Psycho-Babble Social Thread 721248

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 121. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

My parents told me I'm lazy

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02

I skipped class today and my parents yelled at me and called me lazy. My Mom said I didn't have any goals and motivation and was lazy just like my Dad. She then started blaming my Dad for his bad genes and went on about how his family were all lazy with no goals or aspirations.

I feel worthless.

Deneb*

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:44:36

In reply to My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02

I feel like ODing.

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *snicker*

Posted by finelinebob on January 11, 2007, at 2:01:47

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:44:36

> I feel like ODing.

You can't. That would take some motivation. Self-fulfilling prophecy rules it out. The Laws of Psychology forbid it!

Next time your 'rents want to play the blame game, just remind them of Nana Gogol's Blame Algorithm: when you point your finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.

Or you could pull a Pee Wee Herman and say "I know you are but what am I?"

The thing is, if you have kids you can't act childish, because if you're a "kid" and your parents act childish you have every right and justification to sink to their level. In fact, as a child of a parent, it is your responsibility. True, a heavy burden for the younger generation to bear, but not nearly as bad as singing some Crosby Stills and Nash to them:

Teach your parents well ... yada yada yada....

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy

Posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 11, 2007, at 2:24:41

In reply to My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02

Hey!

Well, I don't think just skipping one class makes a person lazy. However, if you do it more than once and things like that...which I have no idea if you do, BTW.

But does it really matter if your mother calls you lazy? She's probably just trying to help motivate you, and it sounds as if she is just venting her frustrations about your Dad. And perhaps your mother is concerned because she doesn't want to see your tuition/allowance money go to waste......being at college is a great opportunity. And I reckon most mothers have called their children lazy at some point in their lives......

So prove your mother wrong, when she next rings tell her all the stuff you've been doing.

M

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 9:22:52

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 11, 2007, at 2:24:41

Yesterday really scared me. I *really* wanted to OD. It feels like my life is falling apart. I found out I failed two classes because my medical note to defer the examinations wasn't accepted.

Actually, now that I think about it some more I want to OD again. My life is ruined.

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 10:08:03

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 9:22:52

There is nothing you can do for me, so I shouldn't tell you. If I tell you, you will be upset. If I tell you I could be seen as being manipulative. If I tell you I might be attention seeking.

No one wants to hear about it. I should just shut up now.

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 10:41:41

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 10:08:03

It's OK, I'm OK. I don't want to scare everyone. I think I'm going to be OK. I only took 1000 mg. As long as I don't take any more I will be fine.

I can't study right now. I feel like I can't go on, but I don't think I want to die.

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* Deneb

Posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2007, at 13:15:37

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 10:41:41

Deneb, I'm glad that you're safe. It can be so upsetting to find that others' expectations of us is so important. I got plenty of criticism from my family when I didn't go on for higher education after high school (I did some night school courses later on). The only member of my family who let me get on with my own choices was my dad. He had a grade seven education. He emigrated to Canada, raised a family with 4 children, and was very successful in his own start-up business. Pretty darn good for someone who was thought to be suitable only for manual labour.

Our potential can be realized in so many ways. I like to think that I've been educated just by being able to live in so many different places, and different cultures. Learning never stops.

Take care, Deneb.
CS

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* ClearSkies

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 13:31:26

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2007, at 13:15:37

My parents didn't go to college, they only went through high school (or whatever it's called in China and Hong Kong). My parents work very hard to give me and my sister everything we have. I feel like such a disappointment. They worked so hard and I can't even pass a couple of classes?

:-(

I took more aspirin. I got a nosebleed and my breath smells strange. I don't think I'll take any more.

Deneb*

 

Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:22:01

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 13:31:26

"I took more aspirin. I got a nosebleed and my breath smells strange. I don't think I'll take any more. "


Sometimes it helps to step away rather than perpetuate old patterns....

This way of coping hasn't been helpful for you by your own admission and has only increased your internal distress.

I am wondering why you are choosing this path again?

I also hope you can come to an understanding as to the impact and effect it has on others....


 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:32:06

In reply to Re: My parents told me I'm lazy *trigger* ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 13:31:26

Deneb, I don't even know you and I am still positive skipping a class doesn't mean you are lazy! Lots of people skip some classes, for all kinds of reasons; loads finish their 4 year college program in 5-6 or more years, and everything ultimately is absolutely fine. Once you finish, no one even cares or notices.

I think sometimes people like parents want to help but don't know how, they come to the wrong conclusion or just blurt out the wrong message, the wrong way. Were your parents immigrants? Mine were, and they often liked to talk about how much they sacrificed for us kids and how hard they scraped and struggled, how easy we had it by comparison and how ungrateful we were. Their world growing up was so different from mine, that I never thought they could fully fathom mine.

You skipped a class- you'll go back to class. It's not ideal, but it's no disaster. I say go back to class, and depending on what the situation is, either talk to another student to find out what you missed, or tell the instructor you are sorry to have missed, but you'd like to catch up with whatever you missed. If it's a large lecture, they might not even know. If you can believe this, some of my undergrad foundations courses were so huge, that some kids only showed up for the tests, and everything turned out alright for them (except that some of the other students resented them.)

Trust me, I skipped so many classes in college it was ridiculous. So did a lot of other kids. I even flunked a couple for not showing up- but once I got the degree, it just plain never mattered. Ever. Not a single soul ever asked me about the specifics of what I did or didn't do in college. All they ever cared about was that there was a degree. And why did I skip in the first place? I was depressed, or overwhelmed, or thought of something more fun to do, or slept in too late- all kinds of stuff. I was even so silly that I attended the classes I liked, and blew off the ones I didn't. I foolishly even listened to the campus bohemian types who talked about how going to class was "so bourgeoisie". I remember talking to a counselor at the student health center after I blew off a quiz- and the counselor shrugged and said, "So you blew it off. That happens all the time. Big deal, but go back to class and don't miss the other quizzes". I'm quite sure no college instructor is shocked by people who miss class. I vote that it's not a disaster at all.

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:33:36

In reply to Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:22:01

I know it's bad of me to post these things. If I OD I shouldn't tell anyone about it or else they will think I'm doing it for attention. I don't want to hurt people. I'm sorry.

Deneb*

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:34:43

In reply to My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02


With all due respect to your mom, her assessment of skipping a single class is rather grand and sweeping. Mine was pretty similar! You know the secret lining? By the end she was saying, "I don't even care if you major in basket-weaving, as long as you get a degree." :) So, I ended up majoring in something I liked much better than what she had planned for me, and she was thrilled.

> I skipped class today and my parents yelled at me and called me lazy. My Mom said I didn't have any goals and motivation and was lazy just like my Dad. She then started blaming my Dad for his bad genes and went on about how his family were all lazy with no goals or aspirations.
>
> I feel worthless.
>
> Deneb*
>
>

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:37:01

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:33:36

The only person you are hurting, in my opinion, is yourself. No one is going to get hurt because you OD, only you.

People might be mad, but not hurt.

I think you have expressed hurt because people do not respond well to these posts. That hurts you and only you.

So again, my question is - why are you choosing this particular path?

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2007, at 14:40:45

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:37:01

Deneb are you on your meds or did you go off them after that post of yours on the meds board? If so call your pdoc tell him how you're feeling and what you've done. Had a feeling that post responses would scare you. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Deneb one woman cine

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 14:37:01

I don't know why. I just feel trapped. I feel like my life is ruined because I'm probably on academic probation now. I OD to cope. I dunno. I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.

I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life.

I'm a horrible person.

Deneb*

 

Re: My parents told me I'm lazy

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:50:14

In reply to My parents told me I'm lazy, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 0:32:02


Deneb, I think over my own college experience, and say forgive yourself for skipping a class. Be compassionate to yourself. I'm glad that I eventually learned to be compassionate to my college self when I look back, though I often felt like I was a loser at the time. I was lucky to eventually work with a brilliant and wonderful therapist back then, and this was her advice.

Did you skip because of your mood? Maybe you needed a break? Or maybe not ready for class that day? Too full of a schedule? Or maybe you just don't like that class? There's usually no rule against dropping a class if it's not to your taste or the instructor isn't one you like so well. Perfectly respectable, too. I imagine it's still early in your semster.

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 14:53:43

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35


It sounds like maybe dropping a class might be an option to consider? A lighter load one semester doesn't mean much in the long run- at worst you take longer to finish school- but the upside is you get to work at a more manageable pace. Some people even pull out for a semseter and come back later. Not such a big deal at all. I did that- and by the time that semseter was over, I was ready to go back and did much better.


> I don't know why. I just feel trapped. I feel like my life is ruined because I'm probably on academic probation now. I OD to cope. I dunno. I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.
>
> I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life.
>
> I'm a horrible person.
>
> Deneb*

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

In reply to Re: Deneb one woman cine, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:47:35

"I think I want to get sick and go to the hospital again. I think I like the attention and caring responses.

I think I'm trying to elicit a caring response from people and I'm trying to escape life. "

You can cope without resorting to this. You have in the past and you can make that choice again.

Caring responses are born from genuineness,authenticity, and reciprocity - be yourself - it gets the best results. Hurting yourself to get attention only begets more pain. You have to decide its not a solution for you anymore.

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Meri-Tuuli on January 11, 2007, at 15:31:36

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

Deneb, honey, I think you make some pretty drastic and wholly unhelpful conclusions about yourself.

You have gone from 1) skipping a class to 2) concluding that you're a horrible person for skipping a class.

Which is not very logical is it? I mean, if a friend skipped a class, you would not conclude that they are a horrible person, would you? No, you wouldn't. You are not a horrible person for skipping a class, failing a class, being on academic probation or ODing as a result of these things.

I really think you need to try to and look at your thought patterns, Deneb. As people have pointed out, skipping class is not a big deal, so you need to examine why it is such a big deal to you. ODing over a skipped class, is, in my opinion, a rather extreme method of coping, and not a particulary healthy one at that.

Perhaps you could start to post here some of your thought patterns related to your skipped class and ODing behavour (and other areas of college life like the failed classes etc), instead of going down the ODing route. We could help you make better thought patterns and so you don't end up ODing over a skipped class.

Have you heard of the boy who cried sheep?

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 15:32:03

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 15:01:51

I'm worried. I'm unstable. I've bought drugs to OD on twice now in these few weeks. Last time I got rid of them. This time I actually took a mini OD.

I'm thinking of more dangerous combinations. Do I want to die?

I ruined my life, maybe I should just die or something.

 

Re: Deneb Deneb

Posted by MidnightBlue on January 11, 2007, at 15:44:30

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 14:33:36

Deneb,

You are hurting YOURSELF!

MidnightBlue

 

Re: Deneb

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on January 11, 2007, at 15:32:03

"I'm thinking of more dangerous combinations. Do I want to die?

I ruined my life, maybe I should just die or something. "

That's a very provocative statement, no?

Only you can work to make your life different...you already know this.


I feel like you are asking the question, but you already know the answer you want to hear; when you don't hear it - your distress increases.

No one can convince you otherwise, that you are not a bad person etc etc. All the cyber hugs in the world are not going to make this situation better. But you can. & I sincerely hope you try to.

There are only so many more times you will be able to "mini OD" - without doing serious irreparable damage you will regret. Maybe it will be 10, maybe 20 or maybe 2.

The attention is worthless if you are dead.

If you keep doing the same thing, you get the same result. If you want things to be different, you have to change the equation, not up the ante.


 

Re: Deneb

Posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:33:13


It's quite a leap to go from skipping a class to ruining one's life. Even flunking a class isn't ruining one's life-hardly!
You just skipped a class- a very common and ordinary thing to do.
Plenty of people flunk out of school, and still have a great life!
Many would even be surprised if you never skipped...

Didn't someone wildly successful, influencial, and important with computers flunk out of school? I forget who it was, I wonder if anyone knows who/what I am thinking of?

 

Re: Deneb -laima

Posted by one woman cine on January 11, 2007, at 18:49:50

In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by laima on January 11, 2007, at 18:43:29

Laima,

It was Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.


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