Psycho-Babble Social Thread 721248

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Re: Deneb

Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2007, at 14:40:45

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:37:01

Deneb are you on your meds or did you go off them after that post of yours on the meds board? If so call your pdoc tell him how you're feeling and what you've done. Had a feeling that post responses would scare you. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Deneb one woman cine

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:37:01

I don't know why. I just feel trapped. I feel like my life is ruined because I'm probably on academic probation now. I OD to cope. I dunno. I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.

I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life.

I'm a horrible person.

Deneb*

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:50:14

In reply to My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02


Deneb, I think over my own college experience, and say forgive yourself for skipping a class. Be compassionate to yourself. I'm glad that I eventually learned to be compassionate to my college self when I look back, though I often felt like I was a loser at the time. I was lucky to eventually work with a brilliant and wonderful therapist back then, and this was her advice.

Did you skip because of your mood? Maybe you needed a break? Or maybe not ready for class that day? Too full of a schedule? Or maybe you just don't like that class? There's usually no rule against dropping a class if it's not to your taste or the instructor isn't one you like so well. Perfectly respectable, too. I imagine it's still early in your semster.

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:53:43

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35


It sounds like maybe dropping a class might be an option to consider? A lighter load one semester doesn't mean much in the long run- at worst you take longer to finish school- but the upside is you get to work at a more manageable pace. Some people even pull out for a semseter and come back later. Not such a big deal at all. I did that- and by the time that semseter was over, I was ready to go back and did much better.


> I don't know why. I just feel trapped. I feel like my life is ruined because I'm probably on academic probation now. I OD to cope. I dunno. I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.
>
> I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life.
>
> I'm a horrible person.
>
> Deneb*

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35

"I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.

I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life. "

You can cope without resorting to this. You have in the past and you can make that choice again.

Caring responses are born from genuineness,authenticity, and reciprocity - be yourself - it gets the best results. Hurting yourself to get attention only begets more pain. You have to decide its not a solution for you anymore.

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 11, 2007, at 15:31:36

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

Deneb, honey, I think you make some pretty drastic and wholly unhelpful conclusions about yourself.

You have gone from 1) skipping a class to 2) concluding that you're a horrible person for skipping a class.

Which is not very logical is it? I mean, if a friend skipped a class, you would not conclude that they are a horrible person, would you? No, you wouldn't. You are not a horrible person for skipping a class, failing a class, being on academic probation or ODing as a result of these things.

I really think you need to try to and look at your thought patterns, Deneb. As people have pointed out, skipping class is not a big deal, so you need to examine why it is such a big deal to you. ODing over a skipped class, is, in my opinion, a rather extreme method of coping, and not a particulary healthy one at that.

Perhaps you could start to post here some of your thought patterns related to your skipped class and ODing behavour (and other areas of college life like the failed classes etc), instead of going down the ODing route. We could help you make better thought patterns and so you don't end up ODing over a skipped class.

Have you heard of the boy who cried sheep?

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 15:32:03

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

I'm worried. I'm unstable. I've bought drugs to OD on twice now in these few weeks. Last time I got rid of them. This time I actually took a mini OD.

I'm thinking of more dangerous combinations. Do I want to die?

I ruined my life, maybe I should just die or something.

 

Re: Deneb Deneb

Posted by MidnightBlue on January 11, 2007, at 15:44:30

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:33:36

Deneb,

You are hurting YOURSELF!

MidnightBlue

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 15:32:03

"I'm thinking of more dangerous combinations. Do I want to die?

I ruined my life, maybe I should just die or something. "

That's a very provocative statement, no?

Only you can work to make your life different...you already know this.


I feel like you are asking the question, but you already know the answer you want to hear; when you don't hear it - your distress increases.

No one can convince you otherwise, that you are not a bad person etc etc. All the cyber hugs in the world are not going to make this situation better. But you can. & I sincerely hope you try to.

There are only so many more times you will be able to "mini OD" - without doing serious irreparable damage you will regret. Maybe it will be 10, maybe 20 or maybe 2.

The attention is worthless if you are dead.

If you keep doing the same thing, you get the same result. If you want things to be different, you have to change the equation, not up the ante.


 

Re: Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13


It's quite a leap to go from skipping a class to ruining one's life. Even flunking a class isn't ruining one's life-hardly!
You just skipped a class- a very common and ordinary thing to do.
Plenty of people flunk out of school, and still have a great life!
Many would even be surprised if you never skipped...

Didn't someone wildly successful, influencial, and important with computers flunk out of school? I forget who it was, I wonder if anyone knows who/what I am thinking of?

 

Re: Deneb -laima

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:49:50

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29

Laima,

It was Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.

 

Re: Deneb one woman cine

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:50:33

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13

How do I change the equation?

I'm guessing I shouldn't post about ODing and I definitely shouldn't post that I've already OD'd.

Why? Because it's best for the group not to know these things. It only upsets people. I have to learn to hold things in and suffer in silence like other people here.

Deneb*

 

Re: Deneb laima

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29

I'm not upset because I skipped one class. I'm upset because my parents yelled at me for skipping and also I failed 2 classes last semester because my exam deferral note wasn't accepted. I'm probably on academic probation now and I feel like my life is over.

Deneb*

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:50:33

"How do I change the equation?

I'm guessing I shouldn't post about ODing and I definitely shouldn't post that I've already OD'd.

Why? Because it's best for the group not to know these things. It only upsets people. I have to learn to hold things in and suffer in silence like other people here. "

Deneb,
Changing the equation means changing the behavior. Tangentially, it means yes, posting about self-harm for attention is not a postive way to go about trying to soothe yourself.

However, it does mean, concretely, as I said before - that changing the equation means finding another way to cope other than OD'ing. Posting and the internet are fine - but what you do in real time, in real time is what is at issue.

I am feeling provoked by you - you are repeating that a you have to suffer in silence for the good of the group. I am saying you do not need to suffer - do not OD. Do not self harm for attention.

Do you understand this - do you understand the difference?

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:01:47

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53

Academic probation is a consequence of certain actions, Deneb. That is all - it not the end of your life.

OD'ing on the other hand has a consequence too , but the consequence is not probation but possible death.

 

I'm sorry if I upset people

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:02:12

In reply to Re: Deneb laima, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 18:53:37

I didn't mean to upset people. I never should have started this thread. I'm sorry.

I'm going to go to class tomorrow. I'm going to try to study. I'm going to do well this semester and then I'll be out of my mess.

 

Who's upset?

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:05:12

In reply to I'm sorry if I upset people, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:02:12

I'm not upset - but I am trying to communicate with you without you feeling attacked.

Would you feel better if people were upset?

 

Re: Deneb one woman cine

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:11:33

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:59:53

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to provoke you.

I understand most people don't want to see me hurt.


 

Re: Who's upset?

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:13:42

In reply to Who's upset?, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:05:12

I would feel worse if people were upset.

I don't want anyone upset.

I'm glad you're not upset and I like the way you're writing to me.

Deneb*

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 19:18:15

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13

Deneb I would like to post the poem I wrote when I OD'ed but am unsure if in your state that it would help, but I think you would be able to relate and maybe learn something. You have a long life ahead and things can get better for you. I got 2 college degrees and am now on welfare without a job and money. Many people I know never went to college and some did not finish high school and are in way better positions than I am in every sense. School is not the recipe for success, so trust us when we say, don't overreact to this, if you need help, GET IT!!!!!

I will post another poem that I hope you can benefit from:

I wrote this when I was living in LA in 1999 and was losing my place to live and could not decide whether to move back to NJ or not. Especially since I had climbed into the high society social scene within Hollywood with many friends I see on TV and movies, even today. (I know it sounds like BS). It was a long and hard fall but I survived.
You can too!!!!


INDECISION

Indecision is a terrible thing
It's like flying a plane with only one wing
Spinning out of control
Around and around and again around
Until you finally hit the ground
Then there is only one way to go
Ahead, is the only answer I know

For you can't give up and you can't lay down
You must find a way to reverse your frown
You can change the path you're walking along
Or write it down in a poem or song
You must face the fear and the fright
But Never, Never, give up the fight

Although you're standing in the world all alone
Hoping for someone to throw you a bone
Trying to erase hurt from the past
Looking for strength that's going to last
Steering the course with such precision
That all came about from Indecision


(Deneb, take care and know that you are not alone.)

 

I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by leo33 on January 11, 2007, at 19:18:15

She sounds angry. She said I don't think about her. She says she has great anxiety. She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death. She told me to never think of myself as having problems.

I don't think I should have told her.

Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56

In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09

My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card. She told me to tell her when I want to kill myself so she can kill herself first. Mom said she worries about me everyday. She said her heart races and she gets stomach pains.

Deneb*

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00

In reply to I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:41:09

Maybe next time, the person who really needs to know is your pdoc, not your Mom. Your Mom can't assess you.

"She says that if I go to a doc I will be locked up in the hospital forever and that would be a fate worse than death."

I think you know this is not true...

"She told me to never think of myself as having problems."

& you do have problems (everyone has problems, that's life...) - you just need to find a better way of dealing with them.


 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:52:04

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:44:56

"My Mom is threatening to take away all my money from me and my bank card."

Not what you want to hear, however, if you act in a certain way - there are consequences, right? You speed in a car, you get a ticket. If you act in ways that dangerous, there are consequences too. I think your Mom would be using good judgement if she did take enforce this.

I'm sorry your Mom is upset, you are worried that people are upset, but I'm wondering what do you think will happen when you tell them upsetting things? What reaction are you looking for?

Some medication prn would help in cases like this, maybe you should talk to your pdoc.

 

Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 19:56:33

In reply to Re: I told my Mom about my mini OD, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 19:48:00

I told my Mom because sometimes people here tell me to tell someone IRL. I was still a bit worried about myself so I though I should tell my Mom. Now I realize it was a bad idea. A really bad idea.

I just made my Mom's anxiety a hundred times worse. I don't know what's going to happen now.

Deneb*


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