Psycho-Babble Social Thread 897717

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

I was depressed most of the day, had no one to be with, and nothing to do. No barbecues. Just raisin bran cereal. I was surprised by how situationally depressed I got about being biologically depressed. I realized how empty my life is, and how I have very few social contacts. I am not a participant in life and do very little to keep myself connected with the outside world. For some reason, these things hit me pretty hard today. It was a bit scary, because I didn't know where this kind of thinking would lead. I decided to call my ex-girlfriend whom I see as a friend occasionally. She invited me over for some dessert and coffee. It was good that I got out of the house. I don't feel too bad right now. I hope this depression recedes, as this state feels so foreign to me. I used to feel like this all of the time. I now realize just how successful I have been to be so positive and constructive regarding my predicament in life. For the most part, I have been successful at avoiding suicidal depressions. I am usually very grateful for all of the gifts I have been given. I am usually optimistic about my future. I am usually tolerant of being alone. For some reason, these things disappeared. I know this is only temporary, but it has been very upsetting to me.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by Sigismund on May 26, 2009, at 0:23:01

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

Scott, I'm not familiar with Memorial Day.

What is it about?

For the last 8 weeks my wife has been overseas, so really it's just been me and our dog who (I suppose it pleases me to note) needs company even more than me. When the storms came and I thought the house might go or something I boiled up some poppy seeds, more for something to do than anything else. As always, a good biography of "Hitler: Nemesis" (Kershaw) suffices when all becomes impossible. That or Psychobabble.

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by Bobby on May 26, 2009, at 1:02:19

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

I know this may sound cliche----but Im also sure there were many others who were alone----wives,daughters,sons,fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers. I don't know if Memorial day was mean't to be a feel good day. I'm glad you had someone who you could reach out to. My 80 yr old next door neighbor came by my house today. he'd just been to the cemetary where he puts flowers on the graves of his father and buddies who have given the ultimate sacrifice. He even showed me a picture he still kept of his father in his WWl uniform and spoke of his buddies from WWll and Korea. He doesn't like war one bit---and wants all of the soldiers back. he's a salt of the earth old guy and I'm going to miss him when he's gone. He's got lung cancer and is going through chemo----but still works like a horse every day and faithfully raises the American flag on the flagpole in front of his house----he knows........hope you're better in no time. sometimes we all just have bad days.

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by jane d on May 26, 2009, at 1:22:03

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

> I was depressed most of the day, had no one to be with, and nothing to do. No barbecues. Just raisin bran cereal. I was surprised by how situationally depressed I got about being biologically depressed. I realized how empty my life is, and how I have very few social contacts. I am not a participant in life and do very little to keep myself connected with the outside world. For some reason, these things hit me pretty hard today. It was a bit scary, because I didn't know where this kind of thinking would lead. I decided to call my ex-girlfriend whom I see as a friend occasionally. She invited me over for some dessert and coffee. It was good that I got out of the house. I don't feel too bad right now. I hope this depression recedes, as this state feels so foreign to me. I used to feel like this all of the time. I now realize just how successful I have been to be so positive and constructive regarding my predicament in life. For the most part, I have been successful at avoiding suicidal depressions. I am usually very grateful for all of the gifts I have been given. I am usually optimistic about my future. I am usually tolerant of being alone. For some reason, these things disappeared. I know this is only temporary, but it has been very upsetting to me.
>
>
> - Scott

Some of the hardest days I think come after you start to feel better. Perhaps we become resensitized to the bad feelings. And it is scary if you start to contemplate how bad things can get. I wanted to respond to your post but I've been having trouble figuring out just how. Congratulations on your eloquence doesn't seem quite right when what you are being eloquent about is unhappiness. Cheerily pointing out that you WERE constructive even today in your actions also doesn't seem right. Besides I'm sure you know that. I guess the best I can do is tell you I recognized the feelings, and the day, you described. I hear you?

jane

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. Sigismund

Posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 5:31:51

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by Sigismund on May 26, 2009, at 0:23:01

> Scott, I'm not familiar with Memorial Day.
>
> What is it about?

It is commemeration - a memorial - dedicated to those we have lost in wars.

> it's just been me and our dog

:-)

Dogs help.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 5:36:16

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS, posted by Bobby on May 26, 2009, at 1:02:19

> hope you're better in no time. sometimes we all just have bad days.

Yes. This depressive reaction to being alone on Memorial Day really triggered a bunch of negative thoughts. It took me by surprise because I am usually not affected by the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season as are many other people.

Thanks for responding.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. jane d

Posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 5:41:37

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS, posted by jane d on May 26, 2009, at 1:22:03


> Some of the hardest days I think come after you start to feel better.

I think you are right about that. Had I not gleaned an improvement from treatment of my depressive illness, I doubt I would really think about things in an upsetting way. I would be numb to almost everything, and be so vegetative as to be without thought at all.

> Perhaps we become resensitized to the bad feelings. And it is scary if you start to contemplate how bad things can get. I wanted to respond to your post but I've been having trouble figuring out just how. Congratulations on your eloquence doesn't seem quite right when what you are being eloquent about is unhappiness. Cheerily pointing out that you WERE constructive even today in your actions also doesn't seem right. Besides I'm sure you know that. I guess the best I can do is tell you I recognized the feelings, and the day, you described. I hear you?

Loud and clear.

Thanks. That was a very insightful reply.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by Phillipa on May 26, 2009, at 12:41:03

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. jane d, posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 5:41:37

I was too and never am. Rain here and someone who didn't want to leave the house. I need to be gone out to not think. Phillipa

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 27, 2009, at 9:43:24

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

Scott:

I have been in isolation for about 12-14 years. My life slipped through my hands like water. I gotta tell you, in the past 4 or so months it has changed. Now, this all depends on your social situation...like are you married, etc?

Even if you can find just one person, and I am being very frank here, as I appraoch 40, I am partying my f*ck*ng brains out! Woohooo. I've got two things really going on. 1, I joined eharmony, which is a very serious, indepth dating site.

2, I go to bars, a lot of strip bars, and I drink very modestly. Get to know the chicks, have some lap dances....yeah. I have become serious "friends" with a stripper, and no money involved! Using all "precautions", man sex can bring you out of depression quickly (for a time).
Anyways, this stripper chick I am dating, is a full-time college student, and the money she earns from her job pays for school. Luckily, I get her all mine, and all for free. :)

This all may sound crazy and stupid, but what the heck is living with depression and anxiety?? I choose the fun,(safe) sex, and hopefully a nice long term relationship. Hell, hire an escort , or go to one of those "massage" parlours..;-) Now THAT is the best therapy I can think of.

Best,
Jay

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by verne on May 27, 2009, at 19:58:24

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

Hi Scott,

"I have very few social contacts. I am not a participant in life and do very little to keep myself connected with the outside world." you could be describing me.

Holidays hit me hard. I can't count the times I've blown months of sobriety on a holiday. 3-day weekends are especially rough since the mail stops and neighbors tend to make more noise with backyard social gatherings.

I don't have anything encouraging or insightful to say. Just to say I'm going through much the same. I usually take refuge in watching TV but that's hard on Memorial Day with all the war movies. My dad was a war "hero" who looked and acted like John Wayne. My idea of self-inflicted torture is to watch a John Wayne war movie. One of the last things may dad said to me, invalidating me forever, was: "You don't know what pain is!"

My life is really just a carousel in which I rotate from bed, to computer, to TV: again and again, round and round. Sometimes I peek outside. My few interactions with other people are later exaggerated in my head. I can agonize over a phone call or chance encounter for hours. I've actually called someone to apologize for having called them earlier.

It got so bad during one summer of complete isolation, that I routinely called the police to complain about odd noises and other fears. I even called to complain about a persistent humming noise.

Other times I called to ask the police whether I was wanted for anything or about to be arrested, although I have no criminal record and wasn't engaged in anything illegal. Isolation, more than anything, did that to me.

When you say, "I now realize just how successful I have been to be so positive and constructive regarding my predicament in life. For the most part, I have been successful at avoiding suicidal depressions. I am usually very grateful for all of the gifts I have been given. I am usually optimistic about my future. I am usually tolerant of being alone." that also describes me.

I'm depressed but not suicidal - in spite of my winter vodka deep freeze "accident" fantasy. There's still a hope and gratitude that you describe. I, too, am optimistic about my future.

Like you, I'm tolerant of being alone and can go weeks without any human contact yet I'm somehow needy at the same time. I guess that's why I post at all. Yet my need for solitude is also strong and could explain my constant quest to be blocked. (still think a year is excessive except in my case - I'm a bull in a china shop and deserve a long banishment)

I'm named after my uncle who was shot down over Europe in WWII, another reason Memorial Day isn't my favorite. But all holidays, especially, the 3 day marathons, are painful. Next stop, July 4th. Nothing like being under attack by all the neighbors launching fireworks for two weeks.

I'll shut up.

Verne

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. Jay_Bravest_Face

Posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 20:00:53

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 27, 2009, at 9:43:24

> Scott:
>
> I have been in isolation for about 12-14 years. My life slipped through my hands like water. I gotta tell you, in the past 4 or so months it has changed. Now, this all depends on your social situation...like are you married, etc?
>
> Even if you can find just one person, and I am being very frank here, as I appraoch 40, I am partying my f*ck*ng brains out! Woohooo. I've got two things really going on. 1, I joined eharmony, which is a very serious, indepth dating site.
>
> 2, I go to bars, a lot of strip bars, and I drink very modestly. Get to know the chicks, have some lap dances....yeah. I have become serious "friends" with a stripper, and no money involved! Using all "precautions", man sex can bring you out of depression quickly (for a time).
> Anyways, this stripper chick I am dating, is a full-time college student, and the money she earns from her job pays for school. Luckily, I get her all mine, and all for free. :)
>
> This all may sound crazy and stupid, but what the heck is living with depression and anxiety?? I choose the fun,(safe) sex, and hopefully a nice long term relationship. Hell, hire an escort , or go to one of those "massage" parlours..;-) Now THAT is the best therapy I can think of.
>
> Best,
> Jay

Jay, all I can say is...

:-)

Thanks.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 20:08:06

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS, posted by verne on May 27, 2009, at 19:58:24

> Hi Scott,
>
> "I have very few social contacts. I am not a participant in life and do very little to keep myself connected with the outside world." you could be describing me.
>
> Holidays hit me hard. I can't count the times I've blown months of sobriety on a holiday. 3-day weekends are especially rough since the mail stops and neighbors tend to make more noise with backyard social gatherings.
>
> I don't have anything encouraging or insightful to say. Just to say I'm going through much the same. I usually take refuge in watching TV but that's hard on Memorial Day with all the war movies. My dad was a war "hero" who looked and acted like John Wayne. My idea of self-inflicted torture is to watch a John Wayne war movie. One of the last things may dad said to me, invalidating me forever, was: "You don't know what pain is!"
>
> My life is really just a carousel in which I rotate from bed, to computer, to TV: again and again, round and round. Sometimes I peek outside. My few interactions with other people are later exaggerated in my head. I can agonize over a phone call or chance encounter for hours. I've actually called someone to apologize for having called them earlier.
>
> It got so bad during one summer of complete isolation, that I routinely called the police to complain about odd noises and other fears. I even called to complain about a persistent humming noise.
>
> Other times I called to ask the police whether I was wanted for anything or about to be arrested, although I have no criminal record and wasn't engaged in anything illegal. Isolation, more than anything, did that to me.
>
> When you say, "I now realize just how successful I have been to be so positive and constructive regarding my predicament in life. For the most part, I have been successful at avoiding suicidal depressions. I am usually very grateful for all of the gifts I have been given. I am usually optimistic about my future. I am usually tolerant of being alone." that also describes me.
>
> I'm depressed but not suicidal - in spite of my winter vodka deep freeze "accident" fantasy. There's still a hope and gratitude that you describe. I, too, am optimistic about my future.
>
> Like you, I'm tolerant of being alone and can go weeks without any human contact yet I'm somehow needy at the same time. I guess that's why I post at all. Yet my need for solitude is also strong and could explain my constant quest to be blocked. (still think a year is excessive except in my case - I'm a bull in a china shop and deserve a long banishment)
>
> I'm named after my uncle who was shot down over Europe in WWII, another reason Memorial Day isn't my favorite. But all holidays, especially, the 3 day marathons, are painful. Next stop, July 4th. Nothing like being under attack by all the neighbors launching fireworks for two weeks.
>
> I'll shut up.

Oh, shut up.

:-)

You have helped me to feel less alone. Weird - two people who are feeling less alone because they are alone together.

Thanks.


- Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by Kath on May 28, 2009, at 16:24:56

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

Dear Special Scott,

I haven't the energy or time to read the whole 'thread' but I am so sorry you were feeling so crappy.

I hope things might have shifted a bit now. I'm glad you made the phone call & were able to meet with your friend. I hope you're proud of yourself for doing that.....getting the 'gumption' to even make a phone call can be a huge big deal. Yay you.

xoxoxo ((((((((you)))))))))))

& did I say 'love' - Kath :-)

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 28, 2009, at 21:50:17

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by SLS on May 27, 2009, at 20:00:53

Scott:

Glad it could bring a happy face to you. :) Re: Phil and his massage parlour advice..that is where it all started..hahaa;-)(Who loves ya Phil?! :) I am actually not as wild and dumb as I/it sounds..I just like going for the drama. I really hope for you bud...you've done a hell of a lot for many on here. All the Babble chicks drop to their knees for your advice..;-) Take care bro..

Jay


> > Scott:
> >
> > I have been in isolation for about 12-14 years. My life slipped through my hands like water. I gotta tell you, in the past 4 or so months it has changed. Now, this all depends on your social situation...like are you married, etc?
> >
> > Even if you can find just one person, and I am being very frank here, as I appraoch 40, I am partying my f*ck*ng brains out! Woohooo. I've got two things really going on. 1, I joined eharmony, which is a very serious, indepth dating site.
> >
> > 2, I go to bars, a lot of strip bars, and I drink very modestly. Get to know the chicks, have some lap dances....yeah. I have become serious "friends" with a stripper, and no money involved! Using all "precautions", man sex can bring you out of depression quickly (for a time).
> > Anyways, this stripper chick I am dating, is a full-time college student, and the money she earns from her job pays for school. Luckily, I get her all mine, and all for free. :)
> >
> > This all may sound crazy and stupid, but what the heck is living with depression and anxiety?? I choose the fun,(safe) sex, and hopefully a nice long term relationship. Hell, hire an escort , or go to one of those "massage" parlours..;-) Now THAT is the best therapy I can think of.
> >
> > Best,
> > Jay
>
> Jay, all I can say is...
>
> :-)
>
> Thanks.
>
>
> - Scott

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by desolationrower on May 31, 2009, at 8:07:17

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 28, 2009, at 21:50:17

Scott, i think realizing that social isolation is keeping your depression active is quite a valuable thing. A lot of pain doesn't help us, its just bad. Pain we can learn from is much easier to accept, and can put us on the road to happiness. Hope you can find some friends will grills and pools.

-d/r

 

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me.

Posted by Sigismund on June 2, 2009, at 1:53:32

In reply to Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by desolationrower on May 31, 2009, at 8:07:17

>Hope you can find some friends will grills and pools.

For people like us a little acceptance goes a long way. That and a good sense of humour.


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