same. Someone who is excited about life like
me and who loves living, having fun and is a hard worker."


*****That's just great, Deneb! And you know what? You will eventually find someone who is confident and happy,
if you are that person yourself. Keep going...but, safely.


Gobbledygook -

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) gobbledygook

Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 23:55:00

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds) Deneb, posted by gobbledygook on May 27, 2009, at 22:37:16

First date was really good. The more I think about him, the more attractive he becomes. Who you are really makes a difference.

I was really comfortable with him. I felt like I could tell him anything. He was really open and honest too and it was fun. He is understanding. I let it slip that sometimes I get tremors and they may be caused by psych meds. I totally expected him to run for the hills after that slip, but he didn't. He actually told me to let him know if I was ever feeling uncomfortable. He told me he was not going to run away and smiled.

He told me about his own disability, he has a slight hearing condition.

 

Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds)

Posted by desolationrower on May 31, 2009, at 7:58:36

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by Deneb on May 27, 2009, at 21:32:46


> The second guy wondered why all of the women he dated quit dating him despite him having many woman say he was handsome in his picture. He couldn't seem to see it was his negative attitude towards life that was the problem. I'm not just talking depressed negative, there is a difference. He seemed judgemental and his views communication are a deal breaker for me. I am an open, honest person.

did you tell him that his negative attitude is a problem?

-d/r

 

Can cross both guys off my list now

Posted by Deneb on May 31, 2009, at 23:48:12

In reply to Re: I am going on dates tomorrow (weds), posted by desolationrower on May 31, 2009, at 7:58:36

I am glad. The first guy, we had a great date, but I wasn't attracted to him and I know we could never be more than friends. I think he uses his wealth as an attractant for women, but that doesn't work with me. Money doesn't impress me. He is a successful businessman who just bought a huge business.

He sensed I wasn't into him and called the date off. It is for the best. I am looking for someone closer to my age too and at the same stage in life as me.

I have 3 other dates this coming week and more lined up. :/

This is getting confusing.


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