Psycho-Babble Social Thread 837444

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by zenhussy on July 1, 2008, at 0:37:14

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on June 30, 2008, at 17:32:54

just wanted to acknowledge your return....not all of us old timers are of the 2000 board so we can't reply there.

this will be on the social board and hopefully let more folks know you're back as the traffic on 2000 tends to be a little slow.

so sorry you're feeling the suicidal stuff again. of course it is alarming if you haven't been feeling that in such a long time. dang these diseases/disorders we all fight.

at least you came here to let us know where you're at. you KNOW many here care for you and would do whatever they could to assist.

for now hopefully that helps a tiny bit.

good to see your name Noa and sorry it isn't under better circumstances.

 

Re: I'm back

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 8:06:57

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by zenhussy on July 1, 2008, at 0:37:14

I echo what Zen says.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately, Noa. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I hope that you can find Babble a support for you again. There are people here who care for you.

 

Re: I'm back

Posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 8:06:57

Thank you, both.

This job loss is really devastating. It just happened. I don't know what I'm going to do now. And how I can do an interview and let them know that it wasn't my choice to leave the previous job. I can't lie. To say I left without another prospect would also make me look totally questionable.

I don't understand their reasons. The only thing I know is that I've done a terrible job of advocating for myself all along, as they nitpicked away and ran up a list of supposed failings, none of which are about the core of what I do. Tons of people in my organization came by my office when they found out and told me how much they value my work, my professionalism, my skills, etc.

I consulted a lawyer, and he said what I thought he would say--that there is no legal recourse. Employers with at-will contracts leave employees with no protection whatsoever. They don't even have to really have a reason to not renew my contract. But in the human world, everyone's perception is that if someone's contract isn't renewed there must have been a good reason. This casts a shadow on my professional reputation.

And they told me about it at a time when it's past the season for hiring everywhere. There are no jobs. And even if there were, there aren't any that come close to paying what I was making. I feel paralyzed. I can't stop crying.

As for the suicidal thoughts--well, the thing is that one of the things that would keep me from acting on it is that my house is a total mess and I would never want to subject anyone else to having to deal with it! A bit of ironic protection, I guess. Of course, now that I have nothing else to do, I have the time to clean up. Another thing that would stop me is that I don't have a will & trust done, so I would need to do that first and of course don't have the emotional resources to deal with doing that.

This job loss is just catastrophic for me. I was starting the process of applying to adopt a child and now that has to go on hold because I have no job. And I'll probably age out of elegibility by the time I do find a job.

Noa

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by Phillipa on July 1, 2008, at 14:40:11

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

Noa don't believe we've met but I am feeling your pain. I do believe this is something that will happen all over the country. Jobs. Hence my previous thread on economy. So sorry. Love Phillipa

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 16:29:49

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

Hi Noa.

I hope you know that your worth to this world is far greater than your job. I still think of your wise posts quite often, and miss you, and hope I'll see you again here someday. Although under happier circumstances, I confess.

That being said, I understand how scary and demoralizing this would be.

You said you were on contract. Does that mean no unemployment insurance? I hate to focus on the miserable practicalities, but I also always find that when the practicalities are attended to, I feel better able to face the future with at least a bit of fortitude.

I wouldn't worry overmuch about what to say in interviews. People are constantly leaving jobs for one reason or another. I'm sure there are ways to phrase the answer to any questions you may get in such a way as to minimize the impact.

Are you still seeing a therapist? Is there anyone you can sit down with to make a battle plan?

Deep breaths. One step at a time. You can get through this, even if that doesn't seem like an appealing prospect at this time. I can't tell you how many people I've seen lose their jobs, and end up in happier circumstances than the one they left. Or as my husband often says "The retained shall envy the released."

If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

 

Re: I'm back

Posted by Deneb on July 1, 2008, at 16:34:35

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

Hi Noa,

I'm sorry to hear about your job. I would be devastated too. Please stay safe. Thanks for coming back to tell us.

 

Re: I'm back...Noa

Posted by kid47 on July 1, 2008, at 17:07:39

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by zenhussy on July 1, 2008, at 0:37:14

Hi Noa.

Nice to see your name around these parts.....although I wish it was under different circumstances. We've had some conversations over the years here and at ASH. You always struck me as one of the most intelligent and insightful people I've ever talked to. Unfortunately your job loss is indicative of an epidemic of lay offs....the good news is companies always have there eye out for talented people. I think when you're ready, you might be pleasantly surprised at the success you'll have finding a new job. Not trying to be Pollyanna. I understand how incredibly stressful a change like this can be. From what I've experienced interacting with you, I just have a good gut feeling that you will sort all of this out and bounce back.
Sending good vibes your way.

Peace
kid (krafty)

 

Re: I'm back...Noa

Posted by Phil on July 1, 2008, at 20:50:17

In reply to Re: I'm back...Noa, posted by kid47 on July 1, 2008, at 17:07:39

Hi Noa, Sure have missed you. I haven't been here much either but it's always good to see your posts. Except this one. I'm sorry your job went away.

Would you be interested in looking at jobs with state, county, or city where you live? Sometimes the pay isn't the best but the benefits are really good. Plus, you get so many days off it would be easy to conduct your job search. Just a thought.

Don't sweat the interview questions or someone's perception of you or why you're there. People get laid off all the time for no good reason. Chances are the interviewer was in the same shape 6 months before.

Stay strong, Noa. It will work out.

Phil

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by SLS on July 2, 2008, at 20:06:36

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

Hi.

:-)

I've missed you.

This bad time will pass for you. I'm sure of it. In the meantime, don't give the negative thoughts that you are having too much credence. They will mitigate on their own with time. You might need to step back and do some reality testing - CBT style. You are probably more in shock than you are in denial. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway. Catastrophism is one of the thought distortions that can lead to suicidal ideation. Maybe you can break your world into smaller, more manageable pieces, and temporarily compartmentalizing those things that cannot be dealt with in the present. Somehow, you have to first reduce your level of anxiety. Anxiety can fuel suicidality.

I have been doing substantially better than when I saw you last. I am looking to return to work this Fall. I must somehow explain 18 years of unemployment and no references. I'll figure it out.

I guess you can feel how much people love you and admire you. Know that you have sincere support.

Good luck.


- Scott

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by zenhussy on July 3, 2008, at 2:08:57

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

goodness what a sensible bunch of advice and support offered up! and no pollyannas either ; )

Phil is so right in that the interviewers you'll be seeing probably were out of a job just months ago....and kid47's very astute observation that companies are always keeping an eye out for talent.....SLS is good w/ seeing and sensing that you're most likely in shock still...and who wouldn't be?!

Dinah and Phil and SLS all have good practicals in their posts. Deneb and Phillipa are very kind in their words of support as they know how rough it is out there.

it isn't easy to stop the overwhelm from turning into catastrophic thinking. comes almost naturally to those of us prone to depression.

one step, one breath at a time. don't worry about every single thing your brain brings up related to this job loss all at once.

managable chunks.

the contract not being renewed reflecting poorly on you? understand where that thought comes from but in today's economy it is probably more common for non-renewals than you might think. often we think we have to explain ourselves---or even justify ourselves in situations where we really don't.

don't trouble yourself w/ that future employeers might think or want to know right now. you've got time to come up w/ answers that reflect your strengths as an employee. and you'll probably find the interviewers sympathizing w/ your situation when the time comes to interview again.

hard to keep "it's not you--it's them" in mind when one is in shock from a big change like job loss.

nothing to add as far as practical advice as the posters above all had much better ideas than this hussy.

day by day Noa. slow it down until you aren't freaked to the nth over *everything*.

almost all on this board have been there at one time or another. no pollyanna gibberish here....just solid honest ideas and support for a dear ol' poster who was kind enough to turn to us in an hour of need.

again sorry this is why we're seeing you but still glad to see you all the same.

keep faith Noa.

 

Re: I'm back

Posted by Noa on July 3, 2008, at 19:17:44

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by zenhussy on July 3, 2008, at 2:08:57

Thank you all for all this support. Today I'm doing a little better. Actually, quite a bit better, I guess. I've stopped the constant crying, not thinking about the suicidal feelings, and I'm eating again after three days of not being interested or able to. The not eating was a new symptom for me. Now I just hope I don't go way in the other direction, which is more typical of me.

Even tho I mentioned them not renewing my contract, I was a salaried employee, not a contractor. We had yearly contracts. They are giving me some severance, though I don't think it's enough given that they let me go at a time of year when there are no jobs open in this field, and I worked for them for a decade. And, of course, I have to pay full price now for health coverage, etc.

Thanks again everyone for the support. It really helps. I do think I've been in a state of shock.

Today I just did a couple of things, taking it slowly. Not fully ready to jump fully into the job search, although I have done a few things, such as uploaded my resume and filled out the online application on a head-hunter's website, and also sent my resume to a large list-serve of professional colleagues, asking them to let me know if they hear of any leads.

Thanks--

Noa

 

Re: I'm back SLS

Posted by Noa on July 3, 2008, at 19:21:06

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by SLS on July 2, 2008, at 20:06:36

>>I have been doing substantially better than when I saw you last. I am looking to return to work this Fall.

Wow, Scott--That is AWESOME! It's really good to hear that you're doing better. And better enough to be looking to return to employment--that is really something.

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by Kath on July 5, 2008, at 21:11:18

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 3, 2008, at 19:17:44

Wow Noa,

I haven't even read any of the posts but it is so wonderful to see your name again.

I wondered about you for years!!!

I send you my love & support. so good to have you here! luv, Kath

 

Re: I'm back Noa

Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2008, at 19:56:54

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Noa on July 1, 2008, at 13:50:55

Just a quick hello to say it's wonderful to see you back at Babble, and I'm sorry about the rough time going on.

gg

 

Re: I'm back Phillipa

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:50:36

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by Phillipa on July 1, 2008, at 14:40:11

Thanks, Phillipa.

> Noa don't believe we've met but I am feeling your pain. I do believe this is something that will happen all over the country. Jobs. Hence my previous thread on economy. So sorry. Love Phillipa

 

Re: I'm back--Thank you (nm) Dinah

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:53:25

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 16:29:49

 

Re: I'm back Phil

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:55:09

In reply to Re: I'm back...Noa, posted by Phil on July 1, 2008, at 20:50:17

This is a good mantra! Thanks, Phil.

> Stay strong, Noa. It will work out.


 

Re: I'm back zenhussy

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:56:27

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by zenhussy on July 3, 2008, at 2:08:57

Thanks, Z--all this support is very helpful!

 

Re: I'm back--Thanks! (nm) Deneb

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:57:16

In reply to Re: I'm back, posted by Deneb on July 1, 2008, at 16:34:35

 

Re: I'm back--Thanks! (nm) Kath

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:58:06

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by Kath on July 5, 2008, at 21:11:18

 

Re: I'm back gardenergirl

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:59:11

In reply to Re: I'm back Noa, posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2008, at 19:56:54

Thanks, GG. It's nice to have PB to 'come home' to for all this support. I really appreciate it.

 

Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 9:18:28

In reply to Re: I'm back gardenergirl, posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 8:59:11

Part of this message is from my post in response to Coral over at 2000, and am re-posting it here to give you an update.

Thank you ALL for all the support--and the help in 'reframing' when I was in my panic spiral last week--it was of immense help. I'm still struggling with the whole thing but nothing like last week. Not panicky but still not feeling anywhere near ready to face interviews (that is, if there were any to face); mood still kind of low, but not as low as last week and no suicidal feelings now; occasional crying and irritability; still having erratic sleep patterns; eating again (and have to be careful not to swing in the other direction!); not feeling very social, but ok with certain trusted people; not much focus for many things, spending a lot of time diverting myself with Sudoku, etc..

Here is the cross post--

Hi Coral,

Thank you. Yes, I've continued my therapy all these years, and it's a great help now.

I'm doing better than I was last week when I first posted. Some "healthy" dissociation finally kicked in to protect me from the raw shock and panic and all that. I'm trying to get out and do something every day--nothing big, just something to have a goal outside my home no matter how small the goal is. And the past 3 days, I've managed to have daily social outings with supportive friends. Two meals out, and one silly, funny movie (Get Smart) which I enjoyed a lot.

Yesterday, my social "event" was dinner with a friend with whom I used to work, whom I hadn't spent time with in a long time, although we both had good intentions to get together (she still works for the same organization but had transferred worksites a few years ago). I really like her and we worked so well together, plus we have a past connection from when we were much younger. And she shared some sad personal news that got me out of my own worries for a bit. But it wasn't like a total misery-fest or anything. Thankfully, despite what she's going through she is doing pretty well--I think she seemed like a good role model for me in that she seems to have good perspective, is coping well--but genuinely so, not a fake kind of "I'm fine" kind of thing--honest about it being hard, etc. but still keeping things in perspective.

 

Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000 Noa

Posted by Kath on July 8, 2008, at 13:43:51

In reply to Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000, posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 9:18:28

Dear Noa,

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. After reading the above post, I think applause is in order! Or at least congratulations to you for doing such focused work on going forward.

I'm so glad you had social time with that person. It seems to have been very positive for you.

I send my love, Kath

 

Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000 Kath

Posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 14:19:02

In reply to Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000 Noa, posted by Kath on July 8, 2008, at 13:43:51

Thanks, Kath. I hope you are doing well!

 

Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000 Noa

Posted by Kath on July 8, 2008, at 14:23:52

In reply to Re: I'm back--update--partially x-post from 2000 Kath, posted by Noa on July 8, 2008, at 14:19:02

Hi Noa,

Not the greatest, by any means. But I don't want to 'divert' your 'thread' to my stuff. Maybe I'll start a new thread.

You don't know how nice it is to have you here!

I haven't been online much for I guess a month & a half or something like that. Am out of touch with what's happening for people.

luv, Kath


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