Psycho-Babble Social Thread 894961

Shown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Oh, I didn't know if I should post this. Well, my buddy, from work, and I decided to have a little "mini-vacation" and drove the 8 hours to Montreal. We lived like KINGS. Drove in a brand new luxury rental car..stayed at a classy 5 star hotel...spent..ummm..something close to 2 + three 0's after it in three days. :0. ANNNNNDD..well, we lived the Montreal high-night life!!!! All bars are open until 3am, and after they have tons of nice "underground" clubs that go until 8-9am. Then you go back to the hotel and sleep until 3 in the afternoon, go for a luxury dinner, blow 500 bucks at the casino, 400 bucks on drinks, and back to the clubs again.

But...I am hesitating here...'cause I did something I feel very bad about. Yes, it involves the "other" sex. See, some Montreal women are,ummm, rather 'liberal'. And, I just got caught up in it all, and I and my bud where bringing a few in the cab home for two...nights. And...I REALLY felt like SH*T!!! That was just SOOOOOO not me! I am almost 40 fer gawwdds sake! (My friend is only 24, so he had an excuse..lol.) Now, I am home, and deeeeply depressed, and feel so empty, lost, and feel rather cheap and sleazy. A beautiful (well, on the surface, anyways...that really doesn't mean much to me) woman will spend the night with me, but no women will dare answer my personals ad!! WTF!?!?!?

I REALLY need some answers. This is a BIG part of my depression. I've been listening to 30-40 cd's over the past day, feeling the pain in the songs I love ("Let Love In" by the Goo Goo Dolls.."My Private Nation" by Train...to name a few)..trying to find SOME kind of answer. Lost...in the starless night..

Signed,
Sleepless in Southern Ontario

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » Jay_Bravest_Face

Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 0:17:06

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Jay did you have a good time? If so then don't beat yourself up. Love Phillipa

 

Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please.... (nm)

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 9:19:28

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 0:17:06

 

Re: Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please

Posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2009, at 11:57:59

In reply to Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please.... (nm), posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 9:19:28

You weren't bad, you were human. Nothing wrong with that. And you had fun! Yay for you! Sounds like you had a blast. Sorry I have no advice, I hope support is enough.

-T

 

Re: Being Human,,,, » TexasChic

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 16:14:07

In reply to Re: Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please, posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2009, at 11:57:59

> You weren't bad, you were human. Nothing wrong with that. And you had fun! Yay for you! Sounds like you had a blast. Sorry I have no advice, I hope support is enough.
>
> -T

Thanks T hun. I am just listening to that song "I Could Use Somebody (Like You)"...I guess my real big problem is the emptyness, the lack of tenderness, warmth, sweetness, closeness, affection, romance...and on and on...that REALLY stung me afterwards. I LOVE that stuff, and I NEED it. I get really hurt when those things aren't there, and I know...it was my own dumb fault. I guess in my fragile state, I should have thought twice. But, really, when some 20 something year old girl is flaunting herself all over me, the ego kinda takes over. I think the only real reason they hung around was because we started buying them drinks. I really feel lost, because I shared something very intimate and now it's just all erased. Ya, I must be getting older..lol.

Jay

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by seldomseen on May 10, 2009, at 16:55:50

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Well you had a wild time. Who hasn't? I suspect that some of what you are feeling doesn't belong to you, but is, in fact, very very old.

Every now and then I used to go on a party binge and just have a fabulous time in the moment. Invariably though I would end up feeling lonely, full of regret (if not outright shame) and with a lot less money than before I went.

Oh well, try not to overthink it as eventually you will remember what a good time you had and not the way you feel today (or at least that's my experience).

Take care, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Seldom

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » seldomseen

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 18:04:07

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by seldomseen on May 10, 2009, at 16:55:50

> Well you had a wild time. Who hasn't? I suspect that some of what you are feeling doesn't belong to you, but is, in fact, very very old.
>
> Every now and then I used to go on a party binge and just have a fabulous time in the moment. Invariably though I would end up feeling lonely, full of regret (if not outright shame) and with a lot less money than before I went.
>
> Oh well, try not to overthink it as eventually you will remember what a good time you had and not the way you feel today (or at least that's my experience).
>
> Take care, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
>
> Seldom

Hey, thanks very, very much Seldom. I've been home for a few days, and I also forgot to mention that my meds have not been "right" for the past few weeks, and I gotta see the doctor this week. So, that may be contributing to my problems. I am kinda lucky in one way, in that the money isn't really an issue, because I had set aside one lump sum to blow for this trip. It was a LOT of money, but I haven't had a vacation, a real one with travel and such, in over 10 years.

My really difficult thing is, always having such a complicated "involvement" with women. I thought it was guys who where supposed to be all tough and just "womanize", lol? I just wasn't raised like that. I am often too much of a softie, and maybe do have to toughen up a bit. Yes, I did realize that this stint in Montreal was just going to be a one-night deal, but even then, I tried hard to make it "different". Well, so much for that. After the "events" where over, my attempts at conversation fell on deaf ears.
After more "events", it is 7 am, and she has to go home and get ready for work. Not even a hug goodbye.

Sorry for too much info there. But I appreciate your relating kindness and empathy.

Thnx,
Jay

 

Re: Any guys...help please....? (nm)

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 18:06:29

In reply to Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please.... (nm), posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 9:19:28

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by chumbawumba on May 11, 2009, at 1:47:18

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Give yourself a break, it happens. Nothing wrong with sex.

It's good news really, someone slept with you. You're not Quasimodo.

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by chumbawumba on May 11, 2009, at 1:52:48

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Oh wait, no I take back what I said before.

You ARE a bad, bad, boy.

I think you need to be spanked.

And Phillipa is just the girl.

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » chumbawumba

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 11, 2009, at 12:15:58

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by chumbawumba on May 11, 2009, at 1:47:18

> Give yourself a break, it happens. Nothing wrong with sex.
>
> It's good news really, someone slept with you. You're not Quasimodo.

Hi....thank you...well, ya, it was certainly an ego booster. Especially since I am aging into an old bum...lol. It was so nice because she adored me...mind you, she had a few drinks in her..haha. It's just....at my age, I REALLY yearn for long-term, steady emotional relations, nurturing, love, and all that. And to have her just go away after the night was over felt a bit painful. I know...I know....I should just be happy with what I got, but that is just me. I have actually always been overly sensitive.

Anyhow, thanks very much for your thoughts..

Jay

 

Re: Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please....

Posted by Angela2 on May 11, 2009, at 18:58:21

In reply to Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please.... (nm), posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 9:19:28

Well, what I'm thinking is, you got laid, you're a guy, and you're not rejoicing??? lol. Not that women don't rejoice when they get laid!!! Maybe I'm missing something here. oh ok I think I see. You want something more serious. My advice is, don't try so hard, be yourself, and don't be too critical with the opposite sex.

 

Re: my few days in Montreal....

Posted by Tabitha on May 12, 2009, at 0:53:22

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

Jay, you should feel proud of yourself. You got laid by a good-looking stranger on your vacation. That's awesome!

 

Re:.any more women...help please.... » Angela2

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 12, 2009, at 13:59:37

In reply to Re: Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please...., posted by Angela2 on May 11, 2009, at 18:58:21

Hmmmmm...well..after somemore time, maybe my thinking is, I just want something like this day after day after day after day. (But, with the same person, heh.) She gave me her phone number, but VERY STUPID me lost it. You know what was really flattering? Now, I am NOOOO Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, but I have been taking much better care of myself. She thought I was about 12 years younger then I actually am...wholly sh*t..now that is a damn ego booster, eh?! My fear is that I lost 15 or so years due to this f'ing mental illness, and lost out on so many chances to have a good love life. So, I complain somemore. Sorry. But, thanks very very much for your kind post.

Jay :)

 

Re: my few days in Montreal.... » Tabitha

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 12, 2009, at 14:11:10

In reply to Re: my few days in Montreal...., posted by Tabitha on May 12, 2009, at 0:53:22

> Jay, you should feel proud of yourself. You got laid by a good-looking stranger on your vacation. That's awesome!

Awww yes Tabitha...another prize on the shelf, eh?..lol. Sorry...just kidding. :) No, as I mentioned in an above post, I am coming to terms a bit with this, and I think my frustration is with the fact that I couldn't make this "long term". I had her phone number, and stupid me LOST it. I don't really know how any of this would have really worked out, though. See, I can go out to a bar and pick up "chicks" (pardon the slang) but none are interested in any of my personals ads. Oyyyyy. Well...on we go....Hey have you heard that song "Crack the Shutters Open" by Snow Patrol? F'ing amazing...here are the words...(p.s. thank you..:-)

---
You cool your bed-warm hands down
On the broken radiator,
And when you laid them freezin' on me,
A mumble can you wake me later.
But I don't really want you to stop,
And you know it so it doesn't stop you,
And runs you hands from my neck to my chest.

Crack the shutters open wide I want to bathe you in the light of day,
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around you face and body.
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be odd each minute,
Cause the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you.

It's been minutes it's been days.
It's been all I will remember,
Happy lost in your hair
And the cold side of the pillow.
Your hills and valleys,
Are mapped by my intrepid fingers;
And in a naked slumber, I dream of this again.

Crack the shutters open wide I want to bathe you in the light of day,
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around you face and body.
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be odd each minute,
Cause the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you.

Crack the shutters open wide I want to bathe you in the light of day,
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around you face and body.
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be odd each minute,
Cause the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you.


 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by garnet71 on May 13, 2009, at 19:44:41

In reply to VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 9, 2009, at 23:24:17

lol. i did laugh when I read your post. (sorry!)

I see emergence of a mid life crisis. A mid life crisis, in my view, is not an event--but a conflict of self that emerges after much gained insight on life. Ok-I'm just making this up as I go along...lol

Maybe you have conflicting emotions - should I submit to society's illusion of being desirable, satiation, and what's supposed to be fun (hanging out at clubs and picking up 20 something women); or - should I go with my wisdom, what i've learned over the years, and want deep, satisfying relationships? (w/good sex and cuddle attributes).

Or- societal messages could be messing with you...If you think about it, there's nothing morally wrong with having a good time and having sex with a desirable woman on a whim (can you think of anything 'bad' about that if you use STD protection?)- but if your religion or societal pressures tell you otherwise, that may be a problem. You do seem to express some guilt, after all. Why?

Either way you seem to be in conflict here. I'm leaning towards the wisdom theory. It's just not the same as when you were younger. I, too, have realized that it sux to have flings...lol. It's nowhere as satisfying as having deep, intimate relationships. The ego boost is nice, but really, it leaves you feeling disconnected...and wanting "more".

"More" is the conflict; your conflicted as to whether you should just enjoy the temporary satiation of the ego boost, or if you should go with your wisdom - that the best, most passionate, most fullfilling, sexaully desirable encounters are through more than superficial sexual encounters.

Okay, well I learned this a long time ago. If it helps at all-I can tell you I wetn to NYC on New Year's Eve and did something similar - I went on a last minute impulsive decision, had no where to stay for the night, but ended up with the cutest, funniest, hottest, nicest, guy i could have ever imagined. He was probably about your age; me-my early twenties. In the morning. lol. Woke up and was confused as to where I was at - then looked out the window and saw the Empire state bldg. lol. That was a long time ago. Just added to my wisdom, really.

But I seriously doubt the woman was only hanging out with you because you were buying her drinks. I've had men buy me drinks, then ignored them the whole night. They have even chased me over to the jukebox, handing me $20s to play my songs...lol. She must have really liked you. :)

Okay I wasn't done but my son wants to use the computer right now. :) No worries...

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » garnet71

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 14, 2009, at 5:05:39

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by garnet71 on May 13, 2009, at 19:44:41

> lol. i did laugh when I read your post. (sorry!)
>
> I see emergence of a mid life crisis. A mid life crisis, in my view, is not an event--but a conflict of self that emerges after much gained insight on life. Ok-I'm just making this up as I go along...lol
>
> Maybe you have conflicting emotions - should I submit to society's illusion of being desirable, satiation, and what's supposed to be fun (hanging out at clubs and picking up 20 something women); or - should I go with my wisdom, what i've learned over the years, and want deep, satisfying relationships? (w/good sex and cuddle attributes).
>
> Or- societal messages could be messing with you...If you think about it, there's nothing morally wrong with having a good time and having sex with a desirable woman on a whim (can you think of anything 'bad' about that if you use STD protection?)- but if your religion or societal pressures tell you otherwise, that may be a problem. You do seem to express some guilt, after all. Why?
>
> Either way you seem to be in conflict here. I'm leaning towards the wisdom theory. It's just not the same as when you were younger. I, too, have realized that it sux to have flings...lol. It's nowhere as satisfying as having deep, intimate relationships. The ego boost is nice, but really, it leaves you feeling disconnected...and wanting "more".
>
> "More" is the conflict; your conflicted as to whether you should just enjoy the temporary satiation of the ego boost, or if you should go with your wisdom - that the best, most passionate, most fullfilling, sexaully desirable encounters are through more than superficial sexual encounters.
>
> Okay, well I learned this a long time ago. If it helps at all-I can tell you I wetn to NYC on New Year's Eve and did something similar - I went on a last minute impulsive decision, had no where to stay for the night, but ended up with the cutest, funniest, hottest, nicest, guy i could have ever imagined. He was probably about your age; me-my early twenties. In the morning. lol. Woke up and was confused as to where I was at - then looked out the window and saw the Empire state bldg. lol. That was a long time ago. Just added to my wisdom, really.
>
> But I seriously doubt the woman was only hanging out with you because you were buying her drinks. I've had men buy me drinks, then ignored them the whole night. They have even chased me over to the jukebox, handing me $20s to play my songs...lol. She must have really liked you. :)
>
> Okay I wasn't done but my son wants to use the computer right now. :) No worries...

Well, first, thanks SOOO kindly for the very nice reply :) I think you've got something there with "mid-life crisis". The moral thing..it's not that I am religious or anything like that, it's more of a sadness. It's similar to that feeling you had as a kid coming back from summer vacation where you had your "first love" and now they are gone, forever. Mind you, I have some personal issues with loss and such...I think I've explained them elsewhere.

I think it boils down to this: basically, I've got to get a girlfriend. No, not just take the first thing that comes along, but seriously need a stable, long-term relationship. So, I took one step...I joined eharmony.com..now don't laugh..lol.

Well, thanks kindly for your response...that was really great, and helpful as I "untangle" all of this as the days go by.

Take care,
Jay :)

 

Hey Jay .... » Jay_Bravest_Face

Posted by Kath on May 15, 2009, at 21:47:38

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » garnet71, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 14, 2009, at 5:05:39

What's eharmony.com

Sounds nice. Kath

 

Re: ...any more women...help please.... » Jay_Bravest_Face

Posted by Kath on May 15, 2009, at 21:56:53

In reply to Thanks Phillipa...any more women...help please.... (nm), posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 10, 2009, at 9:19:28

Hey Jay - you probably know my suggestion by heart - no?

I always say, join a group(s) or sport or something that interests you. You get to do something you like, with others who ALSO like it, and at the same time, meet people........who not only might be potential friends (or more) but who also know OTHER people, etc.

At the very least, you get to do something you like & meet new people. And who knows, something more might come of it.

HowEVER, I guess doing that requires energy & time & I'm not sure where you're at regarding that, but you did have both in order to go on a trip. I don't know if you've ever tried this. There's also a site online - shoot, I wish I could remember what it was called, but you can log in by location & it tells various things that are happening in your area & various group events.

Maybe someone else knows what it's called.

Hugs to ya Jay. luv, Kath

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by garnet71 on May 15, 2009, at 22:03:24

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.. » garnet71, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 14, 2009, at 5:05:39

Hey Jay-why not post your ad here (minus the revealing picture of course) and get all the opinions from us gals? Plus my ex is an expert at getting women and from online dating; I could offer advice! For example, projecting confidence in an online ad is going to attract more women. I think e-harmony is a good idea; maybe just because a good friend of mine just met someone off there and now has bought a house with him! (kinda sux because she was my best college buddy and she moved away and I miss her!)

But the key is, people who are not on those sites long; those who are just "trying" them out. I think this from talking to many other people and observing the ex; everyone I know that's had a successful relationship that originated online, was always someone who didn't normally online date. Not that i'm correct, just what I've noticed...In your age group, there are tons of women available...(because sweethearts like you are hard to find--men that age are usually taken/ already married - or players!)

But I do understand the longing-I've posted recently about this; having someone to hold every night...I don't know about your previous issues you spoke of, but can only understand perhaps the longing feelings...I've gone for years alone, and found I am comfortable w/myself..I hope you have too..because I think being comfy with yourself is the ultimate prerequisite for a good relationship - but after so long, and it's only human nature, you have that constant feeling that something's "missing" from your life...I sure do know that feeling...

I think you sound like a great catch, and the next woman you date will be lucky to have found you!!!

 

Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh..

Posted by Kath on May 16, 2009, at 11:06:19

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by garnet71 on May 15, 2009, at 22:03:24

> Hey Jay-why not post your ad here (minus the revealing picture of course) and get all the opinions from us gals?

~ ~ excellent idea~
K

 

Re: All shiny, new was re Montreal »Kath »garnet71

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 16, 2009, at 11:37:09

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by Kath on May 16, 2009, at 11:06:19

I'd like to try and answer all questions, and report some "exciting" news..lol. So, I put it all in this post, and hope it is clear.

Well, eharmony is a bit more of a 'classy' webdate service. You have to answer a ton of questions, and can only pick from people who 'match' you in certain ways. The cost is a bit more too, so it's not just a "hang out" website.

Now, I've already (knock on wood) had some responses from some very nice ladies who don't live far. One is a bit younger, and the other close to me. They have very serious profiles with questions made up by me, that I asked them. Once we are done all of the 100 or so questions, we can then move onto email/chat. Like I say, it is not a "meat market", and you have to be serious to go through all of the process. Again, knock on wood, but I was surprised as hell by a couple of women who where interested in doing the question/response thing with me. Not that pics play a big part, but I have trimmed up a bit, got more nice clothes, got a very special hair makeover that is nice and short, and covers up any baldness I have had. That is a real confidence booster too. I look like a younger Dan Aykroyd(sp?) with much short hair and minus a few pounds.

So, that is the deal! I am awaiting more responses from the ladies I communicated with on eharmony. Also, this is a bit, umm..different....the lady who lives behind me is a stripper. (As in..remove clothing...voi la!) Heh. She is honestly a very nice person and asked ME if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks! Wholly f*ck! lol....

Well, I hope that answers some of your posts. I just didn't want to repeat myself. I think those websites like match.com and such are NOTHING like eharmony. The other ones are just shop and meat markets. And I was looking for something a little better then that, eh?

Thanks for your responses...

Jay

 

Re p.s.. » garnet71

Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 16, 2009, at 11:39:20

In reply to Re: VERY BAD boy....my few days in Montreal....ughhh.., posted by garnet71 on May 15, 2009, at 22:03:24

Awww shucks...thanks for the compliments :-)

 

Sounds good » Jay_Bravest_Face

Posted by Kath on May 16, 2009, at 19:26:27

In reply to Re p.s.. » garnet71, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 16, 2009, at 11:39:20

My daughter's best-friend-for-years was & probably still is a stripper. Over the last couple of years they've not been as close.

She is actually extremely shy & quiet & sincere, etc. She's had a 'boob' job also (she's really slim, so I don't know how that will look). She just is NOT the type of person I would have thought would be a stripper, but there ya go! Just shows that pre-conceptions aren't great.

I thought that even the name eharmony sounded quite different. The question/answer stuff sounds good.

You sound as if you're feeling more confident & that's great. (Remember - lots of people lately are being bothered by all the heavy scents we are being bombarded with, so I'd say skip the scents, personally!!! - how's that for a bit of unasked for personal advice!! But it really turns some people off - actually can make people feel sick. Our pottery guild has asked members to NOT wear it to guild meetings & events.)

I wish you the very bestest Jay.

love, Kath


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