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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 18:27:40
I read the posts often and have for years since 1998. Everyone seems to get by with money, work (maybe not continuously but keep working and able to find jobs), have relationships like being married or girlfriend/boyfriend, be able to get on disability if needed, have housing, some have kids, converse alot and are active in this community, generally have good fight in them to survive it seems, etc...
Nice run on sentence I know.I have not been able to hold job for more than 6 months at one time in 10 years. Have not had a girlfriend in 11 years. Been bankrupt in 2002. Started massage therapy school last year and did not finish, now have more debt i can't pay. On welfare and have problems complying with that. Tried to go on disability in 2003 and got turned down, did not have the energy to fight it. My car is on verge of breakdown and can't afford to fix and now over the inspection limit because I will fail with the problem. Totally dependent on Mom and Dad at age 39. I got charity care to go to outpatient clinic but even if they do find a med that works, I won't be able to afford it.
Contacted Binder and Binder to get help to go on disability, they have yet to approve helping me.
Pdoc says it will be hard to get disability cause they expect you to do some type of work. I can't do the computer work I use too and doubt I would be responsible or able to do low end work without someone holding my hand. Everyone looks at me and does not see a problem but there obviously is.Have been diagnosed with (over the years) Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent, Atypical Depression, Bipolar 2, Dual Diagnosis since I sometimes smoke pot to combat my diseases, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dependent personality disorder / co-dependent, nicotine addiction, Anxiety Disorder (social phobia, GAD, Panic attacks).
I just don't understand why I am so helpless and unable to get motivated. Why can't they just give you euthynasia because I am obviously a burden to the system and myself? Can't they spare the suffering.
I just can't seem to help myself, thanks for listening anyway.
God bless,
Leo
Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2007, at 20:09:35
In reply to why does it seem to me like everyone here is well?, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 18:27:40
I had no trouble getting Diability first try and I was employed and felt pretty good. My pdoc just filled out some papers. Don't understand why you're having such a problem. Love Phillipa
Posted by AuntieMel on January 12, 2007, at 12:07:33
In reply to why does it seem to me like everyone here is well?, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 18:27:40
Don't think that everyone here is completely functional. We have, and have had, many people who are too sick to work. And some of those working now couldn't at one point.
Priority one is getting better. The rest will then fall into place.
Feel free to babblemail me.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 12, 2007, at 15:26:42
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w, posted by AuntieMel on January 12, 2007, at 12:07:33
I agree with AuntieMel. Sometimes things just seem better for some people. Its all ups and downs - sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.
At the moment, I'm doing relatively well (touchwood) and I'm not taking any medications whatsoever, but last year I was unemployed, couldn't find work because I was depressed and anxious and my boyfriend was totally supporting me fiancially, so if you'd have talked to me then.... Now I've started grad school and am getting along better. I wouldn't say I was 'normal' yet, but its getting there.
But I do know how you feel - I constantly compare myself to others and get jealous of them, at how 'well' they're doing etc etc, which isn't very good for you mentally I think. I mean, a good friend of my mine who somehow had a completely 'prefect' existance with no problems whatsoever suddenly found out a couple of months ago that her Dad had drown in a tragic accident on holiday. He was only 58. So sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by leo33 on January 12, 2007, at 18:46:46
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w, posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 12, 2007, at 15:26:42
thanks for the encouraging words, i guess i am just feeling sorry for myself and you reap what you sow. Obviously I have not sowed to well. I know other people have problems as well.
Posted by Phillipa on January 12, 2007, at 19:03:55
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w, posted by leo33 on January 12, 2007, at 18:46:46
No don't do that to yourself as I did to myself hence why I'm still not working. Be good to you. You are special wish I could hear myself. Love Phillipa
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 13, 2007, at 6:14:45
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w, posted by leo33 on January 12, 2007, at 18:46:46
> i guess i am just feeling sorry for myself and you reap what you sow.
Oh don't say that! I wouldn't say you're feeling sorry for yourself, its more that the disease of depression etc gives you a rather negative outlook on life. Its the disease talking not you. You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself! Nobody expects life to be a bed of roses. Really. We all have times like this.
>Obviously I have not sowed to well. I know other people have problems as well.
I wouldn't say that either! Its not your fault you're got this disease is it? You didn't actively choose to become ill did you? You wouldn't get mad at a cancer patient who couldn't work would you?? So its not your fault is it? So I wouldn't say you create problems for yourself do you? Nobody actively wants to have problems in life and so you didn't actively choose to create problems in your life.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by TexasChic on January 13, 2007, at 14:59:56
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w, posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 13, 2007, at 6:14:45
Exactly everything that Meri said. Its kind of like the grass is always greener thing, only to the extreme. I've often thought I must be the most screwed up pathetic person on earth. I think the key to getting better is to learn how to stop listening to that voice, AND to keep in mind that its an ongoing process. One that may never be completely mastered, but can definitely be improved upon.
-T
Posted by leo33 on January 15, 2007, at 19:42:13
In reply to why does it seem to me like everyone here is well?, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 18:27:40
I don't know if I can fight this anymore, I just seem like I want to die but I know I don't, but at the same time I do. My mind seems like it is shutting down or going psychotic or something. I am so bottled up and confused and lost. I just want to die but I don't want to hurt my family, I am trying.
Thank you all for your responses, I feel like one straw can break the camel's back. I seem to have failed, like a wave has overwhelmed me.
Help me GOD, Help me GOD, Help me GOD, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me help myself!!! I repent my sins, I ask for your forgiveness! Help all those who are suffering!
I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
Capitalism doesn't care about anything but capital.
God Bless,
Leo
Posted by leo33 on January 15, 2007, at 19:53:33
In reply to Re: why does it seem to me like everyone here is w » leo33, posted by Phillipa on January 12, 2007, at 19:03:55
In Myself I Fight
I don't know why I feel this way
The pressures keep building day by day
My brain is slowed and emotions dead
With very little thoughts of hope in my headI'm looking for something to fill this void
No work, no love, I'm very annoyed
Why do I continue to put up the fight
To sleep alone in my bed every damn nightEveryone's so worried about what everyone thinks
I do it myself, and I think it stinks
I need some attention from someone who cares
Maybe thats why I'm in such deep despairIf I could find strength in myself and learn to commit
But nothing feels right, I have to admit
Have to stop thinking and start taking action
To find a belief and act on that passionTo take the negative out of my mind
Look at the positive and belief I will find
Although it's not easy to take on this change
It's better than staying offtrack and derangedby chrisleo33
I hope this can help someone!!
Leo
This is the end of the thread.
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