Psycho-Babble Social Thread 691052

Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I get upset way too easily

Posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 2:31:35

I can't control it. I try thinking rational thoughts, but it doesn't work. My emotions are too strong. When the tears come no amount of thinking can stop them. If the situation that caused my upset doesn't change, I often will cry on and off for days. Even after things get better, I can still be triggered into crying again. Every time I get super upset it leaves a scar. It's etched in my memory.

I wish I didn't get upset so easily. I wish my bad emotions don't get so intense. I'm not sure I can change it. Maybe one day they will get so intense that I can't handle it. :-(

Little worried.

Deneb*

 

Re: I get upset » Deneb

Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2006, at 2:44:47

In reply to I get upset way too easily, posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 2:31:35

I get upset fairly easily sometimes too. Especially when I'm getting my period, or because I've had a bad nights sleep, or because I'm feeling a bit vulnerable, or because I am vulnerable because I really care about someone or something like that.

One thing I really really really really need to get back into doing is mindfulness meditation exercises. For me... They turned out to be distress tolerance exercises. I'd meditate and bad feelings would come. And I'd want to stop meditating to stop the bad feelings. But I made myself keep meditating, like you are supposed to. And I learned that while the bad feelings can be hard... They come and go a bit like waves. And while it hurts... It feels more manageable. I am going to start again tonight. Just start at 5 minutes for a few days, then maybe 10 minutes. I'm pretty sure that it helped me during the day when I felt upset about various things. And it helped me manage my upset when my upset got really bad.

There are some distress tolerance strategies that Linehan talks about. Would you like me to find them? I know some people were looking at the skills over on psychology, but the distress tolerance ones in particular were really very useful to me. And... I could do with practicing them. Because you need to practice them so they help when you need them.

It will get better, Deneb. I never used to be able to tolerate distress very well either. I'm still not the best at it (in fact I'm still pretty bad, I guess) but it is a whole heap better than it used to be, and I have to have faith that it will get a whole heap better still. And you have gotten a whole heap better with that in the time I have known you too :-)

 

Re: I get upset

Posted by ClearSkies on October 2, 2006, at 10:33:55

In reply to Re: I get upset » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2006, at 2:44:47

I was just about to suggest meditation. I haven't found it easy to master, and I can't say that I've mastered it at all; but lately I've been on a mood roller coaster, and the techniques that I've learned in meditation really do help me feel less out there with my emotions.
Not controlling my emotions, or stuffing them down, but more calm overall.

There are so many ways to meditate. Even just taking a few minutes and taking a good look at what is immediately around you - the room you are in, or the weather outside, or the smells and sounds surrounding you - can help ground you and take that edge off the rawness of our emotions. This is hard for me to do when I'm in the midst of such strong feelings like anxiety or anger or even fear, but it always helps, even if just a bit.

CS

 

Re: I get upset way too easily » Deneb

Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2006, at 10:39:05

In reply to I get upset way too easily, posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 2:31:35

I do too, Deneb. And I've found all the techniques in the world just help me maintain control over my behaviors, which is not to be scoffed at. It's important. But it doesn't change the underlying distress.

Nothing works so well for me as a forgetting sleep. I've learned to put myself to sleep. But I have no idea how I do that. I think it's something dissociative.

 

Re: I get upset » ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on October 2, 2006, at 10:48:56

In reply to Re: I get upset, posted by ClearSkies on October 2, 2006, at 10:33:55

Clear Skies you mean I'm not the only one? Sometimes it's so lonly and scarey. I get so scared. Love Phillipa

 

Re: I get upset way too easily » Dinah

Posted by Phillipa on October 2, 2006, at 10:50:50

In reply to Re: I get upset way too easily » Deneb, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2006, at 10:39:05

Dinah I've gotten to the point that I fall asleep afraid of what the next day will bring. I can't get into the now. Love Phillipa I'm so miserable and trying so hard

 

Re: I get upset » alexandra_k

Posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 16:31:20

In reply to Re: I get upset » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2006, at 2:44:47

Thanks for the suggestion Alexandra. I'm not sure how to meditate exactly, but I'm going to try. Do I try to meditate when I'm in distress? or when I'm not?

I tried self hypnosis once, is that like meditation?

Deneb*

 

Re: I get upset » Phillipa

Posted by ClearSkies on October 2, 2006, at 16:31:59

In reply to Re: I get upset » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on October 2, 2006, at 10:48:56

(((Phillipa)))

 

Re: I get upset » ClearSkies

Posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 16:33:28

In reply to Re: I get upset, posted by ClearSkies on October 2, 2006, at 10:33:55

I wonder if meditation is a form of distraction?

I will try the environmental awareness thing next time I get upset.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Deneb*

 

Re: I get upset way too easily » Dinah

Posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 16:35:05

In reply to Re: I get upset way too easily » Deneb, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2006, at 10:39:05

Sleep helps me too, but as the day goes on sometimes I get upset again.

Deneb*

 

Re: I get upset » Deneb

Posted by ClearSkies on October 2, 2006, at 17:51:03

In reply to Re: I get upset » ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 16:33:28

> I wonder if meditation is a form of distraction?
>
> I will try the environmental awareness thing next time I get upset.
>
> Thanks for the suggestion.
>
> Deneb*

I gain quite a bit of insight through meditating, so I doubt it's just a form of distraction, for me at least.
CS

 

Re: I get upset » Deneb

Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 3:50:07

In reply to Re: I get upset » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on October 2, 2006, at 16:31:20

The idea with the skills is to practice them every day. Even if it is just for a minute or two. When you practice them you are gaining a motor (body) memory of them. That way when you are feeling upset you are better able to use them to help you.

Kind of like how you are supposed to take medications not just when you are feeling bad, you are supposed to take them to help prevent your feeling bad.

To start with you have to consciously make an effort to practice them. After a while doing them becomes a bit more automatic.

Meditation is a bit different from distraction. Distraction is about...

When you feel upset then usually you get to thinking... Thinking... Thinking thoughts and feeling upset. Distractions are things like going for a run or playing a computer game or doing something to try and divert your attention from how you are feeling or what you are thinking. It isn't healthy to try and distract yourself from ALL your thoughts and feelings, but when you are distressed by your thoughts / feelings then distraction can help you get through the worst of it.

Meditation... I think that what it does is help improve attentional focus. Attention is kind of like a muscle and it is more powerful and we are better able to control it if we practice using it. Things like studying and listening in lectures and stuff help. Anything that requires attentional focus. Meditation is something that requires attentional focus too. If you practice meditating it is kind of like exercising your mind and you will be better able to distract yourself from your distress when you are feeling distressed.

The way I learned to do it was to start with mindfulness exercises and develop that into meditation.

I'll see if I can find the stuff online...

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k

Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 5:27:14

In reply to Re: I get upset » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 3:50:07

This is a breathing exercise.
Will take a couple minutes every day.


http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/breathing.html

Who wants to do it with me?

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k

Posted by ClearSkies on October 3, 2006, at 9:04:10

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 5:27:14

> This is a breathing exercise.
> Will take a couple minutes every day.
>
>
> http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/breathing.html
>
> Who wants to do it with me?


I'll do it!
CS

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » ClearSkies

Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 17:25:21

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k, posted by ClearSkies on October 3, 2006, at 9:04:10


> I'll do it!

cool :-)

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k

Posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 18:25:38

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 17:25:21

The breathing meditation didn't work for me, it just made me hyperventilate. I became *too* aware of my breathing and I sort of started to freak out about if I was breathing too shallow or too deep or not fast enough or too fast. :-(

I think one thing that would bring me to a meditation state is to observe the heavens. It brings me serenity when I stare at the stars.

I was shocked by how awesome the moon looked today, it was full and close to the horizon. I took out my binoculars (I haven't done that in many months) and I just observed the moon for probably 10 minutes. I just stood there, in the driveway, looking at the moon. My mind was clear of all worries. It was just me and the moon. It was spectacular. :-)

Deneb*

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » Deneb

Posted by ClearSkies on October 6, 2006, at 19:09:49

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 18:25:38

> The breathing meditation didn't work for me, it just made me hyperventilate. I became *too* aware of my breathing and I sort of started to freak out about if I was breathing too shallow or too deep or not fast enough or too fast. :-(
>
> I think one thing that would bring me to a meditation state is to observe the heavens. It brings me serenity when I stare at the stars.
>
> I was shocked by how awesome the moon looked today, it was full and close to the horizon. I took out my binoculars (I haven't done that in many months) and I just observed the moon for probably 10 minutes. I just stood there, in the driveway, looking at the moon. My mind was clear of all worries. It was just me and the moon. It was spectacular. :-)
>
> Deneb*

Looking at the heavens is a great way to calm your mind - and I bet your breathing slows down of its own accord when you are engrossed in the stars.

CS

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » Deneb

Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 21:38:36

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 18:25:38

> The breathing meditation didn't work for me, it just made me hyperventilate. I became *too* aware of my breathing and I sort of started to freak out about if I was breathing too shallow or too deep or not fast enough or too fast. :-(

Thats terrific!

You were doing it exactly right and then you encountered your first hurdle in meditation.

Meditation is... A series of hurdles. The point of meditation is to gain some experience in overcoming hurdles so that you are better able to overcome the ones that life throws at you. That is what is hard about it... And that is where the benefit lies. Everyone experiences their own unique hurdles, but there are considerable similarities between people too.

The first time I did the exercise I found the same thing. Here is what my t said do me:

You are alive. That means that you breathe just fine. If you weren't breathing just fine then you wouldn't be here.

So... You don't need to worry about your breathing because you are going to be just fine. Worst case you hyperventilate so much that you pass out and resume breathing normally. So you don't need to worry about your breathing.

What happened was... That you were doing great :-) You were focusing your attention on your breathing... You can't focus *too much* attention on it because the whole point is to focus *all* your attention on it to the best of your ability. Then what happened was that your attention became distracted from your breathing to your thoughts. When you realise that is happening then refocus your attention back to your breathing without judging yourself for having been distracted.

Every distraction is a hurdle. Meditation is about the process of taking control and losing control and taking control and losing control and taking control of your attention. Like weight lifting. Thats how you strengthen your attentional capacity.

That is (ultimately) how you are going to be able to refocus your attention on other things when you become distressed.

This is why it is important for me to get back into doing this too. So I can refocus my attention from my head circles and horrible thoughts.

Shall we try it again...

Just for a little while... Round about 30 seconds or 10 in and out breaths... Just observing how you are breathing rather than trying to change it. If you catch yourself trying to change it or worrying about whether you are doing it right then just divert your attention back to observing your breathing... Until you are done.

:-)

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise

Posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2006, at 17:15:22

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 21:38:36

Actually...

I've never had panic attacks. Have a more generalised anxiety. Or the object is people I don't know very well or strangers or something like that.

I remember hearing that sometimes focusing on breathing can be a bit much for people who panic.

Because panic is... Feeling your breathing speed up and your heart race etc and interpreting the feeling as 'oh my god I'm going to die' or something like that. So focusing on the internal states can be a bit much to begin with.

You can do the exercise focusing on some external object instead of an internal object. You could focus on how an object feels in your hand or how an object looks or both even. Focusing of attention is the crucial bit, it doesn't really matter what you focus on.

One thing that is nice about the breathing exercise is that after a while just becoming aware of your breath can help you feel centred and calm. Your breath is always with you and if you start to feel anxious focusing on calming breaths can help regulate your anxiety so you are able to calm yourself down.

Paradoxically... If you start out trying to change your breath you can't do it. You have to start out by accepting your breath just the way it is and then once you have done that its time to work on taking calming breaths.

This was my path anyway...
But it is one way into it.

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k

Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 19:10:10

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise, posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2006, at 17:15:22

Right now the only way I can even take deep breathes is to ride my bike really fast . You have to take more oxygen in. But when I'm done I can't even sit still with meds anxiety too high. So what now? I know you have the answer Alex. Love Jan

 

Re: mindfulness breathing exercise

Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2006, at 2:02:55

In reply to Re: mindfulness breathing exercise » alexandra_k, posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 19:10:10

have you tried the exercise that i linked to?

you don't have to take deep breaths, just breathe.

try not to speed it up or slow it down just observe it.


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