Psycho-Babble Social Thread 721248

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Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56

In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09

My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card. She told me to tell her when I want to kill myself so she can kill herself first. Mom said she worries about me everyday. She said her heart races and she gets stomach pains.

Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00

In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09

Maybe next time, the person who really needs to know is your pdoc, not your Mom. Your Mom can't assess you.

"She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death."

I think you know this is not true...

"She told me to never think of myself as having problems."

& you do have problems (everyone has problems, that's life...) - you just need to find a better way of dealing with them.


 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56

"My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card."

Not what you want to hear, however, if you act in a certain way - there are consequences, right? You speed in a car, you get a ticket. If you act in ways that dangerous, there are consequences too. I think your Mom would be using good judgement if she did take enforce this.

I'm sorry your Mom is upset, you are worried that people are upset, but I'm wondering what do you think will happen when you tell them upsetting things? What reaction are you looking for?

Some medication prn would help in cases like this, maybe you should talk to your pdoc.

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:56:33

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00

I told my Mom because sometimes people here tell me to tell someone IRL. I was still a bit worried about myself so I though I should tell my Mom. Now I realize it was a bad idea. A really bad idea.

I just made my Mom's anxiety a hundred times worse. I don't know what's going to happen now.

Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:56:33

"I told my Mom because sometimes people here tell me to tell someone IRL."

It's good advice to tell someone IRL - I said that as well. But perhaps that person IRL should be your pdoc. I don't think she would have the same reaction.

Why not call her now? Instead of having you and your Mom upset; this whole thing can be put to rest of you made a positive decision to call your pdoc now...

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:32

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04

Deneb, they will not put you in the hospital forever, most people can't stay long enough to get adequate treatment anymore. Tell your mom that you love her and that your scared and you need her help and support. She obviously loves you and is worried about you. Hug her and let your feelings out. I am not sure how to advise you except to talk things out and try to figure the best course of action.

 

Re: Deneb Deneb

Posted by Phil on January 11, 2007, at 20:12:10

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:11:33

"I understand most people don't want to see me hurt."

Nobody wants to see you hurt, Deneb.

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 20:13:49

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07

I like one woman's advice, she analyzes statements well. I think she know's CBT pretty well.

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 20:17:29

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 20:07:07

I was in chat and people there convinced me to try to call my pdoc. She couldn't be reached. There is just no way to reach my pdoc after hours.

I told my Mom and I've permanently harmed her. :-( Will she ever trust me again?

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD Deneb

Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2007, at 20:34:08

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 20:17:29

You haven't permanently harmed her, Deneb. My husband gets mad at me when I say things that upset him, but he gets over it.

It's a shame you can't reach your pdoc after hours. You promised to call tomorrow right? When you call, ask what to do after hours, but also try to remember to call earlier when you know you're upset.

If you don't feel safe, you need to go to the ER. Or sometimes if I know I'm safe but I just don't want to be tormented by thoughts I just make sure I'm around people so that I know I can't do anything.

 

Re: Deneb -laima one woman cine

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:09:09

In reply to Re: Deneb -laima, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:49:50


Yes! I was thinking "Apple"- but wasn't sure. Just goes to show, one can flunk out of school and do alright. And no one here's even flunking out.

> Laima,
>
> It was Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.

 

Re: Deneb Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:13:31

In reply to Re: Deneb laima, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37


Oh. Sorry for misunderstanding. But trust me, sounds just like me in college, just like my parents. I suppose it sounds sappy to say it really did work out alright, and my parents long ago forgot all about it, but I'm not sure what to say.


> I'm not upset because I skipped one class. I'm upset because my parents yelled at me for skipping and also I failed 2 classes last semester because my exam deferral note wasn't accepted. I'm probably on academic probation now and I feel like my life is over.
>
> Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:18:41

In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09


Very sorry to hear. My therapist used to tell me over and over that I don't own my mother's problems, and that she doesn't get two lives and me none. Your situation doesn't sound easy at all. Do you ever think you might move to a dorm where you might get some relief from too much closeness? Just a thought.
And no, I severly doubt you'd be locked up forever. The only way you'd end up in a hospital would be if you told them you intended to hurt yourself- and even then they would do all they could do to get you out and on your feet as soon as possible.


> She sounds angry. She said I don't think about her. She says she has great anxiety. She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death. She told me to never think of myself as having problems.
>
> I don't think I should have told her.
>
> Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:21:03

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04


With this assessment I respectfully have to disagree- sounds like classic manipulation and power struggle to me.


> "My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card."
>
> Not what you want to hear, however, if you act in a certain way - there are consequences, right? You speed in a car, you get a ticket. If you act in ways that dangerous, there are consequences too. I think your Mom would be using good judgement if she did take enforce this.
>
> I'm sorry your Mom is upset, you are worried that people are upset, but I'm wondering what do you think will happen when you tell them upsetting things? What reaction are you looking for?
>
> Some medication prn would help in cases like this, maybe you should talk to your pdoc.

 

Re: Deneb -laima

Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 23:49:32

In reply to Re: Deneb -laima one woman cine, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:09:09

I believe bill gates did not finish college either.
you just need confidence, vision, passion, drive, and a I don't care how I get there attitude, what ever it takes. God knows I use to have some of that.

 

Re: Deneb -laima

Posted by Jo U.K on January 12, 2007, at 4:45:46

In reply to Re: Deneb -laima, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 23:49:32

All this WILL pass Deneb - there are times in EVERYONES, even the most sorted,sane,happy-seeming peoples' lives when they go through what feels to them like the WORST of times and that there are no answers. Take a breath, maybe write it all down, exactly how you feel. Then try and jot some possible outcomes - the world won't end if you don't so well academically - there are careers that dont require exam passes- what would you like to be? Maybe write a letter to your mother if it's easier than speaking to her, don't blame anyone, just say how you feel, tell her you love her and you want to work towards sorting your life out. There are no quick fixes, but I really hope you can move past this.

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 7:41:22

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 20:17:29

"I was in chat and people there convinced me to try to call my pdoc. She couldn't be reached. There is just no way to reach my pdoc after hours. "

Is that really true, your pdoc can't be reached after hours? They have pagers for emergencies and must be reachable! It's a part of being an MD...

Plus, no one should have to "convince" you to see your pdoc; you should think that would be a good thing on your own - a way of becoming better - mental health is not achieved through coercion.

 

Consequences - laima

Posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 7:45:45

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 21:21:03

"With this assessment I respectfully have to disagree- sounds like classic manipulation and power struggle to me. "

Ok, we disagree - but as far as I know Deneb isn't working and living under her parents roof - how should a parent cope with a child who wants to self harm?

Parents take away cars, they take away privileges; I think a bank card and money are privilege if you do not earn them yourself. What would you do if you were Denebs parents?

 

Re: Consequences - laima

Posted by laima on January 12, 2007, at 8:39:17

In reply to Consequences - laima, posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 7:45:45

Well, as a veteran of a very dramatic college-era relationship with my own parents, I think Deneb would benefit from some independence rather than having her parents closely monitor and critcize her every move. Time to be ALLOWED to grow up- some parents just never want to let go of micromanaging their children. At least that how it was in my case, and my therapist said it was quite common. In my experience, it exasperated my mood and behavior. I did much better when they backed off a bit and I was trusted to act as an adult. Much better with my own part time job and bank account (rather than asking for an allowance-which always had strings attached), much better in the dorm than at home. If the rationale for taking away a person's bank account is that person therefore won't by pills, I think that's futile. A person who wants pills will still get them one way or another. Meanwhile, the indignity of mother snatching bank account away creates worsened morale, more drama, and a greater gulf.

 

Re: Consequences - laima

Posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 8:47:28

In reply to Re: Consequences - laima, posted by laima on January 12, 2007, at 8:39:17

Laima,

I hear you - trust me - I think the sitaution with Deneb and her parents is circular. But, again - I pose the question - if you were Deneb's parent & she was financially dependent on you, living at home - what would you do to prevent self-harm - you didn't answer the question?

"If the rationale for taking away a person's bank account is that person therefore won't by pills, I think that's futile."

That wasn't my rationale - but you can't self-harm and expect there to be no consequences...

 

Re: Consequences - laima

Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2007, at 9:37:51

In reply to Consequences - laima, posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 7:45:45

> What would you do if you were Denebs parents?
>

Give her a hug, reassure her that whatever happened at school, I'd be behind her one hundred percent, and that everything would be ok. Then I'd say I'm sorry that she's feeling so bad, but that my number one priority is to see that she comes to no harm so that she'll be here to work things out, and that I'm going to have to either bring her to the ER or stick to her like glue until we can reach her pdoc the next day, where a harm reduction plan needs to be worked on. I'd tell her that I loved her, with or without a degree, enough to not want to see anyone, including herself, hurt her.

Heaven forfend that my son ever feels that way, but if he does, I would hope that I would respond in such a way that he would feel I could be a resource to him when he needed me.

Any consequences would be worked out with the mental health provider, where hopefully my son would give a limited waiver of confidentiality so that we could discuss self harm and how best to help.

But parents react as they react, and we can't change that reaction, just how we respond to it. I hope Deneb is able to look past her mother's fear and distress and subsequent reaction, and trust her pdoc. And ask her pdoc what to do if she's in crisis after hours, and try to remember to call her pdoc during hors if she's really upset. Over time we can discover who we can and can't talk to about self harm.

 

Re: Consequences - laima

Posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 9:51:28

In reply to Re: Consequences - laima, posted by Dinah on January 12, 2007, at 9:37:51

"And ask her pdoc what to do if she's in crisis after hours, and try to remember to call her pdoc during hors if she's really upset. Over time we can discover who we can and can't talk to about self harm. "

I agree and stated so before, that calling her pdoc would be best - but I think if your child does OD repeatedly and it's not a first time thing - what then? Wait until the next day, what if the next day is too late.

The problem is this a pattern....

 

Re: Deneb Deneb

Posted by MidnightBlue on January 12, 2007, at 10:34:06

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:50:33

Deneb,

It is BEST not to OD at all! It is not something to play around with. People have had fatal results when they only wanted to "send a message."

MidnightBlue

> How do I change the equation?
>
> I'm guessing I shouldn't post about ODing and I definitely shouldn't post that I've already OD'd.
>
> Why? Because it's best for the group not to know these things. It only upsets people. I have to learn to hold things in and suffer in silence like other people here.
>
> Deneb*

 

I'm OK *triggers*

Posted by Deneb on January 12, 2007, at 11:15:38

In reply to Re: Deneb Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on January 12, 2007, at 10:34:06

I'm OK. I went to my two classes today. I think I convinced my Mom that I didn't want to harm myself. I convinced her that I was angry about the argument we had and that is why I took the pills.

I don't even really know why I took them.

I decided against phoning my pdoc because I'm OK now and I would just be bothering her. Plus, what is she supposed to do anyways? I'll just tell her everything on our next session.

My Mom didn't take away my money. She doesn't want to punish me, she only wanted to prevent me from buying pills. I don't know if she will let me go to San Diego for the Babble Party now. She doesn't trust me now. My Dad is worried Babble is a cult. My Mom is worried because she read that some people online make suicide pacts together. I admit I used to visit those pro-suicide newsgroups on usenet, but not anymore.

I can't write a letter to my Mom because she doesn't read English and I can't write Chinese.

I really hope my Mom is OK. I must never tell her these things again. My Mom told me that if anything happened to me she would kill herself. She told me about the time she got into an argument and she was ready to jump off a bridge.

Right now I'm still kind of stunned. I have to study.

Deneb*

 

Re: I'm OK *triggers*

Posted by one woman cine on January 12, 2007, at 11:19:39

In reply to I'm OK *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 12, 2007, at 11:15:38

"I'm OK *triggers*" - is probably an unintentional oxymoron...

"I decided against phoning my pdoc"

I'm sorry that you have made that choice for yourself. Good luck Deneb.


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