Psycho-Babble Social Thread 896444

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else?

Posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 13:50:07

Son came back from up north last night. Things went well music-wise, but he was feeling really down because none of his friends in our town called him, or left phone message or had contacted him on Facebook & this being the 'May 24 weekend' he felt really badly.

He went to Toronto last night to hear a music friend's show at club. Stayed at friends'.

Phoned now to ask if I could get bus information for him 'X' is driving him home now. (This is one of his more steady friends & he is a support person when my son isn't doing great.)

Asked him how he's doing, he said, "I'm not doing great, Mom." & sounded pretty grim.

SO - I have a tight stomach; feeling very anxious; don't know if this means he's really depressed? is he having psychosis symptoms (hearing whisperings or voices)? is he wanting to use drugs to cope? did he have a 'slip' last night. My mind can take me SO far. I'm scared. I've booked my train tickets to go to my daughter's this coming Sunday for a week. I'd already been feeling edgy about it. Makes me feel uncomfortable to not be here if he needs me as a 'support person' even just to say - "hey can we go for a coffe; I'm not doing well".

I'm feeling scared. Partly as to what's going to happen to him. Partly as to do I have the 'whatever-it-is' to go through sh*t again. I feel like my reserves are really worn down. Scared he'll do a repeat of October where he gets drugs on credit & ends up owing hundreds of dollars & doing drugs alone to cope.

Life is not fair. I hate life right now. I don't want to do this. I don't want this to be real.

Kath

 

Re: Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else? » Kath

Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 18, 2009, at 16:19:57

In reply to Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else?, posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 13:50:07

((((Kath)))

I'm so sorry that this has come up. I understand, I really do. My sister doesn't have periods of relative wellness per se, but she sure has had periods of total breakdown, and I feel I am always waiting for the shoe to drop.

Were you able to find out what he meant by saying he wasn't doing great--if it's psychosis or depression or whatnot?

What can you do to try to lower your anxiety (b/c you know it doesn't help you or him to let it ratchet; I know you know that, I am sure you do)? Does writing it out in a journal help? Or maybe sending him a card, letting him know that you'll be at his sister's but that he can call you? A long walk, a bath. A funny movie. A phone call to a friend. Please, do something to soothe yourself.

It's so hard when something terrible has happened not to panic. But please, please, try some self-soothing. I can hear the long chain of anxious thoughts in what you are saying, the catastrophizing. It is reasonable that you would go to those thoughts of the worst that could happen, having just been through things like that w/your son--but for your sake, and his, try to break that chain.

Oh dear, you are so right that life is not fair. It isn't. Seeing people we love suffer like this, and then make bad choices in hopes of scrambling out of the suffering, is so, so hard.

Sending you a big hug, Amelia


> Son came back from up north last night. Things went well music-wise, but he was feeling really down because none of his friends in our town called him, or left phone message or had contacted him on Facebook & this being the 'May 24 weekend' he felt really badly.
>
> He went to Toronto last night to hear a music friend's show at club. Stayed at friends'.
>
> Phoned now to ask if I could get bus information for him 'X' is driving him home now. (This is one of his more steady friends & he is a support person when my son isn't doing great.)
>
> Asked him how he's doing, he said, "I'm not doing great, Mom." & sounded pretty grim.
>
> SO - I have a tight stomach; feeling very anxious; don't know if this means he's really depressed? is he having psychosis symptoms (hearing whisperings or voices)? is he wanting to use drugs to cope? did he have a 'slip' last night. My mind can take me SO far. I'm scared. I've booked my train tickets to go to my daughter's this coming Sunday for a week. I'd already been feeling edgy about it. Makes me feel uncomfortable to not be here if he needs me as a 'support person' even just to say - "hey can we go for a coffe; I'm not doing well".
>
> I'm feeling scared. Partly as to what's going to happen to him. Partly as to do I have the 'whatever-it-is' to go through sh*t again. I feel like my reserves are really worn down. Scared he'll do a repeat of October where he gets drugs on credit & ends up owing hundreds of dollars & doing drugs alone to cope.
>
> Life is not fair. I hate life right now. I don't want to do this. I don't want this to be real.
>
> Kath
>

 

I've calmed down quite a bit » Amelia_in_StPaul

Posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 16:56:05

In reply to Re: Feeling Panicky - T.C. - anyonw else? » Kath, posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 18, 2009, at 16:19:57

> ((((Kath)))
>
> I'm so sorry that this has come up. I understand, I really do. My sister doesn't have periods of relative wellness per se, but she sure has had periods of total breakdown, and I feel I am always waiting for the shoe to drop.

~ ~ yes - that what I fight against - waiting for the shoe to drop! Lately HE's been doing way better & so have I. This exGF coming back is a pretty huge thing! I talked about it in a post higher up on this page. It's a different kind of shoe than I've been used to!!

> Were you able to find out what he meant by saying he wasn't doing great--if it's psychosis or depression or whatnot?

~ ~ He is back now, with his friend. I could tell by son's eyes that he used something last night (small pupils - just that look that they get when he does his usual partying drugs - ecstasy or K (ketamine) or (hope this isn't it) cocaine, in the past. But he is NOT wasted. Friend stayed & they're doing music now. I haven't had a chance to talk with my son yet. I don't think it's psychosis. I think it's that he's feeling really down & probably used something-or-other last night in a way that he knows is not great. Or in a quantity that he knows was out of his control or something.

I got a chance to briefly talk with his friend (who I've known since they were in Grade 4) & expressed my concern. He said that in his opinion, EGF coming back will reallly stir up a hornet's nest & how my son does will depend on choices he makes over the next few weeks. I think he meant drug use.

Fortunately, son has an appointment with his mental health worker (who is excellent & who he really can be open with & she's quite skilled) tomorrow.

> What can you do to try to lower your anxiety (b/c you know it doesn't help you or him to let it ratchet; I know you know that, I am sure you do)?

~ ~ Thx - yes, I do know. Ya know, a dear PBabble friend phoned me! What a sweetie. She was able to help 'talk me down' a LOT. Helped me remember some of the Eckhart Tolle stuff that I had been listening to over the past few weeks (but had misplaced the CD so haven't been for about a week). It's The New Earth. I told my friend she could be rich & famous! She was saying the very same things, only in her words. About how it's human nature to worry, etc & it we can just NOTICE what's happening...sort of identify it & step back from it! Wisdom. Stuff I do know, but can forget! So that helped.

>Does writing it out in a journal help?

~ ~ Actually, I'll do a CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) Thought Record. I had planned to do one about EGF being back, but got distracted. So now I'll still do one, but include today's stuff in it! I can often get my emotions to quite a less intensity by doing them.

>Or maybe sending him a card, letting him know that you'll be at his sister's but that he can call you?

~ ~ That helped me - you saying that. I had in my mind that this was MY week & that I didn't want him to phone me there. I'd still prefer that, but maybe I can rise to a stronger place
& let him know that I'm there for him if he needs me. I don't WANT to be!! I guess I don't want to HAVE to be, but thx for saying that. Sometimes I get in a certain track of thinking & don't even realize that maybe it would be good to think about shifting it a bit.

> A long walk, a bath. A funny movie. A phone call to a friend. Please, do something to soothe yourself.

~ ~ Thank you. The phone call came to me! Thanks for caring.

> It's so hard when something terrible has happened not to panic. But please, please, try some self-soothing. I can hear the long chain of anxious thoughts in what you are saying, the catastrophizing. It is reasonable that you would go to those thoughts of the worst that could happen, having just been through things like that w/your son--but for your sake, and his, try to break that chain.

~ ~ Thanks agian. Your caring is soothing in and of itself! I like rings & have several. I think I'm going to put one on that tends to have the stone setting slip around to the palm side of my hand. I keep having to turn it back & each time I do this, I'll take a deep calming breath & remember "hey Kath - no catastophizing." And as the friend who phoned said to me - son has done amazingly well over the past 2+ years....I must give him credit in my mind. Trust that he's doing better. And I want to know that okay - he might go through a rough patch with this, but it's NOW. It's not before. And also I realized that right now, this day - this moment, nothing terrible is happening! I must try to remember to be thankful for this & to experience it!!!

> Oh dear, you are so right that life is not fair. It isn't. Seeing people we love suffer like this, and then make bad choices in hopes of scrambling out of the suffering, is so, so hard.

> Sending you a big hug, Amelia

~ ~ I am not glad that others have been through this type of pain, but I am thankful to have people who can understand & relate.

Thanks so very much for reaching out.

I'm doing WAY better now. Not panicking.

xoxo Kath

 

Re: I've calmed down quite a bit

Posted by TexasChic on May 18, 2009, at 22:33:53

In reply to I've calmed down quite a bit » Amelia_in_StPaul, posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 16:56:05

I'm sorry I haven't been posting to you, I have been reading though. The ex sounds like one of those manipulative b@tch! Yikes! Guys seem to have trouble resisting them!

I can kind of identify with your son through my brother. My bro seems to be staying away from the drugs, but otherwise, the situation sounds similar. You just wish you could be there to tell them, okay, this person is being manipulative, and this person is just stupid, so say this and this, and stroll out of there a better person. Of course, we're not there to give them the benefit of our experiences - which sucks. I see my brother making the same mistakes over and over again. Letting strong willed people manipulate his life, but... alas... we can only advise.

In the end its up to them to make their own decisions, right or wrong. I have no advise for you, but I do commiserate. I hope that at least helps.

-T

 

Re: I've calmed down quite a bit

Posted by Phillipa on May 19, 2009, at 0:10:51

In reply to Re: I've calmed down quite a bit, posted by TexasChic on May 18, 2009, at 22:33:53

Kath haven't gotten to social in two days. I'm so sorry he used. But glad he has the appointment tomorrow. And you are doing what you can do and can't do anymore as tried with my Son and it wasn't me it was the Gulf War that Straightened him out. Wouldn't wish that on anyone but he was and is so stubborn. Now his own Son is doing it to him he realizes it too. Love Jan

 

Re: I've calmed down quite a bit » Kath

Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 19, 2009, at 16:55:59

In reply to I've calmed down quite a bit » Amelia_in_StPaul, posted by Kath on May 18, 2009, at 16:56:05

Kath, I just read the thread above about your son's exg. Man, your son's been through a lot. I can totally understand why you would be nervous about the exg coming back. The situation is so magnified, what with it being a small town and friends knowing friends, but maybe if he can get through this he will emerge with more coping skills, more resiliency? It's an airy-fairy wish that I have, that he will get through this and emerge stronger, and probably the reality is that there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully good will come of this, as I believe that good can come of the worst situations. I'm so glad a PBabble friend called you and that you had a moment to just notice the moment and let it pass. So good to have that awareness, to suddenly breathe and know that the moment is just what it is, and you can notice it and get through it.

I'm sorry to hear your son did use (but glad he wasn't wasted); was he educated in the hospital about the connections between drug use and psychosis? It's hard at that age, esp. being involved in the culture that surrounds music. There's an element of wanting to be like other kids, of wanting to have the ecstatic experiences that they get from the music (and the E)--but boy, he has to be careful, since he has this history. What a tough time to have to get through, for you both. I wish I had something to offer in the way of comfort and advice. But I am sending you positive thoughts and my own kind of prayers, hoping that he gets through this period intact, stronger.

BTW, I read your post about thought charts in the other forum, and about the book you use. It sounds like you do this regularly, and that it helps--great coping skills! I am inspired by you to get the book Mind Over Mood.

Take good care of yourself. I hope things go well in the coming weeks...I'll be thinking of you.

> > ((((Kath)))
> >
> > I'm so sorry that this has come up. I understand, I really do. My sister doesn't have periods of relative wellness per se, but she sure has had periods of total breakdown, and I feel I am always waiting for the shoe to drop.
>
> ~ ~ yes - that what I fight against - waiting for the shoe to drop! Lately HE's been doing way better & so have I. This exGF coming back is a pretty huge thing! I talked about it in a post higher up on this page. It's a different kind of shoe than I've been used to!!
>
> > Were you able to find out what he meant by saying he wasn't doing great--if it's psychosis or depression or whatnot?
>
> ~ ~ He is back now, with his friend. I could tell by son's eyes that he used something last night (small pupils - just that look that they get when he does his usual partying drugs - ecstasy or K (ketamine) or (hope this isn't it) cocaine, in the past. But he is NOT wasted. Friend stayed & they're doing music now. I haven't had a chance to talk with my son yet. I don't think it's psychosis. I think it's that he's feeling really down & probably used something-or-other last night in a way that he knows is not great. Or in a quantity that he knows was out of his control or something.
>
> I got a chance to briefly talk with his friend (who I've known since they were in Grade 4) & expressed my concern. He said that in his opinion, EGF coming back will reallly stir up a hornet's nest & how my son does will depend on choices he makes over the next few weeks. I think he meant drug use.
>
> Fortunately, son has an appointment with his mental health worker (who is excellent & who he really can be open with & she's quite skilled) tomorrow.
>
> > What can you do to try to lower your anxiety (b/c you know it doesn't help you or him to let it ratchet; I know you know that, I am sure you do)?
>
> ~ ~ Thx - yes, I do know. Ya know, a dear PBabble friend phoned me! What a sweetie. She was able to help 'talk me down' a LOT. Helped me remember some of the Eckhart Tolle stuff that I had been listening to over the past few weeks (but had misplaced the CD so haven't been for about a week). It's The New Earth. I told my friend she could be rich & famous! She was saying the very same things, only in her words. About how it's human nature to worry, etc & it we can just NOTICE what's happening...sort of identify it & step back from it! Wisdom. Stuff I do know, but can forget! So that helped.
>
> >Does writing it out in a journal help?
>
> ~ ~ Actually, I'll do a CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) Thought Record. I had planned to do one about EGF being back, but got distracted. So now I'll still do one, but include today's stuff in it! I can often get my emotions to quite a less intensity by doing them.
>
> >Or maybe sending him a card, letting him know that you'll be at his sister's but that he can call you?
>
> ~ ~ That helped me - you saying that. I had in my mind that this was MY week & that I didn't want him to phone me there. I'd still prefer that, but maybe I can rise to a stronger place
> & let him know that I'm there for him if he needs me. I don't WANT to be!! I guess I don't want to HAVE to be, but thx for saying that. Sometimes I get in a certain track of thinking & don't even realize that maybe it would be good to think about shifting it a bit.
>
> > A long walk, a bath. A funny movie. A phone call to a friend. Please, do something to soothe yourself.
>
> ~ ~ Thank you. The phone call came to me! Thanks for caring.
>
> > It's so hard when something terrible has happened not to panic. But please, please, try some self-soothing. I can hear the long chain of anxious thoughts in what you are saying, the catastrophizing. It is reasonable that you would go to those thoughts of the worst that could happen, having just been through things like that w/your son--but for your sake, and his, try to break that chain.
>
> ~ ~ Thanks agian. Your caring is soothing in and of itself! I like rings & have several. I think I'm going to put one on that tends to have the stone setting slip around to the palm side of my hand. I keep having to turn it back & each time I do this, I'll take a deep calming breath & remember "hey Kath - no catastophizing." And as the friend who phoned said to me - son has done amazingly well over the past 2+ years....I must give him credit in my mind. Trust that he's doing better. And I want to know that okay - he might go through a rough patch with this, but it's NOW. It's not before. And also I realized that right now, this day - this moment, nothing terrible is happening! I must try to remember to be thankful for this & to experience it!!!
>
> > Oh dear, you are so right that life is not fair. It isn't. Seeing people we love suffer like this, and then make bad choices in hopes of scrambling out of the suffering, is so, so hard.
>
> > Sending you a big hug, Amelia
>
> ~ ~ I am not glad that others have been through this type of pain, but I am thankful to have people who can understand & relate.
>
> Thanks so very much for reaching out.
>
> I'm doing WAY better now. Not panicking.
>
> xoxo Kath

 

Re: I've calmed down quite a bit » TexasChic

Posted by Kath on May 19, 2009, at 20:59:49

In reply to Re: I've calmed down quite a bit, posted by TexasChic on May 18, 2009, at 22:33:53

> In the end its up to them to make their own decisions, right or wrong. I have no advise for you, but I do commiserate. I hope that at least helps.
>
> -T

~ ~ ~ thanks TC. It helps to know people are 'there for me' in whatever way at all!
It really does help, & when I was feeling SO down, I thought of yours & my 'hang in there' pact. It helped me.

xoxo to you. Also positive developments - will make a separate post.

xoxo Kath

 

Re: I've calmed down quite a bit » Phillipa

Posted by Kath on May 19, 2009, at 21:02:28

In reply to Re: I've calmed down quite a bit, posted by Phillipa on May 19, 2009, at 0:10:51

Hi Phillipa,

When I asked him today, he said he'd used MDNA (not sure of letters - it's the main, active ingredient in Ecstasy) on Friday. That the night before he came home he'd only had a few beers. I DO remember that the last time he used MDMA (or whatever it is), it had quite a lasting effect on him.

I think it's going to be okay. More in another post.

Thx for your support & sorry about what you went through wijth your son. Must be very hard to see a grandchild having problems.

xoxo Kath

 

***some discussion of psychosis*** » Amelia_in_StPaul

Posted by Kath on May 19, 2009, at 21:55:10

In reply to Re: I've calmed down quite a bit » Kath, posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on May 19, 2009, at 16:55:59

> Kath, I just read the thread above about your son's exg. Man, your son's been through a lot.

~ ~ Yes, he sure has. I don't even think I mentioned during his psychosis about believing people were after him & telling him to self-harm bigtime or his loved ones would be harmed. One time, he threw his & GF's hands-free phone out the window, because 'they' were telling him to, so he wouldn't be able to get help...actual voices. Yikes. Then when he got back from Vancouver he was really zoned out; almost zombie-like & still hearing mean whisperings etc. Then he was using cocaine again after EGF dumped him; that eventually caused psychosis again; another time got kicked out of the place he was sharing. It's been quite the journey, I'll tell ya.
He has come a LONG way, as the PB friend who phoned pointed out!!! He's going in an upward direction, with various blips along the way, but slowly, steadily upward.

> I can totally understand why you would be nervous about the exg coming back. The situation is so magnified, what with it being a small town and friends knowing friends, but maybe if he can get through this he will emerge with more coping skills, more resiliency?

~ ~ ~ You know what - I think that might happen. See new thread below. Positive developments already!!!

>It's an airy-fairy wish that I have, that he will get through this and emerge stronger, and probably the reality is that there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully good will come of this, as I believe that good can come of the worst situations.

~ ~ I think this might happen. I mean, he's already a lot stronger, I think, as a result of what he's been through already. He's doing the
Mind Over Moods book along with me. We did the first 3 chapters, skipped (as suggested) to the Depression chapter & are now back at Chapter 4. Actually, he's finished it; I'm almost finished it. He's doing it, because he said one day that he wished he had $ to buy more records (he orders then online from Britain). I said that there was a way.....I buy records, he does CBT book with me...told him to give it serious thought, as it was a commitment! I've heard bribery referred to as "the Grandmother method" or something like that LOL Whatever works.

> I'm so glad a PBabble friend called you and that you had a moment to just notice the moment and let it pass. So good to have that awareness, to suddenly breathe and know that the moment is just what it is, and you can notice it and get through it.

~ ~ ~ Do you know how 12-Steps say "One Day at a Time"? I sometimes have done "one minute at a time" - about coping in general. Sometimes I forget & that's when it's good to have wonderful people (& lately you've been added to the already wonderfully long list of supportive folks here) who will remind me.

> I'm sorry to hear your son did use (but glad he wasn't wasted); was he educated in the hospital about the connections between drug use and psychosis?

~ ~ He actually told me today that he had only drank a few beers, but had done MDMA - or something - the active ingredient of ecstasy on Friday. I remembered that the last time he did it, the effects lasted a good few days. I think he might choose to do it instead of ecstasy because there's so much other "sh*t" in ecstasy.
He knows that crystal meth & cocaine are POISON for him. He hasn't used crystal meth since coming back to Ontario. Told me when I asked if he ever would, that NO - he sure wouldn't - that it had ruined his life! His psych told him (with me there) after cocaine messing him up; can't remember when it was - that if he's thinking of using cocaine, he might as well pour some poison into a glass & drink it....same effect. I thought, "YES!!!!!!!!! You tell him!! GOOD graphic image." He knows that c. use can cause psychosis. Had to have a few experiences to believe it, I guess. I'd actually be surprised if he did use again (except maybe a 1-off, one-time-use slip, probably caused by awkward social situation that he didn't know how to deal with). I was worried, though, with this BIG emotional situation right now - didn't know how he'd react.

> It's hard at that age, esp. being involved in the culture that surrounds music. There's an element of wanting to be like other kids, of wanting to have the ecstatic experiences that they get from the music (and the E)--but boy, he has to be careful, since he has this history.

~ ~ Yup! I made a big deal recently when he decided to go off risperidol, that he had better be VERY careful about drug use, as he didn't have his meds helping him along. I told him to be SURE to tell me or his worker if he started having whisperings or voices again. Maybe he 'heard' me, because he's been doing way less 'chems' for the last few weeks. It's a weird situation, because he tells me SO much!!! His worker says she's amazed at how much he tells me. Sometimes it's good; sometimes it's hard.

> What a tough time to have to get through, for you both. I wish I had something to offer in the way of comfort and advice. But I am sending you positive thoughts and my own kind of prayers, hoping that he gets through this period intact, stronger.

~ ~ Your support means a lot to me & your (somehow) big understanding of the situation. Your words ARE comforting! Everyone's support is helpful, no matter what form it takes. Truly.

> BTW, I read your post about thought charts in the other forum, and about the book you use. It sounds like you do this regularly, and that it helps--great coping skills! I am inspired by you to get the book Mind Over Mood.

~ ~ ~Can't remember if I mentioned - the other day, I got "Sad" down from 100% to 30%
"Devastated" down from 99% to 0%

(I sort of laugh at how very specific my percentages are!!)

Today I got "Fear" down from 80% to 48%
"Anxiety" down from 80% to 55%

So for me it really can work. And it feels SO much better after doing a Thought Record. The book is worth it's weight in perhaps diamonds! Glad you're getting it.

> Take good care of yourself. I hope things go well in the coming weeks...I'll be thinking of you.
~ ~ ~ Hugs gratefully received!!!
Thanks. Some very positive stuff tonight. Under a new thread.

xoxo Kath


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